I Don't Want Kids, Sue Me

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SubCruceSalus

Guest
#1
#1
Just wanted some insight here; apparently I'm some kind of heartless somebody because I don't want kids, ever. Kids are a huge hassle that I don't want to deal with, they usually grow up to be disappointments, and above all of that I wouldn't want me to be responsible for bringing yet another human being into this awful world we've got. They also cut in greatly on the intimacy between the husband and wife when it's just the two of them and not a bunch of pitter-pattering feet running around. Also I'm not too sure I'd be the best of dads, and given that I like a good deal of peace and quiet (and considering all the other reasons I mentioned above) NOT having kids is a no-brainer. So what about that makes me heartless or cold? I've talked about this quite a number of times with girls I know and they all are gung-ho about having kids when they get married. I don't think they quite understand what it's like. I've seen it time and time again with women that want kids: they finally get married, then they get pregnant and all the subsequent "oh how beautiful she looks when she's pregnant" nonsense, then she actually has the kid and the proverbial puppy that she's always wanted suddenly ain't as fun as what she thought it was. Then there's the mutual getting woken up at zero dark thirty in the morning by screaming, teething offspring and NOT getting back to sleep again until about the time that you have to get going about the day, and all for what? What is the point of having kids? Is it for the personal enjoyment of watching them grow and develop into whatever they become? If that's the reason, then I would suggest that any woman wanting to have kids get a houseplant instead. They don't wet their diaper, stay out late or get into trouble at school, and if they start to get out of hand, you either prune them or throw them out all together. It's a win-win.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
51
#2
I acctually think its quite responsible that you KNOW that you do not want children.

It would be quite the opposite if you were to enter a relationship and give in, having children thinking that *maybe* you might change your mind once the little one is here. (that could be a possibility....but no guarantee.)

 
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FireWire

Guest
#3
#3
Well looks like I should be sued too as well because I can say with absolute certainty I won't be having children either.

It's a bit late now and I was told by the ex that I'm not a leader and wouldn't be a good father. The other reason is I can't be bothered.
 
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kiwi_OT

Guest
#4
#4
You're absolutely entitled to your opinions,

But please dont go out dating women esp christian women and casually forget to tell them asap you're not interested in having children, for nothing is more heartless than leading a woman on who you clearly know wants to be a wife/mother/homemaker (all 3 are usually tied with each other).
 
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FireWire

Guest
#5
#5
Well that's no problem Kiwi_OT because I'm not dating. I could probably say with absolute certainty I won't be getting married either.
 
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princessbella

Guest
#6
#6
id atually be quite happy to find a guy who didnt want children since i cant have them and would save the hassle of worrying over whether he wouldnt want to be with me because of that, im usually pretty upfront about it for that very reason id rather know sooner than later , Fostering and adoption are something i would consider but if my partner didnt want that then id be happy not to go with it :)
 
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NukePooch

Guest
#7
#7
SubCruceSalus said:
Just wanted some insight here; apparently I'm some kind of heartless somebody because I don't want kids, ever. Kids are a huge hassle that I don't want to deal with, they usually grow up to be disappointments, and above all of that I wouldn't want me to be responsible for bringing yet another human being into this awful world we've got. They also cut in greatly on the intimacy between the husband and wife when it's just the two of them and not a bunch of pitter-pattering feet running around. Also I'm not too sure I'd be the best of dads, and given that I like a good deal of peace and quiet (and considering all the other reasons I mentioned above) NOT having kids is a no-brainer. So what about that makes me heartless or cold? I've talked about this quite a number of times with girls I know and they all are gung-ho about having kids when they get married. I don't think they quite understand what it's like. I've seen it time and time again with women that want kids: they finally get married, then they get pregnant and all the subsequent "oh how beautiful she looks when she's pregnant" nonsense, then she actually has the kid and the proverbial puppy that she's always wanted suddenly ain't as fun as what she thought it was. Then there's the mutual getting woken up at zero dark thirty in the morning by screaming, teething offspring and NOT getting back to sleep again until about the time that you have to get going about the day, and all for what? What is the point of having kids? Is it for the personal enjoyment of watching them grow and develop into whatever they become? If that's the reason, then I would suggest that any woman wanting to have kids get a houseplant instead. They don't wet their diaper, stay out late or get into trouble at school, and if they start to get out of hand, you either prune them or throw them out all together. It's a win-win.
Click to expand...

