i agree with what Fenner and Pipp said. it's hard, and i'm sorry.
important things to consider :
- no contact is the first step and is paramount
- learn about personality disorders ( narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy ) so you can spot this kind a mile away and stay twenty steps ahead at all times. never allow one into your life again in any capacity.
- it wasn't your fault. it wasn't your fault. it isn't your fault. what he did you are not to feel shameful for. don't feel guilty about ' wasted/waisting time, ' you learned a valuable lesson that will serve you in your life and that you can teach others.
- let God wipe the slate clean and trust in him to fully heal and redeem you. listen to what he is saying about other positive changes you would benefit from making in your life.
- when you're ready, write the whole story of your life start to finish and see where things started to get confused.
- it's a long journey. try to be patient with yourself. be gentle and take one day at a time.
- you encountered a form of pure evil. do not let this interaction ' slime ' you. remember who you were before this happened and re-claim your faith in God and your morals. use compassion as a weapon. these kinds of interactions are the schemes of the enemy used to bring you down to his level. do not underestimate the power of reverse psychology and forgiveness. re-claim your purity of spirit and don't be defeated by darkness.
- study the stages of grief.
here are some helpful resources i've found.
- Examining Psychopathy Through the Lens of Girardian Theory
Psychopathyawareness's Blog | information about psychopaths
i haven't read this book yet, but it could be worth checking out. not sure :
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: Amazon.co.uk: Thomas Moore, Marie-France Hirigoyen, Helen Marx: Books
it is, i think, important to understand how to spot these types and make sense of things from all perspectives. when it gets overwhelming ( the darkness of it ) just give yourself a vacation from thinking about it and through all of your healing process turn to the Lord and try and listen to your intuition ( what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. )
God bless you and may he protect you from this ever happening again. remember that often as victims we feel shame which is not our own, often without even realizing this is why we are feeling so 'slimed' and horrible.
this was a valuable lesson, learned at a great cost. God can restore you in all ways.