Anything positive about this person ? Just one? Or,

[GreenNnice]

Sometimes, we meet someone and they like us but we, guess what? Don't like them.

How can one give someone a chance that has zero to no chance in ever going out with us, gettinng to know us as anything more than just friends. This is kind of like a 'friend zone' thread, but different, I hope, in some ways.

What's wanted to beee discussed is the way we can, maybe, figure out WHY we just won't give this person a chance no matter what.

In other words, when the only way you would give a guy/gal a chance to get to know you on a friendly intimate level--if that makes any sense--is when pigs fly, what can make you re-think that way of thinking? Maybe, a 'who,' is in order, too, and, surely, shouldn't there be a 'Him,' in the order, too, of all this thinking ?


And, anyone got a positive moment of what happened from your GIVING that person that you wouldn't date over a dead dog, at first, become someone you got into a relationship with, or, GASP! married

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I would say that there have been many people I have had zero interest in getting to know,but it's never been because of any physical or even spiritual reason that turned me off,mostly it was because how I'd see them act or heard the things they'd say.
There was a girl when I was in my early 20's who liked me a lot that I worked with. She was attractive,but I didn't find her very interesting & when I hear her interact with other waitresses I wasn't impressed with the type of discussions that she'd involve herself in. I did give it the old College try to get to "know" her a bit,maybe to see if there was more below the surface,but it didn't seem as though there was. I had a few guy friends over the years too,that at first I had no interest in being friends with,but once I took the time to really sit & talk with them,they grew on me & we shared more in common than I had once assumed. As a result I gained a few good friends out of it. I really do try not to be one of those "judge a book by it's cover" types. I will give anyone a chance to get to know me or I to know them,no matter what the level of "like" is...wether it be friendship or dating if that makes sense. Maybe deep down we don't give people a chance to know us better because we are secretly judging them,I dunno. I think maybe if we just stop looking at people in a worldly sense & put on the mind of Christ,seeing people through the eyes of Jesus would more than likely be a good start. Jesus never turned anyone away.

 

[GreenNnice]

Good wisdom in those words, LIGHTupthesky !

We have the mind of Christ, Jesus never did turn anyone away. Perhaps, our own self is keeping us from getting into a relationship with THE ONE that the One wants us to get into a relationship with.

I think we should really pray, HARD, when we THINK that someone is NOT right for us. I believe, God will, confirmationally, make us realize that someone is not right for us, but, IF they are a Christian, they like the same things you do, but, MAYBE, just not a person you are completely physically attracted to, then, one should give God a chance to work the relationship to a common ground as 'looks' are skin deep, right? God wants us to look at what of a person? AT least that's what God said He does, right, He looks at the HEART. Shouldn't we , too, and, plus, we are all going to get older, some age gracefullier (is that a word? ) than others but, yeah, God's grace came to us all with His death on the cross and we should not take for granted that we ARE in control of anything in our life, He is, (sorry, didn't want you to guess 'Who' for even a sec ) , He is all and all.

God wants us to know His truth in sooo many ways in our lives, and, His relationships for us, who we are attracted to, can be MUCH different than we THINK. We NEED only give God a chance to work. And, oh, YEs! God can work in us, can't He, miraculously so.

More important than looks to me, for sure, is going to be with Him and I would HATE to get into a relationship with someone I was physcially attracted to but who would later on lead me away from the power of Christ in my life. I don't want to use the losing salvation words because that will derail the thread but, yes, leaving doctrine completely out of it, there WILL be repercussions for our choosing someone who takes us away from Him in our life.

 

[Shouryu]

I think maybe if we just stop looking at people in a worldly sense & put on the mind of Christ,seeing people through the eyes of Jesus would more than likely be a good start. Jesus never turned anyone away.

