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I love the word "lovely", good on you for using that, theygaveutheirworst!
If it's about something that is generally visible at all times, such as complimenting my fingernail polish, my eyes, my hair, my smile, etc. then I think that's fine. I just blush and become awkward and thank them.
If someone is commenting on something that is covered up (or should be), it's not meant to be commented on because it's not meant for you; only for a future spouse (along with terms such as "hot" or "sexy", like Loveneverfails said).
If it's about something that is generally visible at all times, such as complimenting my fingernail polish, my eyes, my hair, my smile, etc. then I think that's fine. I just blush and become awkward and thank them.
If someone is commenting on something that is covered up (or should be), it's not meant to be commented on because it's not meant for you; only for a future spouse (along with terms such as "hot" or "sexy", like Loveneverfails said).
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This made me think of a post I saw Shouryu make a while back. I didn't respond because the thread was a few weeks old, but he said- wait, I'll copy/paste it.
Anyway, he asked the girls if that would be creepy or what (sorry, I'm typing this fast; I only have a few minutes, sorry if I miss-quote or something). Personally, it wouldn't bother me, largely because he said that he continues walking. I don't know if I'd say anything back other than "thank you", since I'd be so surprised, but anyway, if a guy my age did that I think I'd remember it for at least a very long time. Might be kinda creepy if a guy a lot older than I was the one who said it, but probably not if he smiled nicely and kept walking after the quip
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Anyway, he asked the girls if that would be creepy or what (sorry, I'm typing this fast; I only have a few minutes, sorry if I miss-quote or something). Personally, it wouldn't bother me, largely because he said that he continues walking. I don't know if I'd say anything back other than "thank you", since I'd be so surprised, but anyway, if a guy my age did that I think I'd remember it for at least a very long time. Might be kinda creepy if a guy a lot older than I was the one who said it, but probably not if he smiled nicely and kept walking after the quip
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Well, to be honest, i used to feel insulted when i was complimented in the past XD
I've had very low self-esteem in the past. I knew i wasn't ugly, but i also knew i wasn't the bomb either. Just very average. I said to myself: "Whoever sees the real me, without any glam and glitter, and says that i am beautiful is a rare case indeed! He just might be the one for me..."
I felt insulted in the past, basically 'coz i felt there was a lack of sincerity, and the words were just spoken to curry favor. More often than not, guys used me as a bridge to get to their intended targets. Or, if they weren't really after someone else, they were after "something" else, like get me in the sack with them and such. So, i absolutely disliked getting compliments. Or, if i'm getting the feeling that a guy is developing an attraction towards me, i really start to become avoidant and such. It has become a defense mechanism of sorts...ironically enough, i still ended up with bad boys, anyway (it's the love of the dark speaking those past histories, though XD).
But now, Papa GOD has changed me so much, and i have learned to love and accept myself, and see myself as someone worthy of being admired and paid sincere compliments to I know HE is transforming and improving me, inside and out. HE has inspired me to be the best that i can be. So now, when someone compliments me (with respect and sincerity), i say. My thank yous, and i praise GOD in my heart, 'coz i know that it's HIM who is making me beautiful Such positive feedbacks encourage me to trust in Papa GOD even more!
Since i value sincerity, i also give credit where credit is due. So i freely compliment men and women alike with their looks. But i think my complimenting some men sometimes get them to thinking that i'm attracted to them, just because i said they're handsome XD well, not necessarily. It takes more than just looks to charm his girl So much more.
I've had very low self-esteem in the past. I knew i wasn't ugly, but i also knew i wasn't the bomb either. Just very average. I said to myself: "Whoever sees the real me, without any glam and glitter, and says that i am beautiful is a rare case indeed! He just might be the one for me..."
I felt insulted in the past, basically 'coz i felt there was a lack of sincerity, and the words were just spoken to curry favor. More often than not, guys used me as a bridge to get to their intended targets. Or, if they weren't really after someone else, they were after "something" else, like get me in the sack with them and such. So, i absolutely disliked getting compliments. Or, if i'm getting the feeling that a guy is developing an attraction towards me, i really start to become avoidant and such. It has become a defense mechanism of sorts...ironically enough, i still ended up with bad boys, anyway (it's the love of the dark speaking those past histories, though XD).
But now, Papa GOD has changed me so much, and i have learned to love and accept myself, and see myself as someone worthy of being admired and paid sincere compliments to
I know HE is transforming and improving me, inside and out. HE has inspired me to be the best that i can be. So now, when someone compliments me (with respect and sincerity), i say. My thank yous, and i praise GOD in my heart, 'coz i know that it's HIM who is making me beautiful Such positive feedbacks encourage me to trust in Papa GOD even more!Since i value sincerity, i also give credit where credit is due. So i freely compliment men and women alike with their looks. But i think my complimenting some men sometimes get them to thinking that i'm attracted to them, just because i said they're handsome XD well, not necessarily. It takes more than just looks to charm his girl
So much more.
B
I think we're all glorious creatures and it will show and will naturally result to compliments (or appreciation).I also think we could all be more appreciative of each other (especially us Christians to people around us ) BUT hot and sexy are kind of shallow and suggestive coming from anyone especially a total stranger.
