How we communicate

[DuchessAimee]

Grace, you know I can be blunt, honest, and quite harsh. I used to be worse! So, I'm going to be honest as to the two reasons people are harsh and overbearing. Also, if anyone takes offence, I apologize. Please, if you have an issue with me, PM me.


1) They truly don't get how other people's emotions work, and they aren't good at dealing with their own. People who aren't good at identifying or handling their emotions don't do well with other people's emotions. It's a lot like comparing my painting skills to someone who's a professional. I can do something abstract and kinda make it work. Someone who is a pro can make 2D images emote and come to life. And some of those people who can't identify other people's emotions have valid psychological disorders. Those disorders are personality, medical, and not mood.



2) Some people shut down (or are born without) an emotional side. Here's my lot. I'm an emotional person, but for a long while, I had to put them aside. However, because of the way I grew up, my overall personality, and things that happened to me over the course of my life, I shut down the emotional part of me for a while. I couldn't (or wouldn't) deal with my issues, so I shoved them down with anger, disdain, pride, and anxiety. People would try to connect with me, and I just couldn't handle any added pain, so I rejected them before they rejected me. And the best way to do that is to be contrary, battle ready, judgmental, and elitist. You say what you want, when you want, and how you want, and people learn not to mess with you. They learn that fighting you, or what you say, just isn't worth it because your attack will be ten times worse than theirs. You do what you have to in order to survive.




To me, it sounds like your ministry partner fits into option number two. She feels the need to protect herself (for many reasons I can think of) and will do so by any means necessary. People who say, "Oh well, they have to deal with what I say, when I say it, and how I say it" are quite wounded and quite selfish. They're stating that their well being is MUCH more important than the person with whom they are speaking. Granted, there are those who are just more blunt than someone else, but you can still be blunt without being mean. That's where the whole "Truth in Love" comes in.


There are many on this site who beat others up and then claim it's their right because it's "how they are" or "the bible backs me up" or "people just need to adjust to me". Sometimes, yes, that is true. And maybe because we're text based something gets lost in translation. However, I think that most people who beat someone up (intentionally or not) in these forums have chips on their shoulders.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

This is exactly what I was thinking. If she is blunt to everyone, that is a problem. Bluntness is a tool, a very useful one. I have a sledgehammer in my shop, but I don't use it for every situation. I might do more damage than good.

People should think of how they want to be treated, the Golden Rule still applies. Another good rule of thumb seems to be: if almost everyone you meet is too sensitive, you are too harsh.

Thanks Jim, both very crucial pieces of wisdom!

People disagree with me on this but I believe that there are very very few if any interactions between people that are completely neutral. I really believe that when you speak with someone about virtually any subject you are either making a deposit or a withdrawal and likewise you are either receiving a deposit or giving a withdrawal.

This is a very interesting idea Sirk. One I am going to have to do a lot of thinking about. It makes much sense to me. But it is also a deep concept. When to deposit, when to withdraw. My first reaction here, and I even almost typed it out, is that from now on I need to make sure I am always depositing. The idea of making withdrawals seems like a negative one to me, subconsciously. However, I have to remind myself that we all need to be given to emotionally sometimes, and willing to ACCEPT those deposits into ourselves. Ah. Much to ponder. This probably needs it's own thread! (You probably didn't make that comment in the same context I'm reading it, but rabbit trails are good too... right? LOL)

DuchessAimee, your points are brilliant. You have always been so perceptive. Thanks for sharing that.

So much wisdom here in these responses. Some of you have mentioned not having enough specifics to really help much. I sort of did that deliberately because my main intent was to stir up some self-inspection in which of these two categories we might fall into, either here on the forum or in our daily lives, and how we can work to improve our strengths and weaknesses.

I love what Jim said. It makes me want to ask myself, "Do I offend people a lot? What does that say about me?" or, on the flip side, "Do a lot of people offend me? Why IS that?"

