Really starting to wonder if I'll ever find a girlfriend.

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May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#1
Okay so I've been asking God for help to get a girlfriend for years, but I'm not really any closer to getting one than I was when I started asking for one 6-7 years ago. For the last couple years I've been getting to point where I'd just be happy to have friends with in real life. I do have a couple "friends" that are girls, but they really aren't real friend since we don't really talk and stuff. I do have a frineds on here, that I think of as real friends but they live way too far away to hang out with. Basically with my social anxiety, I really don't see how I can get close to girls in real life. I just don't get why it's so hard for me to talk to girls and make friends with them. blah, I don't get it...
 
S

silverwind

Guest
#2
Forget girls :) start living, buy a mountain bike! Once you start being 'out there' your experiences will build confidence and I think that is what you need to work on. Confidence=attractive to girls ;)
 
J

Jennifleur

Guest
#3
I was 24 before I had my first boyfriend, and it only lasted a month before we decided to end it, because while he was really nice, we just didn't have anything in common; I didn't have any romantic feelings for him and he didn't have any for me. But we are still friends. And, I will be 26 soon and I am still single. You can't worry about it; you have to give it to God. His timing is always perfect.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#4
Stop wondering and start talking to girls and asking them out even if they reject you at first. You need to build experience in talking to women. Its the only SURE way to solve your problem. You dont have to start with pretty, gorgeous women unless you want to. When you are out somewhere and you see a woman who seems available, say hi and ask her something like you are lost or are curious about something on a menu or whatnot. You've got to be a little creative in searching for opportunities to talk to women. Stay away from pickup lines - but I have a feeling u already do. Best of luck to you.
 

sweetnshy

Senior Member
Sep 10, 2003
219
4
18
#5
I've counted about five different threads that you have started in here all about how to get a girlfriend, why don't you have a girlfriend, will you ever have one, etc. I'm sure there are other things in life that you care about, but all I can tell about you is that you want a girlfriend. :p Just a heads up, that can come across as desperation and girls are really not attracted to that. I don't want to date someone who's obsessed with finding a relationship and is relying on me to make him happy. I would want to date someone who was happy with who he is and with his life. What kind of work do you do, or aspire to do? What about hobbies? I would say go after those things and pour yourself into them. If you're a confident, happy person with a job you like and activities that you like, girls will be much more attracted to that than to a guy who just wants to find a girlfriend. I know a guy who is in his mid-20's and doesn't work, lives with his brother, and collects unemployment all because he wants to be married first. He doesn't like the idea of going off to work without having a woman to support him, or owning his own place without having someone to go home to. And the thing is, he's never going to find a wife that way because no woman is going to be attracted to that! I don't think you're at that point yet, but don't let yourself get there. Think about the other dreams you have, the ones that you have more control over, and go after those. Also, rather than pray for God to give you a girlfriend, I would say start praying for Him to show you His will for your life and to work on changing your heart so that you want the things that He wants for you. Maybe His will is for you to be single for awhile. Maybe there are things He wants you to do first or things He wants to teach you first. Pray that He'll change your heart so that your desires match up with His will.
 
C

ChristianGuru

Guest
#6
Okay so I've been asking God for help to get a girlfriend for years, but I'm not really any closer to getting one than I was when I started asking for one 6-7 years ago. For the last couple years I've been getting to point where I'd just be happy to have friends with in real life. I do have a couple "friends" that are girls, but they really aren't real friend since we don't really talk and stuff. I do have a frineds on here, that I think of as real friends but they live way too far away to hang out with. Basically with my social anxiety, I really don't see how I can get close to girls in real life. I just don't get why it's so hard for me to talk to girls and make friends with them. blah, I don't get it...
Dude, seriously I've offered you my help on several occassions. Again you ignore it by authoring another distress post.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#7
Also, rather than pray for God to give you a girlfriend, I would say start praying for Him to show you His will for your life and to work on changing your heart so that you want the things that He wants for you. Maybe His will is for you to be single for awhile. Maybe there are things He wants you to do first or things He wants to teach you first. Pray that He'll change your heart so that your desires match up with His will.
I think that is truly excellent advice!!
 
