20 Seconds

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
I’ve been reading this forum for over a year now. There have been nuuuuuuuuuuuumerous vague theoretical articles posted on how guys can show a lady they are interested and vice-versa. Why don’t we get down to the nitty gritty and just give some examples of what has “worked”?

Have you seen the movie “We Brought a Zoo”? In the movie the father tells his son that if you like a girl, you really only need about 20 seconds of courage. TELL HER.

There are a lot of seemingly average guys (who are FAR from average) out there who end up with what some would consider to be amazing women, and people often look at them as a couple and wonder how that happened. (You know you’ve thought it. J) Bottom line: It happened because he stepped up when other guys were too afraid to do it.

There is a guy I know who is an “average looking guy” to most people. The type you would probably pass right by without noticing him. Until he smiles. He has an amazing smile that makes his eyes twinkle. And he made sure I noticed and that I would never forget him, and this is how:

I was talking with a small group of people. I had briefly met him a few days before. He walked up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder, looked at the other people I was talking with and said, “Excuse us”, as if he’d known me all my life. I was very confused. J He took my hand and walked me out to the dance floor and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to share you.” And then he showed me the smile and those gorgeous eyes. No white steed. No shining armor. No sword. No dragons slain. Just 20 seconds of incredible courage.

You don’t dance? Fine…. Take her arm and go get a cup of coffee, ice cream, a piece of cake, bring her a SINGLE flower (never a bunch).

Might she reject you? Might she be rude? It could happen. Guess what? If she does, who is the jerk? It’s NOT you. Plus, you’ve just saved yourself a lot of wasted time and energy fretting over an unclassy gal who isn’t worth a minute of your thought life.

So….

LADIES: Can you give some examples of what has “worked” for you?

GUYS: Can you give some examples of ways a lady has let you know she was interested in you?
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#2
#2
I agree with the 20 seconds of courage is the most effective


The most clear example how it has "worked" for me is what a guy did many years ago:

He was in the same school that i was and we used to had some classes together, he was always nice with me and he tried always to spend time with me, we have few friends in common so we used to talk and one day he started to take me home after school. But I never thought that he had any romantic interest in me and i was focused on school.

One day i was very busy with homeworks, going up and down the stairs, he suddendly stood in front of me and told me "ok, i know you are busy with homework, but each time i try to talk with you, you go away, so im going to tell you that i like you very much and i want to go to take a coffee with you"

I looked at him wondering what was he talking about hehe, and he repeated "i like you very, you are beautiful and i want to go out with you" I was very surprised and i doubted it but i said yes.

And after some months of going out with this guy then he asked me to be his girlfriend and i accepted.

Almost all the guys that have invited me to go out or that have interest in me have been direct, and I think that its because i focus sometimes so much in what i do, in job or excersice or other things that i dont put attention.

So, for me the 20 seconds of courage from men "work" good :D
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#3
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#3
Jullianna said:
LADIES: Can you give some examples of what has “worked” for you?
Click to expand...
There are a few guys on this site who would be dangerous, with that knowledge. So I'll pass. ;)
 
J

jimsun

Guest
#4
#4
Tick tick tick, Julliana!
I ran out of time years ago & I love my wife tons more than I did yesterday & a little less than I will tomorrow!!
BW; J+
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#5
#5
jimsun, if you take 20 seconds to tell her that today...wow :)
 
A

agirlandherguitar

Guest
#7
#7
Well I'm still single but I would love, love, LOVE for a guy to be up front and honest with me in 20 seconds instead of dancing around me forever.

I don't know how people view a girl asking a guy out but I did that! I gave him my 20 seconds. He totally brushed me off, haha. But I'm proud that I swallowed my pride and took the plunge. Better than wondering "what if?"
 
D

djness

Guest
#8
#8
So where is he now Jullianna?

Also...since you obviously like the guy the 20 seconds didn't really make much of a difference. If he took that 20 seconds and you didn't already like him, as soon as he grabbed a hold of your hand you probably would have judo chopped the poor fellow.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#9
I used to have courage, but I lost it somewhere. It could be that someone stole it from me, but I'm not really sure.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it and for a brief moment I remember what it feels like, but it always fades...
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
djness said:
So where is he now Jullianna?

