Trying to figure out what's going wrong - Dating

[SocialArtist]

Who made up this silly "rule" anyways??
If I felt like I truly connected with someone, I'd get in touch with them the next day and at least thank them for their time and let her know how much I enjoyed it. What does a girl think if you wait a few days?? I know every girl is different. Perhaps some will think you weren't so serious though and you're doing the same thing with other girls at the same time. Just a thought.

I am very curious to see what the ladies here have to say on that one. So that's another reason I'm pointing that out specifically.

Don't ever thank her for her time. It makes her feel like she was the sacrifical lamb that decided to go out with you.. and makes her question you.

You may let her know how much you enjoyed it.. but focus more on laughing and chatting about the shared experience. Engage her in speaking with you about how good it was of a time.

 

[SocialArtist]

My opinion on this is it doesn't come across as needy to call the next day and tell a woman how much you enjoyed the date and telling her you would like to take her out again in the future. I think many ladies might be thinking you really didn't enjoy yourself that much if you waited three or four days to call. As for myself, I might not try to set a firm date for the next date in a call the day after, but if I enjoyed myself that much I sure would bring the subject up.

**waits for the ladies to chime in

One of my recent replies above this one follows up what you're saying here.. I just hadn't seen you had wrote this. I highly agree. Please feel free to see my reply to OP about the 3-4 days call

 

[SocialArtist]

My thought is that you're so focused on finding the one that you're ending up with everyone but the one. Let go and let God.

It can be hard but honestly just turn to God and let Him teach you what it means to be passionately patient while waiting for His guidance. It is worth it to wait, even through the lonely times. Currently, you are basically just returning to the same place and setting yourself up to feel that rejection that you have been encountering. Press through and give God full control of all of your life. Trust in His timing for your wife arriving. She will be a princess worth waiting for. Trust me.

Bold #1 I disagree with you on this.. very politely. I feel he understands the need to be persistent and date. He'll find the right girl along his way. If you want food, you have to get to the store.

Bold #2 I once again disagree.. rejection is apart of life.. no athlete makes 100% of his shots.. he shouldn't sit at home .. because he might miss a shot.

 

[SocialArtist]

yeah just stop trying and wait for God to oops drop her in your lap, thats either the best...or the worst advice i have ever heard. I mean I don't know where that idea came from but i have never heard that i disagreed with more. I mean is someone really suposed to spend their days just waiting. No, go out meet people, date them, God will show you the right one, but i doubt He will live them gift-wrapped on your front porch one morning.

Thank you, I strongly agree with you. If you want food, ya gotta go to the supermarket. If you want a job, you've got to send out a resume. If you want anything, you gotta be actively pursuing it. Thanks man.

 

[SocialArtist]

Maybe they think you're getting too attached too soon. I mean maybe they get this vibe that you're head over heels in love with them by the time the date is over. That can certainly make a woman lose interest real fast.

GuyforChrist85.. I agree with Zero. I'd take the time to examine if any of this is true for you.. just to see if their is any degree of truth to that.. then just flush it out little by little. I think this is sound advice by Zero.

 

[SocialArtist]

Uhmm... have you ever prayed to God what you want for a future wife? Instead of looking for soon to be wife on online. Why don't you try looking one at church or attend bible studies or fellowships. There are a lot christian women candidates over there. Pray to God and let him write your own write love story instead making it your own way. Hand Him over the pen and let Him start writing your love story.

Romanticized notion of God. 10/10 any guy will look at church first and online second.

 

[SocialArtist]

Buy enough lottery tickets and eventually you'll win...at least $5. Try on enough shoes and eventually you'll find the perfect pair...that will wear out so you have to buy another. The concept of consistently dating to find the one is how the world lives. Christ-followers are called to be set apart. Waiting on God isn't a gamble if you are truly His. Listen for His voice and obey. It isn't an oops thing, it's a trust thing and you either have it and are living it out or not.

Basically, the date until you find her isn't working, is it? The OP is only ending up rejected, frustrated, and depressed. Try it God's way. The Bible never tells us to date and date and date until the one we want magically appears in the dating pool among the other fishes.

The Red Sox didn't win the world series for 86 years.. it didn't prevent them from winning in 2004.

To me, the biggest flaw of Christian women.. and I'm not saying this to you personally.. is over analyzing every guy as the one or not.. afraid to take a step of faith.. only to see that guy move on.

 

[mystdancer50]

Ah, it won't let me edit my previous post.

One more thought about waiting for God on this. I truly believe that God does provide for us every need. I also believe that we must meet God half-way as well. When we look at this paticular subject - "He who FINDS a wife, finds a good thing" - tells me I should be looking and not just waiting around.