 

[Ugly]

A common attitude here seems to be that blunt people are prideful and need to be humbled. The ability to be honest and direct isn't about pride. It's simply about speaking truth. I'm known for my bluntness yet no one i know has ever accused me of being prideful about it. Quite the opposite. Most often the things i am most direct about are things that have humbled me or even hurt me directly.

Another common mentality among Christians is that 'love' equates to every answer coated in sugar. That it's unloving to place truth in the foreground. But often in the process people receive advice that doesn't speak to the real problem and doesn't guide people to truth. What good is (so called) love if in the process there is nothing that calls out the wrong as well? It only encourages people to continue down roads that are unhealthy for them. But as long as they feel better and supported it's called love?
Sorry, i don't buy that. I have regularly had friends thank me for my honesty in helping them. Thanking me for pushing them to face hard truths. But my motivation in this is actually because i care about their well being. I'd rather have a friend turn against me because i told them what was needed and right in an attempt to guide them in the right direction, than keep a friend and watch them continue down a destructive path. Because if you truly care about someone you watch out for them.

So yes, i step on toes. But not because i'm prideful or unloving. But because i've already been humbled and because people need truth. There are tons of Christians out there who play the supportive role. But don't really offer people guidance or truth. But that is not the biblical command. Paul didn't play games. Neither did Jesus actually. They recognized the need to sometimes speak out and speak up. To step on toes. To offend. Because truth trumped sparing peoples feelings. Some of their actions could be perceived as unloving by modern Christians. But love isn't telling people what they want to hear. It's telling people what they need to hear. Sometimes it can be tempered with a softer tone or approach. Other times it can't.

But aren't we a 'body'? We all have different roles and purposes. Some people are called to be very loving and supportive and encouraging. Others are called to more direct. Both serve a God given purpose in the body. Within God you cannot separate love from truth, or truth from love. Love needs to be balance with truth, and truth needs to be tempered with love.
Rather than viewing blunt people as unloving (which granted some can be) try viewing them as people who approach love from the other direction. But bear in mind that just because someone comes across as 'loving' in their support is it really loving if it doesn't guide the person the love is directed to towards a better view of their circumstances? If you sit by and 'love' your friend and don't speak in truth to them while watching them slide into hell are you really loving that person?

 

[Sirk]

Thanks Jim, both very crucial pieces of wisdom!



This is a very interesting idea Sirk. One I am going to have to do a lot of thinking about. It makes much sense to me. But it is also a deep concept. When to deposit, when to withdraw. My first reaction here, and I even almost typed it out, is that from now on I need to make sure I am always depositing. The idea of making withdrawals seems like a negative one to me, subconsciously. However, I have to remind myself that we all need to be given to emotionally sometimes, and willing to ACCEPT those deposits into ourselves. Ah. Much to ponder. This probably needs it's own thread! (You probably didn't make that comment in the same context I'm reading it, but rabbit trails are good too... right? LOL)

DuchessAimee, your points are brilliant. You have always been so perceptive. Thanks for sharing that.

So much wisdom here in these responses. Some of you have mentioned not having enough specifics to really help much. I sort of did that deliberately because my main intent was to stir up some self-inspection in which of these two categories we might fall into, either here on the forum or in our daily lives, and how we can work to improve our strengths and weaknesses.

I love what Jim said. It makes me want to ask myself, "Do I offend people a lot? What does that say about me?" or, on the flip side, "Do a lot of people offend me? Why IS that?"

I think you hit the nail on the head. However I think that it is more important to make sure you are in the red with people, that way when you do inadvertently make a withdrawal, you have a balance to withdraw from, and it doesn't put you in the black. Additionally, sometimes a withdrawal can come in the form of a rebuke from someone that you look up to as a leader in your life.... to cause you some discomfort so you can grow. After all....muscles don't grow unless you apply stress to them.

 

[ChandlerFan]

A common attitude here seems to be that blunt people are prideful and need to be humbled. The ability to be honest and direct isn't about pride. It's simply about speaking truth. I'm known for my bluntness yet no one i know has ever accused me of being prideful about it. Quite the opposite. Most often the things i am most direct about are things that have humbled me or even hurt me directly.