D

DABEARS85

Guest
#8
dockhackzero... no offense man... but you create a new thread about this every single day... where's the patience? You say you pray but you create a new thread every day! What... do you want a girl to magically appear and slap you in the face and say "im your girlfriend"? I mean... cmon man. Give it time. You have to work on yourself before you can expect things in return. I know it may be hard, but with the defeatist attitude you mine as well quit now. You won't get anywhere acting like that. Either you keep trying and keeping pushing and keep praying and eventually see results, or you keep defeating yourself before you even begin by making these threads every single day. How many threads with the same title do you need before you realize you aren't helping yourself?

Look at it this way... Prayer works on faith. Faith is not only a belief, but it is an action as well. You are removing the ability for both to work by creating these "doubt" threads in the first place. You obviously doubt your own prayer, so why do you expect it to work? Prayer only works with faith. You aren't showing faith when you keep saying "i don't think I'll ever get a girlfriend, I'll never get a wife, I'll never have anything I pray for." Look at it this way... for years you've prayed... yet for years you've doubted it too. You just wasted years of prayer with your unbelief. See how that works?

Also, you were getting on the right foot by attempting to fix your problems talking to women, but you also did it the completely wrong way. Why would you go to a random girl to try to get comfortable talking to her? You have to jump into the shark tank with things like talking to women. You have to allow yourself to sink before you can learn to swim. You have to make mistakes and get rejected before you can learn how to do it. You aren't showing faith by allowing that in the first place. You aren't trusting God to help you talk to women, because you AREN'T DOING IT! You can't expect to get a girlfriend without trying. You can't expect a random girl to help save you from your own mind. Your fears are COMPLETELY based on your own mind. You have to learn to drop that fear inside of yourself. YOU yourself are limiting YOU yourself. Do you see what I'm saying here? You are the only one that is holding yourself back. Nobody else is doing anything to you to stop you from talking to women and getting a girlfriend. The only one that is doing that is you.

What do you need to do? Pray and believe. Pray and act. Trust in God. Trust God to help you find the words when you speak with women. Trust that God will guide you. Trust that God will pick you up when you fail and help you learn and grow stronger. Trust that God will eventually have you meet the right girl. TRUST GOD. Without that, and you are always always always going to fail.

Until you do that, then these threads are useless. Creating a new one everyday won't find you new insight. The same people are in these forums as before.

I'm starting to think you do these threads for attention rather than truly asking for help. You make a new one so much that I wonder what the point is anymore? You aren't taking the advice or you wouldn't be making new ones asking the same questions over and over constantly. You have one thread that has over 100 pages worth of replies. A HUNDRED PAGES! READ THEM MAN! Cmon... why do you create new threads now asking the same questions? Did you read the old ones? Did you take the advice? Did you even attempt it? I'm sorry if I'm sounding rude or abrasive, but I'm being trying to honestly relate to you here and I find that I can't. If you won't accept the advice of 100 pages of people, then why would you create new threads asking those same people the same things? You are being redundant and not helping yourself.

Overall, you need to help yourself here. Nobody can fix your problems but you. Your fear of talking to women is just that... fear... and fear is a symptom of the mind. Fear can only be overcame by facing it. To face your fears, you have to do exactly what you are afraid of. You have to go out and talk to women. Go talk to a friend that is a girl if you have one. Go talk to a friend's girlfriend. Try to get a friend to set you up on a double date if they can. All women have friends, and all women have at least one single friend. Do it as a friendly double date, even if its awkward. Through the awkwardness, you will find a way to make it enjoyable and tolerable. You will learn how to lighten up the mood, and in learning that, you already have gained a valuable skill. You learned how to make a girl comfortable. Women are just as nervous as you. They aren't these amazing creatures that are so different from us men that they really are from Venus and we are from Mars. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Own it and accept it.

Now... the ball is in your court and it will only go through the hoop if you try to shoot it. Nobody else can shoot it for you. Take the shot and miss... and keep shooting til you sink the basket. Keep trying... and HAVE FAITH IN GOD. TRUST GOD and show your faith in God's ability to help you buy ACTING on it.

