Johnoble: what an excellent topic for a thread, thank you!!!
This subject also ties in with the issue of the avoidance of being "unequally yoked", as we have all seen argued to death in the forums and all over the site. My personal issue with this is that it seems many people seem to forget that a believer can be just as unequally yoked with another believer, and in my mind, that can lead to a situation of "missionary dating" just as much as with an unbeliever.
For example, I was raised in a strict Lutheran background that considers such things as praying in the Holy Spirit to be demonic. I am now part of the Assemblies of God, which sees this doctrine as a very helpful Christian tool, but not essential to salvation, and I have found it to be a big source of comfort in my own Christian walk. Now, could I see myself dating someone who didn't believe in praying in the Spirit but was at least supportive of the fact that I did? Possibly, as long as the person was not condemning or critical. However, if I thought to myself, "Maybe I can get him to believe in and practice this eventually," and he thought, "Maybe over time I can convince her to abandon this ridiculous idea," I think we would both be guilty of missionary dating and probably headed for a disaster. And there are some things I would not budge on--for instance, I consider the belief in the Trinity to be essential and could not date someone who claimed to be a Christian but did not believe in the Trinity.
I admit that in the past I have met guys whom I would wistfully look at and think, "If only...." (He believed in such-and-such, went to church a little more, was more of a practicing Christian, etc.) I could so fall for him... but... not wanting to be unfair in trying to change him, I've tried to choose to squelch the feelings, ask God to take the attraction away, and move on.
Ironically, I had a situation in which a non-Christian guy friend tried to convince me to date him over a long period of time, and, at the advice of a friend, started showing up at my church every Sunday in an effort to change my mind. We never did date, but he would up becoming a vital part of that church's youth program (I have since moved on to another church, as I felt this was where God led me.)
The problem I find now is that a guy who is in the "searching" phase or not so sure where he stands is often much more open-minded and non-judgmental (this is only my own observation of course, not an absolute) than a lot of Christian guys I've met who are so militant and inflexible in their beliefs (meaning, they judge everyone else while thinking they're always correct because they believe they have the Word to back up their Pharisitical attitudes) that I don't feel comfortable telling them much of anything about my life, let alone want to marry someone like that.
Someone who is still sorting out his beliefs can seem much more appealing than someone who is rigid and dead-set in his ways if they differ from yours because of course, it's human to think, or wish, if incorrectly, that the more open-minded person is the better candidate to possibly come to see things as you do.
I also struggle with the fact that I find that many of the guys I've met who are still "feeling out the path" have lived much cleaner and morally respectable lives than many of the Christian guys I've met (I am NOT trying to knock the good Christian guys out there--you guys keep hanging on and I hope I run into you soon!) and for me, a guy who's lived a more conservative lifestyle and is still looking for God is much more appealing than a Christian guy who's had a wild past and demands your understanding and forgiveness in an arrogant way.
I'm sure this is part of the reason why I'm still single!!
But the hard part for me as well is that God is such an ingrained part of my life, I can't see marrying someone who didn't have that as well or I would feel lonelier than ever because I couldn't talk to him about the most vital aspect of my life, and of course, trying to change him would simply be wrong.