Another common mentality among Christians is that 'love' equates to every answer coated in sugar. That it's unloving to place truth in the foreground. But often in the process people receive advice that doesn't speak to the real problem and doesn't guide people to truth. What good is (so called) love if in the process there is nothing that calls out the wrong as well? It only encourages people to continue down roads that are unhealthy for them. But as long as they feel better and supported it's called love?
Sorry, i don't buy that. I have regularly had friends thank me for my honesty in helping them. Thanking me for pushing them to face hard truths. But my motivation in this is actually because i care about their well being. I'd rather have a friend turn against me because i told them what was needed and right in an attempt to guide them in the right direction, than keep a friend and watch them continue down a destructive path. Because if you truly care about someone you watch out for them.

So yes, i step on toes. But not because i'm prideful or unloving. But because i've already been humbled and because people need truth. There are tons of Christians out there who play the supportive role. But don't really offer people guidance or truth. But that is not the biblical command. Paul didn't play games. Neither did Jesus actually. They recognized the need to sometimes speak out and speak up. To step on toes. To offend. Because truth trumped sparing peoples feelings. Some of their actions could be perceived as unloving by modern Christians. But love isn't telling people what they want to hear. It's telling people what they need to hear. Sometimes it can be tempered with a softer tone or approach. Other times it can't.

But aren't we a 'body'? We all have different roles and purposes. Some people are called to be very loving and supportive and encouraging. Others are called to more direct. Both serve a God given purpose in the body. Within God you cannot separate love from truth, or truth from love. Love needs to be balance with truth, and truth needs to be tempered with love.
Rather than viewing blunt people as unloving (which granted some can be) try viewing them as people who approach love from the other direction. But bear in mind that just because someone comes across as 'loving' in their support is it really loving if it doesn't guide the person the love is directed to towards a better view of their circumstances? If you sit by and 'love' your friend and don't speak in truth to them while watching them slide into hell are you really loving that person?

I think you have to realize, though, that there are times when stepping on toes is not loving, or at least does not come across that way, and in that case you are merely stepping on toes for the sake of stepping on toes. Like I said before, you need to know your audience. For me personally, if a person I know well is blunt and straightforward with me, I am more likely to accept it because I know and respect them. In the case of many of the people you address here, neither do you know them well nor do they know you well, and so oftentimes a harsh tone is going to be ineffective.

Just because you might think you're the "blunt truth hammer" guy in the body of Christ does not mean that you shouldn't seek to serve up your comments with grace as well. We are all called to speak the truth in love. We are all called to be encouraging and supportive. Paul was not always offensive. In fact, he himself wrote that he became "all things to all people." (There's that tailoring-your-speech thing again.) And don't forget about the many, many places where Jesus was tender and warm-hearted, and the many, many places where the Bible speaks of God being the same way.

There's a lot of wisdom in the things I've seen you post. Don't let your wisdom get lost in your bluntness just because you want to consistently be the blunt guy. Even if your intent is to be loving, it means nothing if your tone masks your intent. Just something to think about.

 

[JimJimmers]

Jim,
Can I borrow your sledgehammer to hang a picture?

I'm going to be blunt here. No.

 

[seoulsearch]

Chandler, you just reminded me of a passage:

1 Corinthians 13:2 -- "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing."

In this passage, Paul is saying, it doesn't matter how earth-shattering our gift is or how important we think our message may be or if we have the best intention behind it--in fact, our gift or message JUST MIGHT BE the end-all, be-all that we think it is. But if it isn't delivered in the appropriate manner directed by God, it means nothing, and is completely rendered null and void.

I know something that also helps to keep me personally in check is that if I speak something into a person's life, God makes ME deal with the very thing I speak about. For example, I once spoke to someone about a need to deal with forgiving an abusive person in their life. God's immediate reaction was, "Ok, then YOU (meaning me) have to deal with your unforgiving feelings about X (an abusive person in MY life.)"

