Does anyone have any advice

[RuthieB]

So I have been going to this church for ages (since I was seven). I had made a few friends but soon got to sick to attend church on a regular basis so I lost the few friends I had there. Now many years later (I feel old saying that I am trying to make going to church more of a priority. But I feel like a complet loner, while I was away the people I new have gone or are ignoring me. Its that or they dont notice me and the people that are newer do the same.
What do I do? If I build up the guts to talk to someone there the next time I go to church they probably wont remember me or remember as the social idiot. Or do I keep waiting for someone to talk to me...
Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Jordache]

Be proactive. Go to talk to old friends. Go make new ones. You're 16 and teenagers are developmentally self-centered. Most of them you have to do a dance in front of to get their attention.
1). Invite one or more to lunch.
2). Plan an after church movie or excursion.
3). Go have tea or coffee.
4). If your church has a fellowship hall then use it.
5). Go to breakfast with someone before church.

the key is to reach out I more than one person, be persistent, and be proactive.

 

[RickyZ]

Ah the social idiot. Been there done that myself. Still am come to think of it.

You have to try, to make an effort, no matter how clumsy it may be. People are just not so approachable thses days. I was on a flight recently and 90% of the people on board had their noses buried in laptops and tablets talking to facebook friends they'll never meet, while totally ignoring the human being sitting right next to them they could meet. I talked to the human next to me, got to meet a cool wildlife biologist and hear stories of that life. But then I'm just the social idiot who thinks people ought to interact face to face instead of screen to screen.

You have to try. If they're not receptive then that's their tough luck. If you make an honest effort you can hold your head up high even if you walk alone.

 

[Lucy68]

The more you interact, the easier it gets. One thing I've learned about awkwardness is to act like nothing awkward happened in the past. Since we are new creations...and we are created new everyday, sort of, ...then this becomes easy to do. People react to you the way you react to yourself...be confident and forgiving and willing to start over with relationships that may have gone sour.

Be easy on yourself....you're just waking up and ready to learn. Be bold, yet humble

 

[RuthieB]

Thank you all so much

 

[1Overcomer]

I haven't been in the exact situation you are in, but I am in a similar one. I've been going to this church non-stop since I was 4 years old (I'm 16 now). I used to have a group of maybe 3 or 4 really great friends that I would hang out with, but then they all left, or kind of left me for another group of friends. And now, I'm pretty much that awkward, social outcast. I myself am not awkward, but the way people treat me make me feel awkward. Sure, people at church are 'nice' to me, but they only come to me when they need help with something, or they want someone to listen to them. Whenever I try to talk to them, they only listen politely like they've been raised to do. They generally try to avoid me, and when I talk to them, they seem to find a way to bring one of their closer friends into the conversation and somehow completely ignore me. I don't believe they do this consciously, but it hurts a lot. What I found that helps is one thing: hope. But not misplaced hope as it says in Proverbs 13:12 ~ hope deferred maketh the heart sick.

I have often misplaced my hopes, and I still do. I have hoped and still hope that people will want to listen to me, that they will want to talk to me, and that they will respond positively to what I have to say. But that is hope deferred, and it results from fear. Maybe it's either a fear of being misunderstood or a fear of being alone. But in that case, my heart is believing a lie. God knows and understands me even better than I know or understand myself, and God is always there with me, besides me, in me, and for me.

What helps is when I don't hope that people will reply, but I have the hope that God will reply to me. God is the one that cares for me. And it's hardly possible to be accepted by everyone. We've all got issues.

Many Blessings,
~1Overcomer

 

[Ugly]

I suggest stop thinking for others and let people think for themselves. You say 'if i go talk to them they'll probably think...'. You don't know what they'll think. And you're basing your decisions off of assumptions about what to do off of trying to read peoples minds. Stop telling yourself what other people may think, stop trying to predict them and just go talk to them.