That is the only solution for your problem. Take it or leave it, but you really need to listen to the advice at this point. You can't keep using a crutch to get by with this one. It is time to face your fears my man. Its time to go out there and do what you keep praying for. Just do it! Its that simple. I don't care if you fail. I don't care if you get rejected. ALL of us men get rejected. ALL of us men fail. I could ask 10 girls out today and all 10 might reject me. OR, I could ask 10 girls out and ONE might accept it... and guess what? I just won. Look at it as those other 9 just lost out on a really good thing, and that one girl was smart. She is worth your time. So... GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!

Also, for anxiety... the only way to get past it is to just get past it. Everyone has a little bit of anxiety in their lives. Everyone... obviously in your case the symptoms are a bit worse... but you have to realize... everyone gets it at one point or another in their lives. Everyone faces it. I understand you have a bigger problem than most with it, but don't let that hold you back from living your life! For 7 years now you've not been able to get a girlfriend or even be friends with a female... and all because of your social anxiety. You've had problems with friends all because of that, correct? NOW is the time to fix this my friend. NOW is the time to change your life for the better. Do you really want to keep on living the quality of life you've had? Do you? I don't think you do, or you wouldn't be making these threads about it. You have NOTHING to lose at this point. You really don't man. You've tried your way for 7 years and it hasn't worked. Now is the time to try it my way. My way is to go out there and fail and fail and fail as many times as it takes until you succeed. When you fall, pick yourself back up and do it again. You grow stronger and stronger every time you fall. Trust me on this. You get more and more confident every time you talk to a girl. The outcome doesn't matter, good or bad. You WILL have good outcomes, and those will completely lift your spirits from all the girls that possibly deny you. With 7 years of prayer, you have plenty of God's power on your side buddy. The force is strong with this one :) hahaha Trust me man... 7 years of prayer is a lot. God is with you. I have faith in that. Trust in God and go out there buddy and change your life man. Let the joy of Christ fill your life by changing it right now. Whenever you read this... take the advice to heart and go out with some friends... and if you see a cute girl that is by herself... approach her. Tell her hello, you noticed her and just wanted to say hi. Strike up a conversation from anywhere between her eyes are pretty to her dress/shirt looks nice and you wanted to tell her that... to how you are a nervous guy and you really just want to approach a girl and work on fixing your shyness. To be honest, the honesty part (the last option) will work the best. Most women will find this cute at the very least, and she will be glad to talk to you after realizing how shy and nice of a guy you are. Women really do like nice shy guys, but the nice shy guys don't know it because they are too nice to approach her!

Anyway, I hope this helps. It is long, but I feel it needed to be said after reading all of your posts. Bro, don't take it personally... just take the good bit of advice and do your best to take action. Trust God first and foremost. God will NEVER fail you. God will NEVER let you down. God will always pick you up and dust you off if you happen to fall. Trust in Him and your life will be so much better and fulfilling.

Best wishes buddy,

Dabears85

And if you ever need anything... advice... questions... even encouragement... just send me a message man. Let me know how things go for you too. I'd love to hear if you ever get any awesome success stories! I'll be praying for you and I know that God will come through for you. He always does.
 
D

DABEARS85

Guest
#9
. Basically with my social anxiety, I really don't see how I can get close to girls in real life.
Stop using this crutch. This is a failsafe crutch you've been using for an admitted 7 years now. The more you use it, the further away you get. Drop the crutch and learn to walk.


I just don't get why it's so hard for me to talk to girls and make friends with them. blah, I don't get it...
see above, and see above post.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#10
Girls = Cooties

Why do you want cooties :confused: I just don't understand.

There are many other ghastly things your 'missing out' on as well......boy the list goes on and on.....count yourself as one of the fortunate few and please stop going on about what we can do nothing to change, everything that could help you has been said ad nauseam. :)
 
P

pasmle

Guest
#11
You focus is wrong - seek first the kingom of God and everything else will be given to you

The population of the world is approx 6,859,385,179 . I am sure some of those are female

Is God so small he cant hook you up with one. I agree with silverwood buy a mountain bike and make youself a little more interesting
 
E

EllaD

Guest
#12
Matthew thank you for the laugh~ I needed that this morning! As far as the first post goes, perhaps your nervous because you look at every female as a potential girlfriend and therefore that puts pressure on you rather than just meeting someone for whatever roll God has for them in your life and just letting it go where it goes. Sometimes we get so focused on what we want (in this case a relationship) that it becomes an idol in our life. God would love to give us the desires of our hearts but I have learned that His timing isnt always out timing.
 
