Why are we attracted to certain people and not to others??

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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#1
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#1
This is just a question I thought of this morning and felt it was an interesting question to pose in this forum.

What is it that makes a person stand out to us among all the other people we see and interact with??

Is it physical beauty? Is it their personality? Is it something about them that reminds us of someone we are close to? Is it something mysterious or spiritual? What are your thoughts on this...

AND also..... what are your thoughts on why we're only attracted to just one or two people at a time even if there's a lot of people around like if you are at a social event or even at church. Is this Darwin's law in action??
 
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mori

Guest
#2
#2
There have been studies done to show that, all else being equal, women usually choose men who have immune system genes that are most different from theirs. This is the "sweaty t-shirt" experiment.

There are a baffling number of subtle factors, unfortunately for science and dating.
 
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naturalchris

Guest
#3
#3
Oh gosh, good question....In my experience, I am usually attracted to people who are about as spiritualy fit as I am....did I mention I was single, lol...But seriously, there are certain qualities that I prefer, I like a "manly man", but prefer an interlectual to a jock type if that makes sense. Voice matters too, must be low and sound confident. A nice dresser, but not too buttoned up. It's a prefference, but does not guarentee an attraction. I know chemistry, as mori has pointed out is a big factor, but what if the woman is menopausal? Does this still factor in the attraction equasion?
 
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violakat

Guest
#4
#4
naturalchris said:
Oh gosh, good question....In my experience, I am usually attracted to people who are about as spiritualy fit as I am....did I mention I was single, lol...But seriously, there are certain qualities that I prefer, I like a "manly man", but prefer an interlectual to a jock type if that makes sense. Voice matters too, must be low and sound confident. A nice dresser, but not too buttoned up. It's a prefference, but does not guarentee an attraction. I know chemistry, as mori has pointed out is a big factor, but what if the woman is menopausal? Does this still factor in the attraction equasion?
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The only way voice is important to me is if he is forcing his voice to go deep. It causes me to cringe, because it sounds like they are hurting their throat. And really, what other deception are they trying to hide. Fortunately, not to many try to do that. Honestly, men that have higher natural voices do not sound well trying to talk deep, and likewise.
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Personally, I tend to be drawn to men who have a cowboy style look. I think it happens to do something with where I grew up. Also, tend to be drawn more to men who are called to be missionaries. Although, I usually don't find this out until afterward, and handymen.

I think part of the reason we are drawn to the people we are, is partially due to our upbringing. Certain things are stressed as very important, such as money or being good handymen. Others, it's just the culture. Like the cowboy type mentioned earlier.
 
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niceguyJ

Senior Member
#5
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
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#5
zeroturbulence said:
This is just a question I thought of this morning and felt it was an interesting question to pose in this forum.

What is it that makes a person stand out to us among all the other people we see and interact with??

Is it physical beauty? Is it their personality? Is it something about them that reminds us of someone we are close to? Is it something mysterious or spiritual? What are your thoughts on this...

AND also..... what are your thoughts on why we're only attracted to just one or two people at a time even if there's a lot of people around like if you are at a social event or even at church. Is this Darwin's law in action??
Click to expand...
Oddly enough, I have been thinking some on attraction the past couple of days too. So I'm looking forward to reading what people have to say in this thread.


As for me, I can definitely put my finger on some things..others not so much.

There are two big things that make a woman stand out to me.
1) She loves God
2) She loves people

Jesus himself said those are the greatest two commandments. When a girl is truly doing her best to follow those things she is surely beautiful in my eyes. She is like-minded. There's a whole list of positive attributes that go along with that. Most anything I could list would be covered under those two things.

Then there is the connection. I can't explain that. I think when two people truly connect, words just can't really explain it. It can be instant. It's more mysterious and could be spritual too, as you stated.
I just can't fully explain why I'm drawn to certain people.

Looks can get my attention too, but beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder..and doesn't even matter without the above in place.
For me, it's A LOT harder to find someone I truly connect with than it is to find a girl I think is cute/pretty/beautiful. So there I am going back to that mysterious connection.

I guess for me it comes down to those three areas. If all three are in place, then consider me in awe of such a person. Of course they'd likely live somewhere far away like Australia, the moon, or Pluto. :D
Miracles still happen though. :)

After thinking about this more, I wonder if you were talking only of initial attraction? If so, I guess some of what I said is off topic a bit...I'm just going to leave it though. It's not like any other thread here stays completely on topic. ;)

EDIT: Let me see if I can get this in before the edit time limit is up. I just read some of you mentioning voices. Oh my. A girl with a sweet voice (to my ears) most definitely grabs my attention. Why? That's one of those things I have no explanation for..

