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First off: *points at Arwen's avatar* Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis chick! ^_^
As I mentioned in another thread, I have only fallen in love with two women in my lifetime. They are the only two women I have ever even said the word 'love' to, in a manner that was not storge/phileo/agape in nature. I had dated other women, but never once ever uttered the phrases, "I love you," or "in love with you," to them.
For me, it is not a fear of the word, but instead, a profound respect for it. To me, love, in the eros form, is rare and incredibly powerful. And it is all too often mistaken in lieu of intense infatuation. Infatuation, or as the more common vernacular, a crush...can certainly develop into honest-to-goodness love. But for me, that's a long, time-consuming process. It doesn't happen in a week or a month (broke up with my first GF when she said she loved me after only 3 weeks), it happens after you've really gotten to know a person. As Chris Rock once said, when you first start dating someone, you're not dating the real them, you're dating their representative. There's some truth to that; we all put up a bit of a facade at first. We put our best, prettiest foot forward in hopes of keeping our potential interest interested in us, and we hide what we think are our flaws and quirks. It takes time before we're truly comfortable with someone to the point where we slowly let down that facade and are willing to show someone who we really are. And THAT is where true love starts to grow. Have you seen me at my best? So what. Have you accepted me at my worst? Can you embrace my flaws, and trust me to embrace yours? To me, that's where love starts. Not at, "I can't stop thinking about you all day!" or "I dreamt about you last night!" or "My parents think you're perfect!"
My ex said she understood why I waited so long to say it...sometimes I wonder if she really understood what the word meant to me, and why I wasn't so liberal with it. Not a fear of the commitment, but a respect of the power it had.
As far as commitment goes, I was never afraid to commit. I just didn't want to trap someone with all my debt, and wanted to get it all paid off first. The grand irony? A year and a half later, I'm just about paid off. Being single has allowed me to pay off my debt faster than ever. *laughs*
I want to commit again. But my current relationship status is a product of my environment, not my desire. Browsing profiles on Match, OKC, and PoF are a grand joke, since it's obvious on the profiles that everyone seems to be a CINO or a Catholic (80% Hispanic population on the border of Mexico...EVERYONE is Catholic here). It is what it is, and God has me where He wants me, how He wants me, when He wants me. In His time. ^_^
As I mentioned in another thread, I have only fallen in love with two women in my lifetime. They are the only two women I have ever even said the word 'love' to, in a manner that was not storge/phileo/agape in nature. I had dated other women, but never once ever uttered the phrases, "I love you," or "in love with you," to them.
For me, it is not a fear of the word, but instead, a profound respect for it. To me, love, in the eros form, is rare and incredibly powerful. And it is all too often mistaken in lieu of intense infatuation. Infatuation, or as the more common vernacular, a crush...can certainly develop into honest-to-goodness love. But for me, that's a long, time-consuming process. It doesn't happen in a week or a month (broke up with my first GF when she said she loved me after only 3 weeks), it happens after you've really gotten to know a person. As Chris Rock once said, when you first start dating someone, you're not dating the real them, you're dating their representative. There's some truth to that; we all put up a bit of a facade at first. We put our best, prettiest foot forward in hopes of keeping our potential interest interested in us, and we hide what we think are our flaws and quirks. It takes time before we're truly comfortable with someone to the point where we slowly let down that facade and are willing to show someone who we really are. And THAT is where true love starts to grow. Have you seen me at my best? So what. Have you accepted me at my worst? Can you embrace my flaws, and trust me to embrace yours? To me, that's where love starts. Not at, "I can't stop thinking about you all day!" or "I dreamt about you last night!" or "My parents think you're perfect!"
My ex said she understood why I waited so long to say it...sometimes I wonder if she really understood what the word meant to me, and why I wasn't so liberal with it. Not a fear of the commitment, but a respect of the power it had.
As far as commitment goes, I was never afraid to commit. I just didn't want to trap someone with all my debt, and wanted to get it all paid off first. The grand irony? A year and a half later, I'm just about paid off. Being single has allowed me to pay off my debt faster than ever. *laughs*
I want to commit again. But my current relationship status is a product of my environment, not my desire. Browsing profiles on Match, OKC, and PoF are a grand joke, since it's obvious on the profiles that everyone seems to be a CINO or a Catholic (80% Hispanic population on the border of Mexico...EVERYONE is Catholic here). It is what it is, and God has me where He wants me, how He wants me, when He wants me. In His time. ^_^
U
There's nothing unloving about being aware of someones true motives. Loving is seeing the best in the person, but that doesn't mean you blind yourself to the worst of them, either. People could easily say it wasn't 'loving' of you in regards to your marriage, but no one does. Because we all understand bad behavior needs consequences.
God loves all of humanity, does that mean He chooses not to see the wrongs, the sins in us? If God buried His head in the sand each time we did something wrong, Jesus would never have died for our sins, because God would 'love' us so much He would refuse to see the wrong in us.
You say you wouldn't marry an unbeliever, is that loving? Is that looking at the best in the person? Or are you using wisdom to keep from making a bad choice, because you see something negative in a person and recognize the effects it could have in your life? Are you unloving?
God loves all of humanity, does that mean He chooses not to see the wrongs, the sins in us? If God buried His head in the sand each time we did something wrong, Jesus would never have died for our sins, because God would 'love' us so much He would refuse to see the wrong in us.
You say you wouldn't marry an unbeliever, is that loving? Is that looking at the best in the person? Or are you using wisdom to keep from making a bad choice, because you see something negative in a person and recognize the effects it could have in your life? Are you unloving?