I believe it means this: A good wife is a great blessing to a man, and it is a token of Divine favour.

 

[mystdancer50]

Bold #1 I disagree with you on this.. very politely. I feel he understands the need to be persistent and date. He'll find the right girl along his way. If you want food, you have to get to the store.

Bold #2 I once again disagree.. rejection is apart of life.. no athlete makes 100% of his shots.. he shouldn't sit at home .. because he might miss a shot.

Thank you for politely disagreeing. That is rare. Here is are my thoughts: Food and dating are not the same thing and therefore not comparable. You need food to live, you don't need a date or a spouse to live. Same token with a job. You need a job to live, you don't need a spouse to live. The thing with dating is that finding something to compare it to is difficult. Most examples are things you need to survive whereas dating and marriage are not vital to you living...though it is vital to the continuance of humanity...but that is working out pretty well even with single folks waiting on God.

 

[mystdancer50]

The Red Sox didn't win the world series for 86 years.. it didn't prevent them from winning in 2004.

To me, the biggest flaw of Christian women.. and I'm not saying this to you personally.. is over analyzing every guy as the one or not.. afraid to take a step of faith.. only to see that guy move on.

I don't overanalyze, or analyze at all for that matter, any man I meet. I have confidence in God and since I know His voice, I know what He wants in this area, therefore I don't look at any man as a future mate...or as a future date...or as a future friend...or as anything. I look at them as they are: father, brother, cousin, coworker, family member in the body of Christ...no analyzing. To me, the whole issue of looking at men (or women for the guys reading this) as potential anythings is where the problem lies. I trust God with all of me, my entire life.

 

[Nautilus]

but dont people ever think God wants some initiative on your parts?

 

[mystdancer50]

but dont people ever think God wants some initiative on your parts?

When God wants me to do something, He'll tell me. It's part of the relationship I have with Him. As the Bible says, His sheep know His voice. I am waiting on God, but not passively. I am passionately waiting in obedience. To me, initiative isn't going out and dating, initiative is waiting and obeying and knowing He is God, in control, and knows what's best for me and my life.

 

[GuyforChrist85]

GuyforChrist85.. I agree with Zero. I'd take the time to examine if any of this is true for you.. just to see if their is any degree of truth to that.. then just flush it out little by little. I think this is sound advice by Zero.

I doubt it, but maybe. I tend to be extremely playful with women as long as there is chemistry there. I'm just there to have a good time.

On the flip-side, me being overly physical could certainly lead to this I believe. Since these are Christian women I'm referring to, they might take physical stuff as meaning much more than I mean it to be.(hopefully they would know I'm not after sex). I'll hold hands and kiss them because, hey I'm a guy, I like beautiful women.. But I know there is a whole emotional aspect to that for women too.

I just need to adjust my approach since I was used to the "world's way" of dating and realize that these women do not know me, and don't know my intentions are pure.

 

[Snackersmom]

Don't ever thank her for her time. It makes her feel like she was the sacrifical lamb that decided to go out with you.. and makes her question you.

I ALWAYS appreciate it when guys thank me for my time/company. The only question it raises in my mind is "why are good manners like this so hard to come by?"

You may let her know how much you enjoyed it.. but focus more on laughing and chatting about the shared experience. Engage her in speaking with you about how good it was of a time.

Yes, let her know how much you enjoyed it, but I would be a little annoyed if a guy tried to "engage me in speaking with him about how good it was of a time". If I had a good time, I will tell him so, but trying to make me say something I don't want to say is only going to put me in an awkward position.

P.S. Nine posts in a row? Wow. Opinions, much? I actually disagreed with most of what you said, but this one got my attention the most. Please don't be offended, though.

Thanks for your time!......

 

[SocialArtist]

I ALWAYS appreciate it when guys thank me for my time/company. The only question it raises in my mind is "why are good manners like this so hard to come by?"



Yes, let her know how much you enjoyed it, but I would be a little annoyed if a guy tried to "engage me in speaking with him about how good it was of a time". If I had a good time, I will tell him so, but trying to make me say something I don't want to say is only going to put me in an awkward position.

P.S. Nine posts in a row? Wow. Opinions, much? I actually disagreed with most of what you said, but this one got my attention the most. Please don't be offended, though.

Thanks for your time!......

I'm actually not offended. I write fully expecting these type of responses. A good guy should always engage a woman and connect with her on a mutual level. You'd be annoyed with sharing experiences and moments? Is this not the building blocks of communication? A clear healthy relationship building block?

"Why are good manners like this so hard to come by?" I already answered that in that post.

Nine posts in a row.. sure, they're not charging. Just individual responses to individual things I wished to reply to. I didn't know how many people I'd reply to.. just turned out to be nine.