I don't really see this as applicable... Because technically, Christ friend-zoned EVERYONE. You can't use Christ's inclusiveness to romantic intent, because Christ did not have romantic intent. Romantic love (eros) is NOT the love Christ showed, nor is it the love spoken of in the continually misused I Corinthians 13. The love Christ showed and expects from us is agape and phileo...which is made pretty obvious (I think) by the fact that Christ spent way more time talking about our neighbors, the poor, the widows. Christ was far more concerned with loving everyone (agape) than He was on the eros love between a husband and wife.

Romantic love is NOT unconditional, no matter what the world would have you believe. What you guys are suggesting is that we find someone who we are not attracted to, but since we share the same values and Christ loved everyone, we should love and marry them. Quite frankly, that's absurd.

(If that's not what you guys are implying, okay then.)

But here is what it boils down to: I didn't give that person a chance to be more than a friend because I just wasn't attracted to her.

The reason why?

Because I just wasn't. Physical, mental, spiritual, something they say or do? Sure. Any one of those things, any some of those things, maybe all of those things. It's...chemistry, connectedness... It is what it is. That doesn't mean I can't love them as Christ loved all.

But Christ didn't date and/or marry everyone He loved, either.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Well I guess I should have been more specific then..I realize that Jesus never had a romantic love interest for anyone,nor did I mean to imply that a romantic type love or immense liking was unconditional,simply because it's roots are born from the world & mankind,not of God...*shrugs* what do I know? lolz

 

[keep_on_smiling]

I would say that the biggest thing to do is "don't pick a book by it's cover". We can't possibly know someone's heart until we get to know them. The Lord has great and mighty plans for each of us, if we willing choose to avoid people who don't seem to have anything in common with us, then we are probably missing out on some great relationships and friendships.

It is nice to be able to share a commonality with someone, but really as long as you share your love of Christ and have a Godly lifestyle, you will indeed have a bond. A good foundation to build upon. I realize this thread is connected to dating, but really the same applies for friendships.

My advice is not to make a decision about someone until you really get to know them. Most of my friends are what others may seem as odd combinations. It would be boring to be around people that were just like me I've always been one to think a strong friendship is needed before dating, so it makes sense to me to get to know those the Lord puts around us whether they seem like "dating material" or not. Who knows how the Lord will bless our stepping out of our comfort zones. If nothing else, it becomes an opportunity to uplift God and keeps things interesting.

In all things, follow the Lord's leading. We have to keep in mind that the Lord surrounds us with people for His on purpose. Some we are to draw close to, others we are to pray for, and sometimes we are to stay away from some.

 

[isaria]

A man I met a long time ago was straight in his sexuality and his best friend was homosexual and apparently madly in love with him.
It was said he was incredibly jealous if he met woman or dated and was told the bad behaviours of jealousy and not accepting he is not gay led to them nolonger being friends.
Important accept and respect if one party not interested.
A similar story was one gay and one not and the gay one was raping the non gay one for a very long time, with friends.

To be stalked and someone not respecting or accepting a NO is awful.
Read of hugh jackman being stalked by woman wanting marry him and telling his wife he can have two wives and that he has no choice and maybe try take over wife or have surgery look like her.


It can be difficult turning someone down when one is perhaps raised to be polite and "nice".
Same time one must be clear and learn to put foot down and say "NO".
If you been saying no for years and years and still being violated then legal action needs be taken.


I usually have found it the other way around.
I give everyone benefit of doubt and trust them and then get betrayed big time and then takes a very long time to try remove them from ones life when they dont respect.
Good be bit more cautious.


Sometimes one wants to get to know new people but a people that are bad to and for you are standing in the way.
Maybe they jealous of you, been using you, isolate you and hate on you and dont want you meet new good people.
Maybe pray for these people bad for and to you to be removed from you so you can embrace the beautiful good people you wish to be with that are good for and to you.

Amen

 

[Liamson]

There are some people that I judge as not having the capacity to see me. I don't really give them the time of day.


They may like me because I am attractive, American, Successful, have nice things, smart, etc. but ME, they do not know, and it has much to do with how they see the world.


