Thoughts....

[Stuey]

This is a link to Seoul's recent thread. - Have a read of at least Seoul's first post and you will understand what I am saying much better.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...tians-assume-youre-doing-something-wrong.html

I've been thinking on this topic with regards particularly to singleness and struggling with it. Aka, as soon as you say you are struggling with singleness the cookie cutter answers are along the lines of "just focus on God more" or "read your bible" or "count your blessings because marriage sucks" or "Take this time to become the Man your wife will want" And while all these answers have a point... I do wonder if they are necessarily the right answer all the time. Are there better responses...? Better ways to deal with it? Is it one of these things where sometimes it is more of a "yep, this sucks, lets ride it out" rather than a, "you need to do this to fix it."

Lately I have been struggling with being single. *gasp* - Why is it almost like a faux pas to admit this? Is it related to the wanting to fix/advise/help someone kind of thing? -

Singleness has been increasingly frustrating me over the last few months. And I don't know... I feel like I've heard all these answers before and they don't particularly help.

What are you thoughts? Do I just need to focus on God more? haha (It's okay if you think so) Anyway, thoughts would be good and I'll end my whiny & rambly post.

 

[Mo0448]

I completely and fully understand Stuey, and not only that the added bonus I've been there! Sometimes our inclination is to become so submerged in scriptures and prayer and other Godly things not that there is anything wrong with any of this in fact I did it when I struggled after having gotten out of a 3 year relationship! However the more I sought out the Lord while I did feel comforted, I was still down about it. I wasn't eating as much, only wanting to stay home and sleep borderline depressed. It helped talking to other people that had been in similar situations as I was in, and I think the important word here is 'distraction'. I took my time to go out more (maintaining a Christ-like behavior of course) doing things and spending times with those I might have put in the back burner while in the relationship. Go to the gym more, sports, driving really meditating (not lotus stance uuuuhhhmmms) but more having deep thoughts on where my life priorities are and where I needed to refocus them. Your situation is a little different I see granted you are just 'single' not out of a relationship or something. I would suggest to make yourself more available by spending time with people your own age at church join small groups etc. If you fill your life with things to keep you busy and focused on those priorities the singleness priority will not become such a mountain in your path. And more importantly, in God's time that mountain is going to become a little pebble under your feet. I hope this helps sir!

God Bless

 

[Liamson]

What if I told you the grass might look greener on the other side but really, its just one thing that you don't have.

Its like the real version of the Little Mermaid. (Hans Christian Andersen)

Its realizing that the Castle in Disneyland is actually hollow and fake.

When you reach the end of the rainbow, its probably not a pot of Gold under a tree. Its probably a pot full of obligations, expectations, and a little bit of fun.


I've had a lot of relationships. They have all been a lot of work, sacrifice, waiting, trying to fit in. *blech*


Its hard work.


In fact, I'm feeling pretty over it. I'm going to invest what little energy I was using to assess mates, to do something creative.


When (IF) I fall in love with someone again, then I'll think about the fact that I was single now.


I can't think about how I will feel about someone that I don't know. So I'm not going to waste any more thought on it than I do now.


Until I meet someone I want to pursue or that moves me, I'm not looking, thinking, dwelling, or anything.


I don't know what the answer is but, I've never been dated out of pity for being single.

 

[Jorina]

This is a link to Seoul's recent thread. - Have a read of at least Seoul's first post and you will understand what I am saying much better.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...tians-assume-youre-doing-something-wrong.html

I've been thinking on this topic with regards particularly to singleness and struggling with it. Aka, as soon as you say you are struggling with singleness the cookie cutter answers are along the lines of "just focus on God more" or "read your bible" or "count your blessings because marriage sucks" or "Take this time to become the Man your wife will want" And while all these answers have a point... I do wonder if they are necessarily the right answer all the time. Are there better responses...? Better ways to deal with it? Is it one of these things where sometimes it is more of a "yep, this sucks, lets ride it out" rather than a, "you need to do this to fix it."

Lately I have been struggling with being single. *gasp* - Why is it almost like a faux pas to admit this? Is it related to the wanting to fix/advise/help someone kind of thing? -

Singleness has been increasingly frustrating me over the last few months. And I don't know... I feel like I've heard all these answers before and they don't particularly help.

What are you thoughts? Do I just need to focus on God more? haha (It's okay if you think so) Anyway, thoughts would be good and I'll end my whiny & rambly post.

