SHOULD I STOP TALKING?

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daniella

Guest
#1
#1
hi everbody I want you people to give me a solution for this.:confused:

I have a girl named sharon as my friend,we have been friends since we were 6 months old.our dads were friends too.both of them hold some important position in our church.but 5 yrs before there was a fight between my dad and her dad,concerning some money thing.it seems her dad stole some money from church offerings and when my dad asks abt it,it seems he fought back.so our dads don't talk.but still she is my friend,but in recent times my dad is resisting me from talking to her.last sunday he saw me speaking to her,and he scolded me.

what do I do now ,should I quit talking to her?
 
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BellaFlor

Guest
#2
#2
No. That your father and his father has a bad relationship shouldn´t affect your relationship to her. You are old enough to make your own choices now, like who you want to be friends with. And least if you are really good friends. Why should your fathers come between you both? It is like if you have met the one you want to marry, and if your parents wouldn't have approved that, it would be foolish to obey them and leave that person that you are loving so very very much. If you are afraid of your father, perhaps meeting your friend a bit hidden could be a good option too? But don't stop speaking to her, don't let your father break that friendship of yours.
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#3
#3
BellaFlor said:
No. That your father and his father has a bad relationship shouldn´t affect your relationship to her. You are old enough to make your own choices now, like who you want to be friends with. And least if you are really good friends. Why should your fathers come between you both? It is like if you have met the one you want to marry, and if your parents wouldn't have approved that, it would be foolish to obey them and leave that person that you are loving so very very much. If you are afraid of your father, perhaps meeting your friend a bit hidden could be a good option too? But don't stop speaking to her, don't let your father break that friendship of yours.
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if you both adults - they are overstepping their authority to prevent either of you talking
 
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daniella

Guest
#4
#4
hi bella,
thnx for that .I meet her every sunday
I should try to have hidden meetings with her
 
D

daniella

Guest
#5
#5
thnx greatkraw
 
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BellaFlor

Guest
#6
#6
daniella said:
hi bella,
thnx for that .I meet her every sunday
I should try to have hidden meetings with her
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Well, that depends on how your father is with you. Still, you should feel free talking to her when meeting her at church too. It is so sad when parents can get like that, wanting to decide for you whether you can talk to your friend or not. It is not your fault nor her's that they are not talking with each others anymore, neither your fault what happened or not.

But sure, if your father's reactions can frighten you, then it is maybe best meeting her when he isn't around.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#7
#7
I don't think you should stop talking to her, your fathers personal issues with her father should have no affect on your friendships, as said you are 18 and now have every right to decide things for yourself without seeking parental permission.

In my opinion meeting in secret is not a particularly good idea, if you wish to be an adult and be treated as one you need to show courage and make decisons for yourself without hiding away out of fear, you are now at an age where your father needs to show you respect as you show it to him, he will not feel inclined to do that if you fail to act as an adult, and having secret meetings to avoid upsetting him is not how an adult would behave. An adult would tell him that they are capable of deciding what relationships they wish to pursue and that his problems with another person have no bearing on those choices.

It may be tough to stand up to him, but if you don't do it now when will you, at some point you have to stop allowing a parents decisions to override your own desires otherwise it might never stop.
 
S

Shine

Guest
#8
#8
Hi Danilla

I might not have much credibility on this one but I concur with most of the advise that has been given to you. Firstly I'm very saddened by the actions of both dads. Not that I'm vilifying any of them. After all we are all human beings(susceptible to mistakes) striving for perfection(displayed by Jesus Christ on earth). But you should remind your Dad that a grudge will always be an obstacle in this walk of Christ. It doesn't matter who was on the wrong, remind him that falling into the trap of not forgiving another person only pleases the Devil. Share the same reconciliatory word with your pal. They should both work through their point of misunderstanding. Remember that God forgives us unconditionally why should we hold grudges against one another. Going to church must not be a mandatory session for finding temporary reprieve from our iniquities. It must be a fulfilment of the love between brothers and sisters in Christ. I sometimes simulate it to a place where souls mimic the spiritual processions in the heavenly places.I hope that we all envisage a scenario where no one follows Christ hypocritically. If your Dad is too temperamental just remind him that one of the most powerful commandments in the bible,says that Love your neighbour as you love yourself. Jesus went on to infer that loving one another should be reminiscent of the love he showed to us, that is his priceless death so that we all could be cleansed of our sins.

I know that you are still a bit young but try to get that confidence and I'm sure that your father will thank you someday. Have you ever realised that the act of forgiving always seems difficult but the fruits reaped from doing so are immeasurable. The Big question is How does someone pray effective prayers if they are holding a grudge against someone else.

I pray that God gives you(both) wisdom and courage to be a blessing to your DADS. Because it's always easier said than done.I wish that the church as a whole can restore the fundamental principles of the word of God and not just doing things out of formality. This feeling of bitterness against other people has an uncanny way of replicating amongst the children of God.

If these words are too strong forgive me, I'm just at a soul-searching point myself.

God Bless you.
 
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swimlove2029

Guest
#9
#9
Dont quit talking to her. talk to your dad about how you feel about this. I think that since she is YOURE bestfriend that you should be allowed to talk to you and you talk to her. Its not right what your father is doing.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#10
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#10
Might remind dad the church goer about forgiveness.
 
