What's marriage?
- Thread starter dorry
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Marriage has two angles to it:
1. The physical angle is more superficial. It entails intimacy that is hormonal driven.
2. The spiritual side which is the main angle driven by love (God) and this is why God is involved because through marriage, sin entered the world and through marriage, sin is overcome. The key words in marriage are "..the two shall become one..." and we also become one with God in marriage to overcome sin.
1. The physical angle is more superficial. It entails intimacy that is hormonal driven.
2. The spiritual side which is the main angle driven by love (God) and this is why God is involved because through marriage, sin entered the world and through marriage, sin is overcome. The key words in marriage are "..the two shall become one..." and we also become one with God in marriage to overcome sin.
One thing I do know, marriage as a cure for loneliness is not very effective. I know many people who have been lonely, so they got married in an attempt to fix this. They found they were still unhappy with their lives, but they had already gotten married which they thought would be the cure for loneliness, so they went searching for some other magical snake oil to cure their discontentment with life.
In fact I can't offhand think of any one person I know who got married because they were lonely and is still married. The only people I know who are content in their married lives are people that were content with their lives before they got married.
So yeah, getting married does not seem to cure loneliness one bit. In fact from what I have observed it seems to be the single worst reason for getting married, even worse than sex as a reason. If you get married for sex at least the marriage will last as long as the physical attraction lasts. Getting married to cure loneliness only lasts until the person gets tired of waiting for the magical discontentment erasure to happen.
In fact I can't offhand think of any one person I know who got married because they were lonely and is still married. The only people I know who are content in their married lives are people that were content with their lives before they got married.
So yeah, getting married does not seem to cure loneliness one bit. In fact from what I have observed it seems to be the single worst reason for getting married, even worse than sex as a reason. If you get married for sex at least the marriage will last as long as the physical attraction lasts. Getting married to cure loneliness only lasts until the person gets tired of waiting for the magical discontentment erasure to happen.
Marriage may not be a cure for loneliness but it can certainly alleviate it. You made some interesting points. From my own personal observation I have never met anyone that got married so that they could have sex. Living together is more of the norm as there is no commitment and it is usually easy to end the relationship when things go south without legal repercussions.
I was lonely when I remarried but that was not the reason that I married. I married because I had love in my heart put there by God to share with another lonely person who became my wife. I didn't want a person who would be my girl friend, significant other or even my fiancée. I wanted a woman who would be my loving faithful wife. This is what I wanted and this is what God allowed me to have by trusting me with this wonderful woman.
You very right in saying that if you are unhappy before you marriage you will still be unhappy once you're married. Fortunately, I am happily married. It has been quite an adventure so far and well worth the cost of admission.
I was lonely when I remarried but that was not the reason that I married. I married because I had love in my heart put there by God to share with another lonely person who became my wife. I didn't want a person who would be my girl friend, significant other or even my fiancée. I wanted a woman who would be my loving faithful wife. This is what I wanted and this is what God allowed me to have by trusting me with this wonderful woman.
You very right in saying that if you are unhappy before you marriage you will still be unhappy once you're married. Fortunately, I am happily married. It has been quite an adventure so far and well worth the cost of admission.
T
I believe that you can go through your life without having sex and be happy. I never missed sex before I met my husband, but after I had had sex, I felt I had to get married. Also because I never thought anyone else would find me worthy to love.
That was almost 25 years ago. And I failed. Did I marry out of a sense of obligation to God? Yes. I think so. Out of guilt and also trying to be a good girl and do the right thing.
And it is over 10 years since we separated. He is married again and is seemingly happy. It took years before I could date again. I think I was still married to him in my heart.
Not that I have not met men I have been attracted to. I have. And it might even have been mutual. With some of these, I have to say, sex has been a force and the sexual need has made me fall for men that weren't as Godly as they claimed. Luckily it was only online, but I craved affirmation and attention and I have done things I deeply regret. And I finally figured it out. Sex is not love. Sex is not a necessity for marriage. Partnership is. And it is THAT what I have been missing. The continous conversation. Making common memories. Good and bad. Being as one in everything. Helping eachother and putting the other's need first.