It isn't heartless or cold to not want to have children....however, it can be viewed as heartless AND cold to explain it as you did above. Might want to tone that down if asked to explain your views in the future...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#8
I used to feel the same way when I was younger, but as I grew older I saw how much joy kids bring to their parent's lives. Its fine to think the way you do now because life is really just beginning for you. You've got high aspirations and dreams to fulfill for yourself, but once you get setttled in a career and everyday seems the same and you've accomplished much of what you wanted out of life (nice car, a house, a good job, etc) you will feel greatly unfulfilled and wondering why. Then you see all your friends gushing about what their kids are doing and how proud they are of them and what they plan on doing together with their kids and you realize that is whats missing.

Johnny Depp (the actor) said that before he had a kid he felt like he was just this lost being meandering through life, but when he had his first child it was like his life suddenly had meaning and that he gets a lot of happiness by sort of living his childhood again through his children.
 
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NMsmile

Guest
#9
#9
I've always said, "Having kids is one of the most terrifying things a person can do ... and not having kids is one of the most terrifying things you can do..." I don't think there is anything wrong with not having kids or not wanting kids. Both decisions have life long consequences. Good luck!
 
Megatron

Megatron

Banned
#10
May 6, 2011
640
2
0
#10
NMsmile said:
I've always said, "Having kids is one of the most terrifying things a person can do ... and not having kids is one of the most terrifying things you can do..." I don't think there is anything wrong with not having kids or not wanting kids. Both decisions have life long consequences. Good luck!
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True, but no having kids is a life-long decision that is a lot easier to fix as long as you dont have surgeries dealing with it
 
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nanabean

Guest
#11
#11
I think everyone has a right to their own mindset about anything and everything in this world and having children or not having children is a huge, HUGE decision. Personally I have never veiwed having children in the way you describe -- I found being a mom a joy, and love both my girls very much! Having said this, I would sincerely hope you do not have children if this is truly how you feel about having them. Your 21?? You may or may not change your veiwpoint on this subject over time, and it is not a sin to decide not to have children.....but I do have to say I pray you relax a bit of the harshness in your stance.




NukePooch said:
It isn't heartless or cold to not want to have children....however, it can be viewed as heartless AND cold to explain it as you did above. Might want to tone that down if asked to explain your views in the future...
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Amen.....thanks for this post Pooch..it made me think how to say what I wanted to say as well.

OH! Also, Kiwi is right as well.....be sure to make your feelings on this subject very well known as you enter any true relationship....anything less would be a disservice to the girl.
 
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Ella_M

Guest
#12
#12
The whole point of dating is to discuss this kind of thing, like wanting children or not, how to deal with finances, both working or only one, everything. I do agree with NukePooch that it could be said nicer when discussing it with a girl, lol. Not a great ice-breaker. Nothing wrong with what you're saying. Some women do have different feelings after they get older. Anyway, be selective and you'll find a good match for a wife.
Shalom,
Ella
 
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SubCruceSalus

Guest
#13
#13
nanabean said:
I think everyone has a right to their own mindset about anything and everything in this world and having children or not having children is a huge, HUGE decision. Personally I have never veiwed having children in the way you describe -- I found being a mom a joy, and love both my girls very much! Having said this, I would sincerely hope you do not have children if this is truly how you feel about having them. Your 21?? You may or may not change your veiwpoint on this subject over time, and it is not a sin to decide not to have children.....but I do have to say I pray you relax a bit of the harshness in your stance.







Amen.....thanks for this post Pooch..it made me think how to say what I wanted to say as well.