This has gotten to be so consistent that if I talk to most anyone about anything, especially in a speak-before-I think, rash manner... I'm either bracing myself or cringing, because I know it's coming back to me full-force.

I believe this is important for all of us to remember--the Bible says we reap what we sow, and if we constantly sow harshness, no matter what the motivation... it is going to come back to us, and we should not at all be surprised by that.

The question then becomes, how are we going to receive what comes back to us?

This is one of those times when the old saying, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it," really rings true. And even if we CAN take it, God still holds us responsible for delivering what we have to say or communicate in the best possible manner, allowing Him, not our own feelings or jurisdiction, to be the guide.

(I stumble in this arena a lot, as I can be a very blunt person as well, because, like Ugly, I believe that behavior does not change if everyone pats it on the back as it goes by. However, I am trying to work on seeing the other person's point of view before I say too much. Still a work in progress!)

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm going to be blunt here. No.

Jim, I'm sure that was the most LOVING "NNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!" that you could possibly render.

 

[DuchessAimee]

A common attitude here seems to be that blunt people are prideful and need to be humbled. The ability to be honest and direct isn't about pride. It's simply about speaking truth. I'm known for my bluntness yet no one i know has ever accused me of being prideful about it. Quite the opposite. Most often the things i am most direct about are things that have humbled me or even hurt me directly.

Another common mentality among Christians is that 'love' equates to every answer coated in sugar. That it's unloving to place truth in the foreground. But often in the process people receive advice that doesn't speak to the real problem and doesn't guide people to truth. What good is (so called) love if in the process there is nothing that calls out the wrong as well? It only encourages people to continue down roads that are unhealthy for them. But as long as they feel better and supported it's called love?
Sorry, i don't buy that. I have regularly had friends thank me for my honesty in helping them. Thanking me for pushing them to face hard truths. But my motivation in this is actually because i care about their well being. I'd rather have a friend turn against me because i told them what was needed and right in an attempt to guide them in the right direction, than keep a friend and watch them continue down a destructive path. Because if you truly care about someone you watch out for them.

So yes, i step on toes. But not because i'm prideful or unloving. But because i've already been humbled and because people need truth. There are tons of Christians out there who play the supportive role. But don't really offer people guidance or truth. But that is not the biblical command. Paul didn't play games. Neither did Jesus actually. They recognized the need to sometimes speak out and speak up. To step on toes. To offend. Because truth trumped sparing peoples feelings. Some of their actions could be perceived as unloving by modern Christians. But love isn't telling people what they want to hear. It's telling people what they need to hear. Sometimes it can be tempered with a softer tone or approach. Other times it can't.

But aren't we a 'body'? We all have different roles and purposes. Some people are called to be very loving and supportive and encouraging. Others are called to more direct. Both serve a God given purpose in the body. Within God you cannot separate love from truth, or truth from love. Love needs to be balance with truth, and truth needs to be tempered with love.
Rather than viewing blunt people as unloving (which granted some can be) try viewing them as people who approach love from the other direction. But bear in mind that just because someone comes across as 'loving' in their support is it really loving if it doesn't guide the person the love is directed to towards a better view of their circumstances? If you sit by and 'love' your friend and don't speak in truth to them while watching them slide into hell are you really loving that person?

I agree that a lot of Christians see love as all flowers, kindness, and rainbows, but not all of us. As you mentioned, people tend to misunderstand the actual meaning of biblical things (or people) due to various reasons.


I also think that people were offended by what Jesus, Paul, Peter, etc said back then too. People have ALWAYS been people. We haven't changed since the days in the garden. Our personalities, emotionality, etc may vary, but our sinful nature does not.


In my opinion, people who only like the flowery or easy side of love have just as many issues as those who only like the tough side of love. You are very right, there should be a balance. But often there isn't. We as people aren't balanced, so neither are our actions.


I agree with what JimJimmers said. If you (not you, but people) find that you're offending people all the time, then you need to evaluate how you speak to people. And if you're offended all the time, you need to think about why you're so sensitive.



