I have some confessions to make...

MillaJo · Mar 26, 2018

... and since the only other Christians I talk to are on here (I have not yet found a church and I'm not sure yet if I want to), yeesh it's a heavy one. I'm a sexually immoral woman.

I've prayed to Him for forgiveness but reading all of this in the Bible is really freaking me out knowing and REALIZING the things that I have done. Honestly, I think it's prohibiting me from finding a church. My mother was kicked out of our church back home from a "Raising a Son with God" seminar because my brother (and I) were born out of wedlock.

That is nothing, NOTHING compared to the things I've done. I fell very far away from Christ. I sold my body (stripping), I sold sex (prostitution), made pornography... It was what I did for a living. I needed help. I did. I was miserable and was treated SO badly. I hated myself. It was a result of abuse, drug addiction, etc. and foster care that led me to think that way about myself.

I know that if I find a church, this is all eventually going to come up because it's weighing on my mind. A lot. And if my mother gets booted for having a child out of wedlock, what the heck would happen to me for this?

The last thread I read on this forum had a few people that were waiting for marriage, older than I am, 23. I have never, ever met someone who had managed to do that. If you are still waiting, I heavily applaud you.

I'm now living with my boyfriend, and only let him see my body. But we are not married. I don't think he would marry me. He's not quite sure that he believes in Christ, but isn't totally an atheist or non-believer. So I don't think he would marry me for God.

Is there anyone here like me?

I might delete this...

PennEd · Mar 26, 2018

MillaJo said:

It's going to be ok!
If a Church rejects you because of the sins you committed then that is certainly a Church you, or me, or anybody else I know doesn't want or need to be in.
Jesus was scorned, embarrassed, tortured, crucified, and died specifically for YOU!

HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH!
But it doesn't end there. He then rose to life to prove to you that He has paid the price and overcame death so that you too can have eternal life through Him.

The enemy of your soul wants you to think about things that you have done so that he can keep you in chains.

We love you too. If you haven't already, please accept Jesus. He will not reject you. And please don't compare yourself to others. You can always find worse and better than you. To Christ that is meaningless. Thank you for trusting us with your burden.

Holy Father, give this dear young lady peace and rest in the knowledge of Your Sweet Son. Let her be assured that His Blood has made her pure as snow. In Jesus Name I pray.

Ugly · Mar 26, 2018

Hi Mila
Sounds like you've had it really tough.
My first thought is not all churches are the same. Some, loke.ykur mothers church, are very religious, Jesus hated people being religious and he often butt heads with those that were. It could even be said such people were responsible for the murder of Jesus. So don't let those takes bring you down or make you fearful.
In the 60s when hippies were everywhere one assistant pastor watched his church kick hippies out for not dressing right, being dirty and shoeless. So he formed his own church and invited hippies in. Even ripped out the carpeting so no one could complain they were getting the carpet dirty.

As far as your past, there will always people, Christian and non-Christian, that will judge you. It happens to us all, but some more than others.

You may find Annie Lobert's testimony useful. You can Google her name.

As far as your boyfriend goes, if you are serious about getting back to your faith you'll likely have to make some changes in that area.
And I find it ironic you talk about others waiting for marriage and how you couldn't, yet are in a dead end relationship which you even say won't likely end in marriage.

I'm not like you. But I don't judge you either. I've made plenty of.midtakes in my life. Years ago one of my best friends was a former addict/stripper that tried to murder her husband to run away with her drug dealer. She had become a Christian didn't let her past stop her from working for the things she wanted. That is the true essence of following God. Putting our past behind us. That doesn't mean we won't have to live with the consequences on earth, but internally putting it behind us.

There is a 5 minute time limit on deleting/editing posts by the way. Anyways, I hope you find some support here.

17Bees · Mar 26, 2018

MillaJo said:

No, MillaJo. There's no one like you. Ever.

You have been given an interesting gift. You have discovered your conviction. The word 'conviction' has a couple of meanings. It can be a declaration of guilt, then again, it can be a firm belief in a thing. So, this hour, you have declared to strangers your guilt which you firmly believe is sin.

And not a single one of us can absolve you of that. This is the nasty side of being unique.

So, the ball's in your court. You have acknowledged the things you know are not pleasing our God of Israel and you know He forgives sin, and you know His Grace is your redemption, but you also need to know you're either with Him or you're not.

