Would you marry someone who was DYING?

[secularhermit]

That is understood. I am Deaf myself however, I had hard time with some Deaf people as well! Why? My personality and how I was raised. I am actually a "Hearing" person trapped in a Deaf person body. I hardly hang out with Deaf people. Only ONE Deaf man only ONE day this year I talked to in person! And it is already ending of April.

There are two things to make this successful as I learned. You have to set yourself lower if you really love that Deaf person or Blind (please note I capitalized because Deaf people prefer to be recognized as a nation of their own. Like "American", "Native American" and, "Asian", etc.) person, you can be more successful however it is much hard work the same way if you are blind.

Second of all, you have to have patience and learn sign language or a language that person uses. Even with a person dying with an illness or even mental, social, or development health issue, you need to be able to communicate to meet with that person's needs. For example, if one has Asperger's, you need to be able to communicate their language to make it ease and without any "insulting" because of that Autism Spectrum has a little so called, "Anti-Social" but they are able to communicate.
It takes a lot of guts to do so. There is another issue. Say if a person looks fine and married someone but when that spouse becomes so ill or has developed a health issue such as hearing loss, depression, etc, you need to make a huge adjustment to adopt that because this the vow you took when you get marry! "...For richer or poorer, for health or sickness." I would do so.
There are more issues that can be faced such as when a child dies long prior parents' death that the child is supposed to bury the parents, not other way around, communication is very important to keep marriage working. It is a sad fact that 90 percent of marriages (that includes Christians too) fail because of this situation.

By this means, you have to be extremely strong person prior you accepting that relationship. I am that way since people tells me I am strong person. They are correct because I used to be engaged to someone who was dying with Sickle Cell Anemia and we were planning to marry and the problem was that it was different issue, not health. I was fine with that and was on her side in the hospital every 3 months (her stay is about a month in length each time). Well, we broke up because I was having hard time finding a job in a very populated Latino City of Miami (not in Little Cuba though) and they were focusing on hiring Latinos and Latinas). Anyway, because of this, we broke up). This one she COULD NOT handle my hard time with finding work in 2002. I moved everything down there to live there and had to move back home.

So you need to be strong. And communicate well with someone even who is dying. To answer the person who started this topic, yes, I would marry in a flash to make her happy when she is dying.

Thanks!
There was a time I took a accounting course with several people mixed. There were more than 6-7 of deaf who were so eager to work, to do the things the teacher asked to do, that I was amazed on how quick those boys and girls did their asignations while we -"normal" people- took additional time to discuss what we would do in "operative" teams. Of course, not only quick but effective in fulfilling those asignements that I wnated to be that normal than this "normal" I think I am.

Thanks for your insight, brot.

 

[secularhermit]

@ Updated...

Interesting that point of money. Most of those appointd married have ended up for money, cheating, boredom, and statistics speak for itself. No matter how "Christians" we are.
That why I live a day after another, at the minimum and at the maximun (when possible).

My concern would be, as for an answer: What a dying person would priorize to "be married"?

Is it love sought pursued or pure love?

These words are REAL! Have a look and see if any person would find a marriage -like this- would result interesting (or sound):

"What I absolutely need is:
Someone who has never been married
Someone who does not drink
Someone who does not smoke
Someone who does not do drugs
Someone who does not have children
Someone who lives in (blank) or who can move here (USA)
Someone who does not have sex outside of marriage
Also I dont believe in living together before marriage

Very important to know: I am a virgin and I have no interest in sex... I am likely asexual... A huge plus if God made you that way too. "

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

Secular, Of course, that is the way Deaf people are! They go right to work rather than in teams to discuss a problem the teacher (or in working world, employer/boss) would provide. Creativity is my strongest suit and yes, math is good as well. I always figure in math. I even solved the Beltway Snipers by using a math hypnosis. I figured out where and when they were going to do next. Thanks to the TV show, they had the same concept on the show when the next time a fictional character they were going after would do again. I figured it out myself quickly and knew when. I said it is going to happen on that Wednesday at this area there in early afternoon. Yup, they did in early afternoon on that Wednesday (this one was the 13 years old victim). Things like that.

Deaf people have a mind that act almost like Asperger's but the difference is that it has to do with communication. They tend to look like anti-social. Not true. Maybe some of them would do if they have Autism. I know so since I was placed in wrong school--a school for the Deaf when I was very hearing like Hard of Hearing before I lost more hearing. Back then, I did not need sign language or whatever. I used to talk on telephone, can understand someone when I look elsewhere. I still do that. But anyway, There were some Autistic children there.

