In Society's Race to Empower Little Girls, Are Little Boys Being Left Behind?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Over the past several months, I've noticed several ads on YouTube, etc., that have been all for the empowerment of little girls. Likewise, in the women's magazines I thumb through while on the treadmill, all the articles I see are about how "Girls can be anything! Girls can change the world! Girl power!!" And while I am all for cheering on little girls (especially when they have skills in traditionally male-dominated fields), I also have a growing concern that little boys are being left behind.

Who, if anyone, is encouraging little boys?

In a sermon I heard recently, the pastor stated that he was relieved that his family consisted of two older boys and a daughter, who was the youngest. This young pastor told us that he regularly quizzed his boys with, "What is your job?" and they would readily reply, "To protect our sister."

But who, if anyone, tells little boys that they are protected and looked after... and that even as grown men, they don't have to have all the answers or do everything by themselves?

After all, the last time I looked at the statistics (though it's been a while and may have shifted), little boys are just as much at risk for every kind of abuse and trauma as little girls. Who is telling them that someone has their back, and that they don't have to carry their burdens alone? This seems especially true as life progresses--I have often wondered what kind of weight and loneliness men must feel in thinking that they have to carry not only their own issues, but those of their family as well.

These thoughts were exacerbated when I saw my Grandpa's reaction to my Grandma getting sick, and later, my Dad's reaction when we were in a car accident that was not his fault. Clearly, they each felt that they had failed at protecting and taking care of their families, and most especially, their women.

In the 80's, a singer named John Parr had a song (the theme from the movie "St. Elmo's Fire") with some of my favorite lyrics:

"And I can make it, I know I can.
You broke the boy in me,
But you won't break the man."

As a woman, I feel this is an important subject not only in regards to raising our young male family members, but also in regards to being a future helpmate and letting him know that we're fighting back-to-back, and I'll be working on holding up my end of the deal. For me, my weapons of choice would be a Bible in one hand and a phone in the other (to call for backup, of course.)

* Do you believe that little boys are being left behind, or do you think society encourages both genders equally?

* What can be done to ensure that boys and men of all ages are assured that they aren't alone and are valued?

* If you have younger male relatives (brothers, cousins, nephews, etc.), what are you and your family doing to encourage their faith and belief in themselves?

I have been thinking about this topic for many months and would love to hear your thoughts.

 

[seoulsearch]

I also wanted to ask the guys out there:

* Who encouraged you, and was there for you?

* If no one was there for you, how did you come to a place of feeling secure?

* How do you plan to make your own sons/younger male relatives feel valued and not alone?

 

[Lynx]

I think we should make a distinction between media and society. They influence each other, though media seems to be directly influencing society more than society influences media, but they are distinctly separate.

To put it in a nutshell, who encouraged anybody before there was radio and TV to deliver encouragement? Who encouraged good ole Abe Lincoln? Where did Edison get encouragement?

I have a bit more to say on the topic, but I'll wait to see where this thread goes.

 

[toinena]

I was raised politically correct. Or what my mother thought would be empowering us girls. I had more cars to play with than dolls. Never had a barbie. Short hair and sometimes I was often being mistaken for a boy. I just wanted to be feminine. Be like the other girls.

With my son, I tried to encourage him to be free. He liked physical games, knights, role play. And music. He was dressed as a boy. He said he was a boy. Liked girls. Never wanted pink. He wanted to be my mum's replacement husband when my father died. I let him develope in music. Encouraged him making friends.

Isn't empowerment to enforce the person for what they are? For me it backfired because I was left with terrible self esteem and body issues. Because I was not let to be the girl I needed to be.

With my son??? I don't know. Seriously. Perhaps he will return to his sound identity as a man with God's help. Perhaps the internet got to him too early. Should I have done something differently? I guess. Is it the society's glorification of gender confusion? Probably.

Point is. It is right to empower the boys to one day become the protector and head of the family. And to seek God's guidance in everything.

 

[Ugly]

It has become "politically incorrect" to be a male in modern American society.
And as a Christian male it's worse. We have the world telling us "you're bad for being a male" and the church saying "the burden is all yours" without really building men up.

