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Hey Melody,
Thanks for the prayers--I know I need them!
I'm not just writing this thread as a hypothetical--I've been there and done this all too, a few times, and yes... it hasn't worked... but... as I've said, probably like a lot of us, I haven't met the right Christian guy who is truly living as a Christian that I've "clicked" with.
Most people will be shocked to know that the guy I married claimed to be an atheist when I met him. But to my astonishment, he prayed before meals (called it a moment of silence, which was better than me, as I often forget), was unfailingly polite, shunned pornography, and was a virgin. I certainly couldn't say that about any of the Christian guys I'd met!
And, there was more to the story--his mother had been fanatically reigious--he had scars on his back from a belt buckle, one of his sisters had marks on her forehead from an iron. She had told them the entire time they were growing up that they were sinners and must be punished. She then became a Jehovah's Witness and sent me dozens of tracts and books, trying to convert me... never once showing any remorse, admittance, or repentance over the past. Was it any wonder he was afraid of God?
Now, I know other Christians are going to SLAM me for marrying him... but we dated almost three years before marrying and the reason I thought we could make it is because he went to the Lutheran church with me every week (before AND after we were married--it wasn't just a show) and began reading the Bible and having discussions with me about what he was reading.
Now, we had our problems, of course, and probably married too young. I also got involved with an apostalic church (very different--open and emotional) and as I become more involved in that church, we grew further apart. He was fine with the Lutheran ways but wanted nothing to do with the new church I loved so much.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder if part of being the submissive Christian wife would have been to continue going to the Lutheran church in order to appease his comfort level--I don't know.
So (braces for criticism), yes, I know, I know... everyone will tell me, "Well of course it all went wrong! What were you thinking?"
But... he was so much more than any of the other "Christian" guys I had met.
Life is never black and white.
Thanks for the prayers--I know I need them!
I'm not just writing this thread as a hypothetical--I've been there and done this all too, a few times, and yes... it hasn't worked... but... as I've said, probably like a lot of us, I haven't met the right Christian guy who is truly living as a Christian that I've "clicked" with.
Most people will be shocked to know that the guy I married claimed to be an atheist when I met him. But to my astonishment, he prayed before meals (called it a moment of silence, which was better than me, as I often forget), was unfailingly polite, shunned pornography, and was a virgin. I certainly couldn't say that about any of the Christian guys I'd met!
And, there was more to the story--his mother had been fanatically reigious--he had scars on his back from a belt buckle, one of his sisters had marks on her forehead from an iron. She had told them the entire time they were growing up that they were sinners and must be punished. She then became a Jehovah's Witness and sent me dozens of tracts and books, trying to convert me... never once showing any remorse, admittance, or repentance over the past. Was it any wonder he was afraid of God?
Now, I know other Christians are going to SLAM me for marrying him... but we dated almost three years before marrying and the reason I thought we could make it is because he went to the Lutheran church with me every week (before AND after we were married--it wasn't just a show) and began reading the Bible and having discussions with me about what he was reading.
Now, we had our problems, of course, and probably married too young. I also got involved with an apostalic church (very different--open and emotional) and as I become more involved in that church, we grew further apart. He was fine with the Lutheran ways but wanted nothing to do with the new church I loved so much.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder if part of being the submissive Christian wife would have been to continue going to the Lutheran church in order to appease his comfort level--I don't know.
So (braces for criticism), yes, I know, I know... everyone will tell me, "Well of course it all went wrong! What were you thinking?"
But... he was so much more than any of the other "Christian" guys I had met.
Life is never black and white.
Another danger, not included in my explanation of being 'unequally yoked', (the oxen analogy), is that if 2 oxen are yoked together, one might begin pulling in another direction. Some preferences, personality traits, and core beliefs, don't present themselves at the outset of a relationship, but years later, once a couple has become committed to each other. For this reason it can actually be nearly impossible to know what someone will or won't do in a committed relationship, (a marriage), and therefore knowing that God was the initiator of the relationship becomes all the more critical.
Seoulsearch, you already have a great advantage. You have already shown that you are able to recognize when a believer is not really a believer, or at least not a committed one. A man’s commitment to Christ can often reflect the type of commitment he will have toward his wife. It is difficult to ‘love your wife, as Christ loved the church’ (Ephesians 5:25), without first being committed to Christ. This doesn't mean that the genuine article doesn't exist. It simply means that you've had no encounters with men who actually practice their faith, and who also appeal to you as a potential partner. (This is the 3rd choice alluded to in a previous post of mine)
Apart from the 'unequally yoked' scripture in Corinthians, there are others which possess equally applicative value, regarding finding a mate. One such scripture is found in, Proverbs 18:22
... He, who finds a wife, finds a good thing...
A good friend of mine who recently moved to another state, used to explain to me that the key word in this scripture is 'finds'. He would explain this to mean, not someone who is 'searched for', but rather, someone who is 'stumbled upon', someone found by chance, perhaps at an unexpected time. Something like the internet has the potential to hinder patience considerably, as we somehow become partners with God in trying to answer our own prayers.
In this internet age, something that ‘appears’ to increase our options, can in fact add to our frustration and/or confusion. I am engaged to a woman who I plan to marry, but in the back of my mind, I struggle with wondering just who created the relationship, God, or me. For this very reason I am continually asking God for confirmations, which I have yet to receive. While I didn't take my own advice, possibly due to impatience following about 7 years of single life, I do believe that the best relationships are stumbled upon, not searched for.