RYCAG,
Well, you are not alone and it is normal for you to think like that, and don't worry there will be lots of peps who will give you crap for your beliefs. It is important to understand your own faith and rationale for wanting to or questioning the idea of the existence of God. That means that God is already working in your heart and calling and wooing you onto Himself
Think Logically : Every Christian was an Atheist at some point, before submitting and coming to a saving knowledge of Christ. Some of the attitudes of people who say your an idiot for not believing in Jesus is the same as a bunch of grown adults tormenting and torturing little children and saying your an idiot for not being an adult... but they were once children themselves
Anyway, is there an ethical or a moral issue that prevents you from accepting Christ? Have you prayed to Him at all?
For me, I have seen so many signs and wonders of God, and His holy spirit, but these things only came way after I accepted Christ as my own and personal saviour and went through a lot of trials and sanctification in my life before I was shown the majesty and splendour of the King. The first year or two, I was a complete mess, studying scripture, trying to not do a whole bunch of things, and somewhere along the way i found out that Jesus wasn't about a bunch of rules but about Love and out of love your behaviour changes, the best mantra about Christianity is I am, therefore I obey as opposed to follow a bunch of rules and therefore you are, which is wrong.
Anyway, it might not be your time to accept Christ, but if you keep pondering and working anywhere in the cross or salvation arena, at some point you will come face to face with Jesus... it is inevitable