are you up for a challenge?

[Jullianna]

Am I correct in thinking that if I love my God first, then myself, I will have less chance of this happening? Maybe a new thread? If it does happen anyway, I will be more ready and able to accept it?

As christians I would think that loving God, ourselves and others would certainly be a given, wouldn't you?

Relationships don't just happen though. We have to work at them. We don't just sit back on our rumps and not serve Christ, learn of Him and seek to please Him. Or at least I hope we don't if we are to grow in Him. I know that Christ certainly challenges me. Doesn't He you?

If the marital relationship is a reflection of our relationship of Christ, seems to me these things would certainly play a similar role.

 

[Jullianna]

The bible says that a woman's place is in the home.

Titus 2:4-5 NLT
These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

But... I would like my wife to have a carreer also. I didn't actually mean a stay-at-home mom. I just meant a wife who doesn't always need to satisfy a sense of challenge or adventure, one who would be happy living a simpler family life. Basically a woman I'd be happy to retire with. And she also would have to love working out, surfing and air shows...and maybe working on cars too.

Perhaps you thought I meant that these challenges are to be work related. They can be, but there are so many other areas that apply, ESPECIALLY for the stay at home wife/mom, who is highly likely to feel lonely and discouraged at times.

I would like to point out that the Proverbs 31 woman took an extremely active role in the operation of the family's business matters.

Not working outside of the home is certainly a luxury a lot of women would enjoy. My only concerns are those I stated previously. It's important to encourage right activities to fill up the vacate spots or they are likely to be filled with those that may destroy a relationship. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."

 

[Jullianna]

Ritter, I think that "better than me" thing is the part I wasn't getting as well.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Perhaps you thought I meant that these challenges are to be work related. They can be, but there are so many other areas that apply, ESPECIALLY for the stay at home wife/mom, who is highly likely to feel lonely and discouraged at times.

I would like to point out that the Proverbs 31 woman took an extremely active role in the operation of the family's business matters.

Not working outside of the home is certainly a luxury a lot of women would enjoy. My only concerns are those I stated previously. It's important to encourage right activities to fill up the vacate spots or they are likely to be filled with those that may destroy a relationship. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."

Well I'd want her to have a healthy social life too, even one that doesn't include me. I just don't think I want a wife that is always thirsty for a challenge. That's a bit more than I can chew. Life is challenging enough as it is.

 

[Jullianna]

I see that the ladies are getting it. I have a feeling some of the guys aren't, as some seem to be wandering off topic a bit. Maybe this is one of those topics that show us why the divorce rate for christians is no better than for non-christians.

I read back through this and am trying to understand something. Do guys not want to encourage or challenge the ladies in their lives out of some sort of fear that their ladies will somehow become "better" than them in some way? Am I absorbing this correctly?

 

[LightningClap0002]

I see that the ladies are getting it. I have a feeling some of the guys aren't, as some seem to be wandering off topic a bit. Maybe this is one of those topics that show us why the divorce rate for christians is no better than for non-christians.

I read back through this and am trying to understand something. Do guys not want to encourage or challenge the ladies in their lives out of some sort of fear that their ladies will somehow become "better" than them in some way? Am I absorbing this correctly?

Haha, no I just struggle to stay on topic in general. I think challenges should be facced together, though. Not one pushing the other, but facing the challenge together. For me it shouldn't be about making one person better, it's about making the couple better through the challenge. Growing together and stronger together.

That said, I agree that constantly having to live up to new challenges posed by your mate would be incredibly tiring. Maybe even more of a reason to only ever pose and face them together.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I see that the ladies are getting it. I have a feeling some of the guys aren't, as some seem to be wandering off topic a bit. Maybe this is one of those topics that show us why the divorce rate for christians is no better than for non-christians.

I read back through this and am trying to understand something. Do guys not want to encourage or challenge the ladies in their lives out of some sort of fear that their ladies will somehow become "better" than them in some way? Am I absorbing this correctly?

If you ever find me on topic, just slap me.

 

[CatWoman]

This is a good thread! Some times I may want to acheive or aquire some thing yet I cant seem to Visualize myself reaching my goals. This is When I need someone to tell me, you can do it,you can make it. You can be that person you want to be. You have it in you to be a better person. Cause you know if you cant visualize yourself doing something like painting or cooking or learning how to fix your car, your not going to be able to do it.
But if I have somebody who can beleive in things for me, someone who will encourge me, I relize my goals are possible.