 

[RickyZ]

I suggest stop thinking for others and let people think for themselves. You say 'if i go talk to them they'll probably think...'. You don't know what they'll think. And you're basing your decisions off of assumptions about what to do off of trying to read peoples minds. Stop telling yourself what other people may think, stop trying to predict them and just go talk to them.

This only goes so far. If you walk up to 100 people and every one of them slaps you, you'd have to be suspecting that 101st person is going to do so too. Maybe they won't but the odds are proven. So you walk up defensively, which of course makes it worse. The trick is to walk up to that 101st expecting them to slap, and ready should they, but giving them the chance not to. Everyone deserves at least one chance not to.

 

[060711099100]

Try not to be shy and talk to them you can keep in touch there are many ways to do it in these days like: facebook or twitter you just need to search options and try them if they are not wrong or against God. Just give it a shot you might get better results than the ones you were expecting

 

[kittycat7]

I'll be praying for ya! I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.

—Ezekiel 36:23​

 

[Tommy4Christ]

So I have been going to this church for ages (since I was seven). I had made a few friends but soon got to sick to attend church on a regular basis so I lost the few friends I had there. Now many years later (I feel old saying that I am trying to make going to church more of a priority. But I feel like a complet loner, while I was away the people I new have gone or are ignoring me. Its that or they dont notice me and the people that are newer do the same.
What do I do? If I build up the guts to talk to someone there the next time I go to church they probably wont remember me or remember as the social idiot. Or do I keep waiting for someone to talk to me...
Does anyone have any advice?

Church isnt a social club, and most churches today resemble the world over the house of God, get right wirh God apart from the church, most are death traps preaching a false way to the cross, flee any organized church that isnt calling its members out of sin and worldliness!

Not many organized churches are brave enough to preach the narrow way, Jesus said few would find, because if they did, the church would be empty, many would be offended, and unwilling to count the cost, this is a sad fact!

I pray your church isnt one of them!

The way is narrow indeed!


Those who have ears to hear, throw out all you have learned about saved IN sin, God is calling you out of the system of lies, and stop defending sin!

You say I am not defending sin, you say you have to obey, then you say in another breath, well you can sin a bit and all is well, or that the grace of God covers a struggling convert in his vile sins until God delivers them.

This is lie from the pit, the soul who sin will die, please go back and do your first works, Rev 2-5, seek His mercy as the prodigal son did, and follow Jesus on the narrow path.

Rev 2:5 Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent, and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and will remove your lampstand out of its place unless you repent.

If you are still in bondage to sin, you need to do this:

Act 3:19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

Then you must crucify your flesh once and for all with Christ, He isn't your provision, you can do it, you have free will:

Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Which leads to this:

Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Then you obey Jesus from your heart"

Act 5:32 And we are His witnesses of these things. And so also is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him.

And keep obeying from your heart, guarding your heart from the evils and distractions of the world:

1Jn 2:15 Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him,
1Jn 2:16 because all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
1Jn 2:17 And the world passes away, and the lust of it, but he who does the will of God abides forever.

But if you are still in some form of bondage to sin and disobedience then this awaits:

Eph 5:3 For let fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness not be once named among you, as becomes saints,
Eph 5:4 neither baseness, foolish talking, jesting, which are not becoming, but rather giving of thanks.
Eph 5:5 For you know this, that no fornicator, or unclean person, or covetous one (who is an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Eph 5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience.
Eph 5:7 Therefore do not be partakers with them.

The sin stops in repentance, or the heart hardens to sin, Jesus came to set mankind free from the bondages of sin, not in them so His grace can cover them! This grace has something to teach us!

Tit 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men,
Tit 2:12 teaching us that having denied ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live discreetly, righteously and godly, in this present world,

WE must then walk a walk worthy of our calling, not in perfection as you think it is, but by a heart made pure through obedience to the truth, walking in the spirit, and not giving provision for the flesh:

Rom 8:13 For if you live according to the flesh, you shall die. But if you through the Spirit mortify the deeds of the body, you shall live.
Rom 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

WE do this out of love, fear and total respect and reverence to an all Holy God, who sent His son to die for all our past sins:

Rom 3:25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God.

