Feeling guilty for something I couldn't change

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J

Jomaty

Guest
#1
#1
So there was this girl. She was gorgeous. I didn't know her, but I had quite a few friends who did know her. I guess she went to a school about 20 minutes away from where I am, and then she moved far out of town.

She was a model, I don't know how far she actually was as far as her career in modeling, but I do know for sure that her career would taken off very quickly had she stuck with it. To me she seemed like she had everything that she could have wanted, but then again I didn't know her and didn't know what she was going through.

She took her own life on September 6th. I honestly feel so guilty... I don't know why, I didn't know her. She was a beautiful 17 year old girl and I bet if I did know her and was friends with her I doubt I would have known that she was going through so much pain that she had to do this. It makes me want to cry just thinking about her because when I do I think of a song, 'Coming Down' by Five Finger Death Punch. The video shows two teens who kill themselves for not having close friendships. At the end of the video there is a phrase that pops up "One friend can save a life." I honestly doubt that this was her case, I am sure she had many many friends. I just can't stop thinking about her, and when I do I think of some songs that some of my favorite bands sing about suicide. I am holding back tears as I am writing this.

I feel so guilty, maybe if I knew who she was, or went to the same school and became friends with her, I could have saved her life. I know that things happen for a reason, I just don't understand what it is that is making me feel so guilty that I wasn't able to try to help her. I have known some friends who have friends who have committed suicide before and I've never felt the way I do for this girl. I don't know what to do, I've tried asking God why I am feeling this way for this girl but I'm just not getting an answer.

I didn't know where to go, or who to talk to about this. I have thought about her every day since I found out what happened on the 8th. I just wish that I did know her and was one of her close friends so that I wouldn't have to feel this guiltyness for a reason that I honestly don't know. I don't even know what to do for myself, I wish there was a way that I was able to talk to her.
 
G

gideon007

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2012
494
9
18
#2
hello Jomaty

you could have a lot of friends but it is really hard to find a TRUE REAL FRIEND, she may have friends but she can't tell her problems to them [my presumption].

i think you develop something special towards her [ more than just friends ] and that might be the reason of the guilt you have inside.,

my advice to you is just leave it to God, you can't do anything to change it ...,
 
M

MidniteWelder

Guest
#3
#3
Perhaps this experience is Gods way of preparing you
for how to approach the future,
you are showing great insight as to how a true friend can make a big difference
and lets face it how many friends do we have that actually care enough to sacrifice or go without in favor of generosity for another
Dont blame yourself for this, but take it as a great message for how to be prepared in the future
there may be someone right around the corner who will be blessed for having you in their life
simply based on this one experience youve been enlightened with wisdom to
Reflecting on things to prevent making mistakes in the future is a more noble form than learning from mistakes
Ur also blessed for reflecting as opposed to having to learn through experience

Im sorry to hear about ur friend, its never a good thing when we hear that someone has resorted to taking their own life
When someone doesnt know Jesus well enough to rely on him,
as in Prov 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

its also true that one friend who shows Christ, can make a great difference
:) just be prepared, God is giving you insight
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#4
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#4
How tragic :(

Could it be that there is another person that you are near enough to that you can make a difference in THEIR life? Maybe God is calling you to 'befriend the friendless'?
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#5
#5
MidniteWelder said:
Perhaps this experience is Gods way of preparing you
for how to approach the future,
you are showing great insight as to how a true friend can make a big difference
and lets face it how many friends do we have that actually care enough to sacrifice or go without in favor of generosity for another
Dont blame yourself for this, but take it as a great message for how to be prepared in the future
there may be someone right around the corner who will be blessed for having you in their life
simply based on this one experience youve been enlightened with wisdom to
Reflecting on things to prevent making mistakes in the future is a more noble form than learning from mistakes
Ur also blessed for reflecting as opposed to having to learn through experience

Im sorry to hear about ur friend, its never a good thing when we hear that someone has resorted to taking their own life
When someone doesnt know Jesus well enough to rely on him,
as in Prov 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

its also true that one friend who shows Christ, can make a great difference
:) just be prepared, God is giving you insight
Click to expand...
I guess I never thought of it that way, how God could be preparing me for what is coming. I've thought about it a lot, if something happened to me, who of my 'friends' would visit me in the hospital, or which of them would go to my funeral or which of them would even care at all. How quickly would they get over the fact that I was gone?

I don't necessarily have a lot of friends, I do have a fair amount of them. Rarely do I do anything with them outside of school, due to the fact that everyone of them go to get high or drink any chance that they get, and I'm not into that. We usually hang out during school or at lunch, and that's about it.

I usually do what I can, if I can see someone being bullyed or something like that I try to help that person, I strongly dislike bullies and they shouldn't ever get away with it. I really hope that this wasn't the case for this girl. Seeing someone as beautiful as her you would just automatically think that she has the perfect life, many good friends etc..

I do thank you all for your condolences.
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#6
#6
gideon007 said:
hello Jomaty

you could have a lot of friends but it is really hard to find a TRUE REAL FRIEND, she may have friends but she can't tell her problems to them [my presumption].

i think you develop something special towards her [ more than just friends ] and that might be the reason of the guilt you have inside.,

my advice to you is just leave it to God, you can't do anything to change it ...,
Click to expand...
I understand what you mean by 'true real friends', I personally don't even know if I have any of them
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#7
#7
Lucy68 said:
How tragic :(

Could it be that there is another person that you are near enough to that you can make a difference in THEIR life? Maybe God is calling you to 'befriend the friendless'?
Click to expand...
I will pray on this and look and see if there is someone that is in need of a friend. So that I can possibly save their life if they have any thoughts of suicide or something like that
 
G

gideon007

Senior Member
#8
Jun 30, 2012
494
9
18
#8
Jomaty said:
I understand what you mean by 'true real friends', I personally don't even know if I have any of them
Click to expand...
maybe one of this days God will give you :)

i'm hoping for the best of you, you can get through that. :)

how lucky a person is if he/she has a friend like you, :)
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#9
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#9
Death isn't the end.
If she took her life in a state of confusion or insanity don't you
think the Spirit of life recognizes that?
Do you think God has any less compassion on her soul than you do?
Maybe His grace was enough to save her even in her messed up state.
I'm not counting that she obviously went to hell because she took her own
life before you got the chance to witness to her.