E

EarthMute

Guest
#13
Patience is a virtue my friend
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#14
I'll break it down. Take control over what you can take control of.

1. Follow God.
2. Make sure your hair is combed.
3. Make sure you don't smell bad.
4, Dress to the best of your ability.
5, Be well rested.
6. Be yourself.
7. Bring something to the table other than a desire to want a women. ie. be yourself.
8, Be a good listener,
9. Brush your teeth.
10. Do any other form of good hygiene.
11. Get out there and talk to women.
 

Crypto

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2009
662
7
18
38
#15
I'll break it down. Take control over what you can take control of.

1. Follow God.
2. Make sure your hair is combed.
3. Make sure you don't smell bad.
4, Dress to the best of your ability.
5, Be well rested.
6. Be yourself.
7. Bring something to the table other than a desire to want a women. ie. be yourself.
8, Be a good listener,
9. Brush your teeth.
10. Do any other form of good hygiene.
11. Get out there and talk to women.
and 12. Close your mouth when eating.
 
C

ChristianGuru

Guest
#16
and 12. Close your mouth when eating.
Perhaps the most vital part, hey could you send me the larger version of your superhero avatar? Just message the link to my inbox.
 
S

SmileAndNod

Guest
#17
Great advice, Stilly. But...Dothackzero, just because you do everything "right" doesn't mean that the next girl you meet will fall at your feet and declare her undying love. That's just not how life works.

Are YOU worth finding? Are YOU the man that someone is looking for? Are YOU ready to be the "head"...spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially, etc? Perhaps that's something you should think about.
 

eugenius

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2009
491
9
18
#18
I've counted about five different threads that you have started in here all about how to get a girlfriend, why don't you have a girlfriend, will you ever have one, etc. I'm sure there are other things in life that you care about, but all I can tell about you is that you want a girlfriend. :p Just a heads up, that can come across as desperation and girls are really not attracted to that. I don't want to date someone who's obsessed with finding a relationship and is relying on me to make him happy. I would want to date someone who was happy with who he is and with his life. What kind of work do you do, or aspire to do? What about hobbies? I would say go after those things and pour yourself into them. If you're a confident, happy person with a job you like and activities that you like, girls will be much more attracted to that than to a guy who just wants to find a girlfriend. I know a guy who is in his mid-20's and doesn't work, lives with his brother, and collects unemployment all because he wants to be married first. He doesn't like the idea of going off to work without having a woman to support him, or owning his own place without having someone to go home to. And the thing is, he's never going to find a wife that way because no woman is going to be attracted to that! I don't think you're at that point yet, but don't let yourself get there. Think about the other dreams you have, the ones that you have more control over, and go after those. Also, rather than pray for God to give you a girlfriend, I would say start praying for Him to show you His will for your life and to work on changing your heart so that you want the things that He wants for you. Maybe His will is for you to be single for awhile. Maybe there are things He wants you to do first or things He wants to teach you first. Pray that He'll change your heart so that your desires match up with His will.
Excellent post!!! I really hope Dothack will finally listen. Its not 5 threads, if you go back to other pages, he posted about 20 threads like this. Come on dude, its like you're not listening to us.
 
D

DABEARS85

Guest
#19
Excellent post!!! I really hope Dothack will finally listen. Its not 5 threads, if you go back to other pages, he posted about 20 threads like this. Come on dude, its like you're not listening to us.

I don't think he is or even cares to listen. I think he is just wanting attention. These threads at this point just prove that.

He is an attention seeker I honestly think. He is seeking any type of attention he can get. That is my honest opinion of things based on how many threads he has all saying the same things.

I don't want to say this on a christian forum... but... I almost believe he is a troll. Some of the things he's said is completely ridiculous in previous posts, and every time someone honestly tries to help him and gives him sound advice, he ignores them and adds on to his previous record of ridiculousness.

