A simple singleness relationship/marriage equation.

[1still_waters]

Give me your thoughts.
I offer this math like equation.

When your desire to handle/put up with/deal with someone's imperfections exceeds your desire to be alone, then you'll find someone.

In other words, the only thing in many situations keeping someone single is the lack of desire to put up with someone's imperfections.

Lotsa fishies in the sea boys n girls.
We can't all be single due to shortage of fishies.
Of course there are exceptions to the rules.

 

[Liamson]

I disagree....

After making said concession, One may find themselves wishing for a nice peaceful corner of a roof or a big desert with no one around for miles.


You are worth more than capitulating to your feelings of being alone or different. You are worth fighting for and pursuing. Or as a Man, you do not need to be ashamed about anything involving who you are. Take a chance on finding REAL LOVE, not something you settled for.

You will never be ready, so go after the one person you can't live without right now.

Anything less will leave you weighed measured and found wanting.

 

[Indubitably]

Well, there's some truth to your question, especially for non-believers. For me, after admitting to dealing with being lonely at times, I bellieve I would overlook many imperfection simply out of love for that person, as is Biblical. I would need God's approval to refrain from or go ahead with a marriage.

In know this is a rather spiritual answer, but it's early in the morning and I'm just not ready yet for complicated math. I will. however, have more coffee and come back to revisit this issue.

 

[twofeet]

marrying a fish Stilly is so wrong on so many levels!

 

[Jordache]

How many of you singles have been married before? It's amazing the kind of perspective you get. The bible says we are able to love because we were first loved. It says those forgiven much forgive much. Why is this? Living through something affords you a much deeper perspective than a wise mother, a few self-help articles, and a valentines day special on Dr. Phil.
Marriage should never be taken lightly. You cannot calculate Gods plan for your life. Chosing a spouse is so much more than picking someone you can put up with. Even the most compatible people do not necessarily belong together. It's dangerous to think so. Marriage is not a solution to lonliness or boredom or physical desire. It may help, but you will still deal with all of those and more in a relationship. Marriage is something to be taken very seriously at every stage.
I don't believe in one woman for every man, but I do believe God has a chosen mate, or more depending on the circumstances, for each of us. Everything may look great on the outside, but loves blinds. Take this seriously.

 

[Hellooo]

I understand no one is perfect, but I'm not interested in someone who I can just put up with.

I want the kind of love I see between my mom and dad after 28 years, if I'm going to get married...I'm fine with where I'm at in the meantime, there's plenty of things to do and see.

 

[1still_waters]

I totally understand the wait on God aspect if you're 18-30ish.

But if you're over 30, and the wait on God thing is still happening, doesn't one maybe have to reexamine things and simply see if one is being too picky?

I mean 30+ years on this planet and not ONE of the millions of fishies is remotely compatible?

I think it's at least cause for reexamination to make sure you're not using "waiting on God", or "God is working on me" as an excuse because the perfect romantic comedy clone plot hasn't crossed your path.

 

[luckyduck]

QUACK QUACK. That all I have to say. No seriously, I don't mind putting up with someone imperfection (physically or mentally), but what really and always will bother me is someone lack of love for others and his/her selfishness and Narcissistic attitude and desire.

 

[1still_waters]

Disclaimer: Please don't use what I'm about to write as reason to marry into a clearly ungodly, dangerous situation. Obviously there are extreme behaviors/traits that need to be avoided at all costs.

Every successfully married couple I've talked to tell me that marriage is hard work.
You know what that means?
It's hard work!
There are MAJOR things to work through if you want it to succeed.

I guess what I've been getting at in this post, and in a few others *cough*, is that people may come across someone who is totally compatible, but because said OTHER person may have a "thing" or "things" that need working through, said person, dismisses said OTHER because of it. (Again, read said disclaimer above.)

They think to themselves something like, "God wants His best for me." or some other really spiritual idealistic sounding thought. Then they just dismiss said person because of said "thing", "things", because they can't imagine that said person could be in the realm of possibility because of said thing/things.

I'm sorry, but IF marriage is HARD WORK like most successfully married people say, then guess what, you're gonna have THINGS to work through. (Again, read disclaimer above.)