) BUT hot and sexy are kind of shallow and suggestive coming from anyone especially a total stranger.
Many of the answers on this thread are ridiculous in my opinion, I think you've gotta be taking yourself a bit too seriously to think that it is an act of dis-respect to be referred to as 'sexy' or 'hot'. Admittedly sometimes such comments are followed by inappropriate behaviour, but that is not always the case, and the comment itself isn't disrespectful or inappropriate. The only case where I believe such comments would be inappropriate/disrespectful is if you were walking with a man that was likely to be your husband.
I think we as Christians are weird enough in this world (for good reason) because we follow biblical principle, I don't think we need to be adding extra behavioural rules for ourselves and how others treat us (making us more weird/uptight for no good reason), that's called legalism.
I think we as Christians are weird enough in this world (for good reason) because we follow biblical principle, I don't think we need to be adding extra behavioural rules for ourselves and how others treat us (making us more weird/uptight for no good reason), that's called legalism.
SeanS, in my opinion, the words "hot" and "sexy" imply sexual attraction/desire and also are easier to lead into lusting. I think that desire should be reserved for a husband/wife relationship where sexual feelings are fine and encouraged between them. It's one thing to think those things about someone, sometimes the thought just pops into your head (and should be dealt with accordingly if you're tempted to think further), but to go up to them and tell them that? I just think that's inappropriate and uncomfortable/awkward for most women (and maybe men, too, I'm not a man so I don't know).
Just my opinion. I see what you're saying, SeanS, but that's the reasoning behind why I think those words push the line.
Just my opinion. I see what you're saying, SeanS, but that's the reasoning behind why I think those words push the line.
Well most comments on this thread seemed to be against the so called 'dis-respectful nature' of the comments rather than the fact they may lead to lust. Are you talking about lusting on the part of the recipient of the compliment, or the sender? If its the recipient then I think its our responsibility not to turn such compliments into lustful thoughts, but if its the lusting of the sender you are referring to, firstly its only an issue if they are a Christian, because we cant do anything about non-Christians lusting in thought, and secondly I, and I'm sure a lot of other Christian men can look at a woman and think 'wow, she's hot' time and time again without necessarily trying to place her in our mental bed.
Anyway its not a huge issue, I just don't think we should take our ego so far as to then start making non-biblical legislations on how we will and wont be spoken to. There are biblical guidelines on what speech is impure in given contexts, and I think it would be very hard to argue that calling a unmarried woman 'hot' or 'fine' or 'stunning' is biblically prohibited, you may be able to make such an argument for the word 'sexy' but that word often used to refer to someone as 'very attractive' rather than used to refer to the connotations the official definition of the word suggests. I think some men say 'pretty' others say 'hot', and some girls are 'pretty' and some are 'hot' lol.
Anyway its not a huge issue, I just don't think we should take our ego so far as to then start making non-biblical legislations on how we will and wont be spoken to. There are biblical guidelines on what speech is impure in given contexts, and I think it would be very hard to argue that calling a unmarried woman 'hot' or 'fine' or 'stunning' is biblically prohibited, you may be able to make such an argument for the word 'sexy' but that word often used to refer to someone as 'very attractive' rather than used to refer to the connotations the official definition of the word suggests. I think some men say 'pretty' others say 'hot', and some girls are 'pretty' and some are 'hot' lol.
Oh, Powemmmm!
That´s rough. Sometimes those words are true, beyond kindness or hipocrisy to get wom@n´s attentions, and believe me, beauty draws men but the inner person keep US alive (particularly when we are NOT blind). Who made beauty? God! and someone who is bold, with VANITY, will be rejected, vanished... And here is banned. Je! Je! (both things could be complimentary) At this age I know the difference, same way when I was yuong.
That´s rough. Sometimes those words are true, beyond kindness or hipocrisy to get wom@n´s attentions, and believe me, beauty draws men but the inner person keep US alive (particularly when we are NOT blind). Who made beauty? God! and someone who is bold, with VANITY, will be rejected, vanished... And here is banned. Je! Je! (both things could be complimentary) At this age I know the difference, same way when I was yuong.
You did not respond once to any of the points I made, just because you 'don't want to hear it' that doesn't make it disrespectful. My argument was that calling a person 'hot' was not a form of disrespect and people shouldn't be so uptight as to take offence to it. Somebody might not like being complimented on their appearance at all, that doesn't make the compliment giver out of line. So I think when you get offended by such a statement, your letting your ego run away with you.
Wow, sorry to hear that, Astrid; that's really gross .
Oh, a quick note, too. I noticed that "Sexy" and "Hot" seem to mean different things in different areas of the world; some places it seems that they only mean "pretty". I don't tell people that they are either one (and I don't recommend using either one when complimenting a stranger), but I thought I'd mention it.
.Oh, a quick note, too. I noticed that "Sexy" and "Hot" seem to mean different things in different areas of the world; some places it seems that they only mean "pretty". I don't tell people that they are either one (and I don't recommend using either one when complimenting a stranger), but I thought I'd mention it
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M
What is considered disrespectful to one person may not be a big deal to another.
