Gentlemans...
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Asking for her hand iin marriage is still tradition with many people. This is something to be discussed when the relationship is serious, but before the engagement. If the father would expect such a respectful act, then by all means, a gentleman would ask. If the famioly would be comfortable with another way, that's the way to go. A gentleman would determine the most respectful way of handling this and honor her family's expectations accordingly.
I think the title of this thread could have been more descriptive...
Anyway, it depends. If neither the girl nor the dad think it's necessary to ask him first, there's really no point. If the girl wants it, then no question, you've got to do it. If only the dad wants it, and the girl isn't opposed, it's probably still better to ask him.
In any case, asking the dad for permission is not something to get worked up about. Assuming that it's clear that the girl already wants to marry the guy, the dad can't really give any final answer other than "yes". If he does, he knows he's just making things harder for himself since they'll probably just decide to get married anyway, possibly not inviting him.
If I had a daughter, I would have to have a really dang good reason to not give my blessing if a guy asked for it, since after that it would be a battle.
A buddy of mine asked his girlfriends dad for permission last weekend. He had to bring up the fact that he was going to be bringing the mans daughter to a different denomination of church after they got married. The dad wasn't okay with that because he really valued his daughter going to that specific denomination. My buddy wouldn't budge on it though (rightfully so...her denomination is kinda sketchy) and when it came down to it, the dad still gladly gave him permission. Like I said before...he would have to have a REALLY compelling reason to say no. Or just be irrational.
Anyway, it depends. If neither the girl nor the dad think it's necessary to ask him first, there's really no point. If the girl wants it, then no question, you've got to do it. If only the dad wants it, and the girl isn't opposed, it's probably still better to ask him.
In any case, asking the dad for permission is not something to get worked up about. Assuming that it's clear that the girl already wants to marry the guy, the dad can't really give any final answer other than "yes". If he does, he knows he's just making things harder for himself since they'll probably just decide to get married anyway, possibly not inviting him.
If I had a daughter, I would have to have a really dang good reason to not give my blessing if a guy asked for it, since after that it would be a battle.
A buddy of mine asked his girlfriends dad for permission last weekend. He had to bring up the fact that he was going to be bringing the mans daughter to a different denomination of church after they got married. The dad wasn't okay with that because he really valued his daughter going to that specific denomination. My buddy wouldn't budge on it though (rightfully so...her denomination is kinda sketchy) and when it came down to it, the dad still gladly gave him permission. Like I said before...he would have to have a REALLY compelling reason to say no. Or just be irrational.
Good question, Error. If it were me, I'd want him to ask my most important next of kin, mentor, or friend, male or female.
I have a great relationship with my parents and would hope whoever I married would see them as a second Mom and Dad. My parents are the type where, their kids significant others get treated as family and are included in celebrations, gift-giving, vacations, etc. (BUT, it's completely OPTIONAL and not obligatory. We're all VERY independent of each other.)
I would hope my future fiance would see asking my father's permission as an opportunity to be officially included as part of the family.
I have a great relationship with my parents and would hope whoever I married would see them as a second Mom and Dad. My parents are the type where, their kids significant others get treated as family and are included in celebrations, gift-giving, vacations, etc. (BUT, it's completely OPTIONAL and not obligatory. We're all VERY independent of each other.)
I would hope my future fiance would see asking my father's permission as an opportunity to be officially included as part of the family.
Dude...while everything does depend on the situation, I meet/ask their parents if we can DATE, let alone getting married. lol
I suppose it would depend if I could have any sort of regular relationship her parents, and how cool a guy her Dad (and Mom come to think of it) was about keeping things like that on the DL. Wouldn't want my future wife to hear about it from her parents before she did me!! =p
...but I'm a bit old fashioned in that regard. Don't let this discourage you 'hipster' adults who meet up and live life regardless of your folks. I'm not against you or anything. ^^
I suppose it would depend if I could have any sort of regular relationship her parents, and how cool a guy her Dad (and Mom come to think of it) was about keeping things like that on the DL. Wouldn't want my future wife to hear about it from her parents before she did me!! =p
...but I'm a bit old fashioned in that regard. Don't let this discourage you 'hipster' adults who meet up and live life regardless of your folks. I'm not against you or anything. ^^
Well, it's the chivalrous thing to do. If you still live by the 'old ways' or codes of conduct. It's similar to those girls who have undergone 'etiquette school', and those who don't...or boys who have been raised under certain laws or codes of propriety, civility, or chivalry.
Not everyone is for the 'old ways'. Not everyone is 'against them'. Some don't really even fall in the conflict, and others pick and choose 'pieces' from either one. Nonetheless, I mix with crowds that fall under each of those categories (and the category of folks who don't like to be categorized, too).
I simply try to live my life not only in a manner that will 'mesh' well with all of these groups, but in the most God-honoring & 'true-to-form' way that I can.
All that being said, part of the earlier idea of asking the father for the daughter's hand, is that marriage is binding contract. It not only connects the lives of the man and woman, but also 'ties' the families to one another. This was not done lightly. Who the person's family was could have been nearly (or many other sort of vein cases, more) important than the actual couple getting married.
That said, families tried their best to find good matches not only personally, but from a broader 'family' view. Now, that said, they did treat them a lot more like business transactions back then, because essentially they were in a sense. I'm not trying to keep that alive, but I do take concern into who a person is 'family-socially-religiously-affiliationally-philosophically-ext...as much as how they act or seem to be just in and of themselves.
I believe there to be wisdom in this, and try to live the best way I know how in regard to a 'balance' or 'harmony' of things.
