what age should you give up

[sc81]

i'm nearly 33, still have not been out on a date, I can probably go till 35 till I need to mentally close myself off to the prospect simply so I can get on with life.

you're pretty much seen as a freak anyway by society if you're 30+ male and a virgin which doesn't help your self confidence. Some woman I work with when she found out I was a christian asked me if I was a virgin, I hate talking about it and never bring it up because for me it's something I feel awkward about. Anyway she said she'd never met a guy who was waiting, I wonder sometimes what is the point of following a rule that it seems no one else is bothering with. By my age it is something that is a negative impact on my life.

I can't make females want to date me, after so many years of turn downs and friend zoned it's kind of hard to make the effort. I've tried online dating sites, never get responses or anything but e-dating is terrible for men anyway because of how many more men than women are on there.

It's easy to say God loves you, but when you get no human validation of acceptance then it takes an exceedingly strong willed person to not be effected by it.

oh well just venting, maybe other older singles can give their experiences. I'm not asexual, just forced celibate.

 

[Spokenpassage]

Listen, you are still young, early 30's. You will be surprised how golden and special being that single and a virgin can be. It's common (in my point of view) for quite a lot of Christian singles who would desire a Christian single who neither has kids and never touched a man or woman. To some, that takes skill, some people blew the right in their younger years, while some find it ripe for perfection in their prime. In my opinion, late 20's to 40's is a good common range to be starting to think about dating and marriage. When you're younger than 25, most times a lot of people are still in college, busy with the beginning of understanding "life". Wait on God, and God will hear your heart. Learning great discipline and humility will shape your character as you wait.

 

[Pipp]

The point in waiting even though no one else is.... is that your supposed to be waiting to keep yourself pure to please God not because you just haven't had the opportunity to have sex....

 

[Ugly]

Freak by society standards? Since when are we as Christians to judge ourselves by the secular world?
And i know of a woman who stayed a virgin and didn't date (by choice) til she was 35. She met a man who had been in her church for years that she just had never met. He was her age, never dated and a virgin. She was faithful to what she felt God had told her and last i heard they had a great marriage. Sounds like all of your views come from the world rather than God.

 

[mykim]

hey, i am involuntarily celibate like you, so i can relate. There is definitely a stigma to being an old virgin.

 

[Misty77]

Stop "waiting." I don't mean that you should break celibacy but that you should be fully embracing all that God has for you. Life your life with purpose, with passion, and by faith. Focus on the Lord and seek His will. If He should bring a godly, available woman into your life, then boldly explore that opportunity.

Please note that I don't say any of this lightly. It is a difficult lesson that I am still learning. Some days it's hard to choose to stay on this path, but I am always thankful that I am.

 

[ServantStrike]

hey, i am involuntarily celibate like you, so i can relate. There is definitely a stigma to being an old virgin.

Well God doesn't think that way at all, and He's the one you should be worried about.

Stop "waiting." I don't mean that you should break celibacy but that you should be fully embracing all that God has for you. Life your life with purpose, with passion, and by faith. Focus on the Lord and seek His will. If He should bring a godly, available woman into your life, then boldly explore that opportunity.

Please note that I don't say any of this lightly. It is a difficult lesson that I am still learning. Some days it's hard to choose to stay on this path, but I am always thankful that I am.

I wholeheartedly agree.

And the entire concept of waiting implies that there is something wrong with us, or that we are somehow incomplete. It's almost setting ourselves up and saying "I'm not complete." Not only do we need to be complete in our own right if we ever hope to have a meaningful relationship, but if we derive our self worth from another human being, we are setting ourselves for a pretty big failure.

 

[ChosenbyHim]

i'm nearly 33, still have not been out on a date, I can probably go till 35 till I need to mentally close myself off to the prospect simply so I can get on with life.

you're pretty much seen as a freak anyway by society if you're 30+ male and a virgin which doesn't help your self confidence. Some woman I work with when she found out I was a christian asked me if I was a virgin, I hate talking about it and never bring it up because for me it's something I feel awkward about. Anyway she said she'd never met a guy who was waiting, I wonder sometimes what is the point of following a rule that it seems no one else is bothering with. By my age it is something that is a negative impact on my life.

I can't make females want to date me, after so many years of turn downs and friend zoned it's kind of hard to make the effort. I've tried online dating sites, never get responses or anything but e-dating is terrible for men anyway because of how many more men than women are on there.

It's easy to say God loves you, but when you get no human validation of acceptance then it takes an exceedingly strong willed person to not be effected by it.

oh well just venting, maybe other older singles can give their experiences. I'm not asexual, just forced celibate.

Don't base yourself and your situation by the world's standards.

What the lost world thinks about you does not even amount to a hill of beans.

I am 28 and I am still single. And what I can suggest for you to do is just to not allow the world's influence to get to you.


These days the "love" that is promoted by the mainstream media, hollywood, mtv, is nothing but fornication, promiscuity, adultery, sexual perversion, and other filththiness and uncleaness.