Churches? They come and go, MillaJo. The real church is your heart. And also the hardest to find.

zeroturbulence · Mar 26, 2018

Jesus said he came for sinners, not for the righteous... (see Luke 5:32)

So any church that rejects you for your past simply does not know Jesus.

christian74 · Mar 27, 2018

MillaJo,

You are fine - every time you stumble/fall flat on your face, just keep getting up and keep walking because Jesus loves you.
Let me introduce one of my favorite songs called 'Who Am I' by Casting Crowns and God bless and take courage my friend.

[video=youtube;mBcqria2wmg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBcqria2wmg[/video]

Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am
But because of what you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And you've told me who I am
I am yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?
Not because of who I am
But because…

RickyZ · Mar 27, 2018

There's an interesting thing I've discovered over the years ... that no matter how far we stray off God's path, we're still only one step away from being right back on it.

Pontiac · Mar 27, 2018

MillaJo,

Some pretty good advice above ... I would not recommend you be in any hurry to find a church ... Even there often you will not hear the truth today ... I think Proverbs is a good book to read to get your mind straight with many of God's laws ... It was written by Solomon, the wisest of all kings in the Bible ... After that I would hope you would read the book of John ... That will show you just how deeply God truly loves you ...

If you will admit your sins to God in a prayer unto Him and simply ask Him for forgiveness there is nothing God will not do for you ... Doesn't need to be anything elaborate, just talk to Him as a friend because that is what He is ... God is your best friend ... Don't expect everything to fall into place in one day, but you will feel a change and you will feel it more with time ... If you seek God, He will come into your heart and He will certainly change you for the better ... Your Bible needs to be your safe place ... The place where you can go for the truth right now ... The more you read of the Bible, the stronger and wiser you will become ... Then, if you decide to join a church you will know much more about whether they are telling you the truth because you will already know much of the truth ... The biggest thing to remember is not to listen to anything over the Bible ... Make the Bible your first source of information and compare all other things unto it ... If it does not match the Bible then it is not the truth and you want no part in it ... I wish you the best MillaJo ... I am praying for you and if you have any questions you are welcome to send me a private message ... You have made a wise choice to confess and ask God into your life ... He is going to help you ...

MillaJo · Mar 27, 2018

Ugly said:

Hi Mila
Sounds like you've had it really tough.
My first thought is not all churches are the same. Some, loke.ykur mothers church, are very religious, Jesus hated people being religious and he often butt heads with those that were. It could even be said such people were responsible for the murder of Jesus. So don't let those takes bring you down or make you fearful.
In the 60s when hippies were everywhere one assistant pastor watched his church kick hippies out for not dressing right, being dirty and shoeless. So he formed his own church and invited hippies in. Even ripped out the carpeting so no one could complain they were getting the carpet dirty.

As far as your past, there will always people, Christian and non-Christian, that will judge you. It happens to us all, but some more than others.

You may find Annie Lobert's testimony useful. You can Google her name.

As far as your boyfriend goes, if you are serious about getting back to your faith you'll likely have to make some changes in that area.
And I find it ironic you talk about others waiting for marriage and how you couldn't, yet are in a dead end relationship which you even say won't likely end in marriage.

I'm not like you. But I don't judge you either. I've made plenty of.midtakes in my life. Years ago one of my best friends was a former addict/stripper that tried to murder her husband to run away with her drug dealer. She had become a Christian didn't let her past stop her from working for the things she wanted. That is the true essence of following God. Putting our past behind us. That doesn't mean we won't have to live with the consequences on earth, but internally putting it behind us.

There is a 5 minute time limit on deleting/editing posts by the way. Anyways, I hope you find some support here.

Bolded part, because... I don't know. I don't have anybody else in my life. I'm still struggling, I guess...

And thank you.

longtrekker · Mar 27, 2018

[FONT=&quot]
Hi MilaJo[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]If we mess up a little or mess up big – it doesn’t matter. Jesus doesn’t rank sin as we are all equally guilty. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The thing is the accuser (satan) will always point the finger at us day and night - and we can become quite fixated with guilt as a result and see nothing else if we let it.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But Christ forgives us and cleanses us whiter than snow of our sins – no matter what they are. Not only that but he forgets them – as if they never happened. If He forgets them - u can forget them![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I always liked the verse;[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Also ‘churches’ that would look down on a person because of their past aren’t real churches.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Finally, welcome to CC – glad u found your way here![/FONT]

MillaJo · Mar 27, 2018

I'd also like to add that I don't think that my boyfriend won't marry me but that I don't think he will marry me right away and for GOD, as he's unsure whether or not he truly believes. He describes himself as spiritual.

