Ladies, if your boyfriend proposed to you...

[ChandlerFan]

...unexpectedly* out in public, how would you respond? Would you be concerned about helping him save face if you weren't really sure at that point in time that you both were ready for marriage?



*By "unexpectedly," I don't mean that you were surprised, but that you didn't see this coming whatsoever because you had been through a fairly recent rough patch in your relationship and hadn't talked about it much before.

I'm interested to hear your thoughts

 

[MissCris]

I would definitely feel obligated to say yes, in that situation. And I'd be kinda torqued about it.

If I were in a relationship where things weren't obviously leading toward the altar, and we hadn't both expressed a desire to get married, a public proposal where I'm under pressure to say yes to save HIM from embarrassment...? That's a doomed relationship. For me, anyway. It would feel like manipulation..."If I ask her in front of a bunch of people, she HAS to say yes or else look like a jerk! Sweet!"

That's messed up. Even if the guy was doing it with pure intentions, not realizing the position it would leave me in...I dunno, I think I'd be pretty upset either way. AND I would later have to take back the Yes, which would more than likely upset the guy, and quite possibly kill the relationship anyway.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I know it would be "right" to just say no, but my natural tendency would be:

- say yes in public
- say no in private and explain how much I disliked being taken off guard like that when we hadn't even talked about marriage
- end the relationship

like Cris said, using a crowd to pressure me to say yes when I'm not ready is manipulation.

It it would be totally different if the relationship was heading toward marriage, we discussed marriage and seemed to be on the same page. In that case, it's not manipulation. It's a surprise. (As in the case of my recent engagement less than a week ago)

*girly squeal*

 

[TriedByFire]

I know it would be "right" to just say no, but my natural tendency would be:

- say yes in public
- say no in private and explain how much I disliked being taken off guard like that when we hadn't even talked about marriage
- end the relationship

like Cris said, using a crowd to pressure me to say yes when I'm not ready is manipulation.

It it would be totally different if the relationship was heading toward marriage, we discussed marriage and seemed to be on the same page. In that case, it's not manipulation. It's a surprise. (As in the case of my recent engagement less than a week ago)

*girly squeal*

I have to say this is not right. To say yes and then say no is against the commands of The Lord Jesus. Just say no, if that is what you mean to say in truth. Anything aside from yes, yes and no, no is of evil and condemnation.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I did say that I know what would be right.

I was also honest by admitting that my tendency to want to spare people from humiliation would probably cause me to do the "wrong" thing and say yes first.

 

[seoulsearch]

Guys, it's really, really sweet that you would want to propose... But please, please do not do so unless it is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that both of you want to get married. I would even go so far as to ask, "Would it be ok if I proposed to you soon?" You can work out some kind of compromise to allow for both a surprise and the absolute agreement that this is what you both want and are ready for. DO NOT propose after a fight or if you two have not been getting along.

As Love already pointed out, such a situation makes the woman feel obligated and manipulated, not happy, loved, or grateful.

When I was 18, my boyfriend did "all the right things"--he asked my father first. He bought a ring. He sprung it on me and proposed... in front of "everyone." The only thing he didn't do... was ask if I was really ready to get married.

I was 18 years old!! I hadn't even finished high school yet!!! I didn't jump with joy, I CRIED over being put into this situation in which I felt I had no choice. I eventually gave the ring back and broke off everything.

My family is of a very conservative Christian background and my father told me, "You should have never said yes if you weren't going to follow through with it." But if it's made into a big public spectacle that EVERYONE ELSE knows about except for you, or you have glimpses but don't know exactly when it's coming so that you could stop it (kind of like being thrown onto a train track and hearing the train but now knowing when it will hit), what else can you do but say yes in front of everyone? I also felt as if I couldn't trust him because "what other" life-changing things would he spring on me without really talking to me first?

It's kind of like if an unsaved person goes to a church, crusade, or conference and everyone is rallying around them to accept Jesus into their heart. It's a wonderful thing... But in that situation, how likely are they to say no, even if they're deathly uncomfortable and not ready?

I applaud anyone who is serious enough about someone to want to honor both God and the other person through marriage. But good communication is essential--and while the intent may be wonderful, unless both people are ready for and have the same answer when "the big moment comes"... A miscommunication of this magnitude is a horrible way to start a marriage.

 

[tourist]

Guys, it's really, really sweet that you would want to propose... But please, please do not do so unless it is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that both of you want to get married. I would even go so far as to ask, "Would it be ok if I proposed to you soon?" You can work out some kind of compromise to allow for both a surprise and the absolute agreement that this is what you both want and are ready for. DO NOT propose after a fight or if you two have not been getting along.

As Love already pointed out, such a situation makes the woman feel obligated and manipulated, not happy, loved, or grateful.

When I was 18, my boyfriend did "all the right things"--he asked my father first. He bought a ring. He sprung it on me and proposed... in front of "everyone." The only thing he didn't do... was ask if I was really ready to get married.

