Regaining control of my life again

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tippb

Guest
#1
#1
I am 27. A month ago I left a five year relationship due to the treatment I received. The first year was okay, then the lying started. He lied about talking to other women, he lied about us being together because he didn't want his son's mom finding out he was in a relationship, he just lied. Then he started putting me down and talking about how good other women looked. Then he cheated on me, which I didn't find out until two years later. He continued to put me down saying I wasn't good enough for him. When he got a new job and started making more money that's all he talk about and he tried to make me feel he was better than me, because I happened to be unemployed and still in college. All through this my self esteem diminished to nothing, and I became angry and argumentative. Then he complained about that. Then my brother died in 2012, and he showed no support whatsoever.....I fell into a deep depression. Then he bought a house and did not even tell me and he continued to lie........I feel stupid, hurt worthless and I feel like nothing. I am currently in college, looking for employment and I live at home, and all these things he uses to make me feel worthless
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#2
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,702
113
Georgia
#2
Sounds to me like you'll be much better off without him.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#3
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#3
tippb, I'm glad you are out of that relationship. He's a controlling manipulative person. The best thing you can do is not to have any contact with him at all. He will probably at some point try to sweet talk you back because he thinks he can control you, don't do it. Screen your calls and do not pick up. If you see him walk the other way. Or tell someone he's harassing you.

I went through something like this before, the best thing to do is cut off contact. It will help you feel stronger and send a big message to him.

Good luck and God Bless you.
 
L

lav

Guest
#4
#4
i agree with what Fenner and Pipp said. it's hard, and i'm sorry.

important things to consider :

- no contact is the first step and is paramount
- learn about personality disorders ( narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy ) so you can spot this kind a mile away and stay twenty steps ahead at all times. never allow one into your life again in any capacity.
- it wasn't your fault. it wasn't your fault. it isn't your fault. what he did you are not to feel shameful for. don't feel guilty about ' wasted/waisting time, ' you learned a valuable lesson that will serve you in your life and that you can teach others.
- let God wipe the slate clean and trust in him to fully heal and redeem you. listen to what he is saying about other positive changes you would benefit from making in your life.
- when you're ready, write the whole story of your life start to finish and see where things started to get confused.
- it's a long journey. try to be patient with yourself. be gentle and take one day at a time.
- you encountered a form of pure evil. do not let this interaction ' slime ' you. remember who you were before this happened and re-claim your faith in God and your morals. use compassion as a weapon. these kinds of interactions are the schemes of the enemy used to bring you down to his level. do not underestimate the power of reverse psychology and forgiveness. re-claim your purity of spirit and don't be defeated by darkness.
- study the stages of grief.

here are some helpful resources i've found.

- Examining Psychopathy Through the Lens of Girardian Theory

Psychopathyawareness's Blog | information about psychopaths

i haven't read this book yet, but it could be worth checking out. not sure :

Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: Amazon.co.uk: Thomas Moore, Marie-France Hirigoyen, Helen Marx: Books

it is, i think, important to understand how to spot these types and make sense of things from all perspectives. when it gets overwhelming ( the darkness of it ) just give yourself a vacation from thinking about it and through all of your healing process turn to the Lord and try and listen to your intuition ( what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. )

God bless you and may he protect you from this ever happening again. remember that often as victims we feel shame which is not our own, often without even realizing this is why we are feeling so 'slimed' and horrible.

this was a valuable lesson, learned at a great cost. God can restore you in all ways.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#5
#5
lav said:
i agree with what Fenner and Pipp said. it's hard, and i'm sorry.

important things to consider :

- no contact is the first step and is paramount
- learn about personality disorders ( narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy ) so you can spot this kind a mile away and stay twenty steps ahead at all times. never allow one into your life again in any capacity.
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That can't be stressed enough. Narcissists are the worst of emotionally toxic people. Unless you are a very observant and aware person, they will slip in right under your nose and you'll never be the wiser. I immediately cut contact with one if I identify one in my personal life. You can't reason with them, you can't relate to them or expect them to be capable of either of those things in the way they treat you. Only things you can do is pray for them and stay far far away.
 
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