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Punishment, ANY form of punishment, should be done to break their will, NOT their spirit.
There are some people who would never lay a hand on their child and physically punish them....but their spirit is crushed do to the emotional punishments they endure.
Punishments should never be given out in anger...but to redirect.
There are many things I said I would never do, (or do for that matter) BEFORE I had children. But then I had children...and all three of them are different. Each day brings new things, and new things bring new behaviors.
There are some people who would never lay a hand on their child and physically punish them....but their spirit is crushed do to the emotional punishments they endure.
Punishments should never be given out in anger...but to redirect.
There are many things I said I would never do, (or do for that matter) BEFORE I had children. But then I had children...and all three of them are different. Each day brings new things, and new things bring new behaviors.
D
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
R
Visit this website, www.chesapeakefamily.com
And I'll explain why now, read on
figure out why they are doing the behaviors that you have listed
1. do they need more attention and assurance from their caregiver, this is a new and unfamiliar world to them, and alot of infants and children have their own personalities, and fears just like adults, if not more, even if they do not have the words to tell you, they still are human and know when they are suffering.
2. give them something they like, something sweet, a piece of candy.
3. give them a hug, and let them learn to trust you and/or their caregiver
4. then they will learn to be able to listen to you, and go through proper stages of development
5. help them to adapt to child things, like enjoying toys, cartoons, etc.
I was a babysitter, providing child care a few years back, and this is some of what I learned.
When they learn to like you, sometimes, things just go better.
Hope it works out.
You didn't list this problem in your post, but the public library has some good resources for child caring.
My local library had a booklet, titled, "Big Book of Family Health"
Let me share, even if you already know this, or don't need it, maybe it will help you in some way now or in the future.
Teeth Grinding
Grinding can be associated with daytime stress, so help kids relax.
Encourage physical activity and fresh air, it helps kids fall asleep faster
How to Break The Habit of Parting with the Pacifier
Good Sleep
Dim the lights
Light, soothing sounds, music
Bedtime snack
You may be able to access more useful information on their website at www.chesapeakefamily.com
You may not live in Maryland, but the website is world wide, good stuff, the internet!
God Bless
And I'll explain why now, read on
figure out why they are doing the behaviors that you have listed
1. do they need more attention and assurance from their caregiver, this is a new and unfamiliar world to them, and alot of infants and children have their own personalities, and fears just like adults, if not more, even if they do not have the words to tell you, they still are human and know when they are suffering.
2. give them something they like, something sweet, a piece of candy.
3. give them a hug, and let them learn to trust you and/or their caregiver
4. then they will learn to be able to listen to you, and go through proper stages of development
5. help them to adapt to child things, like enjoying toys, cartoons, etc.
I was a babysitter, providing child care a few years back, and this is some of what I learned.
When they learn to like you, sometimes, things just go better.
Hope it works out.
You didn't list this problem in your post, but the public library has some good resources for child caring.
My local library had a booklet, titled, "Big Book of Family Health"
Let me share, even if you already know this, or don't need it, maybe it will help you in some way now or in the future.
Teeth Grinding
Grinding can be associated with daytime stress, so help kids relax.
Encourage physical activity and fresh air, it helps kids fall asleep faster
How to Break The Habit of Parting with the Pacifier
Good Sleep
Dim the lights
Light, soothing sounds, music
Bedtime snack
You may be able to access more useful information on their website at www.chesapeakefamily.com
You may not live in Maryland, but the website is world wide, good stuff, the internet!
God Bless
R
Welcome to a new online series on parenting advice with our expert Dr. Deborah Wood.
Last week I was shopping and my daughter, 4, just had a monster tantrum. You could hear her all over the store, and nothing I tried made it stop. What’s the best way to handle public tantrums?
Let’s say you absolutely have to buy light bulbs. You have just enough time to do this after ballet class and before dinner. Three risk factors are lining up. In your favor, your four-year-old may not protest riding in a shopping basket because she’s worn out from pliés and pirouettes. But it’s close to dinner time, her best ballet friend Rochelle was mean to her today, and she has no interest in light bulbs.
Timing is critical in running errands with a young child in tow. What’s her most cooperative time of day? How long is she comfortable with being out and about? When does her hunger alarm go off? Try to avoid a shopping trip that doesn’t fit her schedule.
If you must run an errand close to feeding time, plan for such emergencies by stocking the car with instant edibles (granola bars, for example) or buy a satisfying snack for her before you head toward the light bulb aisle. Everyone is more compliant on a full stomach.
Social connections are very important at age four. “Rochelle says I can’t go to her party!” is a tragedy (albeit usually fleeting) of the worst kind. If you sense something is wrong, with a little fishing (four-year-olds are pretty free with expressing feelings!) she’ll tell you all about it. Get in the habit of clearing your mind when you reunite with your daughter, so you have room for hers. Asking her to share her thoughts and feelings is a good preventative measure for emotional explosions. If appropriate, offer your heartfelt sympathy or some useful advice on sustaining friendships.