Miri · Mar 27, 2018

Our church is a Centre for teen challenge, they do work with drug addicts,
prostitures. They often come to the Sunday services. In conjunction with
other churches we run a rehab place In wales where people get off these
addictions.

They completely turn their lives around. Churches aren’t for perfect people.

The woman of sameria become a Christian and instantly led
others to Christ. She was in a similar position to you Jesus had a one to
one with her. He still does.

John 4:5-42 NKJV
[5] So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near
the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. [6] Now Jacob's
well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus
by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

[7] A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give
Me a drink." [8] For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.
[9] Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, "How is it that You, being a
Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" For Jews have no dealings
with Samaritans.

[10] Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who
it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and
He would have given you living water." [11] The woman said to Him, "Sir,
You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You
get that living water? [12] Are You greater than our father Jacob,
who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and
his livestock?" [13] Jesus answered and said to her, "Whoever drinks of this
water will thirst again,

[14] but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst.
But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water
springing up into everlasting life." [15] The woman said to Him, "Sir, give
me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw." [16] Jesus
said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here." [17] The woman answered
and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, 'I
have no husband,' [18] for you have had five husbands, and the one whom
you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly."

[19] The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. [20] Our fathers
worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place
where one ought to worship." [21] Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, the hour
is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the
Father. [22] You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for
salvation is of the Jews. [23] But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true
worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking
such to worship Him. [24] God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship
in spirit and truth."

[25] The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming" (who is called Christ).
"When He comes, He will tell us all things." [26] Jesus said to her, "I who speak to
you am He." [27] And at this point His disciples came, and they marveled that He
talked with a woman; yet no one said, "What do You seek?" or, "Why are You talking
with her?" [28] The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and
said to the men, [29] "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did.
Could this be the Christ?"

[30] Then they went out of the city and came to Him. [31] In the meantime His
disciples urged Him, saying, "Rabbi, eat." [32] But He said to them, "I have food
to eat of which you do not know." [33] Therefore the disciples said to one
another, "Has anyone brought Him anything to eat?" [34] Jesus said to
them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.

[35] Do you not say, 'There are still four months and then comes the harvest'?
Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already
white for harvest! [36] And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for
eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.
[37] For in this the saying is true: 'One sows and another reaps.' [38] I sent
you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you
have entered into their labors." [39] And many of the Samaritans of that
city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, "He told
me all that I ever did."

[40] So when the Samaritans had come to Him, they urged Him to stay with
them; and He stayed there two days. [41] And many more believed because
of His own word. [42] Then they said to the woman, "Now we believe, not
because of what you said, for we ourselves have heard Him and we know
that this is indeed the Christ, the Savior of the world."

MillaJo · Mar 27, 2018

Miri said:

Our church is a Centre for teen challenge, they do work with drug addicts,
prostitures. They often come to the Sunday services. In conjunction with
other churches we run a rehab place In wales where people get off these
addictions.

They completely turn their lives around. Churches aren’t for perfect people.

The woman of sameria become a Christian and instantly led
others to Christ. She was in a similar position to you Jesus had a one to
one with her. He still does.

John 4:5-42 NKJV
[5] So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near
the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. [6] Now Jacob's
well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus
by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

[7] A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give
Me a drink." [8] For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.
[9] Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, "How is it that You, being a
Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" For Jews have no dealings
with Samaritans.

[10] Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who
it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and
He would have given you living water." [11] The woman said to Him, "Sir,
You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You
get that living water? [12] Are You greater than our father Jacob,
who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and
his livestock?" [13] Jesus answered and said to her, "Whoever drinks of this
water will thirst again,

[14] but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst.
But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water
springing up into everlasting life." [15] The woman said to Him, "Sir, give
me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw." [16] Jesus
said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here." [17] The woman answered
and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, 'I
have no husband,' [18] for you have had five husbands, and the one whom
you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly."

[19] The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. [20] Our fathers
worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place
where one ought to worship." [21] Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, the hour
is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the
Father. [22] You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for
salvation is of the Jews. [23] But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true
worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking
such to worship Him. [24] God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship
in spirit and truth."

[25] The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming" (who is called Christ).
"When He comes, He will tell us all things." [26] Jesus said to her, "I who speak to
you am He." [27] And at this point His disciples came, and they marveled that He
talked with a woman; yet no one said, "What do You seek?" or, "Why are You talking
with her?" [28] The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and
said to the men, [29] "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did.
Could this be the Christ?"

