She/He seems nice but....

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arwen83

Guest
#1
#1
I'm sure among us there are a few of us who got up the nerve to ask someone out on a date. And reversely, may of had someone get the nerve to ask us out on a date. This move can risk rejection, and that's where things can get a little awkward. I've had this happen to me once while in high school, but I was sincerely not looking to date anyone so I told him that. Whether or not you have had this experience, I would like to know your thoughts on if this did happen to you:

What would you do/say to someone who asked you out on a date, but you had no attraction (physically, personality, character, or whatever else) to them and no desire to go on a date with them?

Would you still go regardless of this attraction because they asked? Or let them down gently? And what would that look like? What would you say? Would you say that you're not looking at dating anyone at the moment (which may be true)? Would you be honest if it wasn't true?
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#2
#2
I'd try to be honest about it but blunt in a loving way. I'd say something along the lines of, "No, thank you. I'm not interested in you." "I don't feel we have any common ground/interests."
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#3
#3
ahhh. .. . I'd be careful to not lead them on. So i guess I'd endup saying the wrong think like I always do and accidently hurt their feeling more then i should have. >_> but letting someone think theres a chance when there isn't is torture. I guess like Tintin said "I'm not interested in you that way. sorry." ^_^. that'll work for me!
 
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Tintin

Guest
#4
#4
Please understand that I have absolutely no experience with this but I know that I would want someone to be blunt with me, rather than beat around the bush because I hate that sort of thing! One would hurt for awhile but the other would bring both hurt and serious confusion. Psychological mind games are evil and should be avoided. Girls, don't spare the guy his feelings. Rejection hurts either way but it's best to be brutal but loving, honest but kind. At least then, the guy will no where he stands and there will be none of that Friends or More? crap.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#5
I got turned down many times and these are the most common reasons they gave me:


Thanks for asking but I have a boyfriend.

I only think of you as a friend. (this one hurt the most!)

Thanks but I'm already seeing someone. (dating someone who hasn't earned the title of boyfriend yet)

And last but not least...

I really don't want to date anyone right now.


Ahhhhh the memories. :/
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#6
#6
"I'm just not interested in you".

See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#7
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#7
I would just say no thank you. And leave it at that.

I prefer to leave my No's as No's and not try to reason with them or justify why I said no.

I don't want to leave the possibility that there is a Reason that can be fixed as to why I don't like someone.


I don't really date for fun, so I wouldn't really want to go out with them. We could be group friends but, I would not want to give any false hope.

Few things in life are more painful than False hope, because one person decided it was easier than being honest.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#8
You can always burst out in uncontrollable laughter and then pat him on the shoulder and say, "That was a good one!"

 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
In my teens i asked a girl out from my youth group. I didn't know her, we'd never even talked, but i observed her each week and she seemed to have a good spirit about her, and of course she was cute. She made some excuse which i knew meant 'never', so i left it alone. I always hated the idea of asking people out you don't know. Thats the only time in my life i did it.

I was the only Christian in my high school, and i was pretty bold about it. Carried my bible on top of my school books, wore Christian t-shirts. Probably 99% of the people in my school were partiers, drinkers and druggies (no exaggeration). So i guess i stood out as a nice guy, and not ashamed of who i was, even in the face of being different than everyone. So on two occasions i had girls want to date me. One asked directly, and the other asked her friend, who i was good friends with, to talk to me. I think in both cases i just said i didn't date non-Christians, which was true, but also a good way out of it, since i found neither girl remotely attractive anyways, haha.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#10
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#10
i just would say no...or no thanks politely
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#11
#11
"I'm sorry, I don't see us being compatible in the long-run. But I'm flattered you asked."

Back in the old days, I've been asked out a couple times. I had to say no for that exact reason. One of them wanted kids someday (yikes). And the other one seemed kinda manipulative, and I just knew that if we went out, I'd get on his nerves on accident on a regular basis.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
I stink at this...I got nothin
 
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jakeislegendary

Guest
#13
#13
i always say, 'sure'. and schedule it during working hours, so i can say, oops had to work late. zinngggggg
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#14
#14
I always just say no thank you........ It's much better than giving them a meaningless platitude. I haven't got to go out with every single woman I've asked either, it's just a fact of life. It's not a personal thing.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#15
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#15
Would you still go regardless of this attraction because they asked? I would pray for wisdom really quick. Stock response, maybe, but it's the way I handle things. I try to take myself out of it and be willing to give everyone a chance, even if the answer ends up being "no".

Or let them down gently? As gently as possible, but you still have to be decisive.

And what would that look like? If you say something as gentle as "We aren't right for each other", then that leaves the door open for the inevitable "How do you know?", to which ANY response at all will sound insulting.

What would you say? I think the best thing to do is to thank them for asking, but decline.
Would you say that you're not looking at dating anyone at the moment (which may be true)? Yes.

Would you be honest if it wasn't true? Yes, but it's hard to imagine it being untrue.
 
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Robbinette

Guest
#16
#16
arwen83 said:
I'm sure among us there are a few of us who got up the nerve to ask someone out on a date. And reversely, may of had someone get the nerve to ask us out on a date. This move can risk rejection, and that's where things can get a little awkward. I've had this happen to me once while in high school, but I was sincerely not looking to date anyone so I told him that. Whether or not you have had this experience, I would like to know your thoughts on if this did happen to you:

What would you do/say to someone who asked you out on a date, but you had no attraction (physically, personality, character, or whatever else) to them and no desire to go on a date with them?

Would you still go regardless of this attraction because they asked? Or let them down gently? And what would that look like? What would you say? Would you say that you're not looking at dating anyone at the moment (which may be true)? Would you be honest if it wasn't true?
Click to expand...
Okay I've actually done this both ways by going and by turning down gently. On the one I went it was to the movies and it was fun but I knew before I went that it wasn't going to work out but I made myself go because I wanted to be sure that I gave him a chance before I shot him down. On the second. He asked to me to go out to dinner one weekend and I just told him "well I'm actually talking to someone right now I'm sorry but thank you so much for asking" technically it was not a lie I was about to call my mom and 'talk' to her. But I already knew that homeboy was notta for mea :D
 
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Tintin

Guest
#19
#19
Wow, Rachel. You're looking good! Lovely smile, as always. :)
 
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