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Baptistrw

Guest
#1
#1
Ok so I have this really good friend who is a girl, and she and I do alot of Christian service together, mostly visiting people. And last week she started snubbing me whenever we were around each other in person. So I asked her about it to see what the problem was, and she totally flipped out on me and started saying she didn't know if we should be friends since we're not the same gender and that she has never had a good best guy friend and that I've been an ''issue'' for 2 years and that people have ''hinted'' at things and she didn't want people to assume we were an item because we do so much together (but there are always other people around so we're never alone). Which made no sense to me because she is always telling me how great of a friend I am and that I am as best a friend as anyone can have and that I am an encouragement to her Christian walk and how she feels unworthy of my friendship at times. So I told her if I was an issue to her, I could cut off contact to her (emails, talking to her at church, and asking her to help me with things) and she said not to because she didn't want that. So I asked her if she wanted to go visit some of the kids who got saved at our outreach today and she said yes. So now I am confused, she is saying and doing totally opposite things and is making no sense and confusing me so bad I can't stand it. I told her I wish I had never brought up this issue, because it went from something minor to something that may end our friendship. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I just act like nothing happened? Should I cut off contact with her? Should I just let it not bother me and go about what we were doing? Should I try to talk to her again? I kinda think this may Satanic opposition, because she and I have seen God bless our outreach here the last 2 weeks. And I'll confess I'm really struggling with being angry at her for causing all of these problems when I haven't done anything wrong. What should I do?
 
cate

cate

Member
#2
Apr 26, 2009
84
16
8
#2
Baptistrw said:
Ok so I have this really good friend who is a girl, and she and I do alot of Christian service together, mostly visiting people. And last week she started snubbing me whenever we were around each other in person. So I asked her about it to see what the problem was, and she totally flipped out on me and started saying she didn't know if we should be friends since we're not the same gender and that she has never had a good best guy friend and that I've been an ''issue'' for 2 years and that people have ''hinted'' at things and she didn't want people to assume we were an item because we do so much together (but there are always other people around so we're never alone). Which made no sense to me because she is always telling me how great of a friend I am and that I am as best a friend as anyone can have and that I am an encouragement to her Christian walk and how she feels unworthy of my friendship at times. So I told her if I was an issue to her, I could cut off contact to her (emails, talking to her at church, and asking her to help me with things) and she said not to because she didn't want that. So I asked her if she wanted to go visit some of the kids who got saved at our outreach today and she said yes. So now I am confused, she is saying and doing totally opposite things and is making no sense and confusing me so bad I can't stand it. I told her I wish I had never brought up this issue, because it went from something minor to something that may end our friendship. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I just act like nothing happened? Should I cut off contact with her? Should I just let it not bother me and go about what we were doing? Should I try to talk to her again? I kinda think this may Satanic opposition, because she and I have seen God bless our outreach here the last 2 weeks. And I'll confess I'm really struggling with being angry at her for causing all of these problems when I haven't done anything wrong. What should I do?
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hi you must be going through alot of turmoil in you ,i understand it is also confusing for you of what she wants but on the other had i would like you to keep on talking about the issue for example what is this that people are saying? is it true? ,what are her fears? I know it not easy but God will help if you also pray about it He will direct you.It can be also a weapon from the enemy to separate because of the success in the ministry.
 
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BLC

Banned
#3
Feb 28, 2009
711
4
0
#3
It always seems like good wisdom not to add wood, so that the fire goes out. If there is a misunderstanding or something exaggerated in the mind or emotions, it usually will subside. It all seems to be part of growing up and God takes care of the details. Just wait it out and be patient, kind and available as friend like always. Better to walk by faith and not by sight on this one. Imaginations have a funny way of getting in and raising havoc.
 
