Will a Guy Who Isn't Attracted to Overweight Women Leave His Pregnant Wife?
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I agree with this 110%. Everyone says, "A marriage centered on Christ can't go wrong," but it can, and does. Who among us doesn't know many, many Christian couples, often leaders in churches, who have divorced?
Another reason why I asked this question is because I work with a lot of moms--some single, some married, some living with someone... and many of them have told me that they might have weighed 110 in their teens or early 20's, and now in their late 20's or older, they're considerably heavier and the weight has stuck--in their opinion, they say it's mostly from having kids. But of course, weight gain happens to most everyone over time, whether they've had kids or not (and whether or not they're a female.)
After reading some of the posts that say something such as, "Is God going to send me someone that I'm really not attracted to... you know... like someone really overweight?" it really got me thinking about things like this.
As I said in a previous post, maybe the reason God keeps us single is because He knows our hearts, and that some of us would have a lot of difficulty if our spouse gained several pounds that they couldn't lose, even to the point of leaving them for someone else.
Another reason why I asked this question is because I work with a lot of moms--some single, some married, some living with someone... and many of them have told me that they might have weighed 110 in their teens or early 20's, and now in their late 20's or older, they're considerably heavier and the weight has stuck--in their opinion, they say it's mostly from having kids. But of course, weight gain happens to most everyone over time, whether they've had kids or not (and whether or not they're a female.)
After reading some of the posts that say something such as, "Is God going to send me someone that I'm really not attracted to... you know... like someone really overweight?" it really got me thinking about things like this.
As I said in a previous post, maybe the reason God keeps us single is because He knows our hearts, and that some of us would have a lot of difficulty if our spouse gained several pounds that they couldn't lose, even to the point of leaving them for someone else.
This is a good point, Zero, but what I was actually thinking about is if someone says, "I want to marry someone totally hot--they have to be thin, fit, and beautiful" (and of course, women think this way as well as men.)
So ok, they go on to marry someone who looks really good on the outside and is fit and thin.
What happens in 10 years if that person isn't so fit and thin anymore? Marriage isn't, "Wow, you look good to me right now," marriage has to be choosing to decide that that person looks good to you for the rest of your lives, even if their body changes--and we all know it will.
We all talk about, "Why hasn't God sent me the right one yet?" and "Will God send me someone good-looking?"... and maybe the reason He hasn't is because God knows the person He has for us will go through some changes... and right now, we're not "grown up enough" to be able to handle them.
I originally used the example of an unmarried couple because that was something I'd observed in my own experience.
So ok, they go on to marry someone who looks really good on the outside and is fit and thin.
What happens in 10 years if that person isn't so fit and thin anymore? Marriage isn't, "Wow, you look good to me right now," marriage has to be choosing to decide that that person looks good to you for the rest of your lives, even if their body changes--and we all know it will.
We all talk about, "Why hasn't God sent me the right one yet?" and "Will God send me someone good-looking?"... and maybe the reason He hasn't is because God knows the person He has for us will go through some changes... and right now, we're not "grown up enough" to be able to handle them.
I originally used the example of an unmarried couple because that was something I'd observed in my own experience.
Well I know of a couple that broke up after years of being together in a serious relationship and had planned to get married because the woman could no longer take the guy's strictness regarding being fit and trim. He was an avid bodybuilder and expected her to be just as serious about fitness as he was and, she was. But she decided she had enough and left him. Ok, its not the same thing but its close yes? 
A
I would like to point out and this point just came to me today. It really might be apropos to nothing. It really sickens me that people (general people) look at a thin person and say "healthy" and a thicker person and say "sick". Because the thinner person may or may not be naturally thin. They may do things that are unnatural to get to that point, but people look on the outside and think "good". So if a married man or just a person in a relationship puts that pressure on a woman to stay thin and she in turn relies on the measures that are unnatural to get thin again, but looks good on the outside, what gain was there really?
Just thoughts that go through my head. The pressure to be "the best" on women is extraordinary and I don't even think good Christian men realize that they are doing to us.
Just thoughts that go through my head. The pressure to be "the best" on women is extraordinary and I don't even think good Christian men realize that they are doing to us.
J
Seoulsearch, wise words. Especially about the teen thing. I was 5.4 and 110 lbs when I got married at 18, but I'm 5.6 and 120-124 now. My feet grew a size and a half longer between 18 and 25 too. Some of us aren't finished growing/developing at 18. It would be very unhealthy for me to be as thin as I was at 18. To not expect our bodies to change is unrealistic. We need to remember too that not all changes are for the worse. Sometimes those of us who tend to be on the too thin side actually become curvier after having a baby.
This is a subject that is really close to my heart because one of my stepsisters has a thyroid condition that makes weight a struggle for her. She's an absolutely gorgeous blonde, brilliant, godly woman, but her husband left her because of her weight and belittled her about it the entire time they were married. She struggled, but finally lost the weight and she's happier than ever. (Maybe it's due to the 185 lbs she lost in the divorce...did I type that out loud??? oops..sorry)
Some of us aren't finished growing/developing at 18. It would be very unhealthy for me to be as thin as I was at 18. To not expect our bodies to change is unrealistic. We need to remember too that not all changes are for the worse. Sometimes those of us who tend to be on the too thin side actually become curvier after having a baby. This is a subject that is really close to my heart because one of my stepsisters has a thyroid condition that makes weight a struggle for her. She's an absolutely gorgeous blonde, brilliant, godly woman, but her husband left her because of her weight and belittled her about it the entire time they were married. She struggled, but finally lost the weight and she's happier than ever. (Maybe it's due to the 185 lbs she lost in the divorce...did I type that out loud??? oops..sorry
)
S
It needs to be said that there is a massive difference between being preggers and being overweight. You can be 9 months pregnant and not be overweight at all.