What’s her part in the light bulb mission? A shopping trip, or any errand, can be intellectually satisfying if you make it so. What part of the house is in the dark? Why should she care? If the reason for the shopping trip is all yours and not at all hers, you’ll have to come up with a mission of her own. Various shopping trips can have four-year-old missions built in. Have her choose something about the purchase (color, flavor, etc.). If there’s a produce scale, let her put the fruits and vegetables on it. Let her look for letters in her name on the packaging. Keep coupons in your wallet for her to match (you don’t even have to buy these things, just keep her sharp eyes in practice). If something’s in stoick you know she’s had her eye on so you can let Granddaddy know the price - he might just want to buy something like that for the next gifting occasion). If you use cash (well, some people do!) let your daughter count out the pennies. If you keep at least 10 pennies in your wallet, this task can be handled as a matter of routine at each shopping trip.
Now the crisis tantrum. Two main reasons need to be understood. 1) She is at her wit’s end (she’s tired, hungry, sad, angry, bored to tears, or something equally awful) and you aren’t helping her. Or 2) She is near her wit’s end and hopes the scene will get some action from you on her behalf. If, as you say, “Nothing made it stop” take her out as soon as possible. Game over. You may have to come back another time for the light bulb.
Dr. Deborah Wood is a child development specialist in Annapolis. She holds a doctorate in Human Development from the University of Maryland at College Park and is founding director of the Chesapeake Children's Museum. Long time fans and new readers can find many of her "Understanding Children" columns archived on the Chesapeake Family Magazine website. You can find her online at www.drdebbiewood.com
Last week I was shopping and my daughter, 4, just had a monster tantrum. You could hear her all over the store, and nothing I tried made it stop. What’s the best way to handle public tantrums?
-Where’s the Switch?
The best way to handle public tantrums is to avoid setting them up. The second best way is to take your child home.Let’s say you absolutely have to buy light bulbs. You have just enough time to do this after ballet class and before dinner. Three risk factors are lining up. In your favor, your four-year-old may not protest riding in a shopping basket because she’s worn out from pliés and pirouettes. But it’s close to dinner time, her best ballet friend Rochelle was mean to her today, and she has no interest in light bulbs.
Timing is critical in running errands with a young child in tow. What’s her most cooperative time of day? How long is she comfortable with being out and about? When does her hunger alarm go off? Try to avoid a shopping trip that doesn’t fit her schedule.
If you must run an errand close to feeding time, plan for such emergencies by stocking the car with instant edibles (granola bars, for example) or buy a satisfying snack for her before you head toward the light bulb aisle. Everyone is more compliant on a full stomach.
Social connections are very important at age four. “Rochelle says I can’t go to her party!” is a tragedy (albeit usually fleeting) of the worst kind. If you sense something is wrong, with a little fishing (four-year-olds are pretty free with expressing feelings!) she’ll tell you all about it. Get in the habit of clearing your mind when you reunite with your daughter, so you have room for hers. Asking her to share her thoughts and feelings is a good preventative measure for emotional explosions. If appropriate, offer your heartfelt sympathy or some useful advice on sustaining friendships.
What’s her part in the light bulb mission? A shopping trip, or any errand, can be intellectually satisfying if you make it so. What part of the house is in the dark? Why should she care? If the reason for the shopping trip is all yours and not at all hers, you’ll have to come up with a mission of her own. Various shopping trips can have four-year-old missions built in. Have her choose something about the purchase (color, flavor, etc.). If there’s a produce scale, let her put the fruits and vegetables on it. Let her look for letters in her name on the packaging. Keep coupons in your wallet for her to match (you don’t even have to buy these things, just keep her sharp eyes in practice). If something’s in stoick you know she’s had her eye on so you can let Granddaddy know the price - he might just want to buy something like that for the next gifting occasion). If you use cash (well, some people do!) let your daughter count out the pennies. If you keep at least 10 pennies in your wallet, this task can be handled as a matter of routine at each shopping trip.
Now the crisis tantrum. Two main reasons need to be understood. 1) She is at her wit’s end (she’s tired, hungry, sad, angry, bored to tears, or something equally awful) and you aren’t helping her. Or 2) She is near her wit’s end and hopes the scene will get some action from you on her behalf. If, as you say, “Nothing made it stop” take her out as soon as possible. Game over. You may have to come back another time for the light bulb.
Dr. Deborah Wood is a child development specialist in Annapolis. She holds a doctorate in Human Development from the University of Maryland at College Park and is founding director of the Chesapeake Children's Museum. Long time fans and new readers can find many of her "Understanding Children" columns archived on the Chesapeake Family Magazine website. You can find her online at www.drdebbiewood.com