Dealing with grief as a single person

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Rosyshine

Rosyshine

Senior Member
#1
Feb 26, 2017
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#1
After the death of my dad, I had what I believe were panic attacks along with a level of anxiety that began to disrupt my work and daily life. I saw a doctor and began taking prescriptions. I still have episodes, though milder. I believe this is partly because he died rather suddenly. It was the deepest loss I've ever felt in my life. The entire episode was traumatic.
I'm better than I was - by the grace of God - but I've got stuff to work through.
Do you have any suggestions for working through grief as a single person who's living alone? I have to get up and work everyday like most folks. I'm not sure what the goal should be - if it should stop hurting so deeply at some point.
It has been almost a year.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
I don't think it's much different than a married person.

Sometimes an understanding of what you're going through can make it easier and a quicker recovery. Look into grief, it's symptoms, its cycles, etc... helping to identify feelings and behaviors helps.
Read the book A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. It is a short, personal, journal he wrote after the death of his wife. Quite insightful.
And don't rush. You won't do yourself any favors by being demanding of yourself. Long as you're moving forward and healing then you're on the right track. If it takes longer, that's ok.

The same works with anxiety. Learning to spot your symptoms earlier, and recognizing them for what they are, makes it easier to lessen or prevent worse anxiety.
Also, if you're on meds you should be in counseling too. For situational anxiety especially, meds should be used to minimize symptoms so you can work past the cause.

A few pointers to help. I lost my mom at 21, suddenly. And I've dealt with anxiety for 10 years.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#3
I lost my dad in 2008 and that was hard on me. Getting up and going to work might actually be therapeutic as you will be focusing on your job and not your loss. It takes a lot of time for the pain to go away but eventually it subsides and life goes on.
 
Rosyshine

Rosyshine

Senior Member
#4
Feb 26, 2017
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#4
Thank you for your pointers. It helps to share with and hear from people who can relate. I am not sure what my goals should be when it comes to these things. What do you think it looks like to be healed from grief?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Rosyshine said:
Thank you for your pointers. It helps to share with and hear from people who can relate. I am not sure what my goals should be when it comes to these things. What do you think it looks like to be healed from grief?
Click to expand...
Well, healing is the ability to think about that someone without spiraling down. You can remember them with a smile, talk about them and share stories. Not that you feel nothing, but that you can easily control how you feel thinking about them most of the time.
It's also when you accept what happens. One of the stages of grief is denial. I think accepting that they are gone and the way your life is now is your "new norm" helps as well.
But you may always experience those random moments that hit you. A smell. A place. Anything that triggers memories and emotions. But it will be less common rather than frequent.

Your goal should simply be to go on living. Pick up where you left off. And, if needed to, have an "anniversary" (for lack if a better word) visit to her grave every year. My dad did that for many years after my mom died.
But, as difficult as it is to hear, life goes on after the people we love die. And we must move on as well.
So don't feel guilty for laughing or smiling or having a good time. Don't limit or restrict yourself by thinking it's somehow wrong to keep living life. Go live life.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#7
Jun 30, 2015
24,782
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#7
Hello Rosyshine,
What I suggest is what my counselor suggested: make a list of what you have lost, and what you will never have as a result of the loss, and take it to the Lord. Present each loss to Him and ask Him to deal with the hurt. Then invite Him to speak to you. Set aside about thirty minutes for this process. Finally, invite God to help you adjust in healthy ways to the new reality.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#8
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
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#8
I lost my mother when I was 25. It took about a year to get over it. I just figured that everyone is allowed to pass. I haven't thought about her being gone much in the past 12 years. I have no idea why. I suffered way more grief when my marriage ended. I don't know why.
 
Rosyshine

Rosyshine

Senior Member
#9
Feb 26, 2017
122
15
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#9
Ugly said:
Well, healing is the ability to think about that someone without spiraling down. You can remember them with a smile, talk about them and share stories. Not that you feel nothing, but that you can easily control how you feel thinking about them most of the time.
It's also when you accept what happens. One of the stages of grief is denial. I think accepting that they are gone and the way your life is now is your "new norm" helps as well.
But you may always experience those random moments that hit you. A smell. A place. Anything that triggers memories and emotions. But it will be less common rather than frequent.

Your goal should simply be to go on living. Pick up where you left off. And, if needed to, have an "anniversary" (for lack if a better word) visit to her grave every year. My dad did that for many years after my mom died.
But, as difficult as it is to hear, life goes on after the people we love die. And we must move on as well.
So don't feel guilty for laughing or smiling or having a good time. Don't limit or restrict yourself by thinking it's somehow wrong to keep living life. Go live life.
Click to expand...
Thank you :) I feel like I've been doing well with the getting on with life part - still doing things and laughing. But it's like doing those things with an open wound. I appreciate your words.
 
Rosyshine

Rosyshine

Senior Member
#10
Feb 26, 2017
122
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#10
Dino246 said:
Hello Rosyshine,
What I suggest is what my counselor suggested: make a list of what you have lost, and what you will never have as a result of the loss, and take it to the Lord. Present each loss to Him and ask Him to deal with the hurt. Then invite Him to speak to you. Set aside about thirty minutes for this process. Finally, invite God to help you adjust in healthy ways to the new reality.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I might do that. I can think of several things right now - mainly things I wanted to come to pass - that cannot happen now.
 
Rosyshine

Rosyshine

Senior Member
#11
Feb 26, 2017
122
15
18
#11
Tommy379 said:
I lost my mother when I was 25. It took about a year to get over it. I just figured that everyone is allowed to pass. I haven't thought about her being gone much in the past 12 years. I have no idea why. I suffered way more grief when my marriage ended. I don't know why.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Tommy. I'm sorry for your losses.
 
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