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krisikris

Guest
#4
#4
I am really sorry to hear about your situation unfortunately sometimes in life these things happen especially as a single man and woman (I assume you are both single) and it may not necessarily be a scenario that the other person envisioned when she started a friendship with you or even wants to respond in the way that she has. It sounds to me like either she is attracted to you as more than a friend and is afraid of these feelings because she is afraid that intimacy may ruin the friendship that she now has with you or she is not attracted to you that way but is genuinely afraid that the insinuations other people make about the two of you will have a negative effect on your friendship long term and this is scary for her. Unfortunately her efforts at present to preserve a regular friendship (the way she has always enjoyed it) is destroying the relationship altogether.
I suggest you be patient. Talk to her. Do not lose your temper when her behaviour frustrates you. Let her know how the mixed messages make you feel. This may be uncomfortable for two reasons (1) because she may be embarrassed having to admit that her behaviour has been erratic and (2) she may not know exactly how to change the way she feels or all of a sudden know the right way to respond to the way she feels therefore may be worried about saying the right things. All in all be patient. Things may never be the same but after you work out the differences you will either decide to relinquish the relationship entirely or have a friendship that is strengthened because you would have established a foundation for mutual respect.

I am praying for you brother. I hope what I said has helped.
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#5
#5
I'm probably gonna call her in a little bit to confirm our visitation appointment, and I'll kinda see how she acts and then respond from there.
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#6
#6
So I called her and we talked for like 20 minutes, we're not going to visit people today, and she said she needed today to decide what she wanted to do. She brought up the fact that people had been hinting about us, and someone apparently said something to her mom about it. I told her that people were gonna talk no matter what you do or where you go and not to spend her time worrying about it. I think she is really sensitive about what other people think... I pretty much made the decision up to her unless she wants me to just cut her off. I told her my desire is not to end our friendship but to keep on keeping on but if she didn't want to be friends though that was her call. So I don't know what's gonna happen. I'll find out today or tomorrow perhaps.
 
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Chocolate

Banned
#7
May 30, 2009
63
1
0
#7
Baptistrw said:
Ok so I have this really good friend who is a girl, and she and I do alot of Christian service together, mostly visiting people. And last week she started snubbing me whenever we were around each other in person. So I asked her about it to see what the problem was, and she totally flipped out on me and started saying she didn't know if we should be friends since we're not the same gender and that she has never had a good best guy friend and that I've been an ''issue'' for 2 years and that people have ''hinted'' at things and she didn't want people to assume we were an item because we do so much together (but there are always other people around so we're never alone). Which made no sense to me because she is always telling me how great of a friend I am and that I am as best a friend as anyone can have and that I am an encouragement to her Christian walk and how she feels unworthy of my friendship at times. So I told her if I was an issue to her, I could cut off contact to her (emails, talking to her at church, and asking her to help me with things) and she said not to because she didn't want that. So I asked her if she wanted to go visit some of the kids who got saved at our outreach today and she said yes. So now I am confused, she is saying and doing totally opposite things and is making no sense and confusing me so bad I can't stand it. I told her I wish I had never brought up this issue, because it went from something minor to something that may end our friendship. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I just act like nothing happened? Should I cut off contact with her? Should I just let it not bother me and go about what we were doing? Should I try to talk to her again? I kinda think this may Satanic opposition, because she and I have seen God bless our outreach here the last 2 weeks. And I'll confess I'm really struggling with being angry at her for causing all of these problems when I haven't done anything wrong. What should I do?
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Straight up.....

Its more then friendship. She is starting to see/feel this...and it doesn't seem moral to her so she is fighting it.
You would do best to honor avoiding the appearance of evil. People will talk and you in no way want to tarnish her or cause her to be slandered.
Unless your ready to make these ties and marry her.......your in pursuit knowing or unknowingly of an affair of the heart. This done without the blessing of God is extremely hurtful. Unless your ready to get married and settle down and provide a life for her......then don't mess with feelings and hearts. Your own or hers. Back up and seek Jesus on what is what.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#8
#8
Sounds like she likes you......
 