But this is typical modern America. Any group who feels they were out down in our history now feels entitled. Nevermind the fact that these people group up with more freedoms and choices than their grandparents or grandmothers. And blaming males, of some form or another, is part of this ritual.
Encouragement for men is nearly non-existent anymore. And often times even their own wives will contribute to this.

 

[Dino246]

Short answer to the OP: Yes, I do believe that our society is leaving the little boys behind, and there is much more to the issue which one post simply couldn't cover.

I wonder if it has ever occurred to anyone to encourage children without respect to gender. I'm not suggesting for a moment that gender is completely irrelevant, but it is essentially irrelevant to most fields of work and areas of interest.

In the vast majority of fields, either gender can excel. There is no reason why we can't simply encourage kids to do their very best in areas where they, as individuals, are gifted. I think it's worthwhile to teach girls that they can be engineers, math professors and racing drivers... but not at the expense of encouraging boys as well.

"Prager University" has an informative video on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFpYj0E-yb4

 

[Willie-T]

This is not to slight women in any way. But expecting that a woman can teach a boy to be a man, is akin to a man trying to teach a girl to be a woman.

There is another facet to this, also. Those who "think" know that the vast majority of sissies (whether homosexual, or not) come from homes that are dominated by women. Absent, or weak, men all too easily lead a boy into following the stronger person in the house.

 

[Jennie-Mae]

Most men I know, all of them in fact, are protectors and they are head of their families. I have heard of the weak men, but I can't recollect meeting any of them. I believe this might, and I will stress "might" could be some sort of media hype, or a phenomena limited to certain people, because I only read about them.

 

[Desertsrose]

I dunno Willie, I think no matter what child, male or female, they need both parents to raise them. Otherwise the Lord would have chosen a different way to procreate.

Proverbs 1:8,9
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction
And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head
And ornaments about your neck.


At different levels of growth, the child needs both parents. At some level, the child may need more input from the dad, at another level of growth, they may need the mom's input. Both mom and dad offer nurturing, wisdom, instruction, growth; and hopefully are godly examples for them to follow.


As a child watches both parents interact with one another, the child is learning when he grows up, how to interact with the opposite gender. It's healthy for the child to see them in every day life serve one another, work out difficult issues, argue and see them work out a problem in love and forgiveness.


Great OP soul search!


Our children need to get their basis of understanding, their foundation of the male/ female roll from the scriptures. I don't have children in school so I'm kind of out of touch with modern day battles that are really the spiritual battles of good vs. evil and right from wrong, righteousness vs wickedness.


But I do remember the warnings when I was younger as to how the world is emasculating the male species. I can only imagine it's so much worse today. That's why we see so many Hillary types that are trying to aggressively take over the world.


We need strong godly families that teach their children the ways of the Lord and also teach them how to engage the world out there without believing the lies of the world system.


I also think our churches need to be better at training parents in the word so that they have the true knowledge of God and in turn can train their children to continue on the straight and narrow path that leads to life eternal.


And as we're learning the truths of scripture, we need to be informed of the contrasting views of the world and in what ways the world is against our Lord Jesus Christ and His word.


So as we are learning for instance what love is, at the same time I believe it's important to teach what hate is, what in looks like that comes so naturally to our carnal nature.


Speaking for myself, I became a believer in my mid twenties and already had 2 children. Of all the churches we visited, none of them were strong in teaching the parents so that they would bring up their children in the truth of God's word. What did I know? Absolutely nothing. I was just a typical 'ol heathen that was now born again.


I had no understanding yet of scripture or walking in righteousness. So how can I teach something to my children that I didn't have? I did the best I could with the little I was learning, but I think most churches need to improve in discipling their congregation.


So I guess I'm saying that training our children in the ways of the Lord is so important and it must begin in the home. I homeschooled for three years. My children went to public school for the first 3-4 yrs.


In their teens they went to a Christian school. I went to work so I could afford for them to go. We also received financial help for them to be able to attend. I'm so thankful to God that I was able to give them a Christian education in that way. There education was more important to me than anything else.


