Trust me

[DuchessAimee]

Funny words aren't they? Trust me. Honestly, I struggle with the concept. What does it mean? How far and for how long can I trust you? What happens when you hurt me? Reject me? Abandon me? Can I trust you then? As I type this tears are running down my face, and I wonder if this is a complete mistake. After all I haven't met any of you... but then again, just because you are in someone's presence doesn't always mean the person(s) are trustworthy.

Hmm. "Trust me." They really are funny words. I question how trust works. For instance, some of the people I've met in this forum I believe I could PM if I needed advice or wanted to chat. I trust them enough to evaluate their words and possibly take their counsel or accept me to a point. Then again, how could I possibly trust people who sin and hurt and are imperfect? Really, how can I trust anyone at all, myself included? People that I've allowed close to me have hurt me, abandoned me, rejected me, said things they shouldn't, haven't apologized or don't mean it, haven't included me in situations, and the list could go on and on. So I end up hurt and wondering if I should trust at all.

This is where I'm at. I'm currently wrestling with my very own angel, and I have a feeling I'm going to end up with a limp like Israel.

My first sponsor knew I had trust issues. She had known me my whole life and watched me head down my various paths of addictions. One day she brought up the concept of trust, and I'll never forget when she looked me square in the eye and said, "I don't trust my husband." I was taken aback because how could she not trust her husband?! She had been married to him since God was a boy, they had 5 kids together, and he was the pastor of the church. She repeated herself and then asked, "Do you know why?" I shook my head too dumbfounded to answer, and she said, "Because he's a man." Now, I knew she had trust issues of her own, and she often cautioned me about the evils of men. So I chuckled and rolled my eyes at her. She replied, "No really Aimee, I don't trust him because he's a man. He's human. He hurts me, says the stupidest things, is self centered, snores, has a short temper and much more." Here's what really caught my attention. She continued with, "I love my husband, but I don't trust him. I trust Christ through him, however. I trust that as long as he sticks close to God, then everything will turn out okay. I know that Christ is the only One I can trust, and if Ken left me and the Lord, God will get me through it. I trust no man, only God." She and I had that conversation about 5 years ago. I still remember it like it happened just yesterday, and if I had the power to bring just one person back to life, it would be her. I miss her more than I can fully explain.

Trust is a funny thing, isn't it? I'm trusting y'all won't run and hide from me after reading this, and I'm trusting that God had a point in me writing this out.

Earlier today I was praying and I asked God why I couldn't just be told what I wanted to know. Why wouldn't He tell me? It was a simple yes or no question. I wasn't asking for a burning bush, just a yes or a no. What I heard was, "just hold on". And I am now fully convinced that God is working on my trust issues. Actually, trust issues are mostly control issues, so I guess that's going to be ironed out as well.




Thank you all for reading this. I honestly see this as an acceptance issue, and I appreciate the time y'all took to take a peek into who I am.

 

[Liamson]

Until recently I had never had any serious trust issues. I believed in the general good nature of people. I believed that somewhere deep inside people saw the world the way that I did. I would be disappointed from time to time but, it was usually just that people were afraid to swim. Even in shallow friendships, there comes a point where people just want to swim. I have a friend who bought a motorcycle and never made it out of 3rd gear, not because she didn't trust herself but because she didn't trust other people. She wound up selling it because, to her it was never fun. I would say that she never learned to swim.


I never believed that people were malicious or unremorsefully selfish. I have since learned that Manipulative people are all over the place and that there are people who will ruin someone's life without any scruples or burden to their conscience.


So, I know that I believe in love because Once upon a time I've been there before. I knew what it was like to Trust and be trusted. Trust takes time but, more often than not I just want to pick up my ball and go home. I don't know that its worth it to me any more. The Price and the Prize have to be Worth the Risk. I have scaled walls and slain dragons in the name of love, only to find that its a Trap. I've lost everything because I was naive.