 

[Jullianna]

Exactly, Catwoman. Life is, hopefully, an ongoing growth process and has challenges of its own. It's great to have someone to encourage us even in the little things.

I can't imagine there ever coming a time in my life when I want to just sit down and quit learning and growing. I don't even want to think about what that would be like. *shivers* I can't imagine being with someone who just wanted to give up on life either.

 

[CatWoman]

I do understand what Zero is saying about the setteling down thing.

One hot summer night I was sitting on my front pourch with my friend eating a popcycle. I turned and said to her, We both have jobs with good insurance and weekends off. We both have roofs over our heads. were in good health. we are good friends . Were eating popcycles and its hot out. Life doent get much better than this . Shes like "what" I tried to explain to her how you have to count your blessings and be thankful that your needs are met. Some how I think she never got on the same page as me.

 

[Jullianna]

Haha, no I just struggle to stay on topic in general. I think challenges should be facced together, though. Not one pushing the other, but facing the challenge together. For me it shouldn't be about making one person better, it's about making the couple better through the challenge. Growing together and stronger together.

That said, I agree that constantly having to live up to new challenges posed by your mate would be incredibly tiring. Maybe even more of a reason to only ever pose and face them together.

I agree that challenges should be faced together, but when you are a couple, there will be challenges that you share and there will be those faced by each of you as individuals. You will need one another for those too.

Life is constant new challenges. We can't just stop living, can we?

EXAMPLES:
Shared challenges - Ministries, financial struggles, finding time to be together and keeping the spark in your relationship, raising children, serious illnesses, old age/eventual disabilities.
Individual challenges: Jobs, education, being a husband or wife, being a mom or dad, the death of one of you (each has challenges that are very different, yet you face them together).

Maybe you are misunderstanding what I mean by challenging the person you are with. I'm not talking about PUSHING someone to do things they don't want to do or nagging them about things. I'm talking about being an encourager to the person you are with, a cheerleader if you will.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I do understand what Zero is saying about the setteling down thing.

One hot summer night I was sitting on my front pourch with my friend eating a popcycle. I turned and said to her, We both have jobs with good insurance and weekends off. We both have roofs over our heads. were in good health. we are good friends . Were eating popcycles and its hot out. Life doent get much better than this . Shes like "what" I tried to explain to her how you have to count your blessings and be thankful that your needs are met. Some how I think she never got on the same page as me.

Yep, that's exactly what I mean, Cat. Someone who appreciates the simple pleasures in life and doesn't always need something exciting to keep her happy. When I was younger I wanted a wife with a strong sense of adventure who would never tire of doing fun things and exploring new places, but I guess because I'm older now I want a wife who wants to be a wife and a mother and not one who wants to be the better half of the Dynamic Duo..

(no offense, Dianna. I still love Batgirl )

 

[Jullianna]

Catwoman, yes, we do need to fully appreciate our blessings, be thankful, and stop and smell the roses from time to time.

I certainly don't mean that we should constantly be pushing for bigger/better toys, etc. I just mean that we should always be using the talents and blessings God has so graciously given us.

 

[Jullianna]

Yep, that's exactly what I mean, Cat. Someone who appreciates the simple pleasures in life and doesn't always need something exciting to keep her happy. When I was younger I wanted a wife with a strong sense of adventure who would never tire of doing fun things and exploring new places, but I guess because I'm older now I want a wife who wants to be a wife and a mother and not one who wants to be the better half of the Dynamic Duo..

(no offense, Dianna. I still love Batgirl )

LOL! No offense taken. You are older now and at a point that you want to settle down. I get that. I'm not there yet. Don't know what "settling down" might mean for someone like me.

I know a lady who is almost 90 years old. She still teaches Sunday School and is a fireball for God. THAT's what I want for my life. It would be cool to have someone sitting at the diningroom table with me after I've studied my lesson, sipping hot chocolate with me, supporting me in that and discussing the chapter.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I agree that challenges should be faced together, but when you are a couple, there will be challenges that you share and there will be those faced by each of you as individuals. You will need one another for those too.

Life is constant new challenges. We can't just stop living, can we?