If a parent has to send their child to public school, all the more they need a godly education from home and at church. We as parents need to grow in the Lord so that our children can also grow in a spiritually healthy invironment. I also thinks kids need to watch less TV and need more outdoor play. From what I hear, kid says don't play out of doors like they use to. I believe that can stunt their growth.

 

[seoulsearch]

This is not to slight women in any way. But expecting that a woman can teach a boy to be a man, is akin to a man trying to teach a girl to be a woman.

There is another facet to this, also. Those who "think" know that the vast majority of sissies (whether homosexual, or not) come from homes that are dominated by women. Absent, or weak, men all too easily lead a boy into following the stronger person in the house.

I don't know if this is related or not, and I certainly hope I don't offend any of our hard-working single parents out there, but I know one thing I've come across in the dating world are some guys who were raised as the only males within their households due to absentee fathers, and the women in the family (their mothers, grandmas, sisters, etc.) put them on pedestals and treat them like they can do no wrong.

Then they wonder why I stand my ground if I disagree with them about something and why I'm not treating them as The Most Important Person In the World.

Sorry, Princess, but I ain't your Mama. You're gonna have to pack it up and take back home to her if you're expecting to be worshiped.

And I know a person can be arrogant and think the world revolves around them regardless of their gender and/or whether or not they were raised in a single or two-parent household.

I just find situations like this interesting because I wonder if they become what they think are alpha males by default--simply because they are literally the only males in their family and have no other competition or examples.

 

[Lynx]

Possibly, Kim, possibly. I know if you listen to my grandmother talk about me, you'll start thinking I'm solid gold. (I don't have the heart to tell her I'm really tarnished brass...)

 

[Willie-T]

My father actually kicked my mother out because she got pregnant. I was born a "bastard" since they got divorced before I was born. Mom got Dad to let me have his last name, so I could at least claim I had a father.

She was wise in some ways. She made sure that I was almost always around the men that she was dating... and she dated a lot! Interestingly enough, she was always attracted to macho men, so I was exposed to just about any male thing you can name. I guess I was deprived of some things, but I really loved it. I learned how to build, fight, shoot, fish, fly, sail from her boyfriends who were trying to impress her through being a pal to me..... and for a while, she was dating a few guys on the Yankee Baseball Team.

I do sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I had had a real family.

 

[seoulsearch]

My father actually kicked my mother out because she got pregnant. I was born a "bastard" since they got divorced before I was born. Mom got Dad to let me have his last name, so I could at least claim I had a father.

She was wise in some ways. She made sure that I was almost always around the men that she was dating... and she dated a lot! Interestingly enough, she was always attracted to macho men, so I was exposed to just about any male thing you can name. I guess I was deprived of some things, but I really loved it. I learned how to build, fight, shoot, fish, fly, sail from her boyfriends who were trying to impress her through being a pal to me..... and for a while, she was dating a few guys on the Yankee Baseball Team.

I do sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I had had a real family.

I'm very sorry, Willie. I wish you had had a real family, too.

Thank you for sharing such an honest and personal story.

 

[NotmebutHim]

I don't know if this would derail the thread or not, but I would suggest reading these blogs (the second of which is no longer being updated but it is still available):

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/

Biblical Manhood

Both should give you an insight into the Church's role in, unfortunately, emasculating men and boys, and in turn, doing women and girls a disservice.

There is also David Murrow, from Australia, who wrote the book "Why Men Hate Going to Church".

Why Do Men Hate Going to Church? - Church for Men

Because God designed men and women with complementary roles, to bring either sex down or to undermine each sex's role is to disrupt God's order.

 

[Jennie-Mae]

My mother tried to make me a lady, but my dad went hunting and let me shoot and be driving the pick up truck way before I could legally do so. I reckon that ruined my mothers lady plans for me somewhat lol.

 

[Jennie-Mae]

My mother tried to make me a lady, but my dad went hunting and let me shoot and be driving the pick up truck way before I could legally do so. I reckon that ruined my mothers lady plans for me somewhat lol.

Oh, and I forgot to add that today whenever I go hunting (four legged critters that is, FYI, before somebody starts cracking jokes lol), with manicured hands and nails looking like a million bucks...just needs to make sure the trigger ain't ruining my nail job. Who says a girl can't stay feminine whilst hunting.