I believe the modern version of asking for a daughter's hand in marriage simply shows that the suitor (young man) is attentive to the old ways, considerate of the family (parents especially), and honorable in the way he conducts himself. At least...that's how I understand it to be in the South. ^^
P.S. 'Hipster' adults was a joke...as the terminology in and of itself predates me, but I'll link you to it...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster
Not everyone is for the 'old ways'. Not everyone is 'against them'. Some don't really even fall in the conflict, and others pick and choose 'pieces' from either one. Nonetheless, I mix with crowds that fall under each of those categories (and the category of folks who don't like to be categorized, too).
I simply try to live my life not only in a manner that will 'mesh' well with all of these groups, but in the most God-honoring & 'true-to-form' way that I can.
All that being said, part of the earlier idea of asking the father for the daughter's hand, is that marriage is binding contract. It not only connects the lives of the man and woman, but also 'ties' the families to one another. This was not done lightly. Who the person's family was could have been nearly (or many other sort of vein cases, more) important than the actual couple getting married.
That said, families tried their best to find good matches not only personally, but from a broader 'family' view. Now, that said, they did treat them a lot more like business transactions back then, because essentially they were in a sense. I'm not trying to keep that alive, but I do take concern into who a person is 'family-socially-religiously-affiliationally-philosophically-ext...as much as how they act or seem to be just in and of themselves.
I believe there to be wisdom in this, and try to live the best way I know how in regard to a 'balance' or 'harmony' of things.
I believe the modern version of asking for a daughter's hand in marriage simply shows that the suitor (young man) is attentive to the old ways, considerate of the family (parents especially), and honorable in the way he conducts himself. At least...that's how I understand it to be in the South. ^^
P.S. 'Hipster' adults was a joke...as the terminology in and of itself predates me, but I'll link you to it...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster
A
I think in the younger years is shows respect not only for the women but also for her father if you ask, before you start dating and propose. Once you get older it kinda loses its effect because chances are the women is independent and wouldn't care for it as Nod mentioned. I think it also slightly depends on how close the father and daughter are.
You make a good point. In fact, not just the father and daughter, but it might depend on the overall relationship of the family. If the daughter is estranged from them...well, anyway...it just depends.
In my lengthier post...the scenario in mind was...daughter is close to parents who are close to each other, and the family is tight-knit. The reason that was the example in mind is because largely, though I know a lot of people live in much rougher or more broken or vastly different situations...that scenario largely relates to my own life, and the lives of most of the women I've dated. (except the last one)
Age probably matters, too. I'm a 23 year-old college student, and believe it would still be appropriate to ask for the daughter's hand. (whether in dating or marriage)
...perhaps when you're pushing thirty, and in different situations than the one I know, it might be less honorable and more awkward or problematic.
In my lengthier post...the scenario in mind was...daughter is close to parents who are close to each other, and the family is tight-knit. The reason that was the example in mind is because largely, though I know a lot of people live in much rougher or more broken or vastly different situations...that scenario largely relates to my own life, and the lives of most of the women I've dated. (except the last one)
Age probably matters, too. I'm a 23 year-old college student, and believe it would still be appropriate to ask for the daughter's hand. (whether in dating or marriage)
...perhaps when you're pushing thirty, and in different situations than the one I know, it might be less honorable and more awkward or problematic.
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A
i have no idea what id do, i guess it depends on the person and the situation etc.
but i can tell you what i wont be doing like a somewhat former friend of mine did who met this girl who goes to a super strict hardcore fundamentalist church where he also now goes, but he had to ask her brother and also the pastor of the church just to date her then when he wanted to marry her he had to do the same thing but in an official meeting form just to ask for her hand in marriage that too me is too far.
but i can tell you what i wont be doing like a somewhat former friend of mine did who met this girl who goes to a super strict hardcore fundamentalist church where he also now goes, but he had to ask her brother and also the pastor of the church just to date her then when he wanted to marry her he had to do the same thing but in an official meeting form just to ask for her hand in marriage that too me is too far.
J
I think it is a loving, respectful thing to do. If the lady is still living under her father's roof, I think it is very important. If she is not or if she has been on her own for a bit, it might be something you would want to discuss with a close friend of hers who could help you find out how she and/or her dad might feel about it. I think most ladies like a proposal to be a bit of a surprise, so asking her about it before you talked with her dad might spoil that.
G
Definitely.
That said, there are always exceptions to the rules, that's not one I'd take lightly, 13 or 30, the girl might not completely understand it but, whatever age, YOU, milady, whether you see it, are always going to be daddy's little girl.
'Course, praying to God for direction is a good thing, not to mention, 'courage,' cuz it t'won't likely be a short answer back once you've asked her dear ole dad. Hint: Bring a tent. Maybe, if he likes camping/hunting, you ask him on the trip, but the 'where,' that's another thread for ya, lightnin, Christ bro
That said, there are always exceptions to the rules, that's not one I'd take lightly, 13 or 30, the girl might not completely understand it but, whatever age, YOU, milady, whether you see it, are always going to be daddy's little girl.
'Course, praying to God for direction is a good thing, not to mention, 'courage,' cuz it t'won't likely be a short answer back once you've asked her dear ole dad. Hint: Bring a tent. Maybe, if he likes camping/hunting, you ask him on the trip, but the 'where,' that's another thread for ya, lightnin, Christ bro
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I hear you on that, Green, but actually...I've had some that were really short.
One girl I dated..the night I met her family for dinner at their house, we had wonderful conversation, and a good meal. I asked if I could pull her dad aside for a minute as the meal closed, and asked him about dating her. He responded that it was perfectly fine with him, and that we wished me the best. I was like... >.> thank you. lol
^^
One girl I dated..the night I met her family for dinner at their house, we had wonderful conversation, and a good meal. I asked if I could pull her dad aside for a minute as the meal closed, and asked him about dating her. He responded that it was perfectly fine with him, and that we wished me the best. I was like... >.> thank you. lol
^^