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I don't think there is anyone reading cc postings who has witnessed an arranged marriage, only read about it.
I have been fascinated by what I have read. Most of the stories about them say they work if the parties treat the marriage as if God arranged it, so they follow the rules of marriage, like mutual respect, being helpful to each other, etc. Love follows.
If that it so, it says a lot about the cause of our fall in love, get married, marriages not working.
I have been fascinated by what I have read. Most of the stories about them say they work if the parties treat the marriage as if God arranged it, so they follow the rules of marriage, like mutual respect, being helpful to each other, etc. Love follows.
If that it so, it says a lot about the cause of our fall in love, get married, marriages not working.
I would be all for an arranged marriage if I knew that all arrangers had sought God's will before committing. I believe that anything good has already been arranged by God anyways. So if it's good, then as RedTent says, if you recognize that, and stay focused on God, Love will dwell there.
Also, welcome to the single's forum RedTent; clearly you're not new to the forums, but I don't recall ever seeing you post.
Also, welcome to the single's forum RedTent; clearly you're not new to the forums, but I don't recall ever seeing you post.
K
I would be all for an arranged marriage if I knew that all arrangers had sought God's will before committing. I believe that anything good has already been arranged by God anyways. So if it's good, then as RedTent says, if you recognize that, and stay focused on God, Love will dwell there.
Also, welcome to the single's forum RedTent; clearly you're not new to the forums, but I don't recall ever seeing you post.
Also, welcome to the single's forum RedTent; clearly you're not new to the forums, but I don't recall ever seeing you post.
Feel the same way!
I think that arranged marriages done in the Lord would have a much higher success rate than worldly marriages in general. I think you are wrong. I believe a lot of Indian Christians have arranged marriages. The couple probably has more of a say than in the past. I think my wife may have a couple of relatives who were sort of arranged. It's not too common in her country, but it still happens. One of them was young and pretty and she couldn't figure out why. Another was a single mother in her 30's married off to another man who hadn't found someone yet who was past the regular marrying age in her country.
Some of Koreans also have arranged or semi-arranged marriages. I met a man who wasn't Korean, but he told a Korean pastor he was looking for a wife. He was a bit older, and they set him up with a woman, maybe around 40 who hadn't married. I also knew a Korean woman in her 30's who got a PhD and she was thinking of either marrying an old boyfriend or some guy she hadn't met whose father was a friend of her father's. He had a masters in a related field. Arranging marriages is very much a part of their culture for folks who get past a certain age.
When I was single in Korea, I had this friend who showed me a picture of his Korean wife's friend... not my type. Then they invite me to an amusement park, and the girl she was there with was gorgeous. I said to my friend, why don't I just ride the rides with these girls here, while you, your wife, her parents and your nephew go ride rides. He said it was too late. I had my chance. I ended up on the kiddie rides. I probably couldn't have communicated with the girls either.
I hear Japanese pastors are known to do the same. They have a lot more female Christians than male there, and they want to marry Christian men, so a lot of them end up single.
If you reach a certain age and haven't married yet, why not consider it? Or you could ask to be introduced to someone who is looking after being shown pictures and being told a lot about the person. The problem is, though, if it isn't family arranging you, they may not know you well. I think for the Indians, they try to check out the other family's values and consider how well the two would likely get along. I hear the arranged couples have lower divorce rates. I've heard that about Koreans, too.
When I was single in Korea, I had this friend who showed me a picture of his Korean wife's friend... not my type. Then they invite me to an amusement park, and the girl she was there with was gorgeous. I said to my friend, why don't I just ride the rides with these girls here, while you, your wife, her parents and your nephew go ride rides. He said it was too late. I had my chance. I ended up on the kiddie rides. I probably couldn't have communicated with the girls either.
I hear Japanese pastors are known to do the same. They have a lot more female Christians than male there, and they want to marry Christian men, so a lot of them end up single.
If you reach a certain age and haven't married yet, why not consider it? Or you could ask to be introduced to someone who is looking after being shown pictures and being told a lot about the person. The problem is, though, if it isn't family arranging you, they may not know you well. I think for the Indians, they try to check out the other family's values and consider how well the two would likely get along. I hear the arranged couples have lower divorce rates. I've heard that about Koreans, too.
I have two friends (a couple who is married) from another country, and their arranged marriage was set up by their parents while one was in the US and one was still in their country of origin.
They are a wonderful Christian couple (Christianity is RARE in their community so they've received a lot of flack for it) but they would be the first to tell you that it has not been without enormous challenges (in addition to the regular challenges of marriage itself). They literally married as strangers.
I see many Christians singing the praises and "success" of arranged marriages. I just think it's important to remember the context--arranged marriages as they exist today often occur in countries where women have few to no rights. Even if they have "rights" on paper, it's simply lip service and for show.
A "successful" marriage does not necessarily mean one that stays together. In some countries, divorce is simply not allowed, and that's why marriages are "successful"--because there is no other way out.
A woman is not allowed to leave for any reason, including abuse, but yet if her husband abuses or dislikes her, for example, in India, a common way of dealing with this is dousing her in oil, setting her on fire, and telling everyone she had a "kitchen accident." If they get reported to the authorities at all (most often, they aren't), no one does anything because in this culture, it would simply be seen as the norm.
I think Godly ways of utilizing arranged marriages could certainly be an option. But in many countries that practice them, there are often very un-Godly principles occurring that people either do not know or choose not to see.
They are a wonderful Christian couple (Christianity is RARE in their community so they've received a lot of flack for it) but they would be the first to tell you that it has not been without enormous challenges (in addition to the regular challenges of marriage itself). They literally married as strangers.