EXAMPLES:
Shared challenges - Ministries, financial struggles, finding time to be together and keeping the spark in your relationship, raising children, serious illnesses, old age/eventual disabilities.
Individual challenges: Jobs, education, being a husband or wife, being a mom or dad, the death of one of you (each has challenges that are very different, yet you face them together).

Maybe you are misunderstanding what I mean by challenging the person you are with. I'm not talking about PUSHING someone to do things they don't want to do or nagging them about things. I'm talking about being an encourager to the person you are with, a cheerleader if you will.

To me, "to challenge someone" is the act of posing a challenge to them (challenge by definition is something that isn't easy). It appears that you're more talking about going through life's challenges together.

I think posing challenges and goals are important even more for a couple than for an individual. That said, there are challenges that we face that are not posed by each other. I don't really consider those externally posed challenges as being "challenged by your spouse" but rather supported by your spouse.

Thus, being challenged involves introducing a challenge. Supporting involves taking part in the challenge (as cheerleader, or more actively) in a challenge that was already introduced, either by some outside source, or your spouse. Being challenged should always be couple oriented, not targeted at "fixing" or "improving" one person, but at improving the couple. Challenging your spouse should also(always) go hand in hand with supporting them completely through the entirety of the challenge, and partaking in the challenge yourself. Supporting, on the other hand can be mutually or individually beneficial as it really depends on the source of the challenge that is being worked through.

Am I still not understanding? :S

 

[Jullianna]

I got really dizzy reading this

To me, "to challenge someone" is the act of posing a challenge to them (challenge by definition is something that isn't easy). It appears that you're more talking about going through life's challenges together.

I'm talking about supporting one another through the challenges faced by one another as a couple and those each of you will face.

I think posing challenges and goals are important even more for a couple than for an individual. That said, there are challenges that we face that are not posed by each other. I don't really consider those externally posed challenges as being "challenged by your spouse" but rather supported by your spouse.

Thus, being challenged involves introducing a challenge. Supporting involves taking part in the challenge (as cheerleader, or more actively) in a challenge that was already introduced, either by some outside source, or your spouse. Being challenged should always be couple oriented, not targeted at "fixing" or "improving" one person, but at improving the couple. Challenging your spouse should also(always) go hand in hand with supporting them completely through the entirety of the challenge, and partaking in the challenge yourself. Supporting, on the other hand can be mutually or individually beneficial as it really depends on the source of the challenge that is being worked through.

EXAMPLES:

Shared challenge - Child is doing something that really upsets mom and makes her angry. She overreacts. Dad stays calm, discusses the matter with mom privately, helps mom to understand in a loving way that she may be overreacting and the two of them decide together how to face this particular challenge of raising children in a way that is pleasing to God. The next time, dad may be the one who is overreacting and mom may be the calm one. All kids, moms and dads know this flipflops from time to time.

Individual challenge - Wife has a baby and wants to lose weight and get back into shape. Husband doesn't nag her and tell her that she's fat and ugly. Husband loves her and wants her to be healthy and confident. Husband is understanding and helps Wife find the right program, maybe even runs/bikes/works out with her. Husband doesn't complain if meals are geared toward Wife's diet for awhile and doesn't eat Hershey bars and pizza in front of Wife.

It's about not allowing the person we are with to become a slacker. NOT IN A NAGGING, PUSHY WAY, but in a loving, encouraging way.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I got really dizzy reading this

To me, "to challenge someone" is the act of posing a challenge to them (challenge by definition is something that isn't easy). It appears that you're more talking about going through life's challenges together.

I'm talking about supporting one another through the challenges faced by one another as a couple and those each of you will face.

I think posing challenges and goals are important even more for a couple than for an individual. That said, there are challenges that we face that are not posed by each other. I don't really consider those externally posed challenges as being "challenged by your spouse" but rather supported by your spouse.

Thus, being challenged involves introducing a challenge. Supporting involves taking part in the challenge (as cheerleader, or more actively) in a challenge that was already introduced, either by some outside source, or your spouse. Being challenged should always be couple oriented, not targeted at "fixing" or "improving" one person, but at improving the couple. Challenging your spouse should also(always) go hand in hand with supporting them completely through the entirety of the challenge, and partaking in the challenge yourself. Supporting, on the other hand can be mutually or individually beneficial as it really depends on the source of the challenge that is being worked through.