OH! Also, Kiwi is right as well.....be sure to make your feelings on this subject very well known as you enter any true relationship....anything less would be a disservice to the girl.
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I've never been as direct with a girl about the subject as what I was in my post, mostly it was venting. Some people get their kicks from having kids; I'll never be one of those people. Using kids to fill some kind of personal void in your life (as some have mentioned on here) seems to me an illogical thing to do. If someone has kids, they should be indifferent to it, neither needing to have kids nor being opposed to the idea as well; basically being well-rounded enough that children or a lack thereof should not effect them. I thoroughly despise having children of my own, but when my brother and sisters have kids of theirs, I don't mind being that uncle that's awesome. At the end of the day I can just send the kiddos back to their moms and dads after having given them cotton candy, xbox 360's, and red bull with added caffeine pills for effect, just so they're extra hyper when their parents try to put them to bed :p Yes, I have sadistic sense of humor. I just hope one of these days I can find a girl that feels the same about kids; they're few and far between, regrettably.
 
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SubCruceSalus

Guest
#14
#14
zeroturbulence said:
I used to feel the same way when I was younger, but as I grew older I saw how much joy kids bring to their parent's lives. Its fine to think the way you do now because life is really just beginning for you. You've got high aspirations and dreams to fulfill for yourself, but once you get setttled in a career and everyday seems the same and you've accomplished much of what you wanted out of life (nice car, a house, a good job, etc) you will feel greatly unfulfilled and wondering why. Then you see all your friends gushing about what their kids are doing and how proud they are of them and what they plan on doing together with their kids and you realize that is whats missing.

Johnny Depp (the actor) said that before he had a kid he felt like he was just this lost being meandering through life, but when he had his first child it was like his life suddenly had meaning and that he gets a lot of happiness by sort of living his childhood again through his children.
Click to expand...


I already have achieved some very high aspirations of mine, yet when I'm around people with their kids, I still do not feel any kind of desire to have any of my own. Kids are more a responsibility than a blessing, and given that life is what it is, I would never bring anyone else into this world; I just can't validate a single reason for it. As I've said in a reply to someone else on this thread, using children to fill some perceived void in your life would indicate to me that the children were more of a distraction away from other issues in someone's life; a "one pain dulls another" situation if you will.
 
A

Adrianv125

Senior Member
#15
Jan 17, 2011
567
12
18
#15
SubCruceSalus said:
Just wanted some insight here; apparently I'm some kind of heartless somebody because I don't want kids, ever. Kids are a huge hassle that I don't want to deal with, they usually grow up to be disappointments, and above all of that I wouldn't want me to be responsible for bringing yet another human being into this awful world we've got. They also cut in greatly on the intimacy between the husband and wife when it's just the two of them and not a bunch of pitter-pattering feet running around. Also I'm not too sure I'd be the best of dads, and given that I like a good deal of peace and quiet (and considering all the other reasons I mentioned above) NOT having kids is a no-brainer. So what about that makes me heartless or cold? I've talked about this quite a number of times with girls I know and they all are gung-ho about having kids when they get married. I don't think they quite understand what it's like. I've seen it time and time again with women that want kids: they finally get married, then they get pregnant and all the subsequent "oh how beautiful she looks when she's pregnant" nonsense, then she actually has the kid and the proverbial puppy that she's always wanted suddenly ain't as fun as what she thought it was. Then there's the mutual getting woken up at zero dark thirty in the morning by screaming, teething offspring and NOT getting back to sleep again until about the time that you have to get going about the day, and all for what? What is the point of having kids? Is it for the personal enjoyment of watching them grow and develop into whatever they become? If that's the reason, then I would suggest that any woman wanting to have kids get a houseplant instead. They don't wet their diaper, stay out late or get into trouble at school, and if they start to get out of hand, you either prune them or throw them out all together. It's a win-win.
Click to expand...
hmm well.. If your dad had the same attitude you have about having children you wouldn't have been born. The way you see children will determine the opinion you have about having one. Having children is the natural cycle of life, and evil in this world is something we can't really escape. In raising a child there will be a lot of negative things (such as disappointments, waking up late at night, pain, suffering, correction, discipline and many other things) but children are a blessing in many many ways regardless. They are not awful monsters that are up to destroying everything in their path. They are a great example of the miracles and love of God. The maturity level and emotional, psychological and spiritual stance of the couple is clearly exposed in the discipline they give their children. It is when a couple raises their children that they truly see themselves for what they really are and grow even more mature as human beings. Once you become a parent and have a genuine love for your child you will understand many things about your own life. But most important of all, this speaks of the love of God. That though in creating us, in all His wisdom and knowledge He knew that we could disappoint,disobey,rebel, and break His heart He still loved us so much that He gave Himself for us on the cross. He disciplines us in love and in truth because He knows what is best for us and has plans for good for our lives.
 