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daniella

Guest
#11
#11
hi everybody,
but now there is a problem.my dad has forgiven her dad but her dad doesn't.and last week it seems that he has threatened to kill my dad I'm afraid that something might happen do pray for this.it seems that he has sent two of my dad's friends to jail by a false complaint and all they did was.....they supported my dad. wonder why people are like this :(
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#12
#12
daniella said:
hi everybody,
but now there is a problem.my dad has forgiven her dad but her dad doesn't.and last week it seems that he has threatened to kill my dad I'm afraid that something might happen do pray for this.it seems that he has sent two of my dad's friends to jail by a false complaint and all they did was.....they supported my dad. wonder why people are like this :(
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we are talking about 2 guys who are supposed christians?

I have had some experience of indian guys; they are typically arrogant, i can only think of one exception from this in my experience

all i can do is pray
 
QuestionTime

QuestionTime

Senior Member
#13
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
38
#13
daniella said:
hi everbody I want you people to give me a solution for this.:confused:

I have a girl named sharon as my friend,we have been friends since we were 6 months old.our dads were friends too.both of them hold some important position in our church.but 5 yrs before there was a fight between my dad and her dad,concerning some money thing.it seems her dad stole some money from church offerings and when my dad asks abt it,it seems he fought back.so our dads don't talk.but still she is my friend,but in recent times my dad is resisting me from talking to her.last sunday he saw me speaking to her,and he scolded me.

what do I do now ,should I quit talking to her?
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That's quite the pickle that situation of yours...

My opinion is that your Dad is wrong to scold you. By doing so he is punishing the daughter for the crimes of her father and God does not approve of this.

Ezekiel 18:
20The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.

Just nicely ask to speak to your Dad when he is in a good mood and give your Dad that scripture. He should apologize and admit his wrong. If he doesn't then he is the one doing wrong, not you. In that case I suppose it depends on how old you are, if you should obey him or not.

Quest
 
QuestionTime

QuestionTime

Senior Member
#14
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
38
#14
daniella said:
hi everybody,
but now there is a problem.my dad has forgiven her dad but her dad doesn't.and last week it seems that he has threatened to kill my dad I'm afraid that something might happen do pray for this.it seems that he has sent two of my dad's friends to jail by a false complaint and all they did was.....they supported my dad. wonder why people are like this :(
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I don't know how things are in your country, but how people can go to jail over a false complaint I don't know. If I were you I would find a different church to attend as something is seriously wrong in that church and your personal safety is at risk. I'd recommend to your Dad to do the same. Maintaining a friendship with this girl at this point doesn't sound like a sensible thing to do.

Quest
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#15
#15
you need to do what you can not to inflame the situation

you and your friend can keep in touch discreetly

email and sms/testing

you may also accidently bump into each other from time to time

do you like going to the library?
 
Ashton

Ashton

Banned
#16
Feb 18, 2010
191
0
0
#16
daniella said:
hi everbody I want you people to give me a solution for this.:confused:

I have a girl named sharon as my friend,we have been friends since we were 6 months old.our dads were friends too.both of them hold some important position in our church.but 5 yrs before there was a fight between my dad and her dad,concerning some money thing.it seems her dad stole some money from church offerings and when my dad asks abt it,it seems he fought back.so our dads don't talk.but still she is my friend,but in recent times my dad is resisting me from talking to her.last sunday he saw me speaking to her,and he scolded me.

what do I do now ,should I quit talking to her?
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My advice: obey whatever he tells you to. This should not be a matter of discussion for a Christian. But pray about it and also tell him how you feel about it and if necessary ask him if you can continue being her friend and talking to her. Many times we get frightened when confronted with the possibility of losing what we want when in reality we should keep a level head and go about it in an appropriate way. If his own daughter asks him if she can continue being friends with her friend after explaining herself in a kind way, then I'm sure your father would have a harder time turning you down. But in all things obey God. This means obeying your parents.
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#17
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#17
But when does a child become an adult? I believe the verse says "Children obey your parents".

If you are an adult that verse no longer applies.
 
Ashton

Ashton

Banned
#18
Feb 18, 2010
191
0
0
#18
Pheonix said:
But when does a child become an adult? I believe the verse says "Children obey your parents".

If you are an adult that verse no longer applies.
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Interesting thought. This brings several questions to mind:
1. Is it saying "Children of the parents, obey your parents" and thus implying our obedience into adult-hood?
2. Is it referring to a specific age-group?
3. Is it referring to offspring or legally adopted individuals who are still dependants?
4. When do we stop being children? At 14 or at 21?

I think if we used Jesus' teaching that all of the Torah was based on love, then it would be easier to see what to do in this scenario. At any rate, I believeJesus taught us to respect our parents even into adult-hood. This does not mean doing wrong for them. We have certain priorities elsewhere, too. My advice: use love and respect to guide you and think through it. If there's nothing overtly dangerous or wrong about what you're doing then I honestly don't see why explaining the situation to your dad and asking him about it shouldn't solve your problem unless he's disobeying God by being overbearing or otherwise inconsiderate to his child. Deuteronomy 5:16, Ephesians 6:1-4, Psalm 103:13
 
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daniella

Guest
#19
#19
yup greatkaw I love going to a library.things ARE different in our country if you bribe the cops you can do almost anything and to make things works my dad's ex-friend is a cop so practically he can do anything.and I do sms my friend and was scolded for that too
 
QuestionTime

QuestionTime

Senior Member
#20
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
38
#20
daniella said:
yup greatkaw I love going to a library.things ARE different in our country if you bribe the cops you can do almost anything and to make things works my dad's ex-friend is a cop so practically he can do anything.and I do sms my friend and was scolded for that too
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I would stop talking to your friend or you and your dad are going to end up with big problems.

Quest
 
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