 

[Willie-T]

Although I really never had a father figure, I am living proof that a boy can find what he needs if he lets himself.

I wrote this true story about ten years ago.

The old man.

Today, more than sixty years later, that’s all I can really remember him as: The old man. I’m sure I knew his name at that time, and it was probably “Mr.” Something or other. He was likely just as old as I remember him. About 10 years younger than I am now. And though his name now eludes my memory, I can recall almost every detail of his appearance, and of the little garage workshop where he spent most of his days.

Our three or four year-long relationship began with just an occasional nod, as we neighborhood kids would ride our bikes past the open door of his woodshop. Before long, I would stop every now and then, leaning on my handlebars… watching. I don’t recall any of the other kids finding that open door very interesting. But I became enthralled with the world inside. There were sights and sounds so intriguing that I couldn’t have stayed away if my life depended upon it.

And Smells! The sweet aroma generated by the beautiful table saw… the dozens of different smells so biting, emanating from the mysterious shelves of varnishes, lacquers, and paints. The ever present cup of coffee at his elbow. They all drew me like a magnet.

Who knows what finally got me to muster enough courage to actually move beyond the threshold, and begin asking questions. But I did, and, one step at a time, the old man let me share a little of his special place. At first, I just stood by the workbench, scurrying to get out of the way when he would move to a power tool to work yet another bit of magic on the piece of wood in his hands. Then, he would ask me to maybe hand him something that was a bit out of his reach… a screw perhaps, or maybe even a tool!

Before long, I was helping a little more effectively. He let me sweep up. Boy was that ever a thrill to me. With that broom in my hand, I got to move all around that shop, savoring the discoveries of so many neat things in all the dark corners and recesses. Then, he let me actually sand on some of the pieces. How cool!

You’d think that one of my best memories would have been of him showing me how to feed a piece of wood into the saw… or how to drill a hole without splitting out the opposite side… or learning to appreciate the subtleties found within the grain of a select piece of hardwood. But, exciting as all that was, it was something else that remained with me for many years thereafter.

One day, the phone rang at our house, and my mother told me that Mr. “?” wanted me to come down to his house. This was a first. I didn’t know he even knew where I lived. Well, I ran the block or so to his garage door, and could hardly believe my eyes when I got there. Just inside the door was the most beautiful wagon I had ever laid eyes on. Except for the tire treads, it was made entirely of wood. And not just ANY wood. All sorts of different types and stains of contrasting woods made up this masterpiece. And it had high rails along the sides. They were removable!

Somehow, the old man had managed to work on this gift for weeks without me ever knowing it. Probably burned a lot of midnight oil when I was long past asleep in my bed. I never felt so special.

Well, the months and years passed, and I guess I grew up. Going to see the old man became less and less of a priority in my life. The wagon I had treasured so dearly became just another toy discarded for the “cooler” trappings of approaching teen years. I’d stop in every so often, but my visits became less and less frequent, and they were seldom very long.

Then one day my mother got another phone call.

“No!” I ran to the little garage. I don’t know why. I knew he wouldn’t be there. It was shut and locked, and I don’t remember ever seeing it open again. I wanted, in the worst way, for that old man to come back. But of course he never would.

But, just like some of your dads and grandfathers did for you, he left something behind that became a part of me. Yeah, a love of woodworking, but more than that. I can’t help wanting to teach and help young people whenever they show an interest in something I’m capable of sharing with them.

I hope each of you had an old man in their lives, a “Father/Grandfather figure”. They’re a very unique and special breed of men, and the world is a sadder place at each of their passings.

 

[Jennie-Mae]

I'm real grateful that I have both a dad and a granddad, and have had a granddad in addition, and two great granddads as well. I think being around them made me a lady, because they are/were true head of the family kinda type gentlemen.

 

[WineRose]

*Reads the first two posts, than looks down at my pants for a bit*

Dang it, I can't answer the question...

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

I was going to post something, but realized I don't have anything positive to contribute, so I just deleted what I was going to say.

Call it personal growth. Meh.