Disagreeing is your standpoint and personal choice: I'd never try to make any woman.. including you say anything you didn't want to say.. and put you in an awkward position.

 

[Snackersmom]

^^^^"These types of responses".....you mean honest, unbiased opinions from real, live women who have no reason to tell you anything but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do not speak for all women, but I do know a thing or two about how females think .

However, it's likely that the girls you date aren't anything like me, in that case my advice wouldn't do you any good, so perhaps disregarding it was a good call

 

[SocialArtist]

^^^^"These types of responses".....you mean honest, unbiased opinions from real, live women who have no reason to tell you anything but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do not speak for all women, but I do know a thing or two about how females think .

However, it's likely that the girls you date aren't anything like me, in that case my advice wouldn't do you any good, so perhaps disregarding it was a good call

No, I mean objectionary, misperceived, jumping to conclusions types of responses.

I don't want to write back too hard on your final paragraph but that was exactly along the lines of what I was thinking. Ultimately, I've never dated the same woman twice. Even if they were similiar, the entirety of it was just different.

 

[niceguyJ]

SocialArtist:
FYI: There's a little button at the bottom of each post that says "MQ." You can click that for every post you want to quote, then when you get to the last one you want to quote just click the regular "QUOTE" button... Then all your quotes go into one post.

To reply to your above comments directed at me:
I'm not changing that. I'd be thankful for a special girl spending time with me, so I have no problem being polite and saying so. I'm honest, not desperate.
Snackersmom gets it...and her being female and all makes her opinion more important on that one.
I know who I am and who I am not. I'm not going to be anything else. If a woman wants to read too much into something, or read something entirely wrong, then so be it. *shrug* She can scurry along and incorrectly analyze some other guy. It's one of the ones who gets it that would be of interest to me.

 

[SocialArtist]

SocialArtist:
FYI: There's a little button at the bottom of each post that says "MQ." You can click that for every post you want to quote, then when you get to the last one you want to quote just click the regular "QUOTE" button... Then all your quotes go into one post.

To reply to your above comments directed at me:
I'm not changing that. I'd be thankful for a special girl spending time with me, so I have no problem being polite and saying so. I'm honest, not desperate.
Snackersmom gets it...and her being female and all makes her opinion more important on that one.
I know who I am and who I am not. I'm not going to be anything else. If a woman wants to read too much into something, or read something entirely wrong, then so be it. *shrug* She can scurry along and incorrectly analyze some other guy. It's one of the ones who gets it that would be of interest to me.

And dude, you don't gotta change anything you don't wanna. You're a nice guy. A real nice guy..

 

[Snackersmom]

No, I mean objectionary, misperceived, jumping to conclusions types of responses.

I don't want to write back too hard on your final paragraph but that was exactly along the lines of what I was thinking.

Lol, ironically, I think YOU might have read too much into MY last paragraph! Truce?

All I was saying is that women are different (as you already know ), and just because I wouldn't think that a guy thanking me for spending time with him equates to desperation, doesn't mean that another girl wouldn't hear it and go "Mwahahahahaha!!!! I've got him right where I want him, he's really groveling now!" That's why I said that I don't speak for all women. Regional differences may come into play as well; niceguyj and I live in the South, where it is common practice and considered gentlemanly for a guy to thank a girl for spending time with him; I've never viewed it as anything but heart-meltingly sweet.

However, I suppose that in another part of the country, the same statement might be viewed as displaying weakness/desperation, and would send the wrong message. It's sort of like calling someone "ma'am." Where I live, it is polite to call ANY female that you don't know very well "ma'am", regardless of how old she is; some of my professors even called me that, and they were old enough to me my Dad! But I have heard from Northern women who have moved "down here" that the term really bothers them, because it makes them feel "old." The guys don't mean it that way, they're just being polite, but if the girl doesn't know that, then her perception will be a negative one. So, in that way I can see your point of view, but I hope that now you can also see where I'm coming from (The South).

Snackersmom gets it...and her being female and all makes her opinion more important on that one.

Lol, this reminds me of something I told one of my guyfriends: "Never believe a guy who claims to understand women.......unless he's in the nuthouse"

I know who I am and who I am not. I'm not going to be anything else. If a woman wants to read too much into something, or read something entirely wrong, then so be it. *shrug* She can scurry along and incorrectly analyze some other guy. It's one of the ones who gets it that would be of interest to me.

YES!!!!! I wonder how much heartache and disappointment we would avoid if we all stuck to this, instead of trying so desperately to be something we aren't, just to "make things work?" If a date wants to engage in head-games then they'll have to find someone else to play with, because I'M. NOT. INTERESTED.