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kiwi_OT

Guest
#16
#16
SubCruceSalus said:
At the end of the day I can just send the kiddos back to their moms and dads after having given them cotton candy, xbox 360's, and red bull with added caffeine pills for effect, just so they're extra hyper when their parents try to put them to bed :p Yes, I have sadistic sense of humor. I just hope one of these days I can find a girl that feels the same about kids; they're few and far between, regrettably.
Click to expand...
Good grief!! You would spike your siblings childrens drinks with caffiene pills as well as giving them red bull ???
Not only do you not want children, but you ruin the health of others children for a laugh? You have the right to not want children, but you do not have the right to entertain ideas of ruining what is considered a joy to others and undermining their good will for their children.

I agree with you, that is sadistic
 
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REDMama

Guest
#17
#17
My opinion, my view, my understanding, my knowledge

No, this is your God given right to make this decision. The bible does say be fruitful and multiply. But if in your mind and faith, or you've been really hurt by life and parents, then having kids is just not appealing and God has led you to this decision. Maybe your heart will change, but don't let someone drive you mentally crazy and fill you with doubts because of it. And you have to be with a girl who fits with you. Are you just gonna up and create a new life, or new lives with just anyone, not unless your biological clock is ticking, and it is something you want to do.

Maybe if you were around kids more in your life, if that is the situation, you would have wanted to be a daddy, a father, or help a woman fulfill this dream, goal and purpose for her life.

But what do we say, the Lord works in everything.

Let's be fruitful TODAY, no matter.

Have a good day.
 
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FireWire

Guest
#18
#18
Having and raising kids is an expensive business these days.
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#19
#19
My husband and I have chosen not to have children. For varying reasons.

We honestly have no desire. I've had moments where I have questioned this- I guess that's natural because I'm female and have hormones. God did create women to have children after all. It's taken me some time to come to peace with this decision, but I can honestly say I have.

I have more of a desire to give where I can to help children in need (and am involved in many ministries that do just that), than I do to have my own children. I honestly believe there are too many kids already out there, who are neglected or don't have the basic provisions children should have, that I don't see the point in bringing more kids into this awful world of ours. This is one of the MANY reasons we have chosen not to have children...and believe me there are MANY. I won't go into them here though.

I just wanted to say that there are others out there with no desire for children. Yes, people think we're freaks. I recently encountered this at work, when another colleague asked me if I had kids. When I said no, and answered all the ridiculous, probing questions which always follow (experienced this conversation many times before), I was then grilled about how selfish I am and bla bla.

Honestly, I think we're being responsible. Too many people these days have children without any thought as to what that commitment actually involves. Once you're a parent, you're a parent FOR LIFE! Aside from the obvious responsibilities and worries that come with being a parent, there's the provision thing; and quite honestly, we have enough trouble keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table for just the two of us...imagine if we had a child and I couldn't work? At the moment we are quite literally homeless (floating between friends/families houses living out of a suitcase) Would it not be an irresponsible choice to bring a child into such a situation?

I'm not saying God isn't in control. I truly believe if Gods desire is for us to have children, then He can make that happen in His time, and He will see that every provision is made for that child...but right now, we have no desire for children. Maybe we're selfish...maybe not?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion- it's not a sin to not have children, but I agree...you may wanna tone down your explanation a little (although I must admit, I can relate to, and agree with many of the very valid points you have made).

Oh and FireWire - yes, yes it is! VERY expensive.

Blessings,

Katie
 
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FireWire

Guest
#20
#20
It will get more expensive as time goes by too.

I've never been told I'm selfish but also been told I wouldn't be a good father and not man enough to have children anyway which must be meaning I'm still a child myself.
 
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