I see many Christians singing the praises and "success" of arranged marriages. I just think it's important to remember the context--arranged marriages as they exist today often occur in countries where women have few to no rights. Even if they have "rights" on paper, it's simply lip service and for show.
A "successful" marriage does not necessarily mean one that stays together. In some countries, divorce is simply not allowed, and that's why marriages are "successful"--because there is no other way out.
A woman is not allowed to leave for any reason, including abuse, but yet if her husband abuses or dislikes her, for example, in India, a common way of dealing with this is dousing her in oil, setting her on fire, and telling everyone she had a "kitchen accident." If they get reported to the authorities at all (most often, they aren't), no one does anything because in this culture, it would simply be seen as the norm.
I think Godly ways of utilizing arranged marriages could certainly be an option. But in many countries that practice them, there are often very un-Godly principles occurring that people either do not know or choose not to see.
Getting married without love involved wouldn't work but others say you will eventually learn to love each other in the long run. In my hometown, most muslim marriages are arranged. I had a classmates that got married at the age of 10. It is pretty sad because they don't have a choice but to obey their parents or they will pay the consequences. I even had a friend who eloped with her christian bf because the girl was arranged to be married by some complete stranger. An arranged marriage has its own pros and cons.
One of the reasons arranged marriages work is because parents generally know their children better than their children know themselves. They also know what it takes to make a marriage work, while their inexperienced children do not.
However, that being said, if you have unhealthy parents, or they're not saved, or they only care about the family status, they could do quite a bit of damage to their progeny.
There would be a lower divorce rate if we would just admit to ourselves who we actually are versus who we wish/think we were/are.
However, that being said, if you have unhealthy parents, or they're not saved, or they only care about the family status, they could do quite a bit of damage to their progeny.
There would be a lower divorce rate if we would just admit to ourselves who we actually are versus who we wish/think we were/are.
I would actually be for it. Consider the account of Isaac and Rebekah. It seems that Rebekah's betrothal and marriage to Isaac was an arranged marriage. Abraham had sent one of his trusted servants to search for a suitable bride from his own people for his son Isaac. Abraham did not want Isaac to marry a woman of the Canaanites.
And this arranged marriage in Genesis 25 was definitely a perfect match. Because Rebekah was clearly God's choice for Isaac.
Now it also should be noted that the Bible does not say that parents should arrange marriages, but then it also does not say that they should not arrange their child's marriage.
So again, in terms of arranged marriages. There are arranged marriages that are clearly in the Bible, mainly in the Old Testament.
And as long as the spouse that your parents are seeking for you to marry is a God fearing, Bible believing Christian.
Well then I do not see why an arranged marriage like that would not be permitted.
As far as I can see from the Scriptures. An arranged betrothal and marriage within the guidelines of Holy Scripture would be perfectly fine.
I
As long as your parents are not out to sell you and make money of you or set you up with some one does not match because they do not like you. lol
It can be nice, arranged marriage but the final decision should be up to those getting married.
They could/should pray about it and ask guidance.
My mother said she would be happy if i came home with julian assange married and that is the only time she ever liked or approved any man of any kind with or for me.
She saw him on the news and laid this comment.
Have also had couple try force me into marriage and etc.
Very bad.
Also bad is child marriages that are forced upon children whom virginity normal loose at very young age.
If the child chooses it because they feel their soul is old and they feel deep love for the old fellow and chooses this but often it may be forced upon them.
It can be nice, arranged marriage but the final decision should be up to those getting married.
They could/should pray about it and ask guidance.
My mother said she would be happy if i came home with julian assange married and that is the only time she ever liked or approved any man of any kind with or for me.
She saw him on the news and laid this comment.
Have also had couple try force me into marriage and etc.
Very bad.
Also bad is child marriages that are forced upon children whom virginity normal loose at very young age.
If the child chooses it because they feel their soul is old and they feel deep love for the old fellow and chooses this but often it may be forced upon them.
D
Arranged Marriage is the most common practice in India and is still successfully the most relevant marriage for us. Basically as an Indian i would defintely stand for it. In arranged marriage, Isaac received Rebekah and got his father Abraham's blessings. This is taken as an ideal example of a Christian marriage. I am not against the boy and the girl meeting and agreeing mutually for marriage. But within and arranged marriage or "love cum arranged marriage" without any resistance from the parents. We need our parents blessings as well. I am talking about Christian parents.
God bless..... dani..
I'm quite amazed at how many people are actually for arranged marriage (within boundaries). I think its only really been in the last hundred years or so that they fizzled out in the west.
Personally I feel and this is just reflection of having experience in relationships and marriage and divorce, that there would be good in it, if there were boundaries... ie, not for money etc.
The other thing we would have to look at is love.. is it something that grows.. I think we all agree on that one. However, and heres the crunch that might give credence to arranged marriage... is love just an emotional feeling.. personally I don't think it is just that.
The problem we have I that we have fallen for the worlds standard of what 'love' is..its all emotions and after a bit of time that emotion runs dry and its time for a new model... and/or the emotional can't handle the rough spots in life??
Whats your view on the above?
Personally I feel and this is just reflection of having experience in relationships and marriage and divorce, that there would be good in it, if there were boundaries... ie, not for money etc.
The other thing we would have to look at is love.. is it something that grows.. I think we all agree on that one. However, and heres the crunch that might give credence to arranged marriage... is love just an emotional feeling.. personally I don't think it is just that.
The problem we have I that we have fallen for the worlds standard of what 'love' is..its all emotions and after a bit of time that emotion runs dry and its time for a new model... and/or the emotional can't handle the rough spots in life??
Whats your view on the above?
