Eating Disorders
- Thread starter Johnoble
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C
NO! You should NOT break up over this. God has placed you in her life for a reason. Stand by her through this trial. It may help you to learn more about her and it may make both of your faith stronger. It will be a testimony (when you come out of it) that you have both been through and can relate to others. Tell her how beautiful she is and remind her that she is God's Masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10) God can use you in ways you don't even know. Be a man and stand by your girl 
C
Being in a relationship means you are there to support the other one. It is like when your loved one gets cancer, you don't run from them. You support them. Whether it is a guy or girl, God placed us in people's lives for a reason....to LOVE them. Whether it is your gf or not, you still should support her in this trial.
T
Having an eating disorder is hell. Having someone break up with you while you're trying to struggle past an eating disorder is worse. I think being broken up with BECAUSE of the disorder would be the worst of all.
An eating disorder doesn't define who this woman is. She needs help. You seriously CAN die, and not just from starvation. Bulimia carries the risk of losing too much potassium. With bulimia and anorexia, the body is missing out on key vitamins and nutrients. Some of the diet pills often associated with anorexia have been known to cause heart attack and death. Exercising to exertion can deplete one's electrolytes.
If you love your girlfriend, I would advise caution. Breaking up with someone who's going through these sorts of things can cause a vicious cycle: "He doesn't love me, maybe if I was skinnier, I'll lose weight, if I'm thin I'll find someone who loves me."
I can't know your entire situation. I'd just be careful not to push her into a bad place, if you can help it, so she has room to heal.
An eating disorder doesn't define who this woman is. She needs help. You seriously CAN die, and not just from starvation. Bulimia carries the risk of losing too much potassium. With bulimia and anorexia, the body is missing out on key vitamins and nutrients. Some of the diet pills often associated with anorexia have been known to cause heart attack and death. Exercising to exertion can deplete one's electrolytes.
If you love your girlfriend, I would advise caution. Breaking up with someone who's going through these sorts of things can cause a vicious cycle: "He doesn't love me, maybe if I was skinnier, I'll lose weight, if I'm thin I'll find someone who loves me."
I can't know your entire situation. I'd just be careful not to push her into a bad place, if you can help it, so she has room to heal.
J
If you break up with her, it should be because you don't see a future with her, not because of an eating disorder.
I can see this being a Catch 22 because there is the possibility that breaking up with her could cause her situation to worsen, especially if she is not getting help. On the other hand, I don't know that staying with someone out of guilt is healthy either..seems kinda like leading someone on.
If you care for her, encourage her to help herself whether you remain her bf or not. And thank you for prayerfully considering your relationship with her.
I can see this being a Catch 22 because there is the possibility that breaking up with her could cause her situation to worsen, especially if she is not getting help. On the other hand, I don't know that staying with someone out of guilt is healthy either..seems kinda like leading someone on.
If you care for her, encourage her to help herself whether you remain her bf or not. And thank you for prayerfully considering your relationship with her.
T
Breaking up makes it seem like you are not trustworthy and that you would not stick by her thru hard times but at the same time this disorder is a choice, just like drug addiction or anything else we can be in denial about. If you do not want to deal with that and she is refusing help, then you probably cannot have a healthy relationship with her and so of course it would end anyway.
Hav you ever seen the show "Intervention"? Do an intervention with her. She needs to know that her problem is tearing you all apart and she has to make a choice to either get help or you are leaving.
Hav you ever seen the show "Intervention"? Do an intervention with her. She needs to know that her problem is tearing you all apart and she has to make a choice to either get help or you are leaving.
H
My roommate of 2.5 years has recovered from anorexia. After her previous bf broke up with her because she has depression and he did not like it, she fell deeper into anorexia. Thankfully, she has help and is doing much better, although she still has relapses and she keeps her meals to a minimum and needs to gain weight to be healthy. She just got married almost 2 weeks ago to a great guy. The only thing I worry about is that he is not assertive, and he does not say anything to her about her lack of eating and how skinny she is (though he just started being assertive about it about a month or so ago). If you truly love her, then don't break up with her. Support her, and encourage her. You already said you know that professional help is needed...that's good Also, don't be afraid to be there for her yourself. I know it can get tiring asking someone if they ate or making sure they eat by eating with them, but out of love and care for the person - whether a friend or significant other - let them know how much you care. Try to talk about it...sometimes they don't want to acknowledge that they are doing it, or they simply do not notice it if it is a past issue/habit. My experience is not with a bf/gf, but she is like a sister to me. Continue to pray and follow where God leads you!