I think he is a troll, but if not, then I hope he listens to someone. He won't of course, because he doesn't want to listen after 20 threads all saying the same things, but I do hope he tries. Until then, I will honestly believe he is a troll seeking attention, because no one can honestly ignore everyone in this forum over and over and over and over again and then post another thread with the same questions again like this. Humans are simply not this ridiculous. Human beings are simply not this blatant with his methodical way of ignoring everyone who helps him on purpose and continuing to recreate more threads with the same basis as the first 19.

Honestly, he has a thread with 100 plus pages, and yet he could not take anything from that? Honestly? People are not this ridiculous. He is trolling everyone and seeking attention. A thread with 100 pages full of replies to help him should be enough, yet he creates more. There is something pretty fishy about that in my eyes.
 
L

lil-rush

Guest
#20
dockhackzero... no offense man... but you create a new thread about this every single day... where's the patience? You say you pray but you create a new thread every day! What... do you want a girl to magically appear and slap you in the face and say "im your girlfriend"? I mean... cmon man. Give it time. You have to work on yourself before you can expect things in return. I know it may be hard, but with the defeatist attitude you mine as well quit now. You won't get anywhere acting like that. Either you keep trying and keeping pushing and keep praying and eventually see results, or you keep defeating yourself before you even begin by making these threads every single day. How many threads with the same title do you need before you realize you aren't helping yourself?

Look at it this way... Prayer works on faith. Faith is not only a belief, but it is an action as well. You are removing the ability for both to work by creating these "doubt" threads in the first place. You obviously doubt your own prayer, so why do you expect it to work? Prayer only works with faith. You aren't showing faith when you keep saying "i don't think I'll ever get a girlfriend, I'll never get a wife, I'll never have anything I pray for." Look at it this way... for years you've prayed... yet for years you've doubted it too. You just wasted years of prayer with your unbelief. See how that works?

Also, you were getting on the right foot by attempting to fix your problems talking to women, but you also did it the completely wrong way. Why would you go to a random girl to try to get comfortable talking to her? You have to jump into the shark tank with things like talking to women. You have to allow yourself to sink before you can learn to swim. You have to make mistakes and get rejected before you can learn how to do it. You aren't showing faith by allowing that in the first place. You aren't trusting God to help you talk to women, because you AREN'T DOING IT! You can't expect to get a girlfriend without trying. You can't expect a random girl to help save you from your own mind. Your fears are COMPLETELY based on your own mind. You have to learn to drop that fear inside of yourself. YOU yourself are limiting YOU yourself. Do you see what I'm saying here? You are the only one that is holding yourself back. Nobody else is doing anything to you to stop you from talking to women and getting a girlfriend. The only one that is doing that is you.

What do you need to do? Pray and believe. Pray and act. Trust in God. Trust God to help you find the words when you speak with women. Trust that God will guide you. Trust that God will pick you up when you fail and help you learn and grow stronger. Trust that God will eventually have you meet the right girl. TRUST GOD. Without that, and you are always always always going to fail.

Until you do that, then these threads are useless. Creating a new one everyday won't find you new insight. The same people are in these forums as before.

I'm starting to think you do these threads for attention rather than truly asking for help. You make a new one so much that I wonder what the point is anymore? You aren't taking the advice or you wouldn't be making new ones asking the same questions over and over constantly. You have one thread that has over 100 pages worth of replies. A HUNDRED PAGES! READ THEM MAN! Cmon... why do you create new threads now asking the same questions? Did you read the old ones? Did you take the advice? Did you even attempt it? I'm sorry if I'm sounding rude or abrasive, but I'm being trying to honestly relate to you here and I find that I can't. If you won't accept the advice of 100 pages of people, then why would you create new threads asking those same people the same things? You are being redundant and not helping yourself.

Overall, you need to help yourself here. Nobody can fix your problems but you. Your fear of talking to women is just that... fear... and fear is a symptom of the mind. Fear can only be overcame by facing it. To face your fears, you have to do exactly what you are afraid of. You have to go out and talk to women. Go talk to a friend that is a girl if you have one. Go talk to a friend's girlfriend. Try to get a friend to set you up on a double date if they can. All women have friends, and all women have at least one single friend. Do it as a friendly double date, even if its awkward. Through the awkwardness, you will find a way to make it enjoyable and tolerable. You will learn how to lighten up the mood, and in learning that, you already have gained a valuable skill. You learned how to make a girl comfortable. Women are just as nervous as you. They aren't these amazing creatures that are so different from us men that they really are from Venus and we are from Mars. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Own it and accept it.