Hi I understand. There are times in my life that i'd give anything for a nice guy to be with, who will give me a hug and hold me and makes me feel less alone and who gives me a real good reason to be alive, someone to take care of and to make him smile. I dont think there is something we should do more like meeting more guys (well for you it would be girls ) from our own age. When someone tells me they feel like this i just give them a hug, tell them they are loved and start doing something fun with them. Not because that will change the way they feel about not being in a relationship, but simply 'cause there's no use in sitting down, doing nothing but thinking about how much we're longing for a boy/girlfriend. I try not to say things like 'in Gods time you'll find your true love'. Ofcourse its true that if God wants it you'll find your true love in His time but what good does such a saying do to you when youre feeling like this? Anyway Stuey I'll pray for you!

 

[my_adonai_]

This is a link to Seoul's recent thread. - Have a read of at least Seoul's first post and you will understand what I am saying much better.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...tians-assume-youre-doing-something-wrong.html

I've been thinking on this topic with regards particularly to singleness and struggling with it. Aka, as soon as you say you are struggling with singleness the cookie cutter answers are along the lines of "just focus on God more" or "read your bible" or "count your blessings because marriage sucks" or "Take this time to become the Man your wife will want" And while all these answers have a point... I do wonder if they are necessarily the right answer all the time. Are there better responses...? Better ways to deal with it? Is it one of these things where sometimes it is more of a "yep, this sucks, lets ride it out" rather than a, "you need to do this to fix it."

Lately I have been struggling with being single. *gasp* - Why is it almost like a faux pas to admit this? Is it related to the wanting to fix/advise/help someone kind of thing? -

Singleness has been increasingly frustrating me over the last few months. And I don't know... I feel like I've heard all these answers before and they don't particularly help.

What are you thoughts? Do I just need to focus on God more? haha (It's okay if you think so) Anyway, thoughts would be good and I'll end my whiny & rambly post.

I have A christian friend(girl), and well i open up like a book around her lol. she is older than me, nothing impure, all pure. we talk about GOD, talk about life when we do that is(long distance thing). and am not saying she fills the gap of "relationship" wise, that desire to want a "girlfriend" and if she where my age i would have probably asked her to my girlfriend(Told her this). but around her, that loneliness just fades you know, that feeling of being alone, people not understanding you. that feeling of that people that you expect to care do not, and Here comes the LORD with a perfect friend.
See i have been in more than 3 relationships, lust driven, and peer pressured. and yes i struggle with it at times, but one door the LORD opened is just this, HER. and trust me when you are in that friend zone, daily speaking, able to just chill and speak about anything in CHRIST LIKE MANNER. oi oi. it is just awesome.
So maybe your heart is crying for that void that has been left with your former, a void the LORD put there for buddies, or a friend girl . Considering that pre marriage, the LORD expects just that friends.

 

[my_adonai_]

please note, not everyone will give you the response you need, you might have to go through a couple of offences before you hit the nail.
and not everyone can take you for who you are, that is can endure listen to you. God gives that to those HE wants to be close to you, plus TEST EVERY SPIRIT bro.

 

[1still_waters]

This is a link to Seoul's recent thread. - Have a read of at least Seoul's first post and you will understand what I am saying much better.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...tians-assume-youre-doing-something-wrong.html

I've been thinking on this topic with regards particularly to singleness and struggling with it. Aka, as soon as you say you are struggling with singleness the cookie cutter answers are along the lines of "just focus on God more" or "read your bible" or "count your blessings because marriage sucks" or "Take this time to become the Man your wife will want" And while all these answers have a point... I do wonder if they are necessarily the right answer all the time. Are there better responses...? Better ways to deal with it? Is it one of these things where sometimes it is more of a "yep, this sucks, lets ride it out" rather than a, "you need to do this to fix it."

Lately I have been struggling with being single. *gasp* - Why is it almost like a faux pas to admit this? Is it related to the wanting to fix/advise/help someone kind of thing? -

Singleness has been increasingly frustrating me over the last few months. And I don't know... I feel like I've heard all these answers before and they don't particularly help.

What are you thoughts? Do I just need to focus on God more? haha (It's okay if you think so) Anyway, thoughts would be good and I'll end my whiny & rambly post.

Why do people use cookie cutters to make cookies?
Because they've been proven time and time again to be effective in making cookies.

