Doubtful I can give you a good answer. All I can give is my experience, which is warped due to my own personality, biases, and beliefs.
To change the gender on a saying:
"You can love men, or you can understand them. If you understand them, there is very little about them to love."
You greatly underestimate a woman's capacity to love. If a woman loves you and you conceal something about yourself, she will know you are concealing some part of you. Tell her all, and she will love you more. It will increase the love. Increased intimacy = increased love. I don't know if you ever read or saw Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. In it, the male character concealed a part of him from his wife. Since she adored and loved him, she knew he concealed something. There was not 100% intimacy between them. He could not tell her and open this door as he did not want to diminish the love she had for him.
But his concealment made her unhappy. She so desperately wanted to understand, and tried. He would not help her understand, and she was groping in the dark. Once she knew and understood him, they were at last completely intimate. An intimacy of body, mind, and soul. I don't think it is a coincidence that the book was written by a woman. Women long to understand.
When you find your capstone, open every door and let her in to the dark places. She won't be surprised. Contrary to what men believe, women have dark places, too. We are better at hiding them, though.