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Chocolate

Banned
#9
May 30, 2009
63
1
0
#9
I want to say this: I'm talking from experience. I just got done with one of the biggest mistakes of my life. An affair of the heart. I was going to marry her and she was going to marry me. We had settled that together.
She was saved I was saved. But there were some complications....a lot of them. We started out as friends.....then got closer....but nothing official...people started talking.....it got worse and worse.....what seemed normal activities were no longer normal....because the affair of the heart had started.
The end of this story is the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me. If I could spare anyone the agony.....I would! I warn you! Unless the Lord Jesus Christ does the work of putting you together....its doomed to be a hurtful nasty experience. Seek God! Back up.....slow down.....stop!
 
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Chocolate

Banned
#10
May 30, 2009
63
1
0
#10
A funny aside......

A man once told me " Stop. Take three steps back. Now your slowing down."
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#11
#11
SamIam said:
Sounds like she likes you......
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Yeah I'm pretty sure she does, but she seems to be really worried about what other people might say. I grew up in public school so I was constantly being teased about girls, she was homeschooled so she's not use to that sort of thing. I shrug it off and move on, she sees it as a big deal.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#12
#12
Do you feel the same about her????
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#13
#13
Chocolate said:
Straight up.....

Its more then friendship. She is starting to see/feel this...and it doesn't seem moral to her so she is fighting it.
You would do best to honor avoiding the appearance of evil. People will talk and you in no way want to tarnish her or cause her to be slandered.
Unless your ready to make these ties and marry her.......your in pursuit knowing or unknowingly of an affair of the heart. This done without the blessing of God is extremely hurtful. Unless your ready to get married and settle down and provide a life for her......then don't mess with feelings and hearts. Your own or hers. Back up and seek Jesus on what is what.
Click to expand...
Maybe you're right. I always tell her we're just friends and she tells everyone else that, but yesterday she had totally changed her view of our ''relationship'' completely out of the blue. I'll just give her space and see if she comes around. I would love to marry her in the future, but right now that's an impossibility unless God opens some doors. But yeah I'll just give her space and see what happens.
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#15
#15
Yes but do you like her in the way she likes you...... which is clearly not just as friends
 
T

thefightinglamb

Guest
#16
#16
I would bet she is the One who told her mom and other people about you two...lol...why wouldn't she be specific otherwise...
Just trying to cause some mischief...but perhaps its true...
Could it be?

God bless
tony

ps.It always stinks with that being a brother-sister cord is cut because of anything else...I would rather be a brother to a girl than ANYTHING else...as being a brother allows deep Christian fellowship that may be missed even in marrying a girl...it also provides openness that can be lacking in other relationships...
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#17
#17
Eh just take it one emotion at a time with her. Don't seek to make her decide once and for all what she wants. That could end things for sure.

Over time she'll decide what she wants. So just play it cool. If one day she wants to go hang and do stuff then go do it. If she wants to avoid u another day, then hey respect that. No need to make her make some snap once and for all decision.

She may be afraid of others perceptions or she may be using that as a cover for some other motive.

Her actions show she is clearly having some conflicted feelings about you. What are the motives for those? Who knows...Females can be pretty hush hush and indirect on this stuff sometimes. Just give her time.
 
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pinkstix56

Guest
#18
#18
Don't worry about it. I feel that she was being too dramatic about that. If she doesn't like you then she doesn't like you. Just feel at peace with that and move on like nothing happened, and if she wants to bring it up again , then you'll just have to tell her that what she does is not helping out the friendship between you guys, and if she keeps it up ..she might just split it up. Lay down the line , let satan know that the drama is not nessecary and that it needs to leave you guys alone in the name of Jesus.
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#19
#19
Yeah, I'm just gonna be my normal self and just trust God. But should I invite her to go with me now? Or should I refrain? Should I stay friendly while she thinks?
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#20
#20
Ok so she came and talked to me and everything seems to be ok now....
 
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