How we communicate
- Thread starter Grace-Like-Rain
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R
There is a time and a place for everything. Though bluntness has it place, pure bluntness without the tone of love can also drive people away from the love of God. We are broken people. Broken people need real love. What do I mean by this? Sharing things in a loving way doesn't mean it has to be sugar coated. The gospel itself is amazing and needs no sugar coating. I think there is a difference in speaking thru real love compared to naive love. I think we also have to give God a chance to speak thru us as well... God, what do you want me to say to this person? How should I say it? God knows exactly what that person needs to hear. And sometimes less words can speak more as well.
I just thought of me and my roomie when it comes to communication styles. We are very different personality wise and she has told me (in love) that I am about the worst person to brainstorm with. See when you share a potentially good idea with me, my brain goes into make it work mode and I'll say something like, " Yeah, that's a good idea. You just need to shore up weak points A, B, and C and then it will work great. Worth a try at least" And she feels like I've just shot her idea down; and I'm like "no, I thought it was a good idea, I said it was worth trying." So yeah, that's how these things go I guess.
And now just for fun: an excerpt from the idiots' guide to INTJ's (of which I am one):
Q: I have this REALLY good idea… should I tell an INTJ?
A: Sleep on it… for a week or so. If it’s still so appealing, sleep on it for another week. Then maybe run it by one of us and we’ll pick it apart for you. Your idea is more likely to survive our scrutiny relatively unscathed if you have actual logical arguments and sound evidence with which to back it up.
And now just for fun: an excerpt from the idiots' guide to INTJ's (of which I am one):
Q: I have this REALLY good idea… should I tell an INTJ?
A: Sleep on it… for a week or so. If it’s still so appealing, sleep on it for another week. Then maybe run it by one of us and we’ll pick it apart for you. Your idea is more likely to survive our scrutiny relatively unscathed if you have actual logical arguments and sound evidence with which to back it up.
I love that quote from Maya Angelo. It's so true.
I have a friend that can give tough love and can also be way to harsh. For years I didn't say anything back when she'd say something hurtful to me. She can be very pasive aggressive. One time she said something very hurtful and way out of line, I finally called her on it. She got very defensive, so I said, you can dish it out but you can't take it. She can't, many people who dish it out can't take it. I've noticed that part of human nature.
I have a friend that can give tough love and can also be way to harsh. For years I didn't say anything back when she'd say something hurtful to me. She can be very pasive aggressive. One time she said something very hurtful and way out of line, I finally called her on it. She got very defensive, so I said, you can dish it out but you can't take it. She can't, many people who dish it out can't take it. I've noticed that part of human nature.
As said in Ecclesiastes, I believe there is a time for everything. Jesus himself exemplified a great diversity in tone. He could speak gently and sweetly with children, and he could speak very harshly and bluntly toward those who were caught up in self righteousness.
Being gentle all the time to the point of sugar coating the truth is not a balanced approach, but neither is being cold, harsh, and blunt in every situation. There is a reason why we are commanded to use wisdom and discernment in our speech. It's a lifelong process of seeking Christ and conforming our speech to His ways rather than our own. I confess that I have the tendency to be too gentle, even in times when a more blunt approach would be more beneficial. It's something I'm working on, but I know by the grace and strength of Christ I can improve over time if I continue to pursue Christ and love others above myself.
Being gentle all the time to the point of sugar coating the truth is not a balanced approach, but neither is being cold, harsh, and blunt in every situation. There is a reason why we are commanded to use wisdom and discernment in our speech. It's a lifelong process of seeking Christ and conforming our speech to His ways rather than our own. I confess that I have the tendency to be too gentle, even in times when a more blunt approach would be more beneficial. It's something I'm working on, but I know by the grace and strength of Christ I can improve over time if I continue to pursue Christ and love others above myself.
Ecclesiastes 5:2 think before you speak
James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.…
Proverbs 18:21 ESV
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
James 3:8 ESV
But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
People are our mirrors. Others are reflections of ourselves. Most of the time we are vicious with ourselves and it is reflected in our attitude towards others. Obviously your friends hates herself that's why when you gave her a taste of her own medicine she got defensive. She was upset when she saw herself in the mirror. But If we follow Jesus which is a very difficult task that takes a lifetime to achive, we can end the self loathing then we can reflect His Glory and not our own.
Life is an echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you.
Zig Ziglar
You Get Back What You Give -Matthew 5:7
Life is an echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you.
Zig Ziglar
You Get Back What You Give -Matthew 5:7
H
what's funny to me is when certain folks can sure dish it all day long, but they instantly get defensive and butt hurt if someone provides feedback... and they lash out and do everything EXCEPT for considering the actual feedback.
everyone's already added great scriptures, but i think you were pretty concise Jim --
everyone's already added great scriptures, but i think you were pretty concise Jim --
Everyone says they want the truth at any cost, which is only somewhat true. Those who are willing to vomit words all over people are generally the most wounded and the most prideful because they have the answers-- well, they think they do. And those who can't take what they dish, irritate me greatly. It's annoying and shows their hypocrisy, even though they will often deny they are hypocrites.
I see a lot of temper tantrums around here, and they are usually from the same people. Some are straightforward but many of them are slick, and you have to pay attention to see them.