EXAMPLES:

Shared challenge - Child is doing something that really upsets mom and makes her angry. She overreacts. Dad stays calm, discusses the matter with mom privately, helps mom to understand in a loving way that she may be overreacting and the two of them decide together how to face this particular challenge of raising children in a way that is pleasing to God. The next time, dad may be the one who is overreacting and mom may be the calm one. All kids, moms and dads know this flipflops from time to time.

Individual challenge - Wife has a baby and wants to lose weight and get back into shape. Husband doesn't nag her and tell her that she's fat and ugly. Husband loves her and wants her to be healthy and confident. Husband is understanding and helps Wife find the right program, maybe even runs/bikes/works out with her. Husband doesn't complain if meals are geared toward Wife's diet for awhile and doesn't eat Hershey bars and pizza in front of Wife.

It's about not allowing the person we are with to become a slacker. NOT IN A NAGGING, PUSHY WAY, but in a loving, encouraging way.

Ah! I was thinking more about long-term challenges I guess. :S Not about the case by case things, but about the general behavior things. Not the "how to deal with this now" but the "how to deal with things like this."

And sorry for making your head spin. I guess my point was just that "challenging someone" is the start of a journey. The act of supporting someone on that journey seemed like something completely different. But our ideas of what a "challenge" is seem to be quite different

 

[Jullianna]

Challenge can be a noun or a verb. You can also challenge someone negatively or positively. So, yeah..I guess it's easy to get signals crossed, huh?

 

[Liz01]

I got really dizzy reading this

To me, "to challenge someone" is the act of posing a challenge to them (challenge by definition is something that isn't easy). It appears that you're more talking about going through life's challenges together.

I'm talking about supporting one another through the challenges faced by one another as a couple and those each of you will face.

I think posing challenges and goals are important even more for a couple than for an individual. That said, there are challenges that we face that are not posed by each other. I don't really consider those externally posed challenges as being "challenged by your spouse" but rather supported by your spouse.

Thus, being challenged involves introducing a challenge. Supporting involves taking part in the challenge (as cheerleader, or more actively) in a challenge that was already introduced, either by some outside source, or your spouse. Being challenged should always be couple oriented, not targeted at "fixing" or "improving" one person, but at improving the couple. Challenging your spouse should also(always) go hand in hand with supporting them completely through the entirety of the challenge, and partaking in the challenge yourself. Supporting, on the other hand can be mutually or individually beneficial as it really depends on the source of the challenge that is being worked through.

EXAMPLES:

Shared challenge - Child is doing something that really upsets mom and makes her angry. She overreacts. Dad stays calm, discusses the matter with mom privately, helps mom to understand in a loving way that she may be overreacting and the two of them decide together how to face this particular challenge of raising children in a way that is pleasing to God. The next time, dad may be the one who is overreacting and mom may be the calm one. All kids, moms and dads know this flipflops from time to time.

Individual challenge - Wife has a baby and wants to lose weight and get back into shape. Husband doesn't nag her and tell her that she's fat and ugly. Husband loves her and wants her to be healthy and confident. Husband is understanding and helps Wife find the right program, maybe even runs/bikes/works out with her. Husband doesn't complain if meals are geared toward Wife's diet for awhile and doesn't eat Hershey bars and pizza in front of Wife.

It's about not allowing the person we are with to become a slacker. NOT IN A NAGGING, PUSHY WAY, but in a loving, encouraging way.

Im not sure if i didnt understand de meaning of your post, but after reading it i concluded that i dont like to be challenged. I dont like when someone put their goals on my life, i like to put myself challenges and acomplish them.

But i would like very much to be encouraged by my future husband to acomplish my goals.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Well, people communicate uniquely anway. The key is the meaning, source, or reference point. A lot of relationships, and life in general, is learning to intrept what pelpol 'mean' ravr than jus vut dey 'say'.

Now, granted, I see both sides to the argument. There should be learning, encouragement, challenge, and growth in the relationship, but I've always been a rememberer of the tortoise and the hare. "Slow and steady wins the race. "

I'm not looking to climb a mountain everyday, nor to just laze about in a hammock all the time. Life, among other things, is about balance. With the exception of Jesus, and the things of Jesus, too much of something quickly becomes problematic, tiresome, or undesirable. So, I like to be adaptable, chill, and growing at a slower, steady pace. The biggest, strongest trees take the longest to grow.