You need to appreciate the fact that you are still a virgin. While the world may look at you as being "weird" for still being one, just remember this. The lost world makes up its own standards of morality. While we (Christians) adhere to and take heed to the Highest Standards that there is, and these very standards are found in the Holy Bible. We submit to God's Standards and not the worlds.


Also SC81, Have you asked the Lord in prayer for a wife?

And if you have asked the Lord for a wife, have you prepared yourself to receive a wife from Him?

 

[FireWire]

I gave up years ago and glad I did. I was pressured far too much when I was younger.

 

[wisebeardman]

I gave up when I was about 16. realized I was wasting time even thinking about it as it was never going to happen.

 

[GreenNnice]

When the Lord leads you to give up, and, trust me, the Lord leads, He will let you know.
Until then, go, go, go. Sara had kids at 90.
And, the older you are before getting married the better, I think, you can establish yourself better and know who you are and then you are ready. There are a lot of thirtysomething guys that get married, just keep a positive attitude and keep going places where girls can be met, that are good Godly places, my best advice. But, go to the Lord in prayer and faith, for His advice; for His advice, unlike mine, is perfect, God bless, brother .

 

[colalella2891]

Well, if you really want to be with someone that bad, you should never give up. Giving up seems very depressing to me...

God wants to give you the desires of your heart, but the problem is we can be so impatient. I'm only 22 and I get upset about being single sometimes too, but I just have to accept God's timing. I hope it doesn't take this long, but God may want me to wait until i'm 50. If I do have to wait that long, then so be it.

A woman in my church, and a friend of my mom's, waited until she was 40 before she lost her virginity and got married. Waiting to have sex is nothing to be ashamed of. Additionally, Christians who lose their virginity before they get married end up regretting it. There are people on this forum who have lost their virginity at an early age, and have admitted that they regret doing it. You will too if it's not on God's terms.

Also, you can't compare yourself to everyone else, especially worldly people. Trust me, it'll drive you crazy. I did the same thing, since i'm in college classes with worldly people. Don't compare yourself to other people.

Another thing... There are many more things to worry about than being a 30 year-old-virgin... I don't know your exact situation, but if not having sex is all you're concerned about, you need to get a new perspective. There are some people who are going through some serious stuff, who would kill to be in your situation. That helps me stop being upset about this stuff, because I am better off than so much more other people.

 

[Tintin]

What age should you give up?

When you're dead. Never give up hope. I'm 30 and I've never been in a relationship. I think it's important to live life and cultivate the friendships you do have. As with others here, it's not easy. I struggled with my singleness for years (mainly in my early 20's). These aren't pat replies from people but ones of encouragement. Hang in there.

 

[secularhermit]

That sounds hopeless!

I knew a single childless woman of 41 who gave up. She says she wants to be loved, but she's too picky and still want things she is not willing to give (friendship is unimportant for her to GIVE, just want to received).

I knew another who longs to be loved at 42. She is nice looking, with a daughter, but felt in love with a man of 25 and, stupidly, she hopes she can get a man who knows she still has those fantasies with 2 men at the same time, being loved by a man who provides her with shelter and material things (unaware of that lack of maturity).

I'm not giving up, except on those who like to play their hide & seek, hiding their pictures and their hearts. I know I'm too short for a bunch of women and their material aspirations but, if I win the lottery, there is no other way TO KNOW I AM BEING LOVED for the man I AM, not for the things I own or those I could give.

As long as I lack the material stuff, I stay away from those I could be kicked for not achieving their materialistic aspirations. By the way, they come in a combo with their children and past. Money is needed! I know it well (not to love, not to be really loved).

 

[secularhermit]

Well God doesn't think that way at all, and He's the one you should be worried about.



I wholeheartedly agree.

And the entire concept of waiting implies that there is something wrong with us, or that we are somehow incomplete. It's almost setting ourselves up and saying "I'm not complete." Not only do we need to be complete in our own right if we ever hope to have a meaningful relationship, but if we derive our self worth from another human being, we are setting ourselves for a pretty big failure.

I guess John Lennon said something about that completeness you've mentioned... But todays completeness means more things "standardized" values have taught us to seek.

Few people are happy with meaningful relationships. Most of them I see seem to be based on materialism and, as I saw myself, I belonged to those I liked, those I felt biologically attracted, by those hormones my mind shed, inside.

I still see on the street we wear less clothing and any could be despised or ignored is not being above personal standards, although ugly or mundane things are not very popular on Christian people, many cling to those wearing tattoos or secularized stuff we're not totally gotten rid of.

I guess "a meaningful relationship" is more important than anything, bacause everything else is bound to pass away, to end up, to be finished.

 

[mystdancer50]

I agree with most of the above responses. The reason you're waiting dictates your ultimate patience and determines if you stick it out or give up. Change your focus.

 

[secularhermit]

I agree with most of the above responses. The reason you're waiting dictates your ultimate patience and determines if you stick it out or give up. Change your focus.

Focused?

I am blind! Ha! Ha! But I wear a pair of glasses.

Ha! Ha!