Okay and then there is the whole music thing. If a girl sings, or plays an instrument or both...Yep that's incredibly attractive. I do know the "why" there..because that person would better understand my passion for music, etc.
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#6
#6
I think any attraction to a guy on my part, would be based on something spirtual. I'm attracted to the guys who are close to God, they have a good spiritual relationship with God, and when they do, you can see it, in how they conduct themselves, with or without others present.
That's what makes a guy cute to me.
 
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Liz01

Guest
#7
#7
I think attraction depends in that thing that bible say in Genesis 2:20 "The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (suitable - hebrew "neged" - part opposite; specifically a counterpart )
so i think we are attracted to our opposite in personality and other things but at the same time i think that we are attracted too to ppl that is in situations that are mentally and phsichological similar to our situations in life, and i think that is why its no so easy to find someone and we cannot be attracted to everyone we know.
 
shawntc

shawntc

Senior Member
#8
May 7, 2010
729
11
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#8
I've noticed that I almost always fall for someone who fits in one or both of these categories:

1. The Mystery. She's quiet, maybe shy. I don't know her very much personally, but I do know that she is pretty and has some outstanding feature - kindness, intelligence, etc. - that draws me to her. Sometimes, once the mystery aspect goes away, the feelings do too.

2. Like Liz01 said, the opposite aspect. The large majority of the people I've been attracted to are the ones who have the polar opposite of my personality. They're outgoing, carefree, energetic, in tune with the emotions of themselves and others. They sorta skip along through life singing "La la la la la, whatever happens, happens." I ended up dating one such young woman like that. I think she was a bit too opposite, unfortunately.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
There are times when we can be attracted to people we know we have no business being with, can't we? I'm so grateful that God protects us from ourselves. Anyway...let's see...things I normally find attractive INITIALLY, in no particular order:

Confidence
Intelligence
Humor - the witty kind
Passion for life
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
Oops...I forgot to answer the second half of the question...why are we not attracted to some others? Things I do not find attractive:

Whining
Whining
Whining
Did I mention whining?????

Negativity
Gossip
Self-righteousness
Rudeness
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#11
#11
Things that I do NOT find attractive, are things that only happen when a man doesn't really love God.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
It is a given that I would want to be with someone who loved the Lord, but it's not something I can know when I first meet them. Maybe I misunderstood the question....
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#13
#13
You can tell, when you first meet them... they have a certain spirit about themselves...
At least, that's the way it is for me.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
I used to think that too, until I met some "sweet" guys who said they were christians and weren't
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#15
#15
Oh, they can ACT sweet, but there's no mistaking the spirit that surrounds them. Bad spirits make me feel uncomfortablegood spirits are welcoming...
 
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kayem77

Guest
#16
#16
I've noticed that I feel attracted to guys who have:
1.confidence
2.sense of humor (I like the witty kind too)
4.a tender heart
5.a passion for something ( and I don't mean a passion for watching TV)
6.intelligence
7. I don't know how to describe this one....so I will call it '' the connection'' , that feeling of safety and likeness with that person.

I used to like a guy who had these traits when I just became Christian, he was reeeeeeeeeeally sweet and definitely a gentleman, the'' connection ''was there , but sadly he wasn't a Christian :/ ...so in a spiritual level, loving the Lord is a must, even if I feel attracted to that person in all the other aspects I mentioned..

What I don't find attractive?

1. immaturity (inability to be SERIOUS and tendency to AVOID deep topics)
2. arrogance
3.aggresiveness and insensibility
4. a closed mind
 
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Liz01

Guest
#17
#17
Jullianna said:
Oops...I forgot to answer the second half of the question...why are we not attracted to some others? Things I do not find attractive:

Whining
Whining
Whining
Did I mention whining?????

Negativity
Gossip
Self-righteousness
Rudeness
Click to expand...
hahaha, i agree, whining is really really baaad...
 
V

violakat

Guest
#18
#18
kayem77 said:
I've noticed that I feel attracted to guys who have:
1.confidence
2.sense of humor (I like the witty kind too)
4.a tender heart
5.a passion for something ( and I don't mean a passion for watching TV)
6.intelligence
7. I don't know how to describe this one....so I will call it '' the connection'' , that feeling of safety and likeness with that person.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. It's like you feel like he is someone you can trust and will protect you at all costs.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
I would never be one to say that God CAN'T give us divine revelation that someone is a true believer, but, once bitten, twice shy. :) There are things that I will find immediately attractive, but where matters of faith are concerned, I'm going to want to see that at work in their lives first, and that can only happen over time.

I noticed that some of the other ladies did mention physical things that attract them. I have been giving it some thought and these are some things guys I have been attracted to have had in common:

Dark hair or no hair
Eyes that have something behind them, like a twinkle or wisdom
A great smile
And I have to admit to having a thing for shoulders
no facial hair or well-groomed facial hair
 
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