"I supposed there's flirting and then there's outright flirting. I think I mentioned before that if you like someone you can't help but act differently around them with things like, laughing at their jokes, making a point to be around them, maybe showing extra intrest in the things they're interested in... There's nothing wrong with any of that. Personally I wouldn't consider that flirting."
Alright I think this is helpful. There seem to a few different types of flirting... One is sort of the body/sexy/shallow type of flirting? Where the other is a little more substantial and proper?
If we are defining flirting like this then I think I agree with much of what you are saying. There is no need for any comments talking about people as hot, sexy etc. That is just flirting as the world flirts and is quite unhelpful, leading people into sin and leading people on. I agree - this is not helpful before marriage.
I think though that there is a sort of more benign kind of flirting I guess, that this is the kind that you would engage in with someone who you were interested in. For example complimenting them in wit, intelligence, Godliness, maybe saying things like you look really pretty or I love your shoes etc. Probably just being quite giggly in general I guess, smiling lots.
I don't think that, providing we are not leading people on, and providing we are doing this with the right motives, there is anything wrong with this. This sort of flirting also enables people to signal that they are interested without saying it bluntly. (And this is particularly why we should be careful not to give false positives imo) I think the line here is very blurred too, some of these things may be fine to say to someone for who example is in a relationship while others you would say only to someone who is single.
I think with your first post everyone here got the impression that you would act disinterested in a guy that you could be interested in. Essentially tell him with your body language that you aren't interested.
As a guy I'm going to say... please don't make this harder than it is. I hate the game of pretending interested when you aren't and pretending to be disinterested when you are. It is a horrible thing to be led on, and if you are pursuing someone and they are acting cool to you, you aren't likely to continue pursuing. There is no point and quite frankly I don't want to invest time, energy and emotions into someone who I don't know super well and seems unlikely to want to marry me.
In regards to wanting a guy to ask you out in the manner you are talking, without knowing the answer, I don't think you understand how crushing it can be for a guy to be rejected. Have you asked many guys out and been turned down? Believe me, it isn't fun and you should be doing what you can to stop guys asking you out if you aren't interested! Why would you want to let guys dash themselves against a wall? You don't have to be a billboard but you can at least subtly indicate that you aren't interested. Likewise the guy will really appreciate it if you give them subtle cues that you wouldn't mind being asked out, makes things a lot easier.
I wonder if you could potentially attract the wrong type of guy - someone who is happy to go asking girls out all over the place but isn't interested in a serious relationship. Or is interested in a serious relationship but doesn't mind leaving a few wrecks along the path. - not that all guys who would ask you out, or who do ask a lot of girls out are like this -
I would also like to ask, how do you feel about closer friends asking you out? Would you cue to them that you are interested? Are you someone who won't become friends with a guy or if you do, keep the relationship on a very shallow level?
Just personally, I wouldn't ask someone out who I don't know well unless there is something in them that I see that I think would make it a possibility of working. (this is rare) I tend to find that you can work out whether you can marry someone by being friends with them for a while. A lot easier to do and saves a lot of heartache.
What are your thoughts Stephanie? Have I understood you correctly?
Alright I think this is helpful. There seem to a few different types of flirting... One is sort of the body/sexy/shallow type of flirting? Where the other is a little more substantial and proper?
If we are defining flirting like this then I think I agree with much of what you are saying. There is no need for any comments talking about people as hot, sexy etc. That is just flirting as the world flirts and is quite unhelpful, leading people into sin and leading people on. I agree - this is not helpful before marriage.
I think though that there is a sort of more benign kind of flirting I guess, that this is the kind that you would engage in with someone who you were interested in. For example complimenting them in wit, intelligence, Godliness, maybe saying things like you look really pretty or I love your shoes etc. Probably just being quite giggly in general I guess, smiling lots.
I don't think that, providing we are not leading people on, and providing we are doing this with the right motives, there is anything wrong with this. This sort of flirting also enables people to signal that they are interested without saying it bluntly. (And this is particularly why we should be careful not to give false positives imo) I think the line here is very blurred too, some of these things may be fine to say to someone for who example is in a relationship while others you would say only to someone who is single.
I think with your first post everyone here got the impression that you would act disinterested in a guy that you could be interested in. Essentially tell him with your body language that you aren't interested.
As a guy I'm going to say... please don't make this harder than it is. I hate the game of pretending interested when you aren't and pretending to be disinterested when you are. It is a horrible thing to be led on, and if you are pursuing someone and they are acting cool to you, you aren't likely to continue pursuing. There is no point and quite frankly I don't want to invest time, energy and emotions into someone who I don't know super well and seems unlikely to want to marry me.
In regards to wanting a guy to ask you out in the manner you are talking, without knowing the answer, I don't think you understand how crushing it can be for a guy to be rejected. Have you asked many guys out and been turned down? Believe me, it isn't fun and you should be doing what you can to stop guys asking you out if you aren't interested! Why would you want to let guys dash themselves against a wall? You don't have to be a billboard but you can at least subtly indicate that you aren't interested. Likewise the guy will really appreciate it if you give them subtle cues that you wouldn't mind being asked out, makes things a lot easier.
I wonder if you could potentially attract the wrong type of guy - someone who is happy to go asking girls out all over the place but isn't interested in a serious relationship. Or is interested in a serious relationship but doesn't mind leaving a few wrecks along the path. - not that all guys who would ask you out, or who do ask a lot of girls out are like this -
I would also like to ask, how do you feel about closer friends asking you out? Would you cue to them that you are interested? Are you someone who won't become friends with a guy or if you do, keep the relationship on a very shallow level?
Just personally, I wouldn't ask someone out who I don't know well unless there is something in them that I see that I think would make it a possibility of working. (this is rare) I tend to find that you can work out whether you can marry someone by being friends with them for a while. A lot easier to do and saves a lot of heartache.
What are your thoughts Stephanie? Have I understood you correctly?