Unconditional love? I think I loved my husband unconditionally. I forgave him violence, drunkardness, terrible sins from the past and also when we were together, neglectance and tyranni. I did it with love and prayers. But because of my son, I had to put his needs first and move out, because otherwise he would have suffered more. I was miserable, but I could take misery for myself, not for my son.
Am I ready to enter a new relationship? I know for sure I wasn't. I am happy non of the attempts I made worked out. I think I might be. But only with the right person. I am done craving for attention to escape loneliness. Do I believe it will happen? Yes. By a miracle it can. And I believe in miracles. And I am ready to wait for that person to have his heart and eyes opened. In God's and his time.
Does that make me a hopeless romantic? Perhaps. But I can't afford to make another mistake. I am a slow learner, and some of the lessons have been hard. But I do think I have learnt, and I hope those lessons will be a blessing for both me and a husband to be if it happens.
That was almost 25 years ago. And I failed. Did I marry out of a sense of obligation to God? Yes. I think so. Out of guilt and also trying to be a good girl and do the right thing.
And it is over 10 years since we separated. He is married again and is seemingly happy. It took years before I could date again. I think I was still married to him in my heart.
Not that I have not met men I have been attracted to. I have. And it might even have been mutual. With some of these, I have to say, sex has been a force and the sexual need has made me fall for men that weren't as Godly as they claimed. Luckily it was only online, but I craved affirmation and attention and I have done things I deeply regret. And I finally figured it out. Sex is not love. Sex is not a necessity for marriage. Partnership is. And it is THAT what I have been missing. The continous conversation. Making common memories. Good and bad. Being as one in everything. Helping eachother and putting the other's need first.
Unconditional love? I think I loved my husband unconditionally. I forgave him violence, drunkardness, terrible sins from the past and also when we were together, neglectance and tyranni. I did it with love and prayers. But because of my son, I had to put his needs first and move out, because otherwise he would have suffered more. I was miserable, but I could take misery for myself, not for my son.
Am I ready to enter a new relationship? I know for sure I wasn't. I am happy non of the attempts I made worked out. I think I might be. But only with the right person. I am done craving for attention to escape loneliness. Do I believe it will happen? Yes. By a miracle it can. And I believe in miracles. And I am ready to wait for that person to have his heart and eyes opened. In God's and his time.
Does that make me a hopeless romantic? Perhaps. But I can't afford to make another mistake. I am a slow learner, and some of the lessons have been hard. But I do think I have learnt, and I hope those lessons will be a blessing for both me and a husband to be if it happens.
That's all good, but it overlooks one very important purpose for marriage (which most Christians also overlook):
... to make us holy.
When a married (or any) person is faced with a constant reminder of their own unholiness, sinfulness, brokenness, etc., they are going to respond in one of very few ways:
withdraw from the other person (avoidance, passive-aggression, abandonment, etc.);
react to the other person (anger, blame, abuse, etc.);
deal with their c**p.
Only the third option lead to growth in Christ and in the relationship. The others lead to deeper and more convoluted brokenness, because the issue is no longer one person's behaviour; it is now a relational problem as well.
... to make us holy.
When a married (or any) person is faced with a constant reminder of their own unholiness, sinfulness, brokenness, etc., they are going to respond in one of very few ways:
withdraw from the other person (avoidance, passive-aggression, abandonment, etc.);
react to the other person (anger, blame, abuse, etc.);
deal with their c**p.
Only the third option lead to growth in Christ and in the relationship. The others lead to deeper and more convoluted brokenness, because the issue is no longer one person's behaviour; it is now a relational problem as well.
D
Hubby was married before. She got the house, the kids, the car, the money, and the bills. Except she didn't pay the bills, and he was the name on the bills, so he got the bills, with interest three years later when they found him, (and we were just married.)