And now are responsible for our actions and behavior, because God doesn't wink at deliberate rebellion to Him, he gives us all a way out:

1Co 10:13 No temptation has taken you but what is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but with the temptation also will make a way to escape, so that you may be able to bear it.
1Co 10:14 Therefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.

Jesus didn't obey for you, or take your wrath on the cross or somehow transfer His righteousness to you, because you were told you were born a sinner, and unable to repent, and fall at His feet seeking His mercy!

Jon 3:9 Who knows? He may repent, and God may have pity and turn away from the glow of His anger, so that we do not perish.
Jon 3:10 And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way. And God was compassionate over the evil that He had said to do to them, and He did not do it.

The message is clear, the message is simple, it’s not of our own righteousness, it’s just the right thing to do, because God commands it, the spirit will assist in all things, but the repentance must be through and complete, not to earn anything from God, but to come to self, to end rebellion towards God, and clear the heart to prepare it to receive salvation, thus a new creation, made pure through repentance and faith proven by deeds!

1Pe 1:21 those believing in God through Him, He who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope might be in God.
1Pe 1:22 Purifying your souls in the obedience of the truth through the Spirit to unfeigned love of the brothers, love one another fervently out of a pure heart,
1Pe 1:23 having been born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, through the living Word of God, and abiding forever.
1Pe 1:24 For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of men as the flower of the grass. The grass withers, and its flower falls out.

1Pe 1:25 but the Word of the Lord endures forever. And this is the Word preached as gospel to you.

Adding your own conceived notions and false teachings to the pure word of God has dire consequences, get back to the basic gospel according to godliness, handed down to the saints, start a new foundation, built on truth, not on sinking sand coming from all the many reformed and Calvinistic teachings that get mankind saved in their sins, you were born a sinner, you are the Romans wretch, or the big lie from the wolves, Jesus is your substitute and cover, just trust and receive Him and you are saved, but Jesus said this:

Luk 13:3 I tell you, No. But unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

Remember, adding to the word is very dangerous, and the doctrines of Christ must be kept pure an undefiled!

2Jn 1:9 Everyone transgressing and not abiding in the doctrine of Christ does not have God. He who abides in the doctrine of Christ, he has both the Father and the Son.

Tommy

 

[cynicalguy]

Hay ruthie

I have the same problem you want to know how I deal with it. I just stop giving a *Bleep* about there opinions that way if i go up and they tell me to beat it it doesn't matter because i never cared to begin with. however I think all you will have to do is go up to a few girls ask them about them selves because 90% of the stuff people like to talk about is them selves. if they ask you a question just keep it low key and simple then ask them a question back and start another convo on a different topic.

If you find there judgeing you harshly dont worry about it its just means there lower class trash that where not meant to be your friends and god has some one better waiting for you so you should feel EMPOWERED! by that fact. If you don't remember this Judge and ye shall be Judged so if they judged you on appearance when they die god will do the exact same thing to them but his judgment will determine if those fake Christians get to go to heaven or hell. So while u might feel a little bit of dis-comfort if they do that to u then there really *Bleep* when they die.

I find its comforting to know that little fact. just trust god pray and do what you know to do and you will be fine.

 

[dashadow]

Through my life I've been to dozens of churches. Part of the reason is because my dad was military and so was I. So we moved around a lot. But a bigger part of the reason is that many churches have become gatherings of cliques. And many pastors preach the commandments of men over the Living Word of God, subject to the whims of those who give the most offering or bow down to their Jesus complex.

I'm so tired of the church politics and nonsense that I've decided to seek out others who are similarly tired of it and gather for worship and fellowship in my home. I have an app for worship songs to sing. And we will all get a chance to really get to love and know one another as we encourage each other to follow the path the Lord guides us on.

Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

Keep the faith Ruthie.