Would you date someone with debt?

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J

JeniBean

Guest
#21
#21
I go on the theory of WHY is there bad debt. Example did you file BK or have a foreclosure because you were royally screwed in a divorce???? Court records easily show that. Are you in debt because of education and your career will pay off over time? Or are you in debt because you have no idea how to handle money and spend like crazy. If you are the last one there is no way that I would date them. Money is the #2 issue for problems in relationships! At your age I thought I could change their way of spending. You CANNOT change their way of spending, because what I have learned is they learn by example. Very few grow up, see how bad their family spends and says, hey I am going to save and be smart...why??? Because they have no money handling education. It isn't taught in school at all any more. Therefore I stick with finding out why and confirming it!
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#22
#22
MollyConnor said:
Hey ya'll! So I was wondering about debt and how crazy it's gotten in this country, especially. People will get credit cards and max them out just to buy extravagant Christmas gifts!

I personally don't have any debt: no credit cards, no student loans (or any loans for that matter) and I don't owe my car. I got is used when I was 24. I didn't own a car until last year.

It's just that my mom taught me to save and to never go in debt for anything if it can be avoided. I once owed my school $200 and I paid them off quickly because having debt like that freaks me out! I don't want to drown in it like some of my friends are.

I have one friend who went to a private university for nursing and she now owes $103,000 in student loans!!! She didn't even finish her degree. :eek:

Anyways, how important is a debt free loved one or a debt free marriage? Or how much is too much debt?

I know a lot of my generation has student loans. So I guess I should expect that my future partner would have some? I don't know...But I have heard that money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. So I would definitely be hesitant with larger amounts.

So yeah...I wanted to know what everyone's opinion on these things is. For those of you who are married, is debt a huge issue for you?

If you were to find a perfect (or near perfect) girlfriend/boyfriend but they has a lot of debt...would you still give them a chance?

This is just a discussion thread...I'm not worried about it but curious about everyone's views on it! I haven't met anyone that I'm considering right now so yeah...haha just a discussion thread. Seoul is mentoring me!

Also, I can't finish without recommending the wonderful Dave Ramsey! (he's a Christian financial radio host/author)
Real Debt Help - Get out of debt with Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Plan - daveramsey.com

TLDR: Just look at the bold parts.
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It would entirely depend on why they were in debt, how deep, and what kind of debt... and how honest they were about it. My cousin was engaged to marry a guy, a preacher no less, and found out two months before the wedding that he was seriously in debt... not because he told her he was in debt, but because his mother ratted on him!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#23
May 23, 2009
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#23
crosstweed said:
It would entirely depend on why they were in debt, how deep, and what kind of debt... and how honest they were about it. My cousin was engaged to marry a guy, a preacher no less, and found out two months before the wedding that he was seriously in debt... not because he told her he was in debt, but because his mother ratted on him!
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This happens more than people think. And many people in ministry take on huge debts to fund their travels.

People are terrified of being alone and will "neglect" to tell you all kinds of things in order to keep you with them.

As I said in a previous post, I found out the day after I got married, and only because I found some receipts he never told me about, and probably would have never told me about. When I confronted my husband, he said, "I was going to tell you... This whole time (three years of dating) I wanted to tell you but never knew how..."

After going through this, I personally think that a legitimate copy of a potential fiance/fiancee's credit report should be mandatory before getting married, as well as figuring out a joint budget long before you actually say, "I do"--not because you're being a gold digger in any way, but because people can be incredibly dishonest about their finances.

It may sound crazy to demand to see someone's credit report, but it's a horrible thing to marry someone and then find out they're $XX,XXX+ in debt and didn't even tell you.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#24
#24
Before you get married, credit report check, physical examination/std test, and background check?
Get all those ghosts out of the closet :D
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#25
#25
Correction: skeletons
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#26
May 23, 2009
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#26
Hellooo said:
Before you get married, credit report check, physical examination/std test, and background check?
Get all those ghosts out of the closet :D
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Nowadays, it's a sad fact of life.