Most are Deaf people who are NOT Asperger's and NOT Autism. They are more confided in their circle of communication separating from Hearing people.

Yes, Deaf people have their own mind that are creativity or has analytically a mind of their own. As you have seen the evidence in your accounting class, they are excellent in that field. No distractions, they dream all the time. Look at Thomas Edison. He became Deaf at age 15 due to rail service and abused by his employer while working on the train causing his hearing loss. But after that, his mind of creativity spouted like crazy and thanks to him, we are able to see at night, talk on the computer, listen to the radio, record player, enjoy a nice modern swimming pool, and 1000 other inventions. Most patented ever. Deaf people are sharp with their eyes as well as the Blind are sharp with their hearing and feel.

I am like those Deaf people with my mind go crazy all the time coming up with ideas. If you see my design on that Sea Gull RV, that is one of thousands of ideas I have. Money and regulations today are the toughest to start a business. Unfortunately. Hey, I thought of IFS system for a snowmobile in 1972 (Arctic Cat was first in 1979), motorcycle style snowmobile in early 1990 (Blaze in 1995, Ski-doo in 2002), Basement model automobile (NOT ONE YET!), I can go on and on.

My problem with communication with females is because of my mind is set to creativity and analytical all the time and often times I can be, I admit, be rude not thinking right before anything, but also I am too focus on those things. That is my weakness because I am too talented. So, if you are too talented in something, it is also your weakness. Just be-careful.

I dream or think even when talking with someone. Like right now, I am thinking of an idea or a concept while I am typing this. I know this subject has gone off of what the topic is about--the marrying one who is dying. That is my point about me. Oh well. That is why dating is tough for me, man.

 

[kayem77]

I think I would. I've never been in that situation, but I think that if I really loved someone, and especially if I knew that I only had little time left to enjoy his presence with me, I would try to enjoy it to the fullest and love him to the fullest. Not that I wouldn't [try to ] do that anyway, but I think that would be a greater reason to do it.

 

[Oncefallen]

As many others have said God does not promise any of us our next breath let alone living to be a ripe old age and dying in our sleep after a lifetime with our spouse. Although you have a terminal illness, you could potentially outlive all of us. I remember an older lady that went to the church that I grew up in. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given three to six months to live, as I recall (it was almost 30 years ago) she lived at least three years prior to being called home to her Lord.

I think it would definitely take a special man to enter into a serious relationship with a woman who is terminal since many would friendzone someone in that situation rather than risk the inevitable pain, but those men do exist.

I am engaged to a wonderful woman with Vasculitis and Chronic Meningitis both diseases with undiagnosable causes so they've been diagnosed as auto-immune disorders. Without standard protocol treatment the Vasculitis will kill her most probably via stroke (her second stroke led to the diagnosis of Vasculitis) yet the standard protocol meds will eventually kill her most likely due to liver disease or cancer. The long list of meds she's on make her constantly tired and the Vasculitis gives her excruciating headaches to the point where she's incapacitated. I know that in addition to working full time I will also be the primary home keeper since simple tasks we all take for granted completely drain her of what little energy she has.

In short, I'm not marrying her because of what she can do for me, but rather because of the joy her presence brings into my life and if it is within God's will for your life He will bring a special man into your life that joyfully share what time that God ordains for you to share together.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

If it was in God's plan for me, then I would.

 

[Desdichado]

Abandonement is not for the sake of it, itself, but from the lack of being really liked or accepted the way we are. Love, in the other hand, cannot be pushed or hurried to be as it is or could be.

I wish you find that way you think you deserve but, as far as I can see, that is not a reason to leave a person behind and, of course, there are reasons to leave persons and things, also.

It isn't so much a question of what I deserve so much as it is a question of what I can handle.

 

[secularhermit]

@ upstateNY

As I heard (and know) girls and women like to be heard... Besides, a couple of weeks back, I traveled 45 min with a Japanese woman who talked too Little (a rare things for me) (and I know that's her culture).

What a "dying" person would like to find in a marriage which has bypassed "the normal" process of dating / courtship?

 

[secularhermit]

Wow!

I like having rad a couple of ideas in here: It seems "easy" but it is not. It's very important to assume, to be responsible and money could be involved + additional attentions we aren't sure to handle (plus those sudden emotions).

(Sigh)

How intensively am I living, while each day I am dying?

I like this thread! (Thanks Texan woman)

 

[secularhermit]

I have know of several who were diagnosed to die (soon) and they lived more than expected and, by 1994, someone at the church I was attending he gave testimony he was healed from aids. The dad of my ex-wife was healed, after she earnestly prayed and fasted for his healing. César Lizardo was cured from Leukemia (2008) and, he also said he saw Jesus heled him and also said satan would lie to make him to doubt it...