Christ is worth it. I've counted the cost and I will go with Him wherever He wants. That is where I am right now and I'm okay with that. If I made a Heirarchy of needs Pyramid, my relationship with Christ would be on the bottom.

 

[paulr]

Thanks for sharing your views. For a long time i was under the impression trust is the key to relations. This was my principle on in life, till i came in real terms with it. When it comes to trust people, it will break. Mine broke too. The people we cud never imagine will break it. When it happened with me, I realized it the hard way. I stopped trusting ever since that's when I went back to Jesus, because He was the only one who was with me all the time. I realized, I myself broke His trust. The amount of pain should be million multifold times, coz i would leave Him for others or worldly matters. He has made me realize that a true relation goes beyond trust. Bible shows Israel or children of God breaking His trust, yet He sends His son in Love for His children. All I am now is about trust only on that love, His word. Will never lose hope again.

 

[Jullianna]

People are just...people. They make mistakes. They fail us, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Your friend was wise, Aimee. God truly is the only One who will never fail us. Doesn't mean He is the only one worth loving though. God bless you and I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I was and sometimes still am a spoiled girl. My mother felt guilty about my father leaving, coming back, and leaving again, so she made sure I wanted nothing. Well, she did her best. I wanted a pony but never got one. Instant gratification was my best friend and when I got into witchcraft that was just reinforced. I was (and am) a very independant person and I haven't really had to rely on anyone for anything. Until recently. And by recently I mean over the last 8 years. Sweet Jesus, I'm having an epiphany right now. Sigh. I'm the lamb with the broken leg and my Sheppard is carrying me. Man, I'm a slow learner! I'll expand on my lesson(s) later once I've unpacked more of this.

 

[rachelsedge]

Great post, DuchessAimee. I have a weird problem of trusting too fast but also finding it hard to trust. I guess I trust really easily with surface level things, but once people want to go deeper I'm like "Whoa, um, let's not go there."

My first sponsor knew I had trust issues. She had known me my whole life and watched me head down my various paths of addictions. One day she brought up the concept of trust, and I'll never forget when she looked me square in the eye and said, "I don't trust my husband." I was taken aback because how could she not trust her husband?! She had been married to him since God was a boy, they had 5 kids together, and he was the pastor of the church. She repeated herself and then asked, "Do you know why?" I shook my head too dumbfounded to answer, and she said, "Because he's a man." Now, I knew she had trust issues of her own, and she often cautioned me about the evils of men. So I chuckled and rolled my eyes at her. She replied, "No really Aimee, I don't trust him because he's a man. He's human. He hurts me, says the stupidest things, is self centered, snores, has a short temper and much more." Here's what really caught my attention. She continued with, "I love my husband, but I don't trust him. I trust Christ through him, however. I trust that as long as he sticks close to God, then everything will turn out okay. I know that Christ is the only One I can trust, and if Ken left me and the Lord, God will get me through it. I trust no man, only God."

I see the point of that, and the reasoning behind it, but what exactly would that look like? For me, I'd find it incredibly hard to marry someone I don't trust. Granted, I suppose it'd be a different version of "trust" than how I trust Christ, but to say that I don't trust who I'm going to marry?

 

[DuchessAimee]

Trust has levels. You can trust someone to not run you over with a car, or poison you, to take care of you; when it comes to not hurting you on an emotional level, you can love someone for who they are, but not trust them completely. If you allow yourself to get close to someone, and them to you, you run the risk of allowing yourself to be hurt by them. Not trusting someone who is trustworthy is a defense mechanism. I believe if I get married, I will trust my husband, but I won't trust him completely... and I doubt he'll trust me completely either.

 

[paulr]

I do agree, we need a certain level of trust before we let someone know us deeply. Well, i cud share what really works for me and does go against me always when i drop this principle, that is to trust people through God. I now have better relations, only because I trust them through God and they too. This really works, but the moment we rest our trust on them bypassing God, that is when we know we left a scope for trouble.