I was 18 years old!! I hadn't even finished high school yet!!! I didn't jump with joy, I CRIED over being put into this situation in which I felt I had no choice. I eventually gave the ring back and broke off everything.

My family is of a very conservative Christian background and my father told me, "You should have never said yes if you weren't going to follow through with it." But if it's made into a big public spectacle that EVERYONE ELSE knows about except for you, or you have glimpses but don't know exactly when it's coming so that you could stop it (kind of like being thrown onto a train track and hearing the train but now knowing when it will hit), what else can you do but say yes in front of everyone? I also felt as if I couldn't trust him because "what other" life-changing things would he spring on me without really talking to me first?

It's kind of like if an unsaved person goes to a church, crusade, or conference and everyone is rallying around them to accept Jesus into their heart. It's a wonderful thing... But in that situation, how likely are they to say no, even if they're deathly uncomfortable and not ready?

I applaud anyone who is serious enough about someone to want to honor both God and the other person through marriage. But good communication is essential--and while the intent may be wonderful, unless both people are ready for and have the same answer when "the big moment comes"... A miscommunication of this magnitude is a horrible way to start a marriage.

I agree totally. Communication is key.

 

[secularhermit]

Ingeniería inversa!

They say:

"Remove my picture from where you have them... I´m not your Trophy!"

Hope you guess the missing part, those unanserewed questions that are never told.

FaKebook is a good place to get more information on this subject.

 

[secularhermit]

I hope this never happens to you! (Spanish version of the new).

[video=youtube;Jt0VxikObn4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Jt0VxikObn4[/video]

 

[ww_21]

If it were MY boyfriend... (the guy I am currently dating) I'd say YES!

If it were another guy... even if we were in public and he asked I would have to say no.

 

[Raine]

My ex proposed in public................... I tried my best to say let's talk in private but he wouldn't budge............. So I had to reject him in public tho I was trying to spare him some face.

It made no sense as we were separated at that time.

I personally prefer private as I am more of a private person... And I feel that I can fully enjoy the moment much more without feeling the pressure of a public audience.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I'd better not get a public proposal before we've talked about and agreed to marry.

I'd feel very pressured to say yes, but would probably break it off in private later after loads of anxiety and heartache.

If we HAD discussed it already and he knew I wanted to marry, then something like that might be sweet, if it was done tastefully.

 

[Tintin]

If I were a lady, which I'm not, I wouldn't want my boyfriend to propose to me in public, especially without any notice. To me, that's more about having the spotlight than sharing in the moment and about mystery, rather than trust. But of course, there are some who may be able to pull it off. But communication is key. You must talk with your significant other about marriage well in advance and seriously work towards it before you attempt such things. Gosh!

 

[gypsygirl]

i have to believe that any guy who i was that close to, and knew me that well would certainly know that i would NEVER, EVER want some public display like that. to me, those moments should be private and cherished, not be on display.

however, if he pulled that stunt, i'd probably do whatever to help him save face--depending upon just how public it was. if there was a chance of it being broadcast on the 6 o'clock news, yeah, i'd be helping him save face.

and then quietly straighten things out.

 

[Fenner]

My Husband proposed to me in a public place, the only people tuere was some kid climbing all over the lion statue at penn State. He didn't notice or care. He was going to propose on a hike but I forgot my sneakers and they were at home 3 hours away, so it was my fault.

 

[tourist]

My ex proposed in public................... I tried my best to say let's talk in private but he wouldn't budge............. So I had to reject him in public tho I was trying to spare him some face.

It made no sense as we were separated at that time.

I personally prefer private as I am more of a private person... And I feel that I can fully enjoy the moment much more without feeling the pressure of a public audience.

A more intimate setting alone with each other is the only place to propose marriage. A pubic audience is where you proudly flash your sparkling engagement ring.

 

[persNickety]

Hey it's better than being sold off for goats by my father. Proposal? Young girls wish they had a proposal back then. Rather than being sold off to the 50 year old village drunk cus he has money. Don't be so picky about the proposal, could be worse

 

[wisebeardman]

heh, women are never happy. they complain that men ain't "romantic" enough. then they turn around and say I DONT LIKE THIS.

And people wonder why I just don't bother... Guys just can't do anything right to make a woman happy so i'll stick with being alone.

 

[ChandlerFan]

^Yes, leave them to us who are less cynical


These are the responses I expected to receive, and I agree with what many of you have said. I feel sorry for both people really that go through this scenario--both the guy for being inconsiderate and setting himself up for disappointment, and for the girl who is put in such a hard spot without any warning.

 

[gypsygirl]

heh, women are never happy. they complain that men ain't "romantic" enough. then they turn around and say I DONT LIKE THIS.

And people wonder why I just don't bother... Guys just can't do anything right to make a woman happy so i'll stick with being alone.

oh whatever dude. you keep telling yourself that stuff. i'm not buying.

"guys can't do anything right"? go read the question again. it's a question designed to solicit opinions about a hypothetical scenario.

it sounds like the only one who can't be content with the actions of an entire gender does is you. : p