WE DON"T KNOW THAT.
 
chip

chip

Banned
#10
Aug 29, 2012
298
3
0
36
#10
Jomaty, I was there, last fall.
Almost the exact the same story. Local girl, sucked into the world of modelling, went off to somewhere, to make a million and the next thing any of us knew, she was dead.
It shook me up plenty because it was someone I knew, someone that had I of had the eternal view of things - at least I could have tried to talk to her before she took off. Or maybe have been that "weird guy" back home whom just stayed in touch, someone she could have reached out to before calling it quits with life.
God holds the lives of each of us in His hands. I am certain that I will not die one second later than He intends for me to live, nor one second less. My friend, yeah, she might have been hit by a bus or electrocuted in the shower, but she lived her perfect amount of time. The only question being my ability to have been concerned enough, to care enough, to pray for those whom I know need to find salvation and a friend enough to be reachable.
No, I do not think she would have even friended me on FaceBook, given the chance. But, I should be focused on the world, "out there", filled with people I do know and should be in prayer for and reachable by.
At least that was my lesson from her death.....
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#11
#11
RickShafer said:
Death isn't the end.
If she took her life in a state of confusion or insanity don't you
think the Spirit of life recognizes that?
Do you think God has any less compassion on her soul than you do?
Maybe His grace was enough to save her even in her messed up state.
I'm not counting that she obviously went to hell because she took her own
life before you got the chance to witness to her.

WE DON"T KNOW THAT.
Click to expand...
I struggle with reading my Bible, but does it say that if you commit suicide that you will go to hell? That's one thing that I have been wondering about since I heard the news, WILL I ever see her, and get the chance to meet her? Or is it just a no? I don't know if she was religious or not so I don't know how close she was to God
 
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J

Jomaty

Guest
#12
#12
gideon007 said:
maybe one of this days God will give you :)

i'm hoping for the best of you, you can get through that. :)

how lucky a person is if he/she has a friend like you, :)
Click to expand...
I found out last night that one of my friends, we aren't too close, known her for about a year and a half. She is struggling with no close friends anymore, and doesn't have a lot to do with anyone anymore. I got ahold of her and told her I was feeling the exact same way and we are planning to hang out soon, maybe this could be it. I'm not sure though
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#13
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#13
It says over and over, that God alone is the final judge.
It also says judge not lest ye be judged.
The simple fact is we don't know what each other are going through; - to the depths of it at that time.
God sets people under the control of the lying, killing demon all the time;
who's to say He didn't save her even after her last final desperate act.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#14
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#14
Meant to say God sets people FREE who are under the influence of the deceiver.
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#15
#15
RickShafer said:
It says over and over, that God alone is the final judge.
It also says judge not lest ye be judged.
The simple fact is we don't know what each other are going through; - to the depths of it at that time.
God sets people under the control of the lying, killing demon all the time;
who's to say He didn't save her even after her last final desperate act.
Click to expand...
Well I guess all I can do is hope that He did save her. She seemed like such a great person, I'd love to be able to meet her one day. I just wish that there was something I could have done ahead of time
 
J

Jomaty

Guest
#16
#16
chip said:
Jomaty, I was there, last fall.
Almost the exact the same story. Local girl, sucked into the world of modelling, went off to somewhere, to make a million and the next thing any of us knew, she was dead.
It shook me up plenty because it was someone I knew, someone that had I of had the eternal view of things - at least I could have tried to talk to her before she took off. Or maybe have been that "weird guy" back home whom just stayed in touch, someone she could have reached out to before calling it quits with life.
God holds the lives of each of us in His hands. I am certain that I will not die one second later than He intends for me to live, nor one second less. My friend, yeah, she might have been hit by a bus or electrocuted in the shower, but she lived her perfect amount of time. The only question being my ability to have been concerned enough, to care enough, to pray for those whom I know need to find salvation and a friend enough to be reachable.
No, I do not think she would have even friended me on FaceBook, given the chance. But, I should be focused on the world, "out there", filled with people I do know and should be in prayer for and reachable by.
At least that was my lesson from her death.....
Click to expand...
I understand what you mean by you aren't even sure if she would have friended you, I have a few people that I'd like to get to know some more and they won't accept a request. I'll try to do what you did and focus on the world of everyone you do know and pray for those who are and aren't out there. I just can't stop wondering if the modelling had gotten to be too much or if it just had absolutely nothing to do with the modelling. It certainly is depressing that I can't move on from the question of 'Why?' or 'Did she even try for help, did she just get blown off or was this her last resort?' or maybe it didn't even have anything at all to do with her career, I guess we'll never know
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#17
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#17
The times are dark.
But one things for sure,
God sees the innocent.
Many times young people get in over their heads; are harassed,
don't know where to turn, don't have the life experience.
Jesus knows, and Jesus sees.
He has tread out the wine press of His wrath.
And he will repay.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#19
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#19
It's a prophecy in the old testament about the injustice in the world and how God will
get vengeance against those that spill the blood of the innocent.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#20
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#20
The modeling field is a shark infested business.
I'm just saying if their were people that compromised, or tried
to take advantage of these young women;
His justice never sleeps.
 
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