Hi all! 
I just want to ask you guys this:
What life experience did you have that made you say "I'm never gonna fall in love again"?
Or, if you've never been in love, what made you say "I'm never gonna fall in love"?
Looking back, i believe i've said this a lot of times XD and pretty much ate my own words (it tastes good with a little salt, or sugar). I'll share the more significant ones here.
I remember having this really intense crush on a childhood friend (cousin of my neighbor/gal pal), who often spent summer at our hometown. I first met him when i was 10 or 11, i believe, and he was the same age or a year older. He had these really intense eyes, and a mischievous smile. We had a blast playing video games together, playing street games (tag, hide and seek, dodge ball, etc.), and hanging around the playground. I initially didn't feel anything for him. But i guess when you're always side by side, laughing and teasing each other, and seeing that glint in his eyes that says he's genuinely happy and enjoying your company....something grows inside. Before i knew it, whenever we sat together, my skin starts feeling electrified at the slightest contact. I also started getting nervous whenever my folks tell me he's on the phone calling for me, or waiting for me outside our house. And, whenever i see him...my face can't help but stretch into a hypersmile (i am laughing at myself now, remembering all this XD). I don't know if he noticed any changes in my behavior. I did my best not to run and hide (which was my norm in dealing with crushes when i was much younger XD), and pretty much hung around him like i always did. I didn't know if the feeling was mutual, either...i never had the courage to ask. I was such a tomboy then...i never could imagine him getting attracted to me and seeing me as a girl. So things just went as they were, and we enjoyed spending time together with our other friends (with me being extra happy, of course).
Then, my other gal pal came along, which pretty much messed things up.
She was younger than me, but definitely much more of a girl, and pretty forward with her interest on this guy. So, she flirted with him openly, and got closer to him often. Of course, i steered clear when she veered the guy into just being with her wherever we went. But i was starting to feel incredibly uncomfty and jealous, 'coz he was showing signs that he was enjoying the attention. So i ended up just letting them be. He wasn't attached to me, after all. But it left me with sleepless nights, wondering if he really is into her, and that whatever we had was just nothing more than two buddies playing games and having fun. I never wanted to assume anything...but something told me something was there. That he held his gaze with me longer than guy friends usually do. That when he held my hands when we were teasing, it felt like he wants to let it linger, and didn't want to let go. And when we were side by side, he was really leaning into me, even though there was so much space on his side where he just scoot over and be more comfortable. The questions in my head, and the yearning that stirred insomniac butterflies in my stomach drove me crazy...
Yup. It was a case of puppy love for me XD
Now, how was this concluded? Well...
The last time i saw him was the summer before he started highschool. It meant he could no longer go to visit our hometown and spend summers there...it was even being considered that he'll be studying overseas (in the US, where most of his folks are). There was a birthday celebration at my gal pal's house (his cousin). Me and my bestie (the only one who knew i had feelings for him) went there together. I didn't want to go, because i just felt sad, knowing that it was the last time i'll be seeing him. But my BFF told me i had to be there, to know if he had feelings for me too. She said that, if he does, he'll do something that day. So, even though i wasn't in a celebrating mood, i went to the party. They had lots of relatives there that day. My BFF went ahead inside the house to look for our friends, while i stayed at the garden, alone. I told her i'll wait for her. I sat down one of the chairs there. After a few minutes, i felt these warm, gentle hands on my shoulders, and a warm presence behind me. Feeling so blue, i leaned my head on one hand, and put my hand over the other. My BFF came back very soon, i thought. I felt comforted at once. I said "Oh, D (short for Diana, my BFF's name)....this is just so hard. I don't want to see him go....i wish i knew what to say to him....i wish he knew how i feel, and he'd tell me what he feels too...." We stayed like that, just quiet for some minutes. Then, wordlessly, the hands came off my shoulders. Still, just silence. I never turned my back. In a few seconds, i saw my BFF appear at my line of sight. Suddenly, i felt so shocked. "Who was standing behind me a few minutes ago?!", i asked myself. I turned my back, but no one was there. Then the realization came....it was him. I was blown away....D was asking what was wrong, and all i could tell her was "He came, D....and now, he knows..." Later, he came out of the house. He looked at me...and he smiled. It wasn't his signature mischievous smile. It was warm and sweet and happy....i felt like crying, as he held that gaze on me, then he went to mingle with his relatives. We never talked that day. There weren't any goodbyes. I was happy and sad at the same time....i didn't know how to deal with what i felt. When i got home, i just cried and sighed....i said, i don't want to fall in love again...never again. If it meant going crazy over a guy that was gonna be leaving me eventually.
