Attraction. need help from both ladies and gents

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ServantStrike

Guest
#22
#22
love7 said:
Wow. This has really opened my mind. I feel very stupid for all the drama I caused because of this. I guess it all went down to communication. My own insercurities outshadowed what a blessing was to have a man with such a mind set. Thank you
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No, you dodged a bullet with that one.

I'm usually one of the first ones to say an overemphasis on romance is a bad thing - but there is zero romance and zero spark in a man who pick's a woman because she's "alright."

I don't care if a woman isn't attractive by society's standards, the guy who marries her still better think she is, or there's a real problem there.

If there isn't something at some point in the relationship that drives him to say to himself "I must have her phone number, sweet Jesus please Lord give me her digits or I'll go insane" then find another one. He'll never find the drive he needs to lead.

CatHerder said:
Why does he assume beauty = unfaithfulness?
His method of thinking is insulting to the many physically beautiful and godly women out there, many of whom frequent this forum.

Heck. As a beautiful man (just ask everyone), I'M insulted!
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Well if he's in the op's age bracket, he's still young, and probably pretty stupid.

Grace-Like-Rain said:
Love7, I would have been hurt by your boyfriend's comment as well. It is rather insulting... though I can appreciate that he was at least being honest, if not very tactful or loving in his words to you.

As a woman, I would not want to be with a guy who wasn't attracted to me. And being with one who chose me partially because he didn't find me attractive is a little disturbing too... I think it's good that he loved you for other qualities though. And wild passionate attraction isn't the most important thing by a long shot. But some attraction is necessary for a good marriage, I think.
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If a guy wasn't attracted to you, he's probably blind or something. The same goes for a lot of the other ladies on this forum.

If there's no attraction, a woman is being cheated out of something special, because we guys will do some really dumb things for a woman we're attracted to. Sometimes they're pretty amusing, but at the very least it's a good excuse to turn on the charm.

If a guy chooses a woman because he doesn't find her attractive, then he's just a constant reminder to her that she might as well just throw in the towel all the times she needs encouragement about her looks.
 
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love7

Guest
#23
#23
MrsRoseTreasure said:
A lot of these questions no one can answer but him, such as his motivations and his past experiences. I can tell you what my opinion is.

This relationship doesn't sound very...healthy. Let me explain. This man wants to be with you because you are NOT the woman of his dreams? Because HE'S afraid that someone else might think you're attractive? Is that really what you want out of life? Do you really want to be married to a man who doesn't think that you are the cat's meow? Don't you want to be with a man who is attracted to you?

I wouldn't want to be with a man who was not attracted to me. My husband died recently. He loved me with all of his heart. Our sex life was very active, and it was very important to our intimacy and emotional well-being. If I ever marry again, I will definitely want to be attractive to the man I am with.

I do have a tiny rant, as well. This guy doesn't think you are "Beyonce beautiful?" Beauty is entirely subjective. To sit in front of a girl and tear down her self-esteem like that shows a lack of compassion that is stunning. Not only that, this man is really in need of a reality check in terms of how to live life. No one is Beyonce beautiful except her, and frankly, I find her thinnness a little freaky. Just saying. It ain't natural. Also, exactly what kind of great catch does he think he is that he has to "stoop" to being with you so that he doesn't have to worry about another man's eye. This is really kind of controlling and weird. If I were you, I would gather up the last vestiges of my self-esteem, tell this guy to kick rocks, and exit stage left.

That's just my opinion.
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Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands death and I will be keeping you in my prayers. And secondly I feel so encouraged by what you just said. Its 4 am in the morning and I'm up once again crying to God over this guy who honestly is not the type of man I would want to marry.I'm a person who always has the strength to do what I need to do thus I finally ended the relationship some time ago; but it takes time to heal; even though he was a very hurtful person; I still loved him and gave verything I had into the relationship. "Unhealthy" beyond unhealthy! Actually it was a toxic addictive relationship. You are completly right about it all. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
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love7

Guest
#24
#24
ServantStrike said:
No, you dodged a bullet with that one.

I'm usually one of the first ones to say an overemphasis on romance is a bad thing - but there is zero romance and zero spark in a man who pick's a woman because she's "alright."

I don't care if a woman isn't attractive by society's standards, the guy who marries her still better think she is, or there's a real problem there.

If there isn't something at some point in the relationship that drives him to say to himself "I must have her phone number, sweet Jesus please Lord give me her digits or I'll go insane" then find another one. He'll never find the drive he needs to lead.



Well if he's in the op's age bracket, he's still young, and probably pretty stupid.



If a guy wasn't attracted to you, he's probably blind or something. The same goes for a lot of the other ladies on this forum.

If there's no attraction, a woman is being cheated out of something special, because we guys will do some really dumb things for a woman we're attracted to. Sometimes they're pretty amusing, but at the very least it's a good excuse to turn on the charm.

If a guy chooses a woman because he doesn't find her attractive, then he's just a constant reminder to her that she might as well just throw in the towel all the times she needs encouragement about her looks.
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You are right.and that's what I told him. That with the world and media and social networks there will be times when I don't feel pretty and I will need him to re assure me. I don't want to be married and miserable; I'm studying fashion design so I always look good and love dressing up.I'm grateful that God saved me from the relationship. I feel like I would be tempted to constantly cheat on him because other men would tell me things he wouldn't if I had married him. He is 25 and one of the first things he said when I met him is that he doesn't want a girlfriend but a wife. And that's what I wanted; commitment; but like you said over time I noticed that he lacks the drive to lead when things get fuzzy. I was always the one saying let's try again. The one calling back when things get heated. He was always willing to give up and just end things.I want a man who LEADS always and who constantly persues me. I will wait for Gods best; and I refuse to settle for just any man. Thank you for your wise words. I appreciate it all.
 
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