Maybe people use cookie cutter answers, not out of rote reflexive knee jerk Pavlovlian patterns, maybe they use them because they're effective at addressing certain truths that need to be understood.

Although when someone uses the...You gotta be so deep into the heart of God, cookie cutter answer, I want to make sure they're in deep into about 40000 gallons of water.

 

[Jorina]

Why do people use cookie cutters to make cookies?
Because they've been proven time and time again to be effective in making cookies.

Maybe people use cookie cutter answers, not out of rote reflexive knee jerk Pavlovlian patterns, maybe they use them because they're effective at addressing certain truths that need to be understood.

Although when someone uses the...You gotta be so deep into the heart of God, cookie cutter answer, I want to make sure they're in deep into about 40000 gallons of water.

Only about 40000 gallons of water? You're obviously the kind type of guy

 

[1still_waters]

Only about 40000 gallons of water? You're obviously the kind type of guy

Kind enough.

 

[seoulsearch]

Stillwaters gave an excellent answer regarding the cookie cutters... I'm going to have to mull over that one for a while.

I guess, and maybe this is just me... But it's kind of like... Everyone has always told me about a God who knows us personally, who knew us as He knit us in the womb, who bottles our tears, has our name in His palms, and can tell you, at any given time, the number of hairs on our heads.

Maybe I have unrealistic expectations... but when people tell me about a God that big who knows me that personally, I have high hopes for a very personal, one-on-one answer. It's kind of like if you're having a problem and you go to your Mom or Dad about it... and they tell you something so generic that it could apply to ALL your siblings with no mention of your unique self when you, in fact, are very different from your siblings. When all I hear are generic answers... it makes me wonder, for myself, how personal God really is (one of my own struggles of faith--I feel like just a mass factory number to God.)

I also think that many people don't know what to say and don't take singleness seriously as a "real" problem. Maybe that's why we get the cold shoulder... You can almost hear it in their voices at times: "Why don't you go out and get a REAL problem to talk about, and then come back..."

I also get frustrated because no one seems to tell you when you're "focused on God" ENOUGH. I am currently at a point where I pray almost 2 hours a day and at work if I'm doing mindless tasks, study the Bible about half hour per day, go to church and a Bible class every Sunday, and, while I'm not in a ministry right now, I'm looking for another one to join. I also used to fast every month. This is not a brag sheet--it's showing that I'm literally driving myself crazy trying to do what the good Biblical people tell me to do. And... for some reason... it's not working, and there are times when I feel more unstable than ever.

My Dad, who is an ordained minister, told me sharply, "Honey, there IS such a thing as becoming a fanatic."

And part of me wants to say, "It doesn't matter, Dad. The good Christians keep telling me, 'You should pray MORE and get MORE focused on the Lord....'" I'm always caught in the middle of a Christian Bi-Polar Boxing Match between the ones who tell me I'm not doing enough and the ones who tell me I'm a fanatic. I'm not really sure who to listen to anymore.

At this point, the only way I could dedicate more time to "focus on God" is if I quit working. But to some of the people I talk to... it's never enough and I'm at a loss of what else to do. I feel I must be disappointing God somehow, but as I said, I'm not sure what else He wants me to do, though I ask Him all the time.

 

[Liamson]

What if a Nun, living in a convent, prayed to God everyday for a Husband?

 

[seoulsearch]

What if a Nun, living in a convent, prayed to God everyday for a Husband?

I could be wrong, but I think members of the nunneries take a vow and even wear rings to symbolize their God is her husband?

So I'm guessing any poor woman who dared confessed to wanting a HUMAN husband would be told the same thing we're told all the time... "GOD IS YOUR HUSBAND (you silly goose--as the other good Christians/nuns try to fan the demons out), and HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. Just get closer to Him... FOR GODLINESS WITH CONTENTMENT IS GREAT GAIN!!!"

And... about a hundred other cookie cutter answers I could list here. (Sorry, my bad side couldn't resist.)

 

[my_adonai_]

Stillwaters gave an excellent answer regarding the cookie cutters... I'm going to have to mull over that one for a while.

I guess, and maybe this is just me... But it's kind of like... Everyone has always told me about a God who knows us personally, who knew us as He knit us in the womb, who bottles our tears, has our name in His palms, and can tell you, at any given time, the number of hairs on our heads.