So highschool started. We never got in touch. I had new crushes, but nothing like what i felt for him. I eventually got over my feelings for him without noticing it.
Then, one day, when i was 16 or 17, and about to start college. I got a call from him. The old feelings returned somewhat, but i wasn't aflutter like i was before. The years have dampened it all somewhat. Still, i was happy to hear from him. He asked how i was, and i said i was ok, enjoyed my highschool years. I returned the question, and then we talked about our college plans. Then he asked me a question, to which i don't know if i'll regret my response to. He asked me if i had grown up. If i had become a lady. Laughingly, i said, of course i grew up physically. But i'm still the girl he knew before. That i'm still the same. Something told me that it wasn't the answer he was looking for. He cut the call short, and just wished me well. We never talked again.
A part of me regretted my answer to that question. But, then again, why pretend to be what i wasn't? I was still a girl then. Still enjoyed street and video games. Still wasn't into make-up, and girly dresses. I haven't changed my childlike heart until present. Yes, i wear make-up now, but only for formal gatherings, and to be presentable for work (very light, and barely there). I'm still not super fond of girly dresses. I'm still a little toughie, but with a slight sway on my hips when i walk. I'll never be that lady that he's looking for. I don't think he's the guy for me. I found out from my gal pal/his cousin that he was into vices and pornography (even invited her to do it with him...that really turned me off!) He wasn't a Christian, after all. There's no point in wishing we'd have something more. I don't know where he is now, if he's married and has kids already. I'm not really interested to find out, even if there's facebook. I guess the most i could do is pray for him and his family, and share GOD's Word to him when i get the chance.
That concludes the very first of many times i said i'll never fall in love again XD
I'll be sharing something more serious in my next post.
Here's a song that's looping in my head now. Apt for the thread, too[video=youtube;bWeWwoZ6JLg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWeWwoZ6JLg[/video]
I just want to ask you guys this:
What life experience did you have that made you say "I'm never gonna fall in love again"
?Or, if you've never been in love, what made you say "I'm never gonna fall in love"
?Looking back, i believe i've said this a lot of times XD and pretty much ate my own words (it tastes good with a little salt, or sugar
). I'll share the more significant ones here.I remember having this really intense crush on a childhood friend (cousin of my neighbor/gal pal), who often spent summer at our hometown. I first met him when i was 10 or 11, i believe, and he was the same age or a year older. He had these really intense eyes, and a mischievous smile. We had a blast playing video games together, playing street games (tag, hide and seek, dodge ball, etc.), and hanging around the playground. I initially didn't feel anything for him. But i guess when you're always side by side, laughing and teasing each other, and seeing that glint in his eyes that says he's genuinely happy and enjoying your company....something grows inside. Before i knew it, whenever we sat together, my skin starts feeling electrified at the slightest contact. I also started getting nervous whenever my folks tell me he's on the phone calling for me, or waiting for me outside our house. And, whenever i see him...my face can't help but stretch into a hypersmile (i am laughing at myself now, remembering all this XD). I don't know if he noticed any changes in my behavior. I did my best not to run and hide (which was my norm in dealing with crushes when i was much younger XD), and pretty much hung around him like i always did. I didn't know if the feeling was mutual, either...i never had the courage to ask. I was such a tomboy then...i never could imagine him getting attracted to me and seeing me as a girl. So things just went as they were, and we enjoyed spending time together with our other friends (with me being extra happy, of course).
Then, my other gal pal came along, which pretty much messed things up.
She was younger than me, but definitely much more of a girl, and pretty forward with her interest on this guy. So, she flirted with him openly, and got closer to him often. Of course, i steered clear when she veered the guy into just being with her wherever we went. But i was starting to feel incredibly uncomfty and jealous, 'coz he was showing signs that he was enjoying the attention. So i ended up just letting them be. He wasn't attached to me, after all. But it left me with sleepless nights, wondering if he really is into her, and that whatever we had was just nothing more than two buddies playing games and having fun. I never wanted to assume anything...but something told me something was there. That he held his gaze with me longer than guy friends usually do. That when he held my hands when we were teasing, it felt like he wants to let it linger, and didn't want to let go. And when we were side by side, he was really leaning into me, even though there was so much space on his side where he just scoot over and be more comfortable. The questions in my head, and the yearning that stirred insomniac butterflies in my stomach drove me crazy...