[30] Then they went out of the city and came to Him. [31] In the meantime His
disciples urged Him, saying, "Rabbi, eat." [32] But He said to them, "I have food
to eat of which you do not know." [33] Therefore the disciples said to one
another, "Has anyone brought Him anything to eat?" [34] Jesus said to
them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.

[35] Do you not say, 'There are still four months and then comes the harvest'?
Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already
white for harvest! [36] And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for
eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.
[37] For in this the saying is true: 'One sows and another reaps.' [38] I sent
you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you
have entered into their labors." [39] And many of the Samaritans of that
city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, "He told
me all that I ever did."

[40] So when the Samaritans had come to Him, they urged Him to stay with
them; and He stayed there two days. [41] And many more believed because
of His own word. [42] Then they said to the woman, "Now we believe, not
because of what you said, for we ourselves have heard Him and we know
that this is indeed the Christ, the Savior of the world."

This is getting spooky.... Oh my Goodness, I was thinking about this before I posted it. I flipped to a random page in the Bible and read this story. Especially the part about living with a man that she was not married to. You're all right, Jesus is here!

Sweetmorningdew78 · Mar 27, 2018

Hi! Sis

Your past has nothing to do with your present..your past is irrelevant. There is no more condemnation if you belong to JESUS. God has forgiven you for all your worst mistakes and please remember that if anyone condemned you about your past please remember that it is not from GOD.

About your dating situation right now...if your relationship right now is not pleasing to God if it leads you to sin marry this person you are with now or if it is not possible right now stop sleeping with him and wait until after marriage...it is not easy pray to God for help through HIM you will overcome everything.

Welcome to CC sis

God bless you ❤

Ugly · Mar 27, 2018

MillaJo said:

Why do you need anybody else? Having a man doesn't give you value. You first need to find the value God created you with before even considering finding anyone else. All men (people in general) will let you down. You're better off single than in a dead end relationship with someone not a Christian.

MillaJo · Mar 27, 2018

Ugly said:

I do love him and although he is not a Christian; I was also once not a Christian, but now I am.

You are right about the value stuff, though. I was diagnosed DPD...

Harkins · Mar 27, 2018

Hi MillaJo, I think you need one of these [pic]https://ki.ill.in.ua/m/670x450/24004571.jpg[/pic] I hope also if you decide to delete your post the people who quoted it will remove their quotations of it. Note to staff: Text editor not working with Firefox either.

Ugly · Mar 27, 2018

MillaJo said:

That is faulty logic. The bible does speak about not being "unequally yoked". More often than not Christian who date non-christians get brought down more than the non-believer getting saved.
Then there are a whole host of issues people never consider if marriage and children ever come into play.

I had to look up DPD. That sounds like something you need to deal with as well then. All a condition like that will do is cause you to make poor relationship decisions. And put relationships over other things, like God.
I encourage you to at least give consideration to seeing someone about the condition so you can take steps in the right direction.

By the way, I have depression and anxiety myself. So I'm well aware of the difficulty of confronting yourself and situational anxiety.

Ugly · Mar 27, 2018

Harkins said:

I did point out there is a five minute time limit to edit/delete posts. This has been in place for a long, long time and the site owner seems to have no plans on changing it, so no point in complaining about it.
Also typing notes to the staff in your posts is useless. All mods/admins are unpaid volunteers that come on during their personal time. There is no way for them to monitor every single post.
We have a Suggestions Forum for such requests. But requesting to open the edit limit for posts won't get you anywhere. Also new forum ideas are never used, that I've seen in my years here.
We have a User2User Tech forum if you have questions on how to use the site, or general tech questions.
And the difficulty in finding deleted posts to delete your quotes (Even if it were possible to edit after 5 minutes) would be too much. How would one know if a post were deleted?

zeroturbulence · Mar 27, 2018

MillaJo said:

If your bf continues to stay with you even though you won't have sex with him, then he is probably worth keeping in my opinion. You just have to watch out that he's not getting sex somewhere else. I wasn't a christian for most of my adult life either and I once knew some women who had the same background as you. I understand a little bit about how difficult it is to get out of the industry.

Glad that you have come here seeking help and I hope that you don't give up. Even if you do feel like giving up, know that we all have been there. It sort of comes with the territory...

I have some confessions to make...

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