Give advice: POTENTIALLY dating a non-Christian

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#21
Quick addition: I would switch focus to witnessing as a friend in this case.

Some can do missionary dating (I wouldn't exist if it didn't). Most can't as it requires a willingness to hit the brake pedal when there is little hope of conversion.

If she shares your beliefs, cool. If she doesn't, you put her on the defensive. Get her to question why she believes what she believes. Good crack in the door for witnessing.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#22
I'm picturing Tinuviel asking questions from the WCF expecting a verbatim response.
 

Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#24
Thanks everyone

It'll be okay. In my next interaction with her I'll make sure to interview her a bit and clearly ask her Christian status.

If she's Christian, then she's a lucky lady. I'll try with her.

If she's not Christian, then she's an unlucky lady. I won't try with her.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,320
16,305
113
69
Tennessee
#25
Thanks everyone

It'll be okay. In my next interaction with her I'll make sure to interview her a bit and clearly ask her Christian status.

If she's Christian, then she's a lucky lady. I'll try with her.

If she's not Christian, then she's an unlucky lady. I won't try with her.
Other than being a Christian what would be your other criteria? It the bible it says that you will be able to know God without ever hearing about Him or reading His word in the bible just by observing His creation. Perhaps the woman you would turn down is such a person that loves and appreciates God without even realizing or understanding the joy that is in her heart put there by God. Please don't interview this woman as you are not apply for a job. Just ask her straight out without having to over analyzing this person. Maybe she would be the fortunate one if she flunked your interview. I have learned in life that he who hesitates is lost and that feint heart does not win the fair woman. If you keep stalling she will simply move on and anther will be appointed to take your place.
 

Noose

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2016
5,096
932
113
#26
1 Cor 13:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

If you love her and she loves you, do not disappoint her with bureaucracy about religion, the only religion that God recognizes is LOVE.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#27
You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay to take your time getting to know a person. You will find out soon enough where she's at spiritually and you can go from there. You are right on in wanting to genuinely and naturally get to know someone rather than making it an interview. After all, you are a human being and not a religious robot. Even if you did go on a date with her and she's not a Christian, you aren't going to get zapped by lightning. It's just wise to not continue on into something more serious if she doesn't have a relationship with God, but you already know that.
 

Edwin3

Junior Member
Apr 30, 2018
7
1
0
#28
I’m glad that you are committed to dating a Christian. While I acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation, your walk with God and future happiness is at stake! There is no need to be blunt or rude, but neither is it a subject that should be politely avoided. I suggest you make a commitment to bring it up the next time you spend time together. IMO it is better (and she will respect you more) if you are forthright rather than subtle in addressing the question. If she is a Christian, you already have the most important things in common, and can build on that foundation. If she is not, you have brought up a very important issue for her consideration and (hopefully) demonstrated to her the grace, conviction, and understanding that accompany your beliefs. And while if she is not a Christian it must be clear that your relationship cannot continue, your willingness to be polite, openly discuss your faith, and show respect for her as a person will hopefully point her in the direction of seeking faith herself.
 
J

JB2018

Guest
#29
If she doesn't believe or live for God, then do not even try to date her. I know it sounds bad but down the road what if she doesn't convert? It will make your relationship difficult..... if she is a believer then go for it. Wait, do not just go for it lol. First, seek the Lord. :)
 
J

JB2018

Guest
#30
1 Cor 13:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

If you love her and she loves you, do not disappoint her with bureaucracy about religion, the only religion that God recognizes is LOVE.

God clearly states in his word not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). God cares about the unions that his people create. Remember Deuteronomy7:3-4? or look at Samson's situation? It's the same today, if you're a believer who connects with someone who is heavily in the world...two things will happen; You "change" them or they "change" you.
 

jameen

Senior Member
Feb 5, 2018
540
150
43
36
Manila
#31
So, I asked a girl out that I'm not sure is Christian. This was in the context of college classes.

Before I asked her out, I covertly tested to see if she was Christian. I mentioned God and that I was taking a theology class at a bible college. She didn't react in a way to indicate that she was Christian. But, at least, that's enough of a clue for her to know I'm Christian.

We decided to date later, a month later... we're both really busy right now. I'm okay with waiting, but her being okay with waiting is a bit curious. On the other hand, she seems more laid back than most girls I've ever met. We'll see.

Best case scenario she's a Christian, just don't know it yet

Worst case... she's not.

Advice?

There is nothing wrong to even marry a non Christian.

Apostle Paul is not against it anyway if you'll read it in 1 Corinthians Chapter Seven.

Just make sure that she does not criticize the Christian teachings of the Bible.

For Jesus said that Those who are not against us is with our (Christians') side.

About characteristics, make sure that she is not lazy, argumentative, talkative and an angry woman.

To know more about the characteristics of a righteous woman, Please read Proverbs Chapter 31.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#32
I now understand why I am disqualified in matter of marriage. It is not because I am disabled, ugly, fat or bad smelling! It is because I talk and I can even argue. Why didn't somebody tell this to me earlier?
 

Noose

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2016
5,096
932
113
#33
I now understand why I am disqualified in matter of marriage. It is not because I am disabled, ugly, fat or bad smelling! It is because I talk and I can even argue. Why didn't somebody tell this to me earlier?
There are people who like that.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#34
Not talkative? Well..... idk about that.

:eek:
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#35
God clearly states in his word not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). God cares about the unions that his people create. Remember Deuteronomy7:3-4? or look at Samson's situation? It's the same today, if you're a believer who connects with someone who is heavily in the world...two things will happen; You "change" them or they "change" you.
Yep and yet there was David and Solomon that didn't follow that and so on and so forth lol.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#36
I now understand why I am disqualified in matter of marriage. It is not because I am disabled, ugly, fat or bad smelling! It is because I talk and I can even argue. Why didn't somebody tell this to me earlier?
Because you are kind and witty and most likely noone would want to hurt your feelings,I wouldn't though of course I realize that serving God means I still my hurt anyone's "feelings" but with "truth" on my side.
 
L

loverofjesus27

Guest
#37
I now understand why I am disqualified in matter of marriage. It is not because I am disabled, ugly, fat or bad smelling! It is because I talk and I can even argue. Why didn't somebody tell this to me earlier?
don’t feel bad toinena. Those are the characteristics of an adult woman.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#38
someone didn't warn my husband about the talkative part. lol.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#40
Back to the thread subject,it's always good to exercise caution and "know what you are getting into" though at the same time consider the possibility of change and compromise,but ultimately religiously is where two can split ways above all else so be loving but not foolish,don't let beauty or feelings "blind you".
Also the Op's main concern is first if who he wants to date is Christian so I would advise just as others have said be very "clear" but "friendly" with her and remember this is "your choice" and there is "time" to sort out things in a relationship you don't have to rule her out immediately because she may not be a Christian "now".