Well I think you've identified a good deal of my reluctance to join an online dating site Kim. I don't think it's just online dating, but I think the online list of profiles type thing really exacerbates the consumer mentality we've brought to dating. I don't want to feel like I'm just filling someone's girlfriend slot because they wanted a gf and I was the one who wrote back. Doesn't seem like much of a foundation for and enduring relationship.
I'm a bit old fashioned too and prefer the one at a time approach. I wouldn't rule a guy out for having multiple potentials going on at one time if he were honest and up front about it, but if he was giving me the impression that I had all of his attention and then I found out that there were 3 or 4 or more other gals he was doing the exact same thing with, that's duplicitous and a huge breach of trust.
As for meeting in person, how long it takes probably depends on the amount of investment required to meet and how serious the relationship is. A guy in my town, I'm probably willing to meet for coffee after not too much time. A guy several hours away would require more planning. A terrific guy on the other side of the world, that could be upwards of $1,000 to meet such a guy and it would take a while for me to want to make that investment. Bottom line would be good communication and trust are key so that both parties realize that there is genuine interest and they're not going to be put off forever.
Of course, seoul gets 2-3 dates per year more than me, but that's probably because matters as serious as choosing someone to spend a life with tend to bring out all of my analytical and evaluative powers. And guys just seem to disappear when the most encouraging thing you have to say to them is that they seem like an intelligent and sensible choice and you can see how a long term relationship would be beneficial to both parties. Maybe I should put those powers to good use by offering some sort of consulting service so people can outsource their decision to continue a relationship or even marry. I think I may have discovered a new career.
I'm a bit old fashioned too and prefer the one at a time approach. I wouldn't rule a guy out for having multiple potentials going on at one time if he were honest and up front about it, but if he was giving me the impression that I had all of his attention and then I found out that there were 3 or 4 or more other gals he was doing the exact same thing with, that's duplicitous and a huge breach of trust.
As for meeting in person, how long it takes probably depends on the amount of investment required to meet and how serious the relationship is. A guy in my town, I'm probably willing to meet for coffee after not too much time. A guy several hours away would require more planning. A terrific guy on the other side of the world, that could be upwards of $1,000 to meet such a guy and it would take a while for me to want to make that investment. Bottom line would be good communication and trust are key so that both parties realize that there is genuine interest and they're not going to be put off forever.
Of course, seoul gets 2-3 dates per year more than me, but that's probably because matters as serious as choosing someone to spend a life with tend to bring out all of my analytical and evaluative powers. And guys just seem to disappear when the most encouraging thing you have to say to them is that they seem like an intelligent and sensible choice and you can see how a long term relationship would be beneficial to both parties. Maybe I should put those powers to good use by offering some sort of consulting service so people can outsource their decision to continue a relationship or even marry. I think I may have discovered a new career.
