The Emotional Black Hole, Part 1 -- When Nothing You Do is Ever Enough.

[Stephen63]

I had some black hole days, but like many others, it was in my teen years. I wasn't saved, & loneliness would set in like a huge storm front.

What I remember most of those times was they all had two things in common:

1. I was totally isolated, pulling away from everything & everybody
2. I'd play pop & soft rock that would make it worse.

Talk about a glutton for punishment.....

Now that I'm much older (and wiser?) I realize there's a spiritual warfare going on where the enemy will do nothing but suck the life out of you.

For me, music was the open door to let Satan in, & back then it had double doors.

Those dark times ended when I got saved & started listening to praise & worship.

God's music would help when it seemed even prayer didn't.

Please take the advice of an old man that had to learn the hard way..... when you "see" the clouds gather, & you're tempted to get out that favorite albumn you've been using for years, stop, put it on the floor, & stomp it to pieces.

Then, read the Psalms of David, & be encouraged by time after time how David cried to the Lord & was delivered.

That moment will be the beginning of the end for the Devil's black holes.

This might not work for everybody, but it will work.

For those who try to help others, don't try unless you're armored from head to foot.

Some are severely depressed. Others are possessed. Pray for wisdom & strength before stepping into those situations.

That's my two pennies rubbed together. Hope it helps.

 

[toinena]

About the teaching- it seems like they forget, and you find yourself repeating things over that you thought you explained. The miracle is, some of it actually sticks. I have a student this year, that I had last year. We have a small school and I teach two grade levels. She remembered I told them they could be anything they wanted to be and she asked me last year if she could be a unicorn, and I told her "Yes, you can be a unicorn." Such a silly, off hand thing she remembered.

It is "taking" whether you can see the results or not.

Yes. I have been teaching often traumatized illiterate adults. And counting the babysteps are crucial. Both for the student but also for me. I had one student that refused to speak. After three weeks of 30 lessons a week he finally said " My name is...." And the whole class gave him a big round of applaude. Sometimes the babysteps are hard to see, though.

 

[JamesD]

I have an aunt like this. It upsets me because she is always calling my dad and talking badly about others. For example, last year for Thanksgiving, we had our dinner at my parents home. My aunt and her husband and kids were their. My mom is a sweet sweet woman. She wouldn't hurt a fly and she's hospitable too! Anyways, that night she called my dad to tell him that she didn't know why he married my mom (over 35 years ago) or why we had the dinner at their home. She just kept complaining about mom, mom's cooking, my dad's house, me and my sisters. It was crazy. I advised my dad to burn the bridge, but he didnt want to. And I understand, that's his sister. But he is keeping his distance.

 

[Galatea]

Yes. I have been teaching often traumatized illiterate adults. And counting the babysteps are crucial. Both for the student but also for me. I had one student that refused to speak. After three weeks of 30 lessons a week he finally said " My name is...." And the whole class gave him a big round of applaude. Sometimes the babysteps are hard to see, though.

God bless you in your work. It must be tough, I have a poster in my classroom that is for the kids- but more for me to remind me of the important things. It reads "People may forget what you say or do, but they won't forget how you made them feel." It is funny, but I remember realizing that the academic side of teaching is nowhere near as important as the social side of teaching. Making them feel loved and valuable is the main thing. Sometimes when I am asking a question, and there are crickets- I look at that poster and tell myself "it's alright if they still don't know what "art is subjective means" show them you care about them." It helps me.

When you see those lightbulb moments, TREASURE them and remind yourself of them when the gains seem imperceptible. I have to bring things back from my memory as an encouragement. It's a weird profession. You sometimes wonder if anything is getting absorbed.

Congratulations on your student finally opening up and talking. It must have been a lightbulb moment that would have been great to witness.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Everyone,

Do you have anyone in your life, or have you been around anyone, who is an "Emotional Black Hole"? It doesn't have to be a significant other--it could also be a family member, acquaintance, or friend.

When I say, "An Emotional Black Hole," I'm talking about the person who believes that EVERYONE hurts them, EVERYONE will let them down in some way, they've had it SO MUCH WORSE than anyone else in the world, and because of this, EVERYONE owes them something. ALL they can see is their own pain.