Oh, and for the record, I think you can tell a lot about someone by what they say (or type). Even if someone is lying about who they are, you can still create a profile of them (accurate or not). Yes, tone and intonation aren't as apparent, but they're in there. People don't hide as well as they think they do.

 

[DuchessAimee]

One last thing, I don't understand how someone can say, "I've dealt with (insert lust, pride, guilt, anger, etc), and now I don't have to deal with it any more."



That statement is dangerous and prideful and scary.

1 Corinthians 10:12 (in various translations)

King James Bible
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.


New International Version

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!


New Living Translation
If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.


English Standard Version
Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.


New American Standard Bible
Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.

 

[gypsygirl]

well, the truth is that they both have a point. sort of.

in reality i believe we have both a responsibility as the potential offender, and the potentially offended.

1) we have an obligation to act, to speak with love and consideration towards others. that means, if i'm aware of someone's sensitivities, it's only right that i give reasonable consideration to them. i'm obligated to use words that are worthy of the calling of us, as children of God.

if we are known to be already likely to be perceived as overly blunt, i believe we also carry an obligation to show more concern in the choice of our words, or at least soften them with a phrase or two that will better convey our loving intention.

2) perhaps more concerning to me is the fact that being easily offended is an even bigger issue, with potentially far reaching consequences. it's rooted largely in pride, and creates a great deal of strife and disharmony within the body of Christ, it steals our joy, and robs our godly focus.

i've known several who are quite easily offended. i think they make their feelings (rooted in pride) an idol. they are constantly drawing people into their conflict, and even when they're not "venting" their "pouting" brings more focus onto themselves, by inadvertently (or quite consciously) forcing others to engage in the matter.

by the way, i used to be one of those people who was easier to offend -- and it IS possible, through God and by making a decision to choose not to be, for us to not yield to those feelings and "get over ourselves".

we need to be more sensitive to the fact that usually people act, not with deliberate, poor motives, but often through the circumstances that we are unable to see. we need to be quick to give the benefit of the doubt, rather than quick to condemn or expect that they should know better.

do people always DESERVE the benefit of the doubt? maybe not. but i know i didn't deserve the benefit of God's mercy, and He is quick to remind us in His word of the importance of showing love and grace to our brothers and sisters.

 

[gypsygirl]

I also think that people were offended by what Jesus, Paul, Peter, etc said back then too. People have ALWAYS been people. We haven't changed since the days in the garden. Our personalities, emotionality, etc may vary, but our sinful nature does not.

you stumbled onto (or at least reminded me of) one of my biggest pet peeves is when people use Jesus' anger (or some righteous act of an apostle) as justification for Christians to behave without sensitivity or even harshness.

i'm not accusing anyone of doing such a thing here, (but i have heard it a lot) and i find it borderline offensive.

for some, it's like, let them be angry. they got angry at Jesus. i must be doing something right.

 

[lav]

[h=1]1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)[/h]13 If I speak in the tongues[SUP][a][/SUP] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. [SUP]2 [/SUP]If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. [SUP]3 [/SUP]If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[SUP][b][/SUP] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
[SUP]4 [/SUP]Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [SUP]5 [/SUP]It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [SUP]6 [/SUP]Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [SUP]7 [/SUP]It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
[SUP]8 [/SUP]Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. [SUP]9 [/SUP]For we know in part and we prophesy in part, [SUP]10 [/SUP]but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. [SUP]11 [/SUP]When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. [SUP]12 [/SUP]For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 

[lav]

i'm in no way even close to flawless and perfect in all my deliveries, but one thing i know is that there is nothing wrong with discipline and honesty as long as they are done in love.


have i always done this ? no.


living beings, no matter what anyone's opinion of their intelligence may be, can usually tell when someone is communicating through love... no matter what the tone may be. a stern tone can be used, and still when done in love i believe in most cases it will be well received.


whether the communicator claims or believes or intends love in their delivery, the truth of whether or not it was there is often easily felt.