Also, don't be afraid to be there for her yourself. I know it can get tiring asking someone if they ate or making sure they eat by eating with them, but out of love and care for the person - whether a friend or significant other - let them know how much you care. Try to talk about it...sometimes they don't want to acknowledge that they are doing it, or they simply do not notice it if it is a past issue/habit. My experience is not with a bf/gf, but she is like a sister to me. Continue to pray and follow where God leads you! 
I can totally see and agree with what everyone says here but I guess I have to be a bit of the devil's advocate--if it's a marriage, then of course, you are bonded before God and are to see your partner through. But, seeing as you are not married...
Is this girl open to seeking help? I would suggest going to a trusted pastor or Christian counselor with her and discussing this problem together. If she is not willing to receive help, I would prayerfully consider whether or not you are meant to be in this relationship.
I completely understand what everyone is saying about supporting someone through such an incredibly difficult ordeal, BUT, people in such situations can also become even more unhealthy by clinging onto, becoming co-dependent upon, and looking to another person to heal them instead of God.
I say this for two reasons: I myself have struggled with symptoms for several years, but the doctors never felt I qualified for an "official" diagnosis. My husband once heard me retching in the bathroom and it was not a pleasant experience, for him or for me. Such cycles can become addictive... and sometimes there is nothing you can do for the other person. He chose to leave for a myriad of reasons, but in all honesty, God was trying to pry me away from my dependence on another person for my happiness and well-being.
I also feel that such cycles can be like other addictions--and sometimes it's unhealthy for the relationship to stay together. I was involved in a relationship with someone who had an addiction to alcohol and with two small children were involved, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life--and I chose to leave. As time has gone on, I know I made the right decision.
I am NOT trying to say that an eating disorder is the same as alcoholism--I'm just saying it can follow some of the same patterns, and since you are not married to this person, it truly may not be your calling to stay in the relationship with them. If God's will isn't for this relationship to continue, holding on will actually make it worse.
God bless you for being considerate of this person's needs but also being honest with yourself. The boyfriends I had were not the right relationships for me and though I hated being alone, having to be alone is part of what brought me to a place where I COULD get better from both eating disorder symptoms and cutting. There is no doubt that if I were still in one of these relationships, I would have never gotten better--even though it was hell at the time.
Is this girl open to seeking help? I would suggest going to a trusted pastor or Christian counselor with her and discussing this problem together. If she is not willing to receive help, I would prayerfully consider whether or not you are meant to be in this relationship.
I completely understand what everyone is saying about supporting someone through such an incredibly difficult ordeal, BUT, people in such situations can also become even more unhealthy by clinging onto, becoming co-dependent upon, and looking to another person to heal them instead of God.
I say this for two reasons: I myself have struggled with symptoms for several years, but the doctors never felt I qualified for an "official" diagnosis. My husband once heard me retching in the bathroom and it was not a pleasant experience, for him or for me. Such cycles can become addictive... and sometimes there is nothing you can do for the other person. He chose to leave for a myriad of reasons, but in all honesty, God was trying to pry me away from my dependence on another person for my happiness and well-being.
I also feel that such cycles can be like other addictions--and sometimes it's unhealthy for the relationship to stay together. I was involved in a relationship with someone who had an addiction to alcohol and with two small children were involved, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life--and I chose to leave. As time has gone on, I know I made the right decision.
I am NOT trying to say that an eating disorder is the same as alcoholism--I'm just saying it can follow some of the same patterns, and since you are not married to this person, it truly may not be your calling to stay in the relationship with them. If God's will isn't for this relationship to continue, holding on will actually make it worse.
God bless you for being considerate of this person's needs but also being honest with yourself. The boyfriends I had were not the right relationships for me and though I hated being alone, having to be alone is part of what brought me to a place where I COULD get better from both eating disorder symptoms and cutting. There is no doubt that if I were still in one of these relationships, I would have never gotten better--even though it was hell at the time.
Thanks, Hikerki! I only say these things because I've gone through this myself--I thought having "the right guy" or in some cases... just a guy... to be there for me was what would make things better, get me to change, etc.--but in fact, it was actually making the entire thing worse.
God had to get me out of those relationships--and I fought every step of the way--before I could truly become better. A guy friend DID help me with the cutting issues--but it was in a non-dating relationship (another long story--but that's something this guy friend pointed out to me--he blatantly said, "You know, when you're around these guys (the wrong guys), you're ten times worse..."
Honesty is hard to take, but often step one in moving towards true recovery.
God had to get me out of those relationships--and I fought every step of the way--before I could truly become better. A guy friend DID help me with the cutting issues--but it was in a non-dating relationship (another long story--but that's something this guy friend pointed out to me--he blatantly said, "You know, when you're around these guys (the wrong guys), you're ten times worse..."
Honesty is hard to take, but often step one in moving towards true recovery.