It's that time again...! (Relationships Discussion)

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AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#1
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#1
Time for another one of my rarely-appearing, fabled threads! (Well...they might not be fabled...'fibbled')

*clears throat* Anyway...

I've got a couple things for we singles to ponder and converse upon! This coming from clinical knowledge and just experience in ministry having been in it directly or indirectly (my father is a minister) my whole life.

So, without any further adieu...

The 3 Lists of 3's!!!

List #1: The 3 Top Reasons for Divorce

1. Communication (as in 'mis' or 'missed' or 'lack there of')

2. Finances (whether or not you care about money is not entirely irrelevant)

3. Infidelity (this is a 'no brainer' but seriously, it's starting to seem epidemic)

Now, while I"m sure you all have your own feelings on these, and there are a plethora of other reasons people divorce, these do--by experience--seem to be the most frequently occurring.

It's also very common to hear the phrase, "We just fell out of love." ...as if love were an emotion. I'm afraid I've got some news, though love has emotions involved with it, love itself certainly is not an emotion. The fact of the matter is, when that first time comes when the feelings aren't there and the person next to you seems different (or you saw them with sober judgement for the first time...), THAT IS YOUR CHANCE!! This is often the first test of real love, but I digress...another thread, another time...for what love is.

List #2: 3 Common Misnomers About Relationships

1. You can change them! (*palms face* While people do change, this is a tragic view on love relationships)

2. This person will 'complete' me. (*long sigh* I'm afraid that lonely void, emptiness, hollowness, or whatever else needs 'completed' in us may only be so done through Christ. Seriously, please learn this lesson now!)

3. My habits (sexual or non) will change once I get married. (*combo of facepalm and long sigh* This actually correlates with the first two. As an example, if pornography or other sexual struggles are troubles now, they'll actually be WORSE when you're married. Believe it or not, just because you have a love in your life that is also sexual, a stoked fire still burns just as brightly. These are things you have to work on with or without a partner, because marriage is not the 'cure all'.)

Again, we all have our opinions, but more often than not, this seems to hold true for the majority of relationships. While your partner makes you 'a better person', they cannot 'change or make you whole'. This is what God does for us and in us.

There are more points to hit on, but we'll leave that for the discussion.

List #3: 3 Videos to Watch

1. What are the 5 love languages? - YouTube

2. Disclaimer! This is a long one...but well worth watching! (By long, I'm talking 1 hour +)
Tale of Two Brains partea 1 .mp4 subtitrare romana - YouTube

3. Rob Bell nooma FLAME - YouTube



Now, having these (though Rob sort of roughed those translations a bit, nonetheless), what do you think about all this?

Do you agree or disagree?

What input may you add?

What can you take away?

Thoughts, insights, affirmations, counters, all are open for you, but please...remember this is a Christian site, and it's better to watch the videos and check out the resources before you decided to voice a counterpoint.

We're here to discuss, edify, and joined closer in community with God and one another. Not argue.

Now, please, let us hear your voice!! (In a textual manner of speaking...lol)
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#2
#2
I agree with you.
I have seen a lot of ppl that think that marriage will change and solve their problems and that only increase them feeling themselves more lonely void or having problems with their habits like you said.
I think that one origin of the problems in a couple is to expect that the other person will fill our needs.

I dont know what would stop divorces or how to solve issues that marriage has because i have never been married.
But i think that what really would help us is to be strong in our faith and courageous and love (to God to be able to forgive) and that when we need to grow inside a marriage we can be able to stay there, go through all those things and not run away.
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#4
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#4
Thank you both! It's definitely something to think about!

I would also like to point out that in the longer video, Pastor (or Dr. not sure...) Mark Gungor explains that relationships have rules, much like physics has rules. In physics, if you jump off your roof...you're gonna fall. In the same way, there are rules that apply to relationships, and doing the wrong things (or lack of the right things) ends up with negative consequences.

In this light, there are pagan marriages that are very good, healthy, and happy. Just like there are Christian marriages that are quite miserable, because we all have our parts to play.
 
G

GuyforChrist85

Guest
#5
#5
AsifinPassing said:
Thank you both! It's definitely something to think about!

I would also like to point out that in the longer video, Pastor (or Dr. not sure...) Mark Gungor explains that relationships have rules, much like physics has rules. In physics, if you jump off your roof...you're gonna fall. In the same way, there are rules that apply to relationships, and doing the wrong things (or lack of the right things) ends up with negative consequences.

In this light, there are pagan marriages that are very good, healthy, and happy. Just like there are Christian marriages that are quite miserable, because we all have our parts to play.
Click to expand...
Absolutely! There seems to be rules that govern every stage as well. The rules are different going from dating, relationship, and marriage. It seems like a lot of people, myself included, that sometimes have issues applying the wrong ruleset at the wrong time.

For instance, If you are too forthcoming with feelings in dating, you most likely are going to run that person off. If you are too distant and indifferent in a marriage, it's going to cause a bad marriage.
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#6
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#6
Yes, rules exist for most everything; however, I will add-like Mark Gungor does-that you have to 'interpretate' for your own relationship. Everyone, while having many similarities to others, is a uniquely distinct individual. No other person on Earth is, has ever been, or will ever be, EXACTLY like you.

So, you have to get to know each person for who they are to better understand 'the rules' by which your relationship must run.
 
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