 

[Ugly]

I think you have to realize, though, that there are times when stepping on toes is not loving, or at least does not come across that way, and in that case you are merely stepping on toes for the sake of stepping on toes. Like I said before, you need to know your audience. For me personally, if a person I know well is blunt and straightforward with me, I am more likely to accept it because I know and respect them. In the case of many of the people you address here, neither do you know them well nor do they know you well, and so oftentimes a harsh tone is going to be ineffective.

Just because you might think you're the "blunt truth hammer" guy in the body of Christ does not mean that you shouldn't seek to serve up your comments with grace as well. We are all called to speak the truth in love. We are all called to be encouraging and supportive. Paul was not always offensive. In fact, he himself wrote that he became "all things to all people." (There's that tailoring-your-speech thing again.) And don't forget about the many, many places where Jesus was tender and warm-hearted, and the many, many places where the Bible speaks of God being the same way.

There's a lot of wisdom in the things I've seen you post. Don't let your wisdom get lost in your bluntness just because you want to consistently be the blunt guy. Even if your intent is to be loving, it means nothing if your tone masks your intent. Just something to think about.

This is pretty much what i expected to hear. A response that seemed to ignore much of what i wrote about and only served to 'correct' me. I originally wasn't even going to open this thread. I see my first instinct was right.

 

[ChandlerFan]

This is pretty much what i expected to hear. A response that seemed to ignore much of what i wrote about and only served to 'correct' me. I originally wasn't even going to open this thread. I see my first instinct was right.

I thought I addressed much of what you wrote and simply pushed back on it. You choose to correct others, do you not? There are always times where we need to be willing to receive it as well. You talked about not having prideful intent when you post. Well, I hope in a spirit of humility you'll at least consider what I said, not at all because I said it, but because I think the concept of speaking with both truth and grace and tailoring your responses to your hearers is the model we find in the Bible.

 

[jer2911]

 

[Shouryu]

I love what Jim said. It makes me want to ask myself, "Do I offend people a lot? What does that say about me?" or, on the flip side, "Do a lot of people offend me? Why IS that?"

Got this one off of Justified, censored, of course: "You ever hear the sayin', 'You run into a [jerkface] in the morning, then you ran into a [jerkface]...but you run into [jerkfaces] all day? YOU'RE THE [JERKFACE].' "

 

[jer2911]

What do you think? Can you relate to either side?

I think one of them should be humble enough to say I'm sorry even the other will not do so. It doesn't mean one is right or one is wrong. What value most is not what is right or wrong, but the relationship. ( if they have a relationship. ) I can relate to either side. I used to be the former, hurting other people with my words. I have high expectations to the Christians especially when being corrected or listening to my woes. I thought they were the one who need to change until I asked myself, why do I always offend people with my words wherein I love them much not to see them go to hell? Then, I found out the baggages of the past, the life-traps get in the way of communication. As a Christian, we all have different levels of faith and conviction.

If your partner is humble enough to examine herself and accept that she has a problem, then she will improve relating to other people. If she thought she's dealing things spiritually and being godly, then speak the truth in love to her. I suggest you share this scripture:

Galatians 6:1 NLT
Dear brothers and bisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back on the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.

What does the Bible say about offending someone? Or correcting another believer?

Matthew 18:15-17
If another believer sns against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you (matured spiritually) and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won't accept the church decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Matthew 5:23-24
So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar.Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

These are all applicable to both sides. and to the third party... YOU

 

[Donkeyfish07]

This is the best answer I've found in the Bible for it so far. Perhaps it's just personal opinion, anyone else think any other verse deals with this type of thing any better?

Proverbs 27:6:

[SUP]"6 [/SUP]Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

I don't expect any of my friends to be perfect, I don't expect any of them to not have flaws. I'd rather them keep it real with me than tell me what they think I want to hear just in the interest of being "polite". Even if I do not agree with them. That's why I like this verse so much for the topic.

P.S......I'm very disappointed that I got the "You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Ugly again" message.