I am not my wealth, my intelligence, my hand, or my leg, the sum of any of my parts. I am not my handsomeness, my cleverness, my wit, or my charm. I am not my job, my car, my family, or other people's expectations of me, for without them I would still be me.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Sometimes you just know the person isn't a good fit for you. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[GreenNnice]

Sometimes you just know the person isn't a good fit for you. Nothing wrong with that.

Do you know 'that' from your head, or, your heart?

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Do you know 'that' from your head, or, your heart?

Both. Sometimes I can just tell it's not a good fit. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. I've been on the other end of it myself, sometimes a person just doesn't find you or you don't find them interesting in that way. It's really not that big of a deal. Why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't find you interesting anyway?

 

[Loveneverfails]

Sometimes, we meet someone and they like us but we, guess what? Don't like them.

How can one give someone a chance that has zero to no chance in ever going out with us, gettinng to know us as anything more than just friends. This is kind of like a 'friend zone' thread, but different, I hope, in some ways.

What's wanted to beee discussed is the way we can, maybe, figure out WHY we just won't give this person a chance no matter what.

In other words, when the only way you would give a guy/gal a chance to get to know you on a friendly intimate level--if that makes any sense--is when pigs fly, what can make you re-think that way of thinking? Maybe, a 'who,' is in order, too, and, surely, shouldn't there be a 'Him,' in the order, too, of all this thinking ?

Would someone please define what it means to "give someone a chance"? Whenever I hear arguments like this in regards to the "friend zone" (or similar concepts), people always talk about giving people a chance, but in the end it just sounds like I'm supposed to go ahead and date someone that I'm not interested in on a more-than-friends level. To me that seems like leading the other person on.

 

[GreenNnice]

Sometimes you just know the person isn't a good fit for you. Nothing wrong with that.

Both. Sometimes I can just tell it's not a good fit. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. I've been on the other end of it myself, sometimes a person just doesn't find you or you don't find them interesting in that way. It's really not that big of a deal. Why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't find you interesting anyway?

mule<><, I think, at issue here, is what is meant by 'isn't a good fit,' I think, what I'm trying to say in this thread is give God a chance to 'fit' you, don't jump to conclusions, give the date some time to go forward and don't give up on the date before it's completely through. Now, sometimes, the Lord leads, the date will do something that's just not fitting in with your way of doing things or say something like-wise thinking. Still, I think, since you have gone out with them, you should not suddenly be rude, you should be trying until there is no more time to try. And, truthfully, by being mature with patience on a date to stick to it until the hour-long dinner date is over will be impressive to your own psyche, and, I believe, God will bless you with ANOTHER date sooner than later, instead, of later than sooner, IF you don't see that God does KNOW the plans for us.

Therefore, don't be so influenced by your mind, it's fickle, go with your heart, and, pray to God as the date progresses, IF there is just ONE thing positive that He can show you of this person that COULD spark a flame. The Lord leads.

Thanks for answering , bro, and, that's true, too, some just won't be interested in you, and, vice-versa, but, your character and your dating acumen and your spiritual wherewithall will ALL be honed and strengthened (by Him) as what He started in you is completed. I'm not saying either that I've been totally stick-to-it-like on dates I've been on in my lifetime, I haven't probably been completely OPEN until the end, so, I hope, and, pray what I share can be wise from Him to us all in some way

 

[Donkeyfish07]

mule<><, I think, at issue here, is what is meant by 'isn't a good fit,' I think, what I'm trying to say in this thread is give God a chance to 'fit' you, don't jump to conclusions, give the date some time to go forward and don't give up on the date before it's completely through. Now, sometimes, the Lord leads, the date will do something that's just not fitting in with your way of doing things or say something like-wise thinking. Still, I think, since you have gone out with them, you should not suddenly be rude, you should be trying until there is no more time to try. And, truthfully, by being mature with patience on a date to stick to it until the hour-long dinner date is over will be impressive to your own psyche, and, I believe, God will bless you with ANOTHER date sooner than later, instead, of later than sooner, IF you don't see that God does KNOW the plans for us.