Also...since you obviously like the guy the 20 seconds didn't really make much of a difference. If he took that 20 seconds and you didn't already like him, as soon as he grabbed a hold of your hand you probably would have judo chopped the poor fellow.
Click to expand...
He's in Washington DC right now, preparing for another tour overseas. His 5th.

Had he not taken that 20 seconds, I might never have known whether I liked him or not. :) I would have finished the dance whether I liked him or not. Courage like that is deserving of respect whether anything comes of it or not, right? :)

Do guys really think I'm that scary???? hahaha (don't answer that...)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
zeroturbulence said:
I used to have courage, but I lost it somewhere. It could be that someone stole it from me, but I'm not really sure.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it and for a brief moment I remember what it feels like, but it always fades...
Click to expand...
Maybe you just haven't come across anyone worthy of summoning that courage yet :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#12
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#12
Jullianna said:
Maybe you just haven't come across anyone worthy of summoning that courage yet :)
Click to expand...
Well, I used to be courageous. I was bold enough to ask girls out and stuff, but now I'm just a shell of who I used to be, so no more self-esteem, no more courage, no more meeting anyone. Maybe that will change. Maybe it won't.
 
R

reallife

Guest
#13
#13
I feel like i'm the complete opposite. I used to be super shy but now I am more outgoing and get out of my comfort zone.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#14
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#14
reallife said:
I feel like i'm the complete opposite. I used to be super shy but now I am more outgoing and get out of my comfort zone.
Click to expand...
Were you less attractive before? I mean what changed that made you more outgoing? I'm just curious.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#15
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,267
113
#15
Jullianna said:
Do guys really think I'm that scary???? hahaha (don't answer that...)
Click to expand...
It isn't you that scares us, it's the Glock and stainless bracelets you carry in your purse that do. :p
 
C

CC_Bride

Guest
#16
#16
What worked for me was wisdom. And I don't mean saying something to a girl that shows how impressive you are socially or saying something "cool". That is just nonsense. What really got me re my husband while we were initially chatting in these threads was his educated (biblically) and wise answers and opinions. And he said things without knowing I thought he was awesome so he had no idea which told me he was saying his opinions from his heart for the Lord not with anyone else in mind. And this disregards assertiveness or shyness. Ive met some absolutely stupid and awful extroverts and introverts, while Ive also met wise extroverts and introverts, so it goes both ways.

And all that is required is:
- Reading, loving & learning your bible
- Loving Jesus
- Building up your discernment
 
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S

Stuey

Senior Member
#17
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#17
Why only one flower?

Hmmm, I have done this before but I think now I would much rather become friends with the Lady first, though I suppose after that this may be required. *shrug*
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#18
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#18
I want to see him live out his walk with Christ. I want to see Christ in him and recognize my one true love before I even consider him as my future spouse. I don't date, so the one man that I enter into courtship with will have to have shown his true devotion to Christ, gotten past Holy Spirit security, passed the big brother test (Jesus) and sat down with Abba Father before he even gets in the door. There are a great many things that matter to me and the first is that Jesus is first, both in his life and in mine. Otherwise, neither of us are ready to court each other. I guess he'd have to have talked with my mom and Pastor and such and really looked into the heart of who I am and, upon seeing Jesus there, decided that I am the one. Yes, I am complicated, and thankfully my Father God knows this and has placed me in an enclosed garden as the treasure He tells me I am to protect me from the greedy who would squander my value for their selfish intentions.

I'm a writer. :) But the poetic license and flowery speech doesn't make it any less true. I will fall in love all over again with Jesus in him and he will fall in love all over again with Jesus in me. Yup.

The Mirror - YouTube
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#19
#19
Jullianna said:
I’ve been reading this forum for over a year now. There have been nuuuuuuuuuuuumerous vague theoretical articles posted on how guys can show a lady they are interested and vice-versa. Why don’t we get down to the nitty gritty and just give some examples of what has “worked”?

Have you seen the movie “We Brought a Zoo”? In the movie the father tells his son that if you like a girl, you really only need about 20 seconds of courage. TELL HER.

There are a lot of seemingly average guys (who are FAR from average) out there who end up with what some would consider to be amazing women, and people often look at them as a couple and wonder how that happened. (You know you’ve thought it. J) Bottom line: It happened because he stepped up when other guys were too afraid to do it.

