Can there be infidelity outside of marriage / engagement?

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Jn832

Guest
#1
#1
From a worldly perspective, assuming a monogamous, exclusive relationship, if one partner cheats on another that's infidelity. As Christians, if we're seeing somebody but not engaged to them, do we have any level of commitment that means involvement with another would be wrong? Should we be obliged to disclose it? What if there's been sexual involvement with 'the other'?

On the one hand I feel that as there is no real commitment, one is free to see who they like. Also, if they choose to engage in sexual immorality with a new partner, sinful aspects aside, that's their business alone.

On the other hand, if I thought I were in an exclusive relationship with somebody and they chose to become sexually involved with somebody else (even if it wasn't as far as intercourse) I think I'd have a right to know - particularly if they wanted to continue a relationship with me. In a way, I would think this was worse than a worldly affair because if we'd agreed to conduct a pure relationship, despite temptations, then sexual intimacy with another seems more deceitful. It isn't just doing the same thing with somebody else like it would be in a worldly affair...

And yet, before engagement there's no real commitment (arguably) so I can see this both ways.

What do you think?
 
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woka

Guest
#2
#2
Well it all boils down to communication doesn't it? I would think what your relationship status with the person is, it would be something that both of you would of discussed and agreed to, whether or not it is an exclusive relationship or not. The sex part seems irrelevant to me really, we need to keep ourselves for marriage and anything other than that should not be up for discussion, when in the christian relationship I would think.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#3
#3
Jn832 said:
From a worldly perspective, assuming a monogamous, exclusive relationship, if one partner cheats on another that's infidelity. As Christians, if we're seeing somebody but not engaged to them, do we have any level of commitment that means involvement with another would be wrong? Should we be obliged to disclose it? What if there's been sexual involvement with 'the other'?

On the one hand I feel that as there is no real commitment, one is free to see who they like. Also, if they choose to engage in sexual immorality with a new partner, sinful aspects aside, that's their business alone.

On the other hand, if I thought I were in an exclusive relationship with somebody and they chose to become sexually involved with somebody else (even if it wasn't as far as intercourse) I think I'd have a right to know - particularly if they wanted to continue a relationship with me. In a way, I would think this was worse than a worldly affair because if we'd agreed to conduct a pure relationship, despite temptations, then sexual intimacy with another seems more deceitful. It isn't just doing the same thing with somebody else like it would be in a worldly affair...

And yet, before engagement there's no real commitment (arguably) so I can see this both ways.

What do you think?
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I don't take a worldly perspective at all and it does no good to look at it that way.

As Christians, we know that we shouldn't be getting sexually involved before marriage anyway (Whether we like it or not).....and as far as how we treat anyone we are dating or what we disclose....."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is obviously the answer to that.
 
J

Jn832

Guest
#4
#4
I would agree that a couple could decide to engage in an exclusive relationship before engagement. I've just heard a lot of people express the view that before God there is no tie between them so neither party should feel aggrieved if things become 'less than exclusive'.

I'd also agree that sex should be irrelevant but in the case I've outlined, I don't think it. I take the point about considering a worldly perspective but I do live in the world so it's tough to ignore sometimes! Particularly when what I'm describing seems (to me) to be quite unlike the usual Christian vs worldly scenario. (christian, good - wirld, bad)!

My first point was that the worldly view holds this behaviour as wrong and I tend toward agreeing because this seems to be the accepted norm. But then, as I just wrote, there is a body of thought hat suggests these rules don't apply to christian singles. (perhaps because the relationships are non-sexual?). Then there is the oddity that I find myself considering that exactly the same behaviour is 'worse' when carried out by a Christian. Logically, that seems unlikely but emotionally seems right.

All a bit complicated for my little brain..
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#5
#5
Jn832 said:
All a bit complicated for my little brain..
Click to expand...
I can simplify it for ya. ^_-

Romans 12:2 - And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#6
#6
Jn832 said:
I would agree that a couple could decide to engage in an exclusive relationship before engagement. I've just heard a lot of people express the view that before God there is no tie between them so neither party should feel aggrieved if things become 'less than exclusive'.

I'd also agree that sex should be irrelevant but in the case I've outlined, I don't think it. I take the point about considering a worldly perspective but I do live in the world so it's tough to ignore sometimes! Particularly when what I'm describing seems (to me) to be quite unlike the usual Christian vs worldly scenario. (christian, good - wirld, bad)!

My first point was that the worldly view holds this behaviour as wrong and I tend toward agreeing because this seems to be the accepted norm. But then, as I just wrote, there is a body of thought hat suggests these rules don't apply to christian singles. (perhaps because the relationships are non-sexual?). Then there is the oddity that I find myself considering that exactly the same behaviour is 'worse' when carried out by a Christian. Logically, that seems unlikely but emotionally seems right.

All a bit complicated for my little brain..
Click to expand...
It depends. If you won't engage in pre-marital sex, your decisions are a lot easier and you don't have to worry about any of the things your talking about. Because your not going to be wasting any time on women that are sexualizing their self and/or flirting with a lot of guys, your going to be going after Godly women that you don't have to worry about when it comes to them sleeping around.

If your going to be single/playing the field and sexually active.....your going to run into all the problems you've listed and then some....because Godly women don't sleep around. Your going to end up hooking up with a lot of women that aren't trust worthy just because they're attractive.
 
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isaria

Guest
#7
#7
Agree, communication here is important.

I would see it as cheating if one has been dating or seeing a party and then starts seeing another but that should be clarified from the start.
Even if you are not engaged or sexually involved it is still not nice to be involved or dating some one whom is dating many others or one other and kissing and maybe sex with.
It may feel disrespectful and that you are not so important to them.

Better talk about these things before hand and be clear "no dating others".
Are we dating?
Then we exclusive rights and know where we stand.
I do not like when people date several at same time not even like "the bachelor" on tv or dating site... i beleive one at a time. :)
Dinner date and maybe we did not get along and decide no we shall not date then i may date another i chat and meet online.
 
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