I knew she took everything from him. Everything, including his children. So I made a vow I still plan on keeping if need be. If this marriage ends, (and it will only end through the death of one of us now), he gets everything -- the house, the car, the money, (and the bills are 50/50 on whose name is on them, since I started the electric, gas, water, phone service in this house, so they wanted my name -- only the mortgage is in our name, so if I left, he'd still get the house lol), my antiques, my mother's dollhouse, my mother's knick knacks, my great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mom's and my tea sets from when we were all little girls, the hoity-toity dinner plates we never did use, the silverware, and my stuffed animals. He gets EVERYTHING! And be sure, I don't want to lose any of it, so he is stuck with me and our stuff.
So, nope. When I said my vows I really meant them knowing who I was marrying and knowing what he already went through. He got me and our stuff. That's marriage.
What you went through was sucko-marriage. Big difference.
I knew she took everything from him. Everything, including his children. So I made a vow I still plan on keeping if need be. If this marriage ends, (and it will only end through the death of one of us now), he gets everything -- the house, the car, the money, (and the bills are 50/50 on whose name is on them, since I started the electric, gas, water, phone service in this house, so they wanted my name -- only the mortgage is in our name, so if I left, he'd still get the house lol), my antiques, my mother's dollhouse, my mother's knick knacks, my great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mom's and my tea sets from when we were all little girls, the hoity-toity dinner plates we never did use, the silverware, and my stuffed animals. He gets EVERYTHING! And be sure, I don't want to lose any of it, so he is stuck with me and our stuff.
So, nope. When I said my vows I really meant them knowing who I was marrying and knowing what he already went through. He got me and our stuff. That's marriage.
What you went through was sucko-marriage. Big difference.
D
I married my best friend. The guy I couldn't live without. I had no intention of getting married until after our first date, but we had been best friends for a couple of months before that first date.
Ends up, I was literally right. I wouldn't have lived this long without him, and he wouldn't have lived this long without me. (We just celebrated the 38th anniversary of our official engagement earlier this month. We were committed a week after that first date, and married seven months after that first date.)
Ends up, I was literally right. I wouldn't have lived this long without him, and he wouldn't have lived this long without me. (We just celebrated the 38th anniversary of our official engagement earlier this month. We were committed a week after that first date, and married seven months after that first date.)
D
Actually, it would have cost twice as much for me, if I didn't get married. I would follow him wherever he went, so two apartments, two sofas, two TVs, two beds, two sets of cookware, (unless he invited me over for dinner every night, lol), etc. I really, really liked him. I wasn't going to lose him simply because he moved, so, all in all, marriage saved money. lol
L
Marriage represents a picture of Jesus' love for the church (us). I think the marriages that work are because before that, the couple spent a season alone...experiencing a relationship with Jesus first. Until you have your love life with Jesus figured out and you find a guy/girl who has their love life with Jesus figured out, you cannot paint a picture of the gospel. You have to love him (Christ) first and trust him with your love life before you get involved with anyone.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject.
But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject.
But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
Marriage represents a picture of Jesus' love for the church (us). I think the marriages that work are because before that, the couple spent a season alone...experiencing a relationship with Jesus first. Until you have your love life with Jesus figured out and you find a guy/girl who has their love life with Jesus figured out, you cannot paint a picture of the gospel. You have to love him (Christ) first and trust him with your love life before you get involved with anyone.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject. But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject.
But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
Marriage represents a picture of Jesus' love for the church (us). I think the marriages that work are because before that, the couple spent a season alone...experiencing a relationship with Jesus first. Until you have your love life with Jesus figured out and you find a guy/girl who has their love life with Jesus figured out, you cannot paint a picture of the gospel. You have to love him (Christ) first and trust him with your love life before you get involved with anyone.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject. But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
In Genesis 4:1, "Adam lay with Eve and she became pregnant..." Lay in Hebrew means Yada. Yada means to know, to be known, or to be respected. God created sex so that you could bond to someone. Your partner will know you in a way that no one else does. Kind of how God knows us in a way that no one else does.
That's just my 2 cents. So in a way I can see how the users who said "marriage is just for sex" could be truthful. But you have to see sex in a very different way than the world does. It's not just for physical pleasure...it's for bonding and knowing someone similarly to how God knows us.
Of course I've never been married or been in love...so take this with a grain of salt. I just reread my notes on the subject.
But I think Dannah Gresh knows what she's talking about.