Yup. It was a case of puppy love for me XD
Now, how was this concluded? Well...
The last time i saw him was the summer before he started highschool. It meant he could no longer go to visit our hometown and spend summers there...it was even being considered that he'll be studying overseas (in the US, where most of his folks are). There was a birthday celebration at my gal pal's house (his cousin). Me and my bestie (the only one who knew i had feelings for him) went there together. I didn't want to go, because i just felt sad, knowing that it was the last time i'll be seeing him. But my BFF told me i had to be there, to know if he had feelings for me too. She said that, if he does, he'll do something that day. So, even though i wasn't in a celebrating mood, i went to the party. They had lots of relatives there that day. My BFF went ahead inside the house to look for our friends, while i stayed at the garden, alone. I told her i'll wait for her. I sat down one of the chairs there. After a few minutes, i felt these warm, gentle hands on my shoulders, and a warm presence behind me. Feeling so blue, i leaned my head on one hand, and put my hand over the other. My BFF came back very soon, i thought. I felt comforted at once. I said "Oh, D (short for Diana, my BFF's name)....this is just so hard. I don't want to see him go....i wish i knew what to say to him....i wish he knew how i feel, and he'd tell me what he feels too...." We stayed like that, just quiet for some minutes. Then, wordlessly, the hands came off my shoulders. Still, just silence. I never turned my back. In a few seconds, i saw my BFF appear at my line of sight. Suddenly, i felt so shocked. "Who was standing behind me a few minutes ago?!", i asked myself. I turned my back, but no one was there. Then the realization came....it was him. I was blown away....D was asking what was wrong, and all i could tell her was "He came, D....and now, he knows..." Later, he came out of the house. He looked at me...and he smiled. It wasn't his signature mischievous smile. It was warm and sweet and happy....i felt like crying, as he held that gaze on me, then he went to mingle with his relatives. We never talked that day. There weren't any goodbyes. I was happy and sad at the same time....i didn't know how to deal with what i felt. When i got home, i just cried and sighed....i said, i don't want to fall in love again...never again. If it meant going crazy over a guy that was gonna be leaving me eventually.
So highschool started. We never got in touch. I had new crushes, but nothing like what i felt for him. I eventually got over my feelings for him without noticing it.
Then, one day, when i was 16 or 17, and about to start college. I got a call from him. The old feelings returned somewhat, but i wasn't aflutter like i was before. The years have dampened it all somewhat. Still, i was happy to hear from him. He asked how i was, and i said i was ok, enjoyed my highschool years. I returned the question, and then we talked about our college plans. Then he asked me a question, to which i don't know if i'll regret my response to. He asked me if i had grown up. If i had become a lady. Laughingly, i said, of course i grew up physically. But i'm still the girl he knew before. That i'm still the same. Something told me that it wasn't the answer he was looking for. He cut the call short, and just wished me well. We never talked again.
A part of me regretted my answer to that question. But, then again, why pretend to be what i wasn't? I was still a girl then. Still enjoyed street and video games. Still wasn't into make-up, and girly dresses. I haven't changed my childlike heart until present. Yes, i wear make-up now, but only for formal gatherings, and to be presentable for work (very light, and barely there). I'm still not super fond of girly dresses. I'm still a little toughie, but with a slight sway on my hips when i walk. I'll never be that lady that he's looking for. I don't think he's the guy for me. I found out from my gal pal/his cousin that he was into vices and pornography (even invited her to do it with him...that really turned me off!) He wasn't a Christian, after all. There's no point in wishing we'd have something more. I don't know where he is now, if he's married and has kids already. I'm not really interested to find out, even if there's facebook. I guess the most i could do is pray for him and his family, and share GOD's Word to him when i get the chance.
That concludes the very first of many times i said i'll never fall in love again XD
I'll be sharing something more serious in my next post.
Here's a song that's looping in my head now. Apt for the thread, too
[video=youtube;bWeWwoZ6JLg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWeWwoZ6JLg[/video]