I personally believe that when a woman is pregnant, she is the most beautiful she can ever be. They seem to have a glow about them. However, I do not find them sexually attractive. I don't know why. Yes I will admit that I am not attracted to obese women. But I am not perfect, and not as fit as I used to be either. I would prefer it if my wife was a little thinner, but she's had four kids. My four kids. She is the same person, just a few years older, and a few kg heavier. I don't look like I did when she first fell pregnant either.
You loose the weight after pregnacy provided all is well, no post natal depression etc. You loose 3 - 4 kg the day the baby's born anyway!
Guys leave their girl friends when they're preggers because they're scared, or not ready for kids. They use the possible excuse of her putting weight on as a gutless excuse.
I can understand the shock some guys may have when their girl falls pregnant, However if they leave them because of their size, they were never worth having around in the first place.
Incase you were wondering, my eldest son is 11, I've been married for 4 years, but have been seeing my wife for 17 or so years. We were not married when she first fell pregnant. And Yes I was shocked at how big she became. I was not ready to be a father. But I was not ready to walk out on the woman I loved, especially as I put her in that position.
Beauty is only skin deep. You should be in love with the person inside the body... Not the body.
I personally believe that when a woman is pregnant, she is the most beautiful she can ever be. They seem to have a glow about them. However, I do not find them sexually attractive. I don't know why. Yes I will admit that I am not attracted to obese women. But I am not perfect, and not as fit as I used to be either. I would prefer it if my wife was a little thinner, but she's had four kids. My four kids. She is the same person, just a few years older, and a few kg heavier. I don't look like I did when she first fell pregnant either.
You loose the weight after pregnacy provided all is well, no post natal depression etc. You loose 3 - 4 kg the day the baby's born anyway!
Guys leave their girl friends when they're preggers because they're scared, or not ready for kids. They use the possible excuse of her putting weight on as a gutless excuse.
I can understand the shock some guys may have when their girl falls pregnant, However if they leave them because of their size, they were never worth having around in the first place.
Incase you were wondering, my eldest son is 11, I've been married for 4 years, but have been seeing my wife for 17 or so years. We were not married when she first fell pregnant. And Yes I was shocked at how big she became. I was not ready to be a father. But I was not ready to walk out on the woman I loved, especially as I put her in that position.
Beauty is only skin deep. You should be in love with the person inside the body... Not the body.
S
I have been married for 23yrs, when we first gor married I weighed 115lbs. Four births, one adoption later and the effects of menopause. I now weigh 195lbs. My husband was not attracted to me while I was prego, however now that he has gotten older and I have gained weight he has learned to love more of me! I believe he would love for me to be thinner, but he sees that I do put out effort to stay healthy. I eat twice as healthy now, I work out 3 to 4 times a week. I have to say that my husband is confused, he sees me work out and knows what we eat. He does not work out, but he does eat right. And he has also gained about 50lbs since we were first married. Stress and kids can change the way your body functions. (My adopted son has Autisium. This is the bulk of our stress.) God Bless us all! Shekaniah
I think it's despicable to leave your wife because she gained any weight whether thats 20 lbs or 100
doesn't matter. If all you married for was looks then you are as superficial as it comes.
I remember a saying my father in law had told me one time when my wife and I were arguing over some silly thing, crude though it was it made the point very well he said "turn em upside down they all look the same"
At the time I didn't appreciate his rhetoric as I figured he was only defending his daughters point of view with an analogy designed to take the emphasis off what we were fighting about (I forget). Well .........it worked.............Men and women who marry for looks alone are very shallow people and just like the seed that fell among the rocks they have no root in themselves. Better to find someone your well rooted with for the purpose of marriage other wise the marriage will just burn up and wither away when the heat comes down. I.E. raising children, money problems, Health issues, Job security and the list goes on and on. Men treat your wives with respect, honour and dignity and in turn women should do likewise it makes for a very sound marriage.
Selah
doesn't matter. If all you married for was looks then you are as superficial as it comes.
I remember a saying my father in law had told me one time when my wife and I were arguing over some silly thing, crude though it was it made the point very well he said "turn em upside down they all look the same"
At the time I didn't appreciate his rhetoric as I figured he was only defending his daughters point of view with an analogy designed to take the emphasis off what we were fighting about (I forget). Well .........it worked.............Men and women who marry for looks alone are very shallow people and just like the seed that fell among the rocks they have no root in themselves. Better to find someone your well rooted with for the purpose of marriage other wise the marriage will just burn up and wither away when the heat comes down. I.E. raising children, money problems, Health issues, Job security and the list goes on and on. Men treat your wives with respect, honour and dignity and in turn women should do likewise it makes for a very sound marriage.
Selah