What if people are playing the "God has his best for me/God is working on me/I'm waiting on God" card, as an excuse to not recognize and accept that marriage is hard work, and you WILL have to invest HARD WORK into truly LOVING someone through their "THINGS"?

Everyone has THINGS!
Marriage is HARD work.
Are those realities, and failure to accept said realities, really what is keeping you single?
(Again, read disclaimer above.)

 

[Hellooo]

I totally understand the wait on God aspect if you're 18-30ish.

But if you're over 30, and the wait on God thing is still happening, doesn't one maybe have to reexamine things and simply see if one is being too picky?

I mean 30+ years on this planet and not ONE of the millions of fishies is remotely compatible?

I think it's at least cause for reexamination to make sure you're not using "waiting on God", or "God is working on me" as an excuse because the perfect romantic comedy clone plot hasn't crossed your path.

Does age really matter?

Marriage is holy, I'm inclined to say its better to be picky and remain single than it is to jump into a marriage with someone you have doubts about, at any age. You're committing yourself to your partner for the rest of your lives, you can't afford not to be picky. Not that you're going to find the perfect woman or man, by any means, but if you have issues with some aspect of someone--it better be something you can handle for the rest of your life, or you'd be better off moving on and not making a commitment.

I second Jordache's sentiment - marriage isn't a solution to loneliness, boredom, or physical desire.

Finding someone isn't a function of the desire not to be alone, and the desire to be alone doesn't have an inverse relationship with your ability to put up with someone's flaws. Ideally, those things should be mutually exclusive.

 

[1still_waters]

Does age really matter?

Refer to rant 3.
link-->http://christianchat.com/christian-...elationship-marriage-equation.html#post851851

And yes, I think age to an extent does matter.

30+ years on this planet, and someone can't find one compatible fishy?
40+ years on this planet and someone can't find one compatible fishy?
Not even ONE?
That's cause for personal reflection for a person in relation to this topic.

Yes, age should serve as maybe a red flag that one should reexamine what's going on, and preventing them from having the one thing they claim they want..ie marriage.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I hear what you're saying, Stilly.

I believe many of us do need to stop, and examine ourselves. Am I really trusting and waiting on God, or just using that as an excuse? Am I open and willing to love others in general, or do I have a long, specific laundry list of things someone 'must' be?

In regards to those opposing this...I see what you're saying. Am I just settling for 'anyone', or am I really concerned and invested in who I'm going to be sharing my life and the deepest parts of me with? Is this idealistic, or are there really better quality people in the world (like the one you may be looking for)?


There are obviously a great deal more questions and viewpoints than this, but I'm trying to just hit the 'generals' in context to this thread.

So...now what? Do I settle, or hold out? Well, maybe there's more to it than that...(and you me be wondering 'like what>?' well...let's discuss it...)

Perhaps, their are 'essentials' that each of us 'want' or 'need' in a relationship. As an example, logically at least, it's probably not a good idea for someone struggling to overcome alcoholism to be romantically involved with an alcoholic. (plug-in similar situations)

In the same way, for someone wanting to grow in their faith and commitment to Christ, it's probably not the best idea to be involved with someone who is secular, wavering in (or losing) their faith, or of a different religion. (Now, before you blow up on me, there are nearly always exceptions, and this CAN be something which would strengthen SOME people in their faith, but NOT MANY...)

So, where does that leave us? Well, very simply (in the 'list-making' type of perspective) what we're left with are those seeking God (as in, may not be 'on fire' or 'saints' but are earnestly trying), those who are well acquainted with God, but may need some challenging, deepening, revival in thier lives and relationships, and those who are saints/incredible 'on fire' Christians.

DISCLAIMER: 'Saints' & 'On-fire' Christians come in many shapes, sizes, places, appearances, ext...so our 'idea' of them could be a problem, but furthermore...they are THE MINORITY...seriously. WE definitely AIM to be WITH, IN, & LIKE CHRIST...but out of many who are called, few are chosen....or rather, most of us don't make it there. ...so, if everyone 'wants' or 'needs' a 'saint' in their lives, then I understand why so many are single...