Therefore, don't be so influenced by your mind, it's fickle, go with your heart, and, pray to God as the date progresses, IF there is just ONE thing positive that He can show you of this person that COULD spark a flame. The Lord leads.

Thanks for answering , bro, and, that's true, too, some just won't be interested in you, and, vice-versa, but, your character and your dating acumen and your spiritual wherewithall will ALL be honed and strengthened (by Him) as what He started in you is completed. I'm not saying either that I've been totally stick-to-it-like on dates I've been on in my lifetime, I haven't probably been completely OPEN until the end, so, I hope, and, pray what I share can be wise from Him to us all in some way

I agree with you, by all means let the Lord lead if he's speaking to you........but your original question was asking when/how and what would it take for a person to rethink their position if they didn't like the person in that way and don't want to date them at all.....it wasn't about giving someone a chance when you have already had a questionable first date. I'm sure we've all met someone we would never go out with on a date in a million years.

All I'm saying is, if you aren't interested and/or attracted to someone, and you don't want to date them.....you are under no obligation to go on a date with them. What purpose would that serve? I mean if your not interested, your not attracted, and you don't want to.....why in the world would you? Extremely not fair to the other person as well, especially if they really like you but you don't even want to be there in the first place.

 

[GreenNnice]

Ok, fair enough, blessings, DK, good insight, brother

 

[FireWire]

Well, all I got to say about it is this:

[h=3]Matthew 7[/h]“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. [SUP]2 [/SUP]For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? [SUP]4 [/SUP]Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? [SUP]5 [/SUP]You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (NASB)

 

[Jullianna]

Well, all I got to say about it is this:

Matthew 7

“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. [SUP]2 [/SUP]For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? [SUP]4 [/SUP]Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? [SUP]5 [/SUP]You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (NASB)

I'm having trouble understanding how this would even apply to dating. If we are not discerning in some way about the people we date, we would be dating pretty much anyone and everyone (even people who were emotionally unstable, abusive, manipulative, etc.). That is dangerous in so many ways. There needs to be some common sense in play here and godly wisdom (that's why He gives it to us) or we will be setting ourselves up for a succession of unhealthy relationships and emotional scarring. There IS such a thing as displaying "good judgment".

I don't know about anyone else, but I have seen a lot of worldly guys enter the church to prey upon the naivete of young Christian ladies and use their desire to be nonjudgmental against them. They twist the Word of God in order to convince these young ladies to "give them a chance" because "that's what Jesus would do". The next thing you know the young lady is in trouble and the wolf is long gone. I would imagine a woman has used a man's faith against him a time or two as well.

We need to prayerfully consider anyone we date and allow the discernment the Holy Spirit gives us about people to do its work.

Matthew 10:16 "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."

 

[FireWire]

That's not what it means Julliana. There is a place for judging and it's a not a complete prohibition.

Of course common sense and discernment should be used and yes people can be very deceptive.

What I'm referring to is when dating or looking for somebody to date (other than the types you referred to), one shouldn't judge harshly which leads to rash and unjust judgements. After all it's no secret that everybody likes to enquire into the faults of others.

What I'm seeing here is a lot of secular thinking. How can you know if you're attracted or not to someone if one judges another on a whim?

See, doesn't one have to be friends before dating? If you judge somebody and therefore decide not to be friends (and not even worth contacting) then you're not going to date obviously and the one doing the judging loses the most. I believe the whole thing about compatibility is really just a smokescreen for being judgemental.

That's my point.

Really really basic stuff.

 

[Jullianna]

I am not a fan of superficiality either. I also like to be friends with someone for a time before I consider dating them. My only point is that at some point judgment will come into play in the dating decision making process, whether it is regarding their appearance/trivial things initially or personality/behavior/lifestyle issues later on. Even if it occurs much later, a judgment of some kind will still have been made.