Little boys are taught not to hit girls. I remember hearing my mom tell my little brother that a lot growing up. I know she told my sister and I not to hit our brother, but I don't remember near so many instances of that, and the main issue with us hitting him was that he was younger, smaller than we were. But for him? "You don't hit girls", "Boys can't hit girls", "You should never hit a girl".
I wonder why it wasn't "Don't hit ANYONE"? I don't know.
My mom, for a long time, would physically and verbally attack my step-dad when they'd argue. She didn't punch him, or kick, or scratch- it was more often getting in his face and jabbing him repeatedly, or slapping him upside the head, or pushing him while screaming at him. She stopped this at some point, which I'm glad and proud of her for...but at the time...well, it was horrible to listen to, but I don't recall thinking it was so bad for her to smack him or push him, because he towered over her. It wasn't like she could really do any damage. Right?
No. It was wrong, and the more I see of abusive relationships, the more wrong I think her actions were. My step-dad never defended himself, physically. Most of the time he would just leave.
I went to beauty school with a girl who I became friends with. My husband and I hung out with her and her husband all the time over that summer. They obviously were struggling, financially- but they seemed pretty happy together. We went on a camping trip with them in early fall that year, and that's the first time we caught any hint that things were bad with them. We could hear them whisper-fighting most of the night. A week or so after we'd gotten home from that trip, her husband and my husband went out for drinks and we found out that she'd been abusing him for years (they dated in high school and got married as soon as she graduated). In this case, he was a heck of a lot smaller than she was, and thinking back, I can see the signs of what was going on- the control issues on her part, her always talking over him and making him look foolish or stupid, her ignoring him or doing things to try to make him angry and then acting extremely hurt when he'd finally snap. He never told anyone because...gosh, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? She had completely emasculated this guy. They got divorced shortly after this; he went into the military and re-married, and she got married to someone twice her size (I've often wondered if she ever tries to push him around...I don't keep in touch with her, so I have no idea if her abusive behavior has stopped or if her new husband is also her new victim).
My aunt and uncle got into a fight a long time ago...my uncle called her a pretty awful name, and my aunt threw a frying pan at him. He called the cops, in the hopes that they could just diffuse the situation. Despite having the mark and pretty big bump from the frying pan, my uncle was arrested. Because my aunt said she was afraid what he would do.
It's no wonder men don't speak up about being abused. All a woman has to say, if the cops become involved, is that she's afraid of him, or that she was defending herself, and she's off the hook?
I have, actually, seen a handful of episodes of COPS where the woman started a fight with her boyfriend/husband, hurt him, and was taken to jail. It DOES happen. But more often than not, I think the woman walks free.
To answer the question(s)-
No, it's not okay for women to abuse men. Why society so often either finds it funny, ignores it, or enables it even...honestly, I haven't got any ideas aside from what's already been mentioned, that maybe people think men should be capable of defending themselves, or that because women are typically smaller/"weaker" than men, that it's no big deal, or...
I don't know.
All I know is...if you're in this situation, guys...get out. You don't even have to tell anyone why. Just go. Get away from the situation. You don't have to live like that, nobody does. You can decide what to do with a clearer mind once you've taken yourself out of the abusive environment, but take that first step to protect yourself.