If someone loves another he/she probably would pray for their wedding + healing.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Would you marry someone that was dying? Or would it be too much trouble? I'm dying and i dont seem to think that love will ever come to me again. I've literally been abandoned.. .

I hope I'm not the first to say this here, but I'm so sorry to hear that you are dying and that you've been abandoned by someone. I will pray for you and I hope that you do get to experience love again. I myself am still waiting for my first love and wonder if it will ever happen, but I also know that its often harder to know love and lose it than to have never loved at all, so my heart goes out to you. God bless you.

gabriel

 

[HisBeloved1]

Wow Markum, you have a great heart. I could understand how she felt too, but after you told her what you had, she should have reciprocated her love back to you and let go of the thoughts she had.
So sorry for your loss.

God bless you, brother.

 

[doseofreality]

Would you marry someone that was dying? Or would it be too much trouble? I'm dying and i dont seem to think that love will ever come to me again. I've literally been abandoned.. .

Everyone's dying, its just a matter of when. That may help keep it in perspective.

 

[Alliekate]

That's what worries and scares me. I feel like that. That's why I wanted to ask this question...because I feel unloveable so to speak.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I am praying for you, Alliekate. I can only imagine the fears you must be facing. I hope that the various testimonies here of many people who have/will/would marry someone with a terminal illness have shown you that just because doctors say your life expectancy is shorter does not mean marriage is impossible. As many have said, none of us know how long we will live, I think it's just that those facing short life expectancies are more acutely aware of how fleeting life truly is. May we all learn to better take advantage of each day The Lord gives us, regardless of our situation or health condition.

God bless you <3

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

I have know of several who were diagnosed to die (soon) and they lived more than expected and, by 1994, someone at the church I was attending he gave testimony he was healed from aids. The dad of my ex-wife was healed, after she earnestly prayed and fasted for his healing. César Lizardo was cured from Leukemia (2008) and, he also said he saw Jesus heled him and also said satan would lie to make him to doubt it...

If someone loves another he/she probably would pray for their wedding + healing.

I knew of a man from my old church was really ill. Terminally ill and the pastor really felt we all need to pray for him this moment, not after church or just for one minute.. no. Took up the whole prayer meeting.

I prayed hard and I told God to take me instead of him and heal him. I believe God heard that and the next day, the man was totally healed! The whole church was shocked. I did not say a word. I felt God heard me well and clear. I was really wanting to die. NOW I know what love really is and why Christ died for us. Same reason!

BTW, he was dismissed from hospital next day and went to church and he stood up and waved at all of us.

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

You know that there is a photographer who has a ministry of a kind that he finds people who are dying and asks them to get married and he does photographs for free? Really, he does that. A father was dying and he always wanted to see his daughter get married but she was like 11 or 12 so the photographer arranged this a fake wedding for the man to enjoy the wedding for his daughter.

Pretty nice? Yeah I think so!

 

[secularhermit]

That's what worries and scares me. I feel like that. That's why I wanted to ask this question...because I feel unloveable so to speak.

You don´t look like a grinch or like a monster (just the opposite). You grabbed my attention since you are quite right. What if I´m dying next week and I´m acting to picky to hug those who had offered me their friendship or their fellowship of ideas? What if I die tomorrow and I haven´t sort the legal papers I have to make to spare my heirs receive what I plan to leave for them (I hate some legal process to hand over my belongings) (which are so few, but slow to leave and be set free from attachments).

You have inspired me, though I have forgotten the I have seen people cured, really cured, more than medicine, but spiritually and, because of you, I started to pray for a person I have liked and this I have left because she tried to change me the way she likes (just making me know I´m not accpeted the way I a, somewhat rejected, ett).

I started to pray she be healed from her hearts issues and something she hasn´t told me (not of my business). I wil pray, sometimes, she finds the one who fits her likes and wishes and, according to me, that I be found for the one GOD could have planned years or months together: I don´t know about His plans but, whatever they are, I want to please Him and want to act accordingly to what He leads me to.

Thanks! And I more aware I´m dying each day. No time spared to waste.

 

[secularhermit]

@UpstateNY

Wow! Part of this was what I felt when praying for this woman I mentioned... Now I see I´m not the "only" crazy man who thinks that way. Ja! Ja!

Such is love, friend, posponing our needs for the sake of others´ (and not ALL are to be treated like that, as I think).

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I would like to think I would, since I want to marry a Christian man I would be confident he'd be going home to The Lord. But I'm so selfish that I may not think I could handle having then leaving that man... I don't know.