I've known people who went through "experimental" phases in life (while going to church the whole time) but refused to be tested for anything because they "don't want to know"... but never tell the next person they're with, either.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#27
#27
When my parents got married, it was a requirement that they do a blood test...do people still do this?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#28
May 23, 2009
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#28
Hellooo said:
When my parents got married, it was a requirement that they do a blood test...do people still do this?
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I remember when I was a little kid, I was terrified at the thought of getting married--because I didn't want to get the blood test! But by the time I got married, they'd done away with it (at least in my state.)
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#29
#29
seoulsearch said:
This happens more than people think. And many people in ministry take on huge debts to fund their travels.

People are terrified of being alone and will "neglect" to tell you all kinds of things in order to keep you with them.

As I said in a previous post, I found out the day after I got married, and only because I found some receipts he never told me about, and probably would have never told me about. When I confronted my husband, he said, "I was going to tell you... This whole time (three years of dating) I wanted to tell you but never knew how..."

After going through this, I personally think that a legitimate copy of a potential fiance/fiancee's credit report should be mandatory before getting married, as well as figuring out a joint budget long before you actually say, "I do"--not because you're being a gold digger in any way, but because people can be incredibly dishonest about their finances.

It may sound crazy to demand to see someone's credit report, but it's a horrible thing to marry someone and then find out they're $XX,XXX+ in debt and didn't even tell you.
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I agree with my pastor big time on something he said: "Everyone should have to fill out forms before they get married, just like a job application, and give them to the other person."
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#30
Aug 13, 2014
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#30
seoulsearch said:
After going through this, I personally think that a legitimate copy of a potential fiance/fiancee's credit report should be mandatory before getting married, as well as figuring out a joint budget long before you actually say, "I do"--not because you're being a gold digger in any way, but because people can be incredibly dishonest about their finances.

It may sound crazy to demand to see someone's credit report, but it's a horrible thing to marry someone and then find out they're $XX,XXX+ in debt and didn't even tell you.
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If my girlfriend... Hypothetically speaking... Ever got a credit check on me I would be screwed. I don't have bad credit but I don't have good credit because I don't take on debt. Never even had a credit card. If all my theoretical girlfriend looked at was the bottom line credit score she would be so disappointed.

By the way I found out if you keep throwing those credit card advertisements in the trash eventually they do stop sending them. It took more than 20 years but they did stop.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#31
May 23, 2009
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#31
Lynx said:
If my girlfriend... Hypothetically speaking... Ever got a credit check on me I would be screwed. I don't have bad credit but I don't have good credit because I don't take on debt. Never even had a credit card. If all my theoretical girlfriend looked at was the bottom line credit score she would be so disappointed.

By the way I found out if you keep throwing those credit card advertisements in the trash eventually they do stop sending them. It took more than 20 years but they did stop.
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Yes, but you have a perfectly valid explanation as to why you don't have a credit history.

No history because of no debt?

No problem.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#32
Mar 22, 2013
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#32
cmarieh said:
I must say that having some sort of debt is actually healthy for ones credit because it gives you an opportunity to build your credit so that one day you can purchase a home or other big purchase with a good interest rate and in the long run is healthy. Student loans for one are excellent for building credit because most of them don't start adding interest until you graduate or go below half time, like the subsidized loan.

If you purchase everything with cash which I will admit is nice to do, but it doesn't benefit you long term. I just think it's smarter to think about the positives and negatives in regards to debt. I do have a credit card, but I hardly ever use it.
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"credit" is a scam to keep people locked into a cycle of debt. it is also used to falsely prop up a failed economy. If "credit" didn't exist we would see the real truth of the economy and that truth would be total economic collapse.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#33
May 23, 2009
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#33
cmarieh said:
I must say that having some sort of debt is actually healthy for ones credit because it gives you an opportunity to build your credit so that one day you can purchase a home or other big purchase with a good interest rate and in the long run is healthy. Student loans for one are excellent for building credit because most of them don't start adding interest until you graduate or go below half time, like the subsidized loan.

