Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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MissCris

Guest
#33,941
#33,941
We've got two barbecues to go to this weekend. And I'm starting to feel the anxiety that I've felt before every social event for the last several years because there's a voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm fat and everyone will be judging me.

There are other, more positive voices in there too, reminding me that I've lost 12 pounds, that the people we'll be with are kind and care about me, that nobody cares what I look like and they'll just be happy to see us all.

Usually the negativity wins out and I end up feeling awkward and miserable. But it occurs to me...finally...that I can choose Not to let that happen. I can decide to be happy and enjoy the weekend. That sounds a lot better than spending every moment trying to be as small and insignificant as possible in the hopes that nobody will notice my size.

Carpe diem...? Or whatever.

!!!!
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#33,942
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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#33,942
MissCris said:
We've got two barbecues to go to this weekend. And I'm starting to feel the anxiety that I've felt before every social event for the last several years because there's a voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm fat and everyone will be judging me.

There are other, more positive voices in there too, reminding me that I've lost 12 pounds, that the people we'll be with are kind and care about me, that nobody cares what I look like and they'll just be happy to see us all.

Usually the negativity wins out and I end up feeling awkward and miserable. But it occurs to me...finally...that I can choose Not to let that happen. I can decide to be happy and enjoy the weekend. That sounds a lot better than spending every moment trying to be as small and insignificant as possible in the hopes that nobody will notice my size.

Carpe diem...? Or whatever.

!!!!
Click to expand...
I know that feeling. Like... I went through this phase where I gained a lot of weight from health issues, grieving, and other things... While nobody would or should blame me for those things, I always wonder if when I visit my family or friends I haven't seen in a very long time and I leave, if they say stuff like, "Wow, she gained a lot of weight."

But honestly... even if they did, none of that really matters. Because it shouldn't be what THEY think about you, it should be what YOU think about you. That's a tough lesson to learn....
 
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skylove7

Guest
#33,943
#33,943
Ohhhh naw Miss Chris!

You go to that bbq!
You shine bright lovely!

Remember Miss Chris. ..
You are a lovely spirit.
True in Christ.

Christ is getting mocked big time now MissChris!

Its killing my heart.
But remember....

Not killing my soul.

My life in flesh is beat...wounded..conquered by the flesh world of the devils playground!

But our spirit has this MissChris!

And you go shine at that barbeque!
You go shine!

And you tell people...
Yesss
Jesus is real! :)

And God is gettin a little bit mad...

At fools mocking Jesus!

Just saying. ..:(
 
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Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#33,944
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#33,944
Dearest MissCris,
Oh Honey, have I ever lived in those pants. Mind, I don't know you well, and how well I know that one's online persona can be a bit larger than they might be in a group of strangers, but lemme tell ya: You are really quite cool. Yeah, you might be a bit (or a lot) bigger than everyone else, and I KNOW how that feels. But those people not only like you, some of them probably love you and would love for you to stop trying to squeeze your awesomeness into a tiny space so you fit in. You fit in you are being your authentic, awesome self. They love you for who you are, not what size your pants are. I'm glad that you are choosing to go and be loved on and to love on others. That's awesome.
Mostly, I just wanted to cheer you on. YOU CAN DO EET! :)
 
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skylove7

Guest
#33,945
#33,945
You go to them barbeques Miss Chris

You go shine...because you are not fat!

Nooooo way!

You are beautiful like you are MissChris.

And you go to those parties this weekend. And you shine for Jesus because he wants you to honey.

Jesus loves you and the world mocks Him worse and worse.

But he sees this baby doll.

And He loves you because you are beautiful.

Praise His name honey...and hold on.
Jesus has you :)

Be at peace babe. :)
 
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skylove7

Guest
#33,946
#33,946
Dont u dare feel shy MissChris!

You go to them bbq's this weekend.

:)

You shine and tell others you love ur Jesus!

Ur proud of ur Jesus!

The Holy Spirit is with you Cris.