For instance, some children grow up addressing their elders as 'sir' or 'ma'am', because it is considered disrespectful NOT to do so. However, some people don't want to be called sir or ma'am. Some people are even offended by being addressed as such.
For myself- I don't feel disrespected if some random person tells me that I'm sexy or hot. However, I do feel a lot weird about it, and would prefer, if for some crazy reason somebody thinks that way of me, if they kept it to themselves.
I don't think it makes a whole lot of sense to tell other people what is or isn't to be considered as disrespectful to them. It's a personal thing (usually).
For instance, some children grow up addressing their elders as 'sir' or 'ma'am', because it is considered disrespectful NOT to do so. However, some people don't want to be called sir or ma'am. Some people are even offended by being addressed as such.
For myself- I don't feel disrespected if some random person tells me that I'm sexy or hot. However, I do feel a lot weird about it, and would prefer, if for some crazy reason somebody thinks that way of me, if they kept it to themselves.
I don't think it makes a whole lot of sense to tell other people what is or isn't to be considered as disrespectful to them. It's a personal thing (usually).
I was not talking about what was personally disrespectful, people have all kinds of opinions that don't make any sense. I was talking about what was morally/biblically disrespectful. And like I said, if you find certain things 'disrespectful' that aren't morally or biblically so, I think you have too high a view of your self.
M
I understand where you're coming from. But I also understand why a lot of women find those particular compliments to be disrespectful- it's like...I dunno, verbal ogling or leering. It just feels icky. It lets a woman know that some strange guy was checking her out and that it resulted in said strange guy making an implied (by his own word choice) sexual or lustful connection between his brain and her body.
That totally doesn't make sense, but I can't fix it. Hopefully you get what I'm saying.
That totally doesn't make sense, but I can't fix it. Hopefully you get what I'm saying.
Yeah, I do understand what your saying, I just don't believe the 'sexual or lustful' connection is necessarily' there, it is sometimes, but not always, and someone could call you pretty and have much more sexual thoughts about you than the guy who calls you 'hot'. Therefore I don't think its fair to bite a guys head off for saying he thinks your hot if that's honestly what he thinks and his thoughts don't have any sexual/lustful dynamics to them.
But like I said this inst a hugely important issue, the only reason I commented on this thread was because I think we as Christians often make problems for ourselves in general by wanting to be treated in some 'superior' manner for no moral reason. So many of us (and I include myself in this) walk round with a pride an arrogance and take offence to anyone who seems to threaten our 'self-esteem', but if we actually read and applied scripture we would realise we are to sacrifice all self-esteem and hate ourselves and put our esteem in Christ. That doesn't negate self-defence which scripture most definitely allows for, but I don't think we should be getting worked up when a well meaning (to the best of our knowledge) person pays us a compliment that does not violate any moral/biblical principle. I am a firm believer in the principle 'Major on the Majors and Minor on the Minors', I think scripture teaches we are to use our liberty to benefit others, not protect/feed our ego.
But like I said this inst a hugely important issue, the only reason I commented on this thread was because I think we as Christians often make problems for ourselves in general by wanting to be treated in some 'superior' manner for no moral reason. So many of us (and I include myself in this) walk round with a pride an arrogance and take offence to anyone who seems to threaten our 'self-esteem', but if we actually read and applied scripture we would realise we are to sacrifice all self-esteem and hate ourselves and put our esteem in Christ. That doesn't negate self-defence which scripture most definitely allows for, but I don't think we should be getting worked up when a well meaning (to the best of our knowledge) person pays us a compliment that does not violate any moral/biblical principle. I am a firm believer in the principle 'Major on the Majors and Minor on the Minors', I think scripture teaches we are to use our liberty to benefit others, not protect/feed our ego.
K
I agree with what most people have said here. A compliment of you're pretty ( beautiful, look nice, and so on) is alright. I don't take compliments well, but I definitely do not like hearing that I'm sexy or hot. I find that disrespectful.
SeanS being respectful of someone would be to consider how they feel. Therefore whether or not it is consider right or wrong, it is disrespectful to call them something if it makes them uncomfortable. It doesn't matter whether you think it's ok or not, it would be the receiver that should be thought about.
Just as a side not, just because someone means well doesn't mean it's ok. A silly example would be one of my students that will hit another because they wanted to help a friend that was getting picked on. They meant well, but that didn't make it ok to hit another.
You see it as a compliment, most don't.
If something makes someone uncomfortable and it can be avoided, it should be.
SeanS being respectful of someone would be to consider how they feel. Therefore whether or not it is consider right or wrong, it is disrespectful to call them something if it makes them uncomfortable. It doesn't matter whether you think it's ok or not, it would be the receiver that should be thought about.
Just as a side not, just because someone means well doesn't mean it's ok. A silly example would be one of my students that will hit another because they wanted to help a friend that was getting picked on. They meant well, but that didn't make it ok to hit another.
You see it as a compliment, most don't.
If something makes someone uncomfortable and it can be avoided, it should be.