Hey Singles!
If you're feeling alone and need people to talk to who can relate to your status in life, please come to the Singles Chat room in the evenings. We've had many nights of great discussions and honest sharing so please feel welcome to join in.
One of the trends I've noticed is that occasionally we will have older married men who, bless their hearts, come into the room and try to embark on a "Married Person's Pep Talk For Singles" that almost always has the same elements and themes: "Just follow the Lord,put Him first, seek His direction, enjoy this time in your life when you can put all your attention on Him, and someday, (don't lose hope now! C'mon, muster up that faith!), you can be in the Superior Christian Position of Being a Married Person Just Like Me!!!"
It often feels like someone is doing this to make a mark on their "Things I've Done For the Lord Today" checklist. You know... Holding open a door for an older person. Check. Making cookies for the church potluck. Check. Correcting poor foolish mortals in the Bible Discussion forum. Check. And, to complete the list, there's always, "Tell Single People How to Become Married People in 5 Easy Jesus-Following Steps." One BIG check if you're able to share this with an ENTIRE room full of singles.
Now, I am not trying to be disrespectful to married people at all. We have SEVERAL married people who post here and offer very helpful advice, perspectives, and encouragement. I hope she won't be upset that I'm mentioning her, but Fenner immediately comes to my mind because she's always kind, non-judgmental, and respects that we are all in equally valuable stages of life. I love her posts and am very grateful she joins us here. I consider her to be a mentor.
What I'm talking about is when Married's Ultimately See Themselves in a Position That is Better Than, or Highly Coveted By Singles. This is most definitely not the case.
Here are some things I really wish Married's would take into consideration when witnessing to Singles:
1. Please get to know us as individuals and not The Great Mass of Singles because we are all in very different stages of our lives with different spiritual and emotional needs. Some singles are entering college or facing independence for the first time, some are raising children, some are paying mortgages and own businesses. Single does NOT necessarily mean young, inexperienced, or naive. Please do not talk down to us. Many of us were married. Yup. We were Once Like You but our spouses died, abandoned us, or left us for someone else.
2. Not all Singles Aspire to Married People as the Ultimate Thing to Be. Many of us have learned to be content in our single lives and for some of us, it may be a calling. For you to tell us what we need to do to be like you as if we need or want to be married could be going against God's own will and plan for our lives.
3. Marriage is not superior to being Single, and neither is singleness superior to marriage. Paul talks about the many benefits of being single, but of course, some of us do hope to marry someday. But that does not mean we are in an inferior position and need to be talked down to. In fact, you don't even need to assume that we want to be married--as I said, get to know us as individuals instead of lumping us all into big ball of Desperately Hoping to Marry.
4. Single Parenthood is Something to Be Highly Respected. Please remember to ENCOURAGE single parents, not tear them down or tell them their family unit is inferior. Always remember that their job is hard enough. Thank you. The world is full of things that haven't gone according to God's original plan but that doesn't mean we should look down on them. Do you realize that Jesus' Suffering and Death was NOT part of God's original plan? God originally meant for human beings to love, obey, and be with Him forever with no death or suffering involved. But just because a Different Plan comes into being does not mean it is somehow not blessed by God or incapable of being complete. At the cross, John was asked to take Jesus' mother home and care for her as his own mother. Joseph, it must be assumed, had passed away. I once heard a pastor point out that Mary, the Mother of Jesus, might very well have been a Single Mother herself for a considerable amount of time to Jesus and His siblings.
I have met many Singles who may be doing things other Marrieds would not consider, such as fostering and adopting children on their own. Of course some marrieds do this as well, but I feel especially blessed when I meet other singles who are willing to open their lives to the needs of children. How can that not be of God? God fills in every blank and one of His specialties is bringing broken situations into wholeness... in ways we don't always understand or expect.
5. If you are Married and Witnessing to a Single, please remember that it is a two-way street. Sure, the single person can learn from you, but there is also much to be learned from someone who is single. Please treat us as someone you can learn from, too. When you tell us what we need to be doing, ask US what you can be doing as well. It is very much a two-way street--please, always remember that.
One thing that irks me is that Married people seem to forget... God brings two people together in marriage and they become one--yes. But, when it is time to call people into their eternal home, God very rarely calls married couples together at the same time.
Marrieds, please keep in mind. There is a good chance that someday, You. Will. Be. Single. And in today's world, it's very possible that you may have several years or decades left of this life here on earth, and you might be single for the rest of that time. I might not be like You, but I can tell you what it's like to sleep and live alone for 11 years as an adult single. Always remember that a day may come when YOU are the single parent or person sitting alone in church--how would you want people to approach you?
When my Grandpa lost my beloved Grandma after 64 years of marriage, he told me, "Honey, I don't see how you've done it all these years." I told him that one thing he can carry with him forever is that my Grandma loved him with all her heart. The only reason their marriage ended was because God intervened. In my case, along with separation and having to adjust to a new life, I had to accept the fact that the reason my marriage ended is because he had decided he loved someone else.
When talking to us, please consider how you'd feel if someone was telling you everything in the same manner as you are talking to us if you were single. We appreciate that you want to help and encourage us. But please consider that we are people and individuals too.
Thoughts, comments, feedback? I more than welcome them, whether single or married. All I ask for is mutual respect. Remember that in the Body of Christ, we are all equal. Thank you!
(But I would have anyway, just so that you can rest assured.) 