There is a guy I know who is an “average looking guy” to most people. The type you would probably pass right by without noticing him. Until he smiles. He has an amazing smile that makes his eyes twinkle. And he made sure I noticed and that I would never forget him, and this is how:

I was talking with a small group of people. I had briefly met him a few days before. He walked up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder, looked at the other people I was talking with and said, “Excuse us”, as if he’d known me all my life. I was very confused. J He took my hand and walked me out to the dance floor and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to share you.” And then he showed me the smile and those gorgeous eyes. No white steed. No shining armor. No sword. No dragons slain. Just 20 seconds of incredible courage.

You don’t dance? Fine…. Take her arm and go get a cup of coffee, ice cream, a piece of cake, bring her a SINGLE flower (never a bunch).

Might she reject you? Might she be rude? It could happen. Guess what? If she does, who is the jerk? It’s NOT you. Plus, you’ve just saved yourself a lot of wasted time and energy fretting over an unclassy gal who isn’t worth a minute of your thought life.

So….

LADIES: Can you give some examples of what has “worked” for you?

GUYS: Can you give some examples of ways a lady has let you know she was interested in you?
Click to expand...
_____-
Don't you mean 'innumerable,' julieannie :D

_________
Anyway, and, yeah, that was a bad attempt at a joke, don't worry I've done that a countless number of times :)

But, yeah, I think the big thing with guys is that they are having to do what we ALL dread, well,what 90%+ of the population dreads...

public speaking !!!

That 20 seconds is way too long I think for most guys, that's calling on huge courage in a big way, but,I will hasten to add , with a little Audio Dynamite song (twisted a bit), your FEAR is NEVER going to be as BIG AS JESUS !! :)

Just go for it, I know, it is hard to do, and, I am not saying I've done it much-I haven't'!- but the Lord leads me, I hope and pray, and at the appointed time that He wants me to be brave I pray I would be/will be. I think I will. I think I will. choo-choo :D I always have for other things but, for girls, it's just never been God I've felt wanting me to be commitally brave to a girl. I pray that when the 20 seconds comes, I become greenNready :D

We should FEAR NOT, for God, speaking through David in one of the most beautiful of Psalms, 23, says that though we walk through the valley of the shadow of DEATH, we should fear NO evil...

And, yeah, YEP, UH-HUH-HUH-HUH, I am WITH YOU, notmydudes, it is like we are going into a mine tunnel with NO HOPE to escape when we just are thinking (notice I didn't say anything 'action-like) about going up to a girl. That THINKING, I think, dudes, is what psyches you out before you even ask. You/we just need to do it, right, miladies. Just quit THINKING about it, for defeat has pretty much come, the minute you just THINK... Instead, just pray to God, and, forget about mustering the courage, just GO !

We go !! See it like a cheer for a soccer game that is done with all hands in the middle before going out to play a game, soccer, baseball, basketball, you name it, wrestling, track, whatever you COMPETE at, just envision that it's going to be OK, because God is on your team, even though you are going up to the girl without your mates to lean on :)

The Lord leads, lean on His understanding, because you, I, and every guy in the world out there wanting to do things right with their life as Christ leads (non believers too, of course) and with His leading it will be done. If YOUR asking this girl out is NOT in His will, it will NOT be happening, IF you are with Him. Pay attention too, because I feel the Enemy, in one fell swoop, can be right in there too, just waiting for a moment to deceive and lead you into a place that would be wrong,wrong,wrong. Stay fast to God's will for your life. His peace, IF you are rejected in your 20 SECONDS OF crazy-feelingness



, will be enough. Phil 4:7 :)
 
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A

agirlandherguitar

Guest
#20
#20
zeroturbulence said:
Well, I used to be courageous. I was bold enough to ask girls out and stuff, but now I'm just a shell of who I used to be, so no more self-esteem, no more courage, no more meeting anyone. Maybe that will change. Maybe it won't.
Click to expand...
I hate how much we fear man and how it controls us. I hate how the world seems to always oppress us no matter what we do or how many times we've tried. It's easy to tell somebody "God loves you focus all of your energy on Him" and while that is good sometimes we just don't want to hear it. Healing from trauma can be a life long struggle. Don't let that fear run your life. You may be a shell but doesn't that mean there is room for change and love in that shell of yours?

If this makes you feel better apparently 90% of North American's get married. You'll probably end up meeting somebody sooner or later unless you really, really don't want to ever get married.
 
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