Now... the ball is in your court and it will only go through the hoop if you try to shoot it. Nobody else can shoot it for you. Take the shot and miss... and keep shooting til you sink the basket. Keep trying... and HAVE FAITH IN GOD. TRUST GOD and show your faith in God's ability to help you buy ACTING on it.

That is the only solution for your problem. Take it or leave it, but you really need to listen to the advice at this point. You can't keep using a crutch to get by with this one. It is time to face your fears my man. Its time to go out there and do what you keep praying for. Just do it! Its that simple. I don't care if you fail. I don't care if you get rejected. ALL of us men get rejected. ALL of us men fail. I could ask 10 girls out today and all 10 might reject me. OR, I could ask 10 girls out and ONE might accept it... and guess what? I just won. Look at it as those other 9 just lost out on a really good thing, and that one girl was smart. She is worth your time. So... GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!

Also, for anxiety... the only way to get past it is to just get past it. Everyone has a little bit of anxiety in their lives. Everyone... obviously in your case the symptoms are a bit worse... but you have to realize... everyone gets it at one point or another in their lives. Everyone faces it. I understand you have a bigger problem than most with it, but don't let that hold you back from living your life! For 7 years now you've not been able to get a girlfriend or even be friends with a female... and all because of your social anxiety. You've had problems with friends all because of that, correct? NOW is the time to fix this my friend. NOW is the time to change your life for the better. Do you really want to keep on living the quality of life you've had? Do you? I don't think you do, or you wouldn't be making these threads about it. You have NOTHING to lose at this point. You really don't man. You've tried your way for 7 years and it hasn't worked. Now is the time to try it my way. My way is to go out there and fail and fail and fail as many times as it takes until you succeed. When you fall, pick yourself back up and do it again. You grow stronger and stronger every time you fall. Trust me on this. You get more and more confident every time you talk to a girl. The outcome doesn't matter, good or bad. You WILL have good outcomes, and those will completely lift your spirits from all the girls that possibly deny you. With 7 years of prayer, you have plenty of God's power on your side buddy. The force is strong with this one :) hahaha Trust me man... 7 years of prayer is a lot. God is with you. I have faith in that. Trust in God and go out there buddy and change your life man. Let the joy of Christ fill your life by changing it right now. Whenever you read this... take the advice to heart and go out with some friends... and if you see a cute girl that is by herself... approach her. Tell her hello, you noticed her and just wanted to say hi. Strike up a conversation from anywhere between her eyes are pretty to her dress/shirt looks nice and you wanted to tell her that... to how you are a nervous guy and you really just want to approach a girl and work on fixing your shyness. To be honest, the honesty part (the last option) will work the best. Most women will find this cute at the very least, and she will be glad to talk to you after realizing how shy and nice of a guy you are. Women really do like nice shy guys, but the nice shy guys don't know it because they are too nice to approach her!

Anyway, I hope this helps. It is long, but I feel it needed to be said after reading all of your posts. Bro, don't take it personally... just take the good bit of advice and do your best to take action. Trust God first and foremost. God will NEVER fail you. God will NEVER let you down. God will always pick you up and dust you off if you happen to fall. Trust in Him and your life will be so much better and fulfilling.

Best wishes buddy,

Dabears85

And if you ever need anything... advice... questions... even encouragement... just send me a message man. Let me know how things go for you too. I'd love to hear if you ever get any awesome success stories! I'll be praying for you and I know that God will come through for you. He always does.
[/thread]

On a less serious note, every time dothackzero posts a thread about dating, I think about the Jake and Amir Dating Coach videos. Funny, but not really appropriate for a Christian site, so I can't post links to them. Basically, according to the dating coach, the way to get a girlfriend is to insult her and walk around with your shirt off. Horrible advice, but oh so hilarious.