Maybe I have unrealistic expectations... but when people tell me about a God that big who knows me that personally, I have high hopes for a very personal, one-on-one answer. It's kind of like if you're having a problem and you go to your Mom or Dad about it... and they tell you something so generic that it could apply to ALL your siblings with no mention of your unique self when you, in fact, are very different from your siblings. When all I hear are generic answers... it makes me wonder, for myself, how personal God really is (one of my own struggles of faith--I feel like just a mass factory number to God.)

I also think that many people don't know what to say and don't take singleness seriously as a "real" problem. Maybe that's why we get the cold shoulder... You can almost hear it in their voices at times: "Why don't you go out and get a REAL problem to talk about, and then come back..."

I also get frustrated because no one seems to tell you when you're "focused on God" ENOUGH. I am currently at a point where I pray almost 2 hours a day and at work if I'm doing mindless tasks, study the Bible about half hour per day, go to church and a Bible class every Sunday, and, while I'm not in a ministry right now, I'm looking for another one to join. I also used to fast every month. This is not a brag sheet--it's showing that I'm literally driving myself crazy trying to do what the good Biblical people tell me to do. And... for some reason... it's not working, and there are times when I feel more unstable than ever.

My Dad, who is an ordained minister, told me sharply, "Honey, there IS such a thing as becoming a fanatic."

And part of me wants to say, "It doesn't matter, Dad. The good Christians keep telling me, 'You should pray MORE and get MORE focused on the Lord....'" I'm always caught in the middle of a Christian Bi-Polar Boxing Match between the ones who tell me I'm not doing enough and the ones who tell me I'm a fanatic. I'm not really sure who to listen to anymore.

At this point, the only way I could dedicate more time to "focus on God" is if I quit working. But to some of the people I talk to... it's never enough and I'm at a loss of what else to do. I feel I must be disappointing God somehow, but as I said, I'm not sure what else He wants me to do, though I ask Him all the time.

Kari jobe "Find You On My Knees"

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you
Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for you

But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you.
'Cause You are faithful and

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong
When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you'll never leave me searching,

Find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

 

[Stuey]

Thanks for your responses guys/girls.

Liamson would that be the "count your blessings because marriage sucks" response? - Thanks though

Thankyou for your prayers Jorina, lovely of you.

Stillwaters - lol. Yes there is certainly some truth to that.

Yeah, I think distraction is key, if you spend more time thinking about something it will just grow and get needlessly worse - mind you it isn't a good idea to just ignore problems either. I'm involved in a small group & have plenty of activities/friends to keep myself busy with. Just sometimes find it frustrating - love being around friends but sometimes I just want more emotional intimacy.

Seoul - yeah that is something I've been pondering on, still haven't come to a conclusion, how much God time is appropriate, because I do think you can get too much. Hmmm... May start a thread on that... lol.

Something I think that tweaked in my mind also from Seoul's thread.

Do you feel like if someone says "I'm struggling with singleness," that this is typically treated as something that is wrong with you? Aka you are struggling with it Because you haven't been focussing on God enough? Or because you don't spend enough time praying and that? That you are struggling because of your own actions? (Which sometimes may be the case)

 

[Stuey]

* surreptitiously does something...

 

[cyphercat]

I really started to take control of my emotions when I made the conscious decision to cut off certain avenues that led to depression.

In the past, I have let myself become immediately overwhelmed with emotion when I see a girl I am attracted to. If I believed the girl to actually be a girl I could be with, the attachment was great.

In the past, I let myself become negative towards women in general, God, and the notion of being with someone else. This was before I began cutting off myself from places where I would see girls I would be attracted to.

Now, I first notice an attraction to a girl, but if I consciously catch it, I can contain it and do away with it. I can honestly say that now there is nearly no depression and nearly no anger towards women. As simple as it sounds, all I had to do was cut myself off from places where I might run into attractive girls. I also had to immediately put away from myself any attachment or attraction to a girl.

Cutting off means just not looking at certain things or going certain places. If you think an attractive girl is going to be at a certain place, then ignore it. There is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing negative about looking away. However, there is that old anger and depression with looking.

So what we have is this point where I stopped opening myself up to encountering attractive girls. Then we have what followed, which was the noticeable lack of depression, anger, and every negative feeling I noticed before I started ignoring attractive women.

The simple solution for me was to stop looking, stop thinking, and just move away. It may not be that simple for others, but I think I am typical of this kind of male.

So that is my experience and advice for people who are single and are dealing with depression and anger that can be dealt with by just turning away.