Now, all that said, there are a great deal of loving, striving, struggling, faithful Christians in the world whom God may or may not give you the 'thumbs up' to be with. It's not an idol choice, nor necessarily a single divine appointment. If you faithfully seek God, and actually put yourself out there (so that you're in society...with other people....around those God could use or send your way...), then if He's got it in the plans for you to be married....I'm pretty sure it won't be too hard to find that said person.

I've known people who found them young & old. The first time or the 50th....either way...we have to be centered in Christ and around other people. I really do believe it's as simple as that. It's kind of hard (not impossible, but hard...) for God to send someone your way if you avoid others, have narrow views of who someone 'must' be in order to have a relationship, and don't care to be involved in society (groups, events, ext).

Don't get me wrong, God CAN and DOES use us, but give Him SOMETHING to work with! lol

 

[Liamson]

Not necessarily to bring up the Evangelical American Princess rant again but, I think I understand where Stilly is going with this.

Women want "God's Plan" for their life in the form of who they will marry. (As do men but that is a rant for another time.) Women hold all the cards.

To a degree everyone has in their mind's eye, what "God's plan" looks like. (or more specifically, they are able to point out what it doesn't look like.) To most people it has a flavor, a look or a certain vibe. It has a timeline of execution, which contains a long spell of consideration. (No fasting and little prayer)

The Compounding of these two factors leads to a sort of Labyrinth (with Minotaurs too!). There are pitfalls and traps and even if both parties wish to succeed, it is not enough to meet the rigorous demands that the Idol of Expectations Met, has placed upon our culture.

The end result is that Men keep reentering the Labyrinth, get swallowed up by the obstacles and spit out, wondering what they did that was so wrong. After 30+ years of raiding mazes, one does not become more proficient at it, rather he is permanently resigned to the conclusion that he is a failure.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. We create for ourselves an Idol when we place our value or even our perceived value upon the opinion of women who would not fall madly in love with us. We perfect our words, refine our behaviors and overcome any obstacle in the pursuit of this one end but, there is no end in sight. It is like catching lighting in a jar or a fleeting promise of spring.

Be careful what you wish for too, because when and if you find it, you are stuck as this thing that isn't you and all for someone that will perhaps never see "You" at all.

AMOR MUTANTE MUCHACHO!!!!


The truth is, who you are and everything that makes you who you are, as a person, is very lovable to someone. If you are trying to be someone that you aren't, for the sake of running someone's Labyrinth, the person, who would fall for the person you are, as you are might miss you entirely for being who you aren't.

 

[pinkstix56]

Well said!

 

[Jullianna]

Maybe I'm wierd (okay...so I'm wierd), but when I love someone, even their quirks are endearing to me. I have a few quirks of my own and hope to be loved in spite of them.

Disclaimer: By quirks, I don't mean ungodly/dealbreaker level bad stuff. I simply mean that, as individuals, we all have our oddities, good and/or bad.

 

[Ugly]

I totally understand the wait on God aspect if you're 18-30ish.

But if you're over 30, and the wait on God thing is still happening, doesn't one maybe have to reexamine things and simply see if one is being too picky?

I mean 30+ years on this planet and not ONE of the millions of fishies is remotely compatible?

I think it's at least cause for reexamination to make sure you're not using "waiting on God", or "God is working on me" as an excuse because the perfect romantic comedy clone plot hasn't crossed your path.

Nope, i'm 37 and believe that if i had gotten married sooner than the past few years, i'd have ended up divorced. I was simply not ready. I didn't know it at the time, i just recently learned this, but the truth of it is there nonetheless.

 

[Grace52]

It has been my experience that men don't "overlook" ugly.

 

[FireWire]

Nobody compatible still_waters. EOF

 

[RickShafer]

Jordache made some good points that are being overlooked.
Marriage isn't a solution to a problem.
It is a calling.
Just as celibacy is.
B.T.W., I can see why you had to get divorced from your husband Jordache - (is that him in the picture?);
just from seeing the picture I can tell you two were completely incompatible.- - - (Just kidding)