Have a lovely time. :)
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#33,947
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#33,947
I should be working. I am not working. Seems there is a disconnect between my get-er-done and my gumption.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#33,948
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
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#33,948
gypsygirl said:
you people and the scales... seriously if i weighed myself that often i'd need someone to talk me off a ledge at least... oh twice a day. i'm convinced that i've gained 5 lbs consuming nothing but oxygen in only one afternoon.

plus i have a hard time entrusting my sanity to something that i can alter by simply leaning to one side or drinking a a quart of water previous to.
Click to expand...

I made a deal with my doctor. I can weigh myself once a week at home, or if my trainer wants to weigh me for all that nonsense at the gym. That's it. He knows I can get obsessive about it because my last couple doctors kinda helped freak me out about it. I'm 80 pounds down, and my last doctor made me especially neurotic about it. She was NEVER happy about how much weight I had lost between visits. Ever. This doctor is by leaps and bounds the most positive doctor I've ever had. He told me he would do anything he could to help me get scuba certified, that me losing weight was going so well, etc, etc. He's totally a gift from God. I didn't get an okay from him about joining the gym, but I don't think he'll care. :)
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#33,949
#33,949
Health doesn't hinge on weight alone, anyway. Sometimes a person can be relatively trim, yet eat and drink a lot of crap.
 
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Shouryu

Guest
#33,950
#33,950
Olerica said:
I should be working. I am not working. Seems there is a disconnect between my get-er-done and my gumption.
Click to expand...
You just described my mental fight during every vacation ever.

Including this one.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#33,951
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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#33,951
I sort of miss going out and recording stuff since I've been home.

Also...THEY'RE MOVED OUT. FINALLY. THEY'RE ALL MOVED OUT.

THANK THE LAWD.

I can buy my food. I don't have to walk on eggshells around people. I won't be having people singing off key at 4 am. FREEDOM.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#33,952
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#33,952
gypsygirl said:
you people and the scales... seriously if i weighed myself that often i'd need someone to talk me off a ledge at least... oh twice a day. i'm convinced that i've gained 5 lbs consuming nothing but oxygen in only one afternoon.

plus i have a hard time entrusting my sanity to something that i can alter by simply leaning to one side or drinking a a quart of water previous to.

find a tape measure. sanity restored. or, when i am doing really well, a certain pair of jeans. i've discovered that nothing sounds the alarm faster than when one has to resort to a sucking noise to zip up said jeans. : )
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I might be one of the few individuals who can do this, but I'm such a nerd with numbers and spreadsheets that I weigh myself every morning after I get up and use the restroom and then plug that into my spreadsheet. And then I track my progress based on the average of those numbers for the whole week. I'm just able to not freak out when the number is a little higher than it was the day before because I can see that I'm making progress overall.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#33,953
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
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#33,953
ChandlerFan said:
I might be one of the few individuals who can do this, but I'm such a nerd with numbers and spreadsheets that I weigh myself every morning after I get up and use the restroom and then plug that into my spreadsheet. And then I track my progress based on the average of those numbers for the whole week. I'm just able to not freak out when the number is a little higher than it was the day before because I can see that I'm making progress overall.
Click to expand...


That's because you're normal and healthy. The rest of us are neurotic and crazy. :D
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#33,954
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#33,954
Shouryu said:
You just described my mental fight during every vacation ever.

Including this one.
Click to expand...
Well, I took apart the drive shaft and got it all turning again. Put it back together and she's a'drivin fine. The list is down to printing labels for the stuff I baked today and... resting. :) Hope you got your stuff accomplished.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#33,955
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#33,955
productive day (amidst all these productivity woes!) -

At work, one of the developmentally disabled adults I support is having a rough time of it. His home life got violent, and APS moved him out of there, and now he is in a board and care facility. He is part of the problem though, and creates a lot of the drama. His behavior escalated today as I noticed he was fixating on some things that were bugging him at his new place. I got him to calm down by looking at things from a different angle, and then bribed him by telling him that if he has a drama--free three-day weekend at his current home, he gets to light some leftover fireworks next week. Since he was not allowed to do any of this since his family are Jehovah's Witnesses (he is not) and do not observe holidays, he is very motivated. Hope it works.

Rearranged some piano students' schedules so that my two adults who I see every other week are staggered so that I have the same slot booked. These students are both through an agency, and I had a hard time explaining over the phone how I needed them scheduled, and could not do it on line like the normally scheduled students. I teach one of them in a few minutes, plus a new student.

Got home from work early and immediately went to cleaning kitchen. I set timer for 15 minutes, then when it dinged, I played on CC and the Book of Faces, then worked another 15...etc. It's the only way I can get stuff done without going crazy.

Just made a low carb pizza with those horrible cardboard tortillas. At least the sauce was good. It's still from that same batch that was the result of my playing mad scientist. Really zesty and good!

OK, gotta unclutter the living room a little more so that my new student doesn't know that....I mean...won't think that I am a total slob.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#33,956
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#33,956
I told my customers (via facebook) if they come in and wish the person at the booth happy birthday, they'll get a vanilla cheesecake on a stick. If they sing, it'll be taken away and they'll be glared at.

My goodness, I like being a smarty pants. (and also, the Happy Birthday Song is the most embarrassing song ever, mostly because people GRIN at you while they sing it at you. And just no to that business.)

By the way? Thank you so much to those who have wished me a Happy Birthday today. :)
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#33,957
#33,957
Have you ever had the notion you were born in the wrong time? I missed mine by 150 years or so. I suppose, though it'd be all the same and the same and all of it one more time again.

I like the leather vests and a wide brim hat with a six shooter and there's nothing wrong with travel by horse and a smaller radius you ride in a lifetime. And my imagination says "would I be there now if I was alive in that time? Would it be 1875 if my now was then?" and knowing these are the thoughts of fools and a waste of time I'm in. God, help me with the things I've got to do now.

I grew up listening to Whiter Shade of Pale whose seldom sung third verse says:

If music be the food of love
then laughter is its queen
and likewise if behind is in front
then dirt in truth is clean

which I swear was piped into my mama's belly and was written about something else entirely, but always struck a chord with me. As if the notion that if you lie enough, your deception is pure. That if a sin is accepted it transforms to a virtue.

And knowing these are thoughts of fools and a waste of time I'm in.

[video=youtube;St6jyEFe5WM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St6jyEFe5WM[/video]
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#33,958
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#33,958
Olerica said:
I told my customers (via facebook) if they come in and wish the person at the booth happy birthday, they'll get a vanilla cheesecake on a stick. If they sing, it'll be taken away and they'll be glared at.

My goodness, I like being a smarty pants. (and also, the Happy Birthday Song is the most embarrassing song ever, mostly because people GRIN at you while they sing it at you. And just no to that business.)

By the way? Thank you so much to those who have wished me a Happy Birthday today. :)
Click to expand...
Happy birthday Olerica! :D And happy half-birthday, Aimee! ;)
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#33,959
#33,959
Olerica said:
I told my customers (via facebook) if they come in and wish the person at the booth happy birthday, they'll get a vanilla cheesecake on a stick. If they sing, it'll be taken away and they'll be glared at.

My goodness, I like being a smarty pants. (and also, the Happy Birthday Song is the most embarrassing song ever, mostly because people GRIN at you while they sing it at you. And just no to that business.)

By the way? Thank you so much to those who have wished me a Happy Birthday today. :)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I was trying to think of the most awkward and embarassing way to do it.



I'm pregnant, happy birthday.


Mission accomplished!
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#33,960
#33,960
ServantStrike said:
Yeah, I was trying to think of the most awkward and embarassing way to do it.



I'm pregnant, happy birthday.


Mission accomplished!
Click to expand...
You are pregnant? Congratulations are in order, I knew you had it in you:p
 
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