If you purchase everything with cash which I will admit is nice to do, but it doesn't benefit you long term. I just think it's smarter to think about the positives and negatives in regards to debt. I do have a credit card, but I hardly ever use it.
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I'm certainly no expert on this but in my experience, it doesn't take much to build a suitable credit history, so don't let the banks and creditors fool you into thinking you have to take on all kinds of debt for umpteen years just to build enough credit to get a good loan.

My only official "credit history" is a loan for my first car (something like $2500? I can't even remember, it was so long ago), but I was working 3 jobs at the time and paid it off in 6 months, often making double and sometimes even triple payments.

My only other credit history is credit cards I've had since high school, and I never charge anything I can't pay when the bill comes, so I don't pay any interest to use those cards. (I was, however, late with a payment years ago... I had it on the counter but it just slipped my mind and was about 2 days late, resulting in a $29 fee. Needless to say, I learned my lesson and that's never happened again!)

The last time my credit was checked, I was at a car dealership... and the guy who checked my credit came back and told the salesman, "Be nice to her--her credit rating is higher than mine. She could practically take out a loan to buy this entire dealership."

Which was an exaggeration, of course... But my point is, it apparently took just my original car loan and credit cards that I pay off in full every month to build that kind of history (instead of long, drawn-out loans that span over several years with mass amounts of interest tacked on.)
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#34
#34
I like to use cash back cards. ..i may as well get paid for money I was already going to spend. As long as it's paid off in full then you aren't paying interest, so for me it's a no brainer for getting gas, food, utility bill, etc
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#35
Aug 12, 2011
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#35
as several have said, i ask the why. i understand life happens (medical bills, house payment, car, etc), but if the person is in debt because they don't know how to budget and just spend spend spend on unnecessary things, then i would have a difficult time dating said person.

my ex-boyfriend couldn't keep a budget. great guy but he would spend more than what he had. i helped him out a few times, which i totally regret now. i felt he wasn't preparing for our future (since i thought i was going to eventually marry him). i hope he doesn't have this habit anymore.

p.s. also, if the person has debt because of things i mentioned in the 1st paragraph, i would also take notice if the person is working towards paying off said debts. :)
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#36
Mar 22, 2013
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Indiana
#36
seoulsearch said:
I'm certainly no expert on this but in my experience, it doesn't take much to build a suitable credit history, so don't let the banks and creditors fool you into thinking you have to take on all kinds of debt for umpteen years just to build enough credit to get a good loan.

My only official "credit history" is a loan for my first car (something like $2500? I can't even remember, it was so long ago), but I was working 3 jobs at the time and paid it off in 6 months, often making double and sometimes even triple payments.

My only other credit history is credit cards I've had since high school, and I never charge anything I can't pay when the bill comes, so I don't pay any interest to use those cards. (I was, however, late with a payment years ago... I had it on the counter but it just slipped my mind and was about 2 days late, resulting in a $29 fee. Needless to say, I learned my lesson and that's never happened again!)

The last time my credit was checked, I was at a car dealership... and the guy who checked my credit came back and told the salesman, "Be nice to her--her credit rating is higher than mine. She could practically take out a loan to buy this entire dealership."

Which was an exaggeration, of course... But my point is, it apparently took just my original car loan and credit cards that I pay off in full every month to build that kind of history (instead of long, drawn-out loans that span over several years with mass amounts of interest tacked on.)
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go into the same dealership with a brick full of cash, and the prices start coming way down.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#37
May 23, 2009
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#37
wisebeardman said:
go into the same dealership with a brick full of cash, and the prices start coming way down.
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It can depend (just speaking from my own experience.)

If you go through their loan company it often earns them a tidy kickback, so I've actually been to some dealerships that wanted to penalize cash buyers.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#38
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#38
seoulsearch said:
It can depend (just speaking from my own experience.)

If you go through their loan company it often earns them a tidy kickback, so I've actually been to some dealerships that wanted to penalize cash buyers.
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thats when you tell them, welp you won't get any business from me, im sure the next place down the road will be happy to take cash, no sale for you.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#40
May 23, 2009
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#40
wisebeardman said:
thats when you tell them, welp you won't get any business from me, im sure the next place down the road will be happy to take cash, no sale for you.
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No worries. I haven't found a dealership yet that refuses cash. :)
 
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