Although I never felt that people owed me something, I was in a place where I felt like no one would understand the pain I was in and that no one cared. My life was very toxic (and I don't mean drugs) and I couldn't see a way out no matter how badly I wanted it. I fantasized about how I'd end my life every single day. I actually tried to eat myself to death by trying to be so unhealthy that I'd have a heart attack. I was angry that it didn't happen. (Now I realize that the physical demands of my job probably offset all the unhealthy eating I did...). No one was there for me and when I tried to explain it to someone close to me they told me that it was all in my head and that I just need to try harder. No, it wasn't all in my head. That was proven when a new employee started complaining about the same things that bothered me, and they also understood why no one would understand them.

Anyway, my point is that some people are in a very bad place and they might need a lot from others or maybe they just are willing to take and take and simply not care... that is probably part of their emotional self-defense system. I'm no psychologist, but I know that when someone is in a lot of pain and hates life, they can feel less and less connected to people. I felt that way myself, and I was numb inside. If someone reached out to me though I would've been very appreciative, but maybe others are not that way. I don't think its right to speak negatively about these people..... If someone doesn't feel right giving to them, then stop and let them figure out why, or tell them.... but I don't thin we should treat them like they are doing these things willfully.

 

[seoulsearch]

Although I never felt that people owed me something, I was in a place where I felt like no one would understand the pain I was in and that no one cared. My life was very toxic (and I don't mean drugs) and I couldn't see a way out no matter how badly I wanted it. I fantasized about how I'd end my life every single day. I actually tried to eat myself to death by trying to be so unhealthy that I'd have a heart attack. I was angry that it didn't happen. (Now I realize that the physical demands of my job probably offset all the unhealthy eating I did...). No one was there for me and when I tried to explain it to someone close to me they told me that it was all in my head and that I just need to try harder. No, it wasn't all in my head. That was proven when a new employee started complaining about the same things that bothered me, and they also understood why no one would understand them.

Anyway, my point is that some people are in a very bad place and they might need a lot from others or maybe they just are willing to take and take and simply not care... that is probably part of their emotional self-defense system. I'm no psychologist, but I know that when someone is in a lot of pain and hates life, they can feel less and less connected to people. I felt that way myself, and I was numb inside. If someone reached out to me though I would've been very appreciative, but maybe others are not that way. I don't think its right to speak negatively about these people..... If someone doesn't feel right giving to them, then stop and let them figure out why, or tell them.... but I don't thin we should treat them like they are doing these things willfully.

These are all good points, Zero, and I'm sorry for what you've been through.

I want to let Galatea's thread have the full time it deserves and then I'm going to post Part 2 of my original idea for this thread, which will address how we face our own emotional black holes within ourselves.

Maybe it would have caused a little less confusion if I had dropped them both at the same time, but I wanted each separate train of thoughts to have its own run.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Thank you. .... and here's a song...

[video=youtube;3mbBbFH9fAg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg[/video]

 

[Lynx]

Speaking of the chronically needy, here's a good idea I forgot to mention until now. A community ministerial association. My town has one and it's a pretty good idea. The purpose of this association is to help those who are in need. All the churches in the community contribute (rather a large amount actually) to it, and if somebody is in need he is directed to the ministerial association.

This way those who are really in need are helped, and those who are chronic needy people are not able to go from church to church all through the community, draining resources from each church in turn. And yes, some people do try to go to every church in the whole town with the same sad tale, hoping to get a handout from all of them.

 

[Harkins]

Hey Everyone,

Do you have anyone in your life, or have you been around anyone, who is an "Emotional Black Hole"? It doesn't have to be a significant other--it could also be a family member, acquaintance, or friend.

When I say, "An Emotional Black Hole," I'm talking about the person who believes that EVERYONE hurts them, EVERYONE will let them down in some way, they've had it SO MUCH WORSE than anyone else in the world, and because of this, EVERYONE owes them something. ALL they can see is their own pain.

You mean a complete narcissist who uses a false and exaggerated victim mentality to extract the greatest amount of attention, empathy or even praise for being what they would deem (falsely) a "selfless suffering servant" - while in reality living in a realm of selfish fantasy where the universe and everyone in it revolves around them and their desires?

No, I don't have anyone like that in my life. On occasion I come across this, and when I do, they get a virtual smack in the face when I give them a verbal rebuke that includes not only facts but a matter of fact-ness that is alien and toxic to their dreamworld victim-hood.

Once they see they cannot use me anymore, they usually stop trying and look for a new victim to use.

It is not "love" to enable something like this, as some might have you believe.