Romance: It's all about her. Is it really all about her? I think it is!

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1still_waters

Guest
#1
#1
Someone brought up the issue of romance in another thread. It made me think.

As a man, I have no desire whatsoever for a woman to try and romance me. There isn't even a little dim flicker of desire in the nether regions of my heart that has the desire for some woman to try and romance me.

Is this a guy thing?
Are there guys who like to be romanced by a woman?
If so, why?
And what would you consider "romantic" of her to do for you?

I'm not against a guy being romantic to a gal. Actually i'm quite fond of the idea, because I think in general women want to be romanced. It's just part of the song and dance of relationship between a man and a woman.

In fact I think romance should be a one way street. It's the mans job to be romantic. I mean if the gal wants that kind of thing.

Your thoughts on this topic?
What's your world view on this?
 
error

error

Senior Member
#2
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#2
I hope this question is not only for guys.

Hm...let me think a bit. :D
Ok, as for me- (if i am in a relationship) i don't mind to do little things for someone that i like (it also comes to friendship).

My ex is a drummer.
For example-if i know that he likes this or that band. And i know that they will have a concert next week-i don't mind to buy a ticket to their concert-and suprise him that way.
Or if i see really cool drumsticks- i don't mind to buy thm for him-cause i know he will like it.

I guess i express my love to others-by doing little (sometimes not so little. depp. on a situation) things for thm.

But i will not buy flowers for him-for sure. :D

And yes- i also expect a guy to treat me nice.

My ex even bought flowers for my single friend. Like for example-if he knew that i will hang out with her and he should come over or something-he bought flowers for me and for her- too-just to make her feel good. I think it is very nice thing to do.
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#3
#3
One time I sent my BF a package containing some home-baked chocolate chip cookies and some artwork I drew and had printed on a mug and some tea as a surprise present for our first valentine's day as a couple (we are in a long-distance relationship). He didn't complain. :D:D

I like to do nice things for my guy, and he likes to do nice things for me too. I think it's cute if both sides want to do something romantic for the other. Seems like a good balance to me.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
I would be terribly disappointed if a man I was with didn't appreciate all of the little things done to show my feelings for him, which is what being romantic means to me. Maybe a guy doesn't YET appreciate such things because they've never been done for him out of sincere love. :)
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#5
#5
Jullianna said:
I would be terribly disappointed if a man I was with didn't appreciate all of the little things done to show my feelings for him, which is what being romantic means to me. Maybe a guy doesn't YET appreciate such things because they've never been done for him out of sincere love. :)
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Hmmm I don't consider baking cookies, getting power tools, and all that as "romantic".

To me romance is all the flowers and mooshy stuff.

Of course acts of kindness are appreciated.
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#6
#6
1still_waters said:
Hmmm I don't consider baking cookies, getting power tools, and all that as "romantic".

To me romance is all the flowers and mooshy stuff.

Of course acts of kindness are appreciated.
Click to expand...
The drawing on the mug was plenty mooshy. As are the home made cards I send.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#7
1still_waters said:
Hmmm I don't consider baking cookies, getting power tools, and all that as "romantic".

To me romance is all the flowers and mooshy stuff.

Of course acts of kindness are appreciated.
Click to expand...
Meh. Disagree. I think getting power tools can be very romantic. Especially if your love language is gifts and you like power tools.

In relationships the girls certainly have their end to keep up, and it's not all getting prettied up and getting romanced by their guy. Men also have needs in a relationship and have love languages. If a girl doesn't do anything to show her guy he's special to her, he probably won't be all that happy. Girls generally do this instinctually, so it's not really an issue.
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#8
#8
I think the most romantic thing I ever did for my ex-fiance was buy him Guitar Hero and 2 guitars for Christmas. :p
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,586
113
#9
I guess it all depends on a personal definition of romance. A lot of women consider gift-giving and other various acts romantic but will have various opinions about what gifts and actions are and are not romantic (roses--romantic. Tube socks--not so romantic.) I've always thought most guys were the same.

For instance, if I were married to a sports guy, I'd love to buy him season tickets to his favorite time on his birthday--two sets, so that he could take someone along (if I'm not into the sport or team, he could always take his best friend, brother, etc.) And I'd want to present it to him in a special way... delivered to his workplace, on a picnic or at a special dinner, etc. Many guys also seem to find candles, cuddling up on the couch, and home-cooked dinners romantic... (I can also relate to Cat's post... got my ex a Playstation the first year they came out. He was through the roof.)

And some people, not just men but also women, have no need or desire for what society calls romance (my parents fit under this category. To them, their "day date" is going grocery shopping at Walmart and grabbing lunch at Subway.)

I think it's one of the ways God made us differently :). But I am definitely hoping to find someone who believes in both giving and receiving romantic gestures, and hopefully we will both appreciate and share some ideas about what is or isn't romantic and how often it's needed. Hopefully he'll agree regarding the tube socks...
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#10
seoulsearch said:
I guess it all depends on a personal definition of romance. A lot of women consider gift-giving and other various acts romantic but will have various opinions about what gifts and actions are and are not romantic (roses--romantic. Tube socks--not so romantic.) I've always thought most guys were the same.

For instance, if I were married to a sports guy, I'd love to buy him season tickets to his favorite time on his birthday--two sets, so that he could take someone along (if I'm not into the sport or team, he could always take his best friend, brother, etc.) And I'd want to present it to him in a special way... delivered to his workplace, on a picnic or at a special dinner, etc. Many guys also seem to find candles, cuddling up on the couch, and home-cooked dinners romantic... (I can also relate to Cat's post... got my ex a Playstation the first year they came out. He was through the roof.)

And some people, not just men but also women, have no need or desire for what society calls romance (my parents fit under this category. To them, their "day date" is going grocery shopping at Walmart and grabbing lunch at Subway.)

I think it's one of the ways God made us differently :). But I am definitely hoping to find someone who believes in both giving and receiving romantic gestures, and hopefully we will both appreciate and share some ideas about what is or isn't romantic and how often it's needed. Hopefully he'll agree regarding the tube socks...
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All that has to do with love languages. Of course any sports fan would love season tickets, and if his love language was gifts, he'd probably be satisfied with that. He'd brag to all his friends about his awesome significant other, If his love language was quality time however, he'd probably want you to go with him. Giving him tickets and saying "go, have fun!" says to him that you don't care enough to spend time.

Romance is really subjective, depending on love language.
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#11
#11
Although...if a gal bought me a new Macbook or Apple product...I would get butterflies.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#12
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,586
113
#12
AAAPlus said:
Giving him tickets and saying "go, have fun!" says to him that you don't care enough to spend time.

Romance is really subjective, depending on love language.
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Giving tickets doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with him. I believe that most couples need time with friends outside their "coupledom" and if he and a friend or relative would have a better time at such an event than he and I would, I'd encourage him to go for it. It's not so much fun taking someone who's so-so about something you're passionate about, and I understand that.

I'm not sure if you've had this experience but to me, sometimes when you have quality time with friends outside the relationship, it makes you even more appreciative and happy when you do get quality time together.

And yes, I do think that giving electronics can be romantic :) (gave a boyfriend at the time a laptop back when they were first starting to be popular. He was pretty geeked.) I enjoy giving meaningful things a guy will hopefully enjoy and appreciate. Gifts for me are an expression of love, not a substitution.

When it comes to the different love languages, I like to express them all at different times ... and hopefully have that reciprocated.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#13
#13
1still_waters said:
Hmmm I don't consider baking cookies, getting power tools, and all that as "romantic".

To me romance is all the flowers and mooshy stuff.

Of course acts of kindness are appreciated.
Click to expand...
I'm talking about buying him a shirt and telling him that it brings out the color of his eyes. Buying him a cologne that I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally find attractive. Hiding love notes in places where he'll find them later in the day. Writing him a poem. Singing him a love song. The mushy stuff. :)
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#14
#14
Jullianna said:
I'm talking about buying him a shirt and telling him that it brings out the color of his eyes. Buying him a cologne that I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally find attractive. Hiding love notes in places where he'll find them later in the day. Writing him a poem. Singing him a love song. The mushy stuff. :)
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Z

zaoman32

Guest
#15
#15
I don't consider girls doing things for me as romancing me. Unless they decide to take me out to a nice dinner, and out dancing. Seeing as how I don't care for dressing up nice, and I loathe dancing I would be polite and appreciative, but I wouldn't enjoy myself. On the other hand, knowing most girls like that kind of thing I would do something like that for a girl to romance them and make them feel wanted and loved.

Now if a girl wanted to romance by say, buying me that gorgeous fretless bass Julianna is using as an avatar, she may very well be mine forever.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#16
#16
I thought it was gorgeous too!! :)
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#17
#17
I've seen women pursue men, marry them, and live happily ever after but it was a really good match for them and also for their extended families.

It's a big world with a lot of different personalities. There is room in God's kingdom for assertive men and women.

As long as there's no perversion (like gender bending) or sex sin involved, I can't criticize it.

1still_waters said:
Someone brought up the issue of romance in another thread. It made me think.

As a man, I have no desire whatsoever for a woman to try and romance me. There isn't even a little dim flicker of desire in the nether regions of my heart that has the desire for some woman to try and romance me.

Is this a guy thing?
Are there guys who like to be romanced by a woman?
If so, why?
And what would you consider "romantic" of her to do for you?

I'm not against a guy being romantic to a gal. Actually i'm quite fond of the idea, because I think in general women want to be romanced. It's just part of the song and dance of relationship between a man and a woman.

In fact I think romance should be a one way street. It's the mans job to be romantic. I mean if the gal wants that kind of thing.

Your thoughts on this topic?
What's your world view on this?
Click to expand...
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,264
113
#18
Stilly, I hate to say it, but you're wrong. Women may romance a man differently than a man romances a woman, but it's a normal part of a healthy relationship. If I was involved with a woman and there wasn't some sort of reciprocation I would begin to wonder if she was really that interested.

Nothing will bring me tears of joy to my eyes quicker than seeing my lady crawl out from under my truck after having changed the oil and greased it. :p:p
 

Attachments

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1still_waters

Guest
#19
#19
Oncefallen said:
Stilly, I hate to say it, but you're wrong. Women may romance a man differently than a man romances a woman, but it's a normal part of a healthy relationship. If I was involved with a woman and there wasn't some sort of reciprocation I would begin to wonder if she was really that interested.

Nothing will bring me tears of joy to my eyes quicker than seeing my lady crawl out from under my truck after having changed the oil and greased it. :p:p
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Feminist.
................
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#20
#20
Flowers and poetry and candlelight dinners with violins and fancy bubble bath sets, watching The Notebook or The Titanic, etc are just not my style AT ALL. Lol, gag me.
(Feel free to revoke my woman card)

Sometimes its actions, rather than the gifts, that truly sweep us ladies off our feet...bragging about us to your friends, taking the initiative in making plans, using your free hand to hold hands while driving somewhere, leading us out to the dance floor, calling for absolutely no reason at all, being really nice to our friends and family, etc.

As far as guys being romanced, sure, why not. Its fun to